Karen's Prize #12
Karen's Prize
Baby Sitters Little Sister #11
Cover Snark: Meh. Not much to snark there, to be
honest. Karen is holding up at blue ribbon, arms thrust
up into the sky in victory. Her classmates aren't
trying to stone her, so I'm assuming this is at the
start of the book.
Chapter 1
The book starts right off with Karen being a
competitive little jerk. This time it's just getting to
her seat in class before Nancy and Hannie, but it kind
of sets the tone for the whole book. And, of course,
she has to shout that she got there first like an idiot
because no matter how minor, when Karen wins something
the world must know.
Ms Colman is wonderful because she never makes you feel
dumb. And if she scolds you, she still likes you. Being
told to use your indoor voice is scolding? And of
course it doesn't work because when the spelling bee on
Monday is annouced, she yells like a little wild thing
yet again.
Ms Colman is not pleased, but smiles when Karen
pretends to button her lips up. Sucker. She goes onto
explain this spelling bee is a BFD because it's the
first round of a series of bees that will lead all the
way to the state capital and have one lucky first,
second, or third grader crowned the best junior speller
in Conneticut.
Everyone starts talking and it's all Karen can think
about for rest of the morning. She's a great speller,
don't you know, and she LOVES contests. At least, when
she's winning them.
At recess she starts in already spelling random shit
out. Then when Nancy says all three of the 3M are good
spellers, Karen channels Tony the Tiger for a moment,
saying they're 'grrreat!'
Apparently everyone is excited, and I think that's more
about the contest itself than the actual spelling part.
Plus it'll take up a lot of class time. Of course, that
meanie-mo Pamela Harding isn't excited. So Karen begins
to lay out why Pamela is a terrible person: she won't
sleep in a sleeping bag, she won't eat pizza and she
doesn't even like the Wizard of Oz!
OH THE HUMANITY!
I am probably the only person on earth that doesn't
like The Wizard of Oz. For years and years we watched
it faithfully every Easter and now I can't stand it.
The last time I watched it, my friend held me down on
his lap so I couldn't walk out of the room. Then he
started singing along with the munchkins in a munchkin
voice, but he changed the lyrics so they were filthy.
And I laughed so hard I peed on him.
Pamela doesn't care about bee and neither does Jannie.
Karen doesn't care what they think, because she's
obviously going to win. DUH!
Chapter 2
After school Karen is studying her spelling book and
the words are making her hungry. But she can't stop for
a snack because she wouldn't be studying! THE HORROR!
So she skips to non food words and the first one is
family.
Does everyone know what time it is?
IT'S TWO-TWO TIME!
- Karen says the Big House is a mansion for the first
time and confirms that Watson is indeed a millinaire.
- Emily Michelle has been booted up to "pretty neat"
status over Karen saying she's still deciding if she
likes her or not.
Then Karen spazzes again because she's not studying.
She's so totally O-C-D.
Chapter 3
Karen wakes up at the Big House and starts spelling her
toy's names. Then she hurries up and gets dressed so
she can go annoy her family. I mean, not miss anything
fun.
She slices a banana on top of her cereal and spells it
out loud. Then she demands to know who will help her
with her spelling words. Because everyone wants to
study on a Saturday morning!
David Michael wants to know why she's practicing so
much and Karen brags she could win the spelling bee
this very minute, but Ms. Colman said she should study,
so she's going to obsessively listen to her.
Everyone keeps making up excuses and Kristy ends claims
she has a special Baby Sitters Club meeting. I wonder
if it's an emergency meeting, but she calls it
'special' so the adults won't ask questions and
interfere in problems that have no business being
solved by thirteen year olds.
Kristy says Karen can study in her room, but after
breakfast Karen decides to go torture Watson instead.
He whines that he can't hold the spelling book and pull
weeds at the same time...and I would feel more sympathy
for him if he didn't only see his kids four days a
month. I think he can suck it up. And if he needs to be
hands free, why not give her words he knows how to spell himself?
Karen internally snots the spelling bee doesn't matter
to her family and doesn't understand why because she's
going to win them all until she's the state champion!
With the single minded determination that usually
guides insanity, Karen goes up to her room and makes
flashcards. Then she goes back to the garden and shows
Watson he doesn't need to hold a book, just say the
word on the card and she'll spell it.
He agrees to give her three words, because reading a
word off a flashcard is SO MUCH work for a child you
only see four days a month. Then Karen goes into beg
for three words from Elizabeth, but she only gets two
because Emily Michelle starts crying.
She gets more words out of Charlie and Nannie before
going upstairs to study in Kristy's room. She opens up
Kristy's english book and...wait...Kristy said Karen
could study IN HER ROOM, not go 'go into my room and
nose through my shit.' Boundries, Karen!
But who needs boundries when you're trying to become
the best speller in the universe? Karen is too pleased
with herself for knowing eighth grade words and then
adds this gem:
'What is the fun of being smart if no one knows?'
This sums up Karen so, so well.
At dinner, she brags about what words she can spell and
has to embarrass David Michael that he can't spell
"sincerely". Um, I'm 32 and most people my age can't
spell that right, Karen. Kindly fuck off.
Chapter 4
It's Monday! Monday! Monday!
It's time for the spelling bee and I am already
gritting my teeth. I'm going to be down to the gums by
the time this shitty book is done. I hate sore winners.
I won lots of championships and four year end full
circuit championships during my horse show years. And
if I had bragged about any of it I would've been on
everyone's shit list. On our circuit, you didn't brag.
There was like an unspoken rule. And if you did, it
would bite you in the ass. My first coach beat it into
our heads we had to work very, very hard because there
was always someone better than you and even the best
had bad days. *shrug* I guess it stuck with me.
Karen confirms she's in class and resists the urge to
follow up "here" with 'the next Junior Champion
Speller.' How benevolent.
Ms Colman explains the spelling bee and I mentally
check out. Say it, spell it, say it again. Right. I
would've been more enthused that we could read after we
struck out. I am glad she said that making a mistake
isn't a terrible thing, though, so one-tenth of a point
to Hufflepuff.
The contest starts and reading about people spelling is
kinda fucking boring because the word is RIGHT THERE.
When Karen spells 'apple' right she takes a few bows
and skips to the end of the line for her next turn.
Apple. Fucking APPLE. Koko the Gorilla can spell apple
too. Now there's a spelling bee that I would pay
attention during...I <3 Koko.
People start having to sit down and Karen has to point
out that only Pamela is reading a book, everyone else
is watching her. So when she spells 'igloo' she adds a
'brrr!' at the end. Whoever told Karen she was cute
that first time should be drug out in the street and
shot because now the rest of us have to deal with this
kind of shit.
It comes down to Nancy and Karen. Eeep. I never thought
twice about competiting with my friends at horse shows,
but outside of that, I'm not a competitive person so I
hated when it was just me and a friend left and you
have to wonder on a scale of one to ten how strong the
butthurt will be if you win.
Nancy misspells 'hurricane' and Karen internally snarks
she just got careless because Lisa gave them that word
in the car on the way to school. Or maybe she's
nervous, dickbutt.
Karne spells it right, VERY LOUDLY I might add, and
starts jumping up and down and screaming like a shaved
chimpanzee, further strengthening my theory that my
shitty ovaries are an act of Divine kindness because I
cannot take this shit.
Chapter 5
Karen asks her mother and Andrew if she looks the same
she did that morning. Yup, you look like a brat still.
Oh wait, she's not the same! She won the class spelling
bee!
After bragging all over the Little House, Karen goes
next door to brag at Nancy's house. Because friends
ALWAYS rub it in when they beat them at something! But
Nancy, being awesome, made Karen a big blue ribbon.
Karen says they need to make Nancy a red ribbon for
being runner up, but Nancy said she just made herself a
blue one too, only smaller. I'm surprised Karen didn't
go into thermo nuclear meltdown. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!
Then she goes home and calls the Big House, and all
four sets of Grandmas and Grandpas. When Seth gets
home, she's deciding who to call next. And I get a kid
being proud of her accomplishments and all, but Mom
would've been like "congrats honey, now stop bragging
that isn't complimentary, and hell no you are not
running up the long distance bill."
Karen follows Seth and Lisa around the house as they
wash up and make dinner, making them give her more
words to spell. Then she won't pass the potatoes at the
table until Seth gives her a word to spell. That shit
would get old FAST.
Andrew wants to know how to 'play' spelling bee and
Karen snaps all over him that it's not at GAME! What a
dumb question! Lisa tells her to apologize and Karen
spells it. Then she explains spelling bees to Andrew
when Seth makes her answer his question.
Karen tops it off with it doesn't matter because she's
going to be the best junior speller in C-0-N...fuck
this, I refuse to spell it out. And then tells Andrew
he doesn't know anything because he doesn't know what
states are. He calls her a sore winner, and rightfully
so. No one like a bragger.
At tucking in time Lisa confirms that Karen is being a
bit of a sore winner. Winning isn't everything, losing
isn't everything, and save your breath Lisa because
we're only going into the sixth chapter.
Chapter 6
Karen declares Monday spelling bee day. All we hear is
Hannie and Nancy say 'Yea!' to it and nothing more. I'm
curious if that went over as well (NOT!) as the whole
Augustania debacle.
Now they're having the first, second, and third grades
spelling bee to find the best of the school. The
auditorium is blue so Karen dresses in blue. Wouldn't
that make you blend in instead of stand out? At least
she's not going up there dressed as a watermelon.
Before the bee starts Karen gives herself a pep talk,
including telling herself she looks as good as Pamela
does every day and her best friends, Hannie and Nancy,
are cheering her on. Um...does she need to mentally
remind herself of her friend's names?
The first three words are hard, so Karen's glad to be
fourth. She realizes the other spellers are good, but
who cares? She's going to win. Why is anyone even
trying when this is so obviously Karen's bee to lose?
She almost screws up "chimney" and I have a little
laugh because my father is seventy-three years old and
still spells it 'chimley'. So yeah, it's a hard word,
but she gets it right, therefore forcing us to watch
her gloat for fourteen more chaptes.
Of course she wins and Karen goes back to class yelling
she's the 'Queen Bee.' Pamela calls her the 'bee
queen', but I don't think that's the best put down.
Snot nosed little pest is better, I think.
Jannie and Leslie are becoming Pamela's lackeys and
complain Karen is bragging. Ms Colman, instead of
talking to Karen, has the class give her a round of
applause. MOST of the kids clap. Later Ricky slips her
a note telling her he's glad she won even if she's a
show off.
Chapter 7
Karen whines because there's no spelling bee on Tuesday
while the rest of Stoneybrook heaves a collective sigh
of relief.
The Queen Brat has a good day anyway, because Ms Colman
pulls her aside before school is over to tell her about
the next spelling bee. For some reason, this makes
Karen feel 'so, so important' and..what the hell? And
she hopes that Pamela is watching, because every seven
year old loves to talk to their teacher.
When Karen gets home, she starts outfit planning. She
considers calling Ms Colman to find out what color the
high school auditorium is...and aren't they normally
white or wood? But 'Goosie' reminds her that she
doesn't have to match the room.
But on Claudia, the room looked fantastic.
Then she starts planning her acceptance speech. In my
experience, there are very few times in life you
actually need to give an acceptance speech for winning
things, especially school things.
Karen's speech goes like this: she's excited to win the
award, and everyone knows she's the best junior speller
in the world.
At least we don't have to worry about her self-esteem.
Chapter 8
On Monday, Karen decides to spell her way through the
day because the bee is that night. And could this be
any more assnine?
Oh, great, the state spelling bee is going to be
televised locally. So if Karen wins the bee that night,
she'll be on TV next time. Just what her ego needs. If
I was the Big House family, I'd find a new mansion in
another S-T-A-T-E. After all, Watson IS a real live
millionaire!
Karen obsessively studies her words to the point of
using them as answers for the questions, even if it's
not the right answer. Example:
'“If John has four berries in his basket, and Jill has
six berries, how many berries do John and Jill have
together?” asked Ms. Colman.
I knew the answer. It was ten. But ten wasn’t on my
list. So when Ms. Colman called on me I said, “E-L-E-
V-E-N, take away one. That’s ten!”'
Why Ms Colman keeps calling on her, I don't know.
Because she keeps doing it again and again and again to
the point it has to be really interuppting to the rest
of the class. But Karen's ego is more important than
rest of the class learning, of course!
At recess, Karen practices being on TV. She starts
walking in a way that tells me she's seen models on the
runway on TV, but when she tries I picture a
constipated camel. Then she smiles and starts spewing
self congratulatory things out loud. *headdesk*
Pamela is all 'well, you have to win tonight to get on
TV and how do you know you're going to win, huh?' But
Karen says that she isn't going to take a stupid pill,
so how can she lose?
The bullshit is strong in this one.
Chapter 9
It's time for Karen to get ready for the spelling bee,
but first she has to call the Big House and make sure
everyone has been sufficiently intimidated into
attending. I feel sorry for them, but yes, they are all
coming, even Emily Michelle. Does that count as child
abuse?
Karen can't decide what outfit she's going to wear now.
First she dresses like Dolores Umbridge, then she
decides she'd look better as a Smurf. Then back to
Dolores Umbridge, but she needs to call Watson and see
if he approves of head to toe pink.
Lisa doesn't want to let Karen call her father again,
and I don't see what the problem is, really. She's
being annoying, I get that, but I don't think that's
what Lisa's beef is. But Karen wants to make sure he
knows what she's wearing so he'll be able to find her.
Then she puts her annoyance powers onto a new task:
making sure Andrew looks perfect in case they ask him
to take a bow. She looks over his clothes that Lisa
picked out and finds a 'teeny tiny speck' and tells him
there's a huge spot on it. Probably just so she can
dictate what he wears.
Karen keeps hounding her mother and Seth for more words
to spell and I bet they're secretly hoping she loses so
they don't have to do another week or two of spelling
purgatory.
When Andrew asks how he looks, Karen just about knocks
him down for drawing attention away from her.
Hilariously, he asks Lisa how to spell pest.
Chapter 10
Karen says she's never seen such a huge building in her
life and Seth calls her on it because she's seen the
high school about a million times. She laughs off his
suggestion she's nervous. And spells 'nervous' of
course. Ugh.
When they get inside, Karen is sent backstage and that
makes her feel important. Did she also feel important
when she got a crown at Burger King? I'm surprised she
didn't make Watson claim a piece of Africa so she and
her paper crown could rule a land for real.
Karen sums up the competition and doesn't think they
look smart or dumb, just scared. The dude running the
show explains the rules and they're the same damn
rules, so why do they get repeated again and again in
dialouge. *strangles Ann*
On stage, Karen looks for her family in the audience. I
remember doing that too at her age. I am also reminded
of the time I cupped both hands around one eye as a
makeshift periscope on stage in the second grade
Christmas paegent. My family does not forget
embarrasing shit very easy at all.
Two people spell. I don't care. Karen spells next. I
don't care. This is almost as boring as a two-two
chapter. Three kids in a row misspell 'handkerchief'
wrong...and I probably did too. Fuck it. Spell check
exists for a reason.
Karen spells it right, of course, and wins the
'Stoneybrook Junior Spelling Bee'. Barf. She's
disappointed that they close the curtains before she
can make an acceptance speech.
An eigth grader from her school interviews her for the
school paper and takes a picture of her. So now Karen
figures she's a bonafide star. God help us.
Chapter 11
Karen runs into school on Tuesday morning because
that's when the paper comes out and she can't wait a
nano second to see her name in print, even if she had
to mow down a few kindergardners to do it.
During attendance the paper comes and GASP! Karen is on
the front page. WHY? Apparently the eighth grade hasn't
heard of her antics or is trying to punish the entire
school by further bloating Karen's ego. And that thing
is so bloated it's about to explode.
Karen screams for everyone to look that she's in the
newspaper. And she says all of her classmates are happy
for her, but her shit is starting to get old I'm sure.
Pamela says she's a show off. But Karen counters she
didn't ask to be made a WORLD FAMOUS STAR.
Is this kid even operating in this sphere of reality?
At seven I knew that winning spelling bees did not make
me the next Michael Jackson.
Pamela won't touch the paper and neither will Jannie or
Leslie or any of the other kids who want to her friend.
Ricky reads it, but tells Karen that she needs to shut
up about it. Good advice, Ricky, but it's falling on
deaf ears.
Ms. Colman decides this gives her a chance to skimp on
teaching for an afternoon and decides Friday they'll
have a party in Karen's honor.
Please stop feeding the troll.
Chapter 12
Friday it's party time, so Karen decides it's time to
be obnoxious again! She's doing her constipated camel
walk and telling the kids they are having this party
because she's the best junior speller in Stoneybrook.
You know, so no one forgets this party is about HER.
Maybe she's even the best speller in the world! But
then Pamela points out she would have to be able to
SPELL in every language of the world. I'm definitely
starting to like Miss Harding.
Ricky is the only one that is still speaking to Karen
at this point. Hannie and Nancy are playing a spelling
game with Leslie and Jannie and HORRORS! have not
invited Karen to play a SPELLING game! Well, no shit,
they know she's just going to make a production out of
it and then gloat when she wins. I wouldn't play 'pull
my finger' with Karen.
Karen ends up not having such a great time at her own
party. Well, you shouldn't have pissed everyone off
with your gloating, kiddo. You're not getting any
sympathy from me.
Finally Ms Colman sits Karen down and tells her she
needs to learn how to be a good winner. In other words,
not being a dickweed. When she asks Karen if she knows
the words humility and graciousness, she spells them to
show she does.
Ms Colman sighs and lets her leave. Clearly the child
is a lost cause.
Chapter 13
Karen bursts into the Big House waving the school paper
like she's been picked Time Magazine's 'Most
Influential Person Of The Year.' Then Andrew says Karen
is a S-T-A-R. Apparently she's been teaching him to
spell so he can follow in her 'famous footsteps.'
Gag me.
Karen recites the article from memory and stops to
spells words of it randomly. I would be tempted to
shove a pencil in my ear to render myself deaf at this
point. She also adlibs she's a world famous super star
who will win every spelling bee she ever enters.
Hannie comes over the next morning to make paper dolls
and Karne starts in with spelling things constantly.
Then she starts going through crayons and spelling the
names. Something about 'sepia' is finally enough to
make Hannie snap and tell Karen to knock that shit off.
Actually, she says 'cut it out', so Karen gets her
scissors and spells that word too. I'm glad Hannie
isn't holding them or the world might lose the most
obnoxious spelling bee participant in history.
Then she starts rambling on how she's going to win, so
what should she do with the money? Hannie says give her
half for having to listen to her friend's shit all day.
Points to the Grecian Goddess!
Karen still doesn't take a hint and starts trying on
outfits for the last spelling bee instead of playing
with her friend. Social cues, Karen. Hannie did not
come over to give you someone to brag to, she came over
to PLAY with you.
Finally Hannie completely loses it and tells Karen
she's leaving since all she cares about is spelling.
Karen says she feels bad that Hannie was mad, but she
has more important things to do.
The best grade school friends you'll ever have!
Chapter 14
On Monday morning, Hannie and Nancy are talking to
Pamela, Jannie and Leslie at school. They're laughing
and they seem like they're having a good time. BURN!
Karen doesn't speak to anyone all morning, not even
Ricky despite him being the most loyal to her, and the
class is probably about to burst into a chorus of
"Wonders of Wonders." But at recess, she caves and asks
the other two Musketters to play hopscotch, only
they're still hanging with Pamela.
Hannie and Nancy are not having it, though, saying she
doesn't want to play, all she wants to do is spell and
act like a television star. So they're the Two
Musketeers now. Three if Pamela wants to join. I bet
Karen REALLY wishes she left the 'no-friends-with-
Pamela' clause in their pact now!
Karen gets mad and says they're just jealous. And when
she wins the two hundred and fifty dollars, she won't
do a thing with them or for them! Apparently she's
modeling the behavior she learned from Watson, who
prefers to purchase orphans on the black market over
going through proper channels.
So she stomps off and says she won't buy anything for
anyone EVER!
Chapter 15
Okay, this was written a little wonky because this is
the County contest, not the state contest. They hold it
at the Assembly Hall and I feel all warm and ooshy
because one of my very first jobs was running the
cameras for cable access at City Hall. The Mayor even
knew me by name, and the City Council members were
actually really nice. They let me and my two team mates
use the fridge in the lounge. (For the record food/free
food is the way to my heart. ;) )
Karen mentally snots she could've invited Nancy and
Hannie but she didn't because they were so mean to her.
By not taking her shit, apparently. Seth even asks if
they couldn't come, and she just tells him they
couldn't. Nor do they care if she wins. Woe. WOE I tell
you! WOE!
The spelling bee starts and for the first time Karen
worries about winning, but then decides she 'has to'
win. And this would be why you're such a snot, Karen.No
one can win all the time! It's not healthy!
Karen admits she couldn't have spelled the first word
right. When she does get her word, Emily Michelle
starts crying and she loses her concentration for a
moment. Uh oh. If she gets that word wrong, I know
someone who's getting a one way ticket to Abu Dahbi.
Thankfully she gets the word right and doesn't have to
worry about stuffing her youngest sibling in a USPS
approved box.
If you guessed Karen wins this one, take your odds to
Vegas. Oh wait, don't. This is Stoneybrook, where the
Chosen Ones (aka the Baby Sitters Club) are not allowed
to taste faliure.
A real reporter for a real paper interviews Karen and
takes her picture for the paper. All of her family
congratulates her, including Emily Michelle. Who she
promptly unloads on for almost making her lose the
contest. The poor kid starts crying.
Maybe Abu Dahbi wouldn't be so bad. After all, Karen's
not there.
Chapter 16
On Monday, Ms Colman makes everyone give Karen another
round of applause. Well, at least they can go work at
Sea World as seal replacements. They won't be able to
do much else with the crappy education they're getting
at Stoneybrook Academy.
Everyone claps a little, even Nancy and Hannie, so
Karen decides to force herslef not to spell things or
talk about spelling, as painful as it is for her not to
rub her success in every chance she gets.
Karen agrees but then decides they should have a
hopscotch contest. Nancy and Hannie tell her everything
isn't a contest and beat it out of there. And I don't
blame them...sheesh, take a hint K-Brew!
She goes to the library to study big words, but decides
to look up 'contest' and 'win.' And instead of having
an ephinany, she just decides that's what she wants
more than anything...to win the state contest.
Chapter 17
The big contest is finally upon us and it's about
fucking time. Karen is happy it's a Big House weekend
so Kristy can help her get ready, even though Lisa was
the one to buy her a new dress.
Karen finally admits why Hannie and Nancy aren't
coming, but instead of helping her deal with it this
time, Krisy is all 'I'm so sorry, gotta run' and goes
to get herself ready. Yup. She's greeeeeeeeat with
kids, that one!
Lisa calls Karen so she can reassure her that she and
Seth are coming. Probably to save from being called
about ten million times.
Everyone from the Big House is very dressed up and
Karen thinks that's because the reporters will want to
talk to them after she wins. You know, find out how she
became a great speller. Spell this for me, Karen: DREAM
ON.
It's a long ass drive to Hartford and thankfully they
spare us because who wants to be trapped in a car with
Karen?
Ms Colman is waiting for Karen and takes her to green
room. Before that, though, Watson tells her that doing
her best is good enough for them. D'awwww. I bet it
went right over Karen's head, touching as it may have
been and all.
Karen meets the competition in the greenroom and thinks
how sad it is that they're going to lose. Only ONE can
survive the Spelling Games! And Karen is not about to
let Stoneybrook down!
For a change Karen isn't an obnoxious brat and sits
quietly as they wait, spelling in her head. Then a girl
named Melissa comes up and tries to talk to her, but
she's all like 'I'm Karen, I'm studying, GTFO'.
Melissa exposits that she's studied hard too because
spelling is the only thing she's good at. Does that
make her the Anti-Claudia? She says she's got to win
that night, but Karen's all thinking, well, let me show
you: 'I wondered why she was telling me this. Didn’t
she know that I was going to win?'
Chapter 18
The paegent starts at eight o' clock sharp. Lights,
cameras, action, may the odds EVER be in your favor!
And I'm tuning out because I don't want to hear how the
damn bee works when everyone is in this book has worked
the same. fucking. way.
Karen ignores it too, because she's figuring out how
long it will take her to win. She figures she'll give
each of the other spellers three chances to make a
mistake. Um...and then what if they don't make
mistakes? Are you going to pull out a crowbar and go
all Tanya Harding on them?
They start spelling. I'm so past everything being
spelled out here, guys. Karen's first word is
'royalty', saying that's what she'll feel like when she
wins. IT'S A FUCKING SPELLING BEE!!!!! THERE IS NO
NOBEL PRIZE FOR SPELLING!!!
There, I feel better.
Then mistakes start happening and soon it is only Karen
and Melissa, the anti-Claudia. Karen's thinking of her
acceptance speech and the trip she'll take in six
months to be in the national contest in Washington. Oh
shit...PLEASE LET HER FAIL FOR THE SAKE OF HUMANITY!
And Karen tanks it on 'convertiable.' I feel bad for
being so happy that she lost, but considering how
things almost always go her way for 122 books, plus 6
Super Specials and God knows how many BSC books...let
me have this, okay?
Chapter 19
Melissa is very excited to win, but she turns around
and tells Karen she's sorry she missed and shakes her
hand. Karen knows this is gracious behavior and tries
to do the same by congratulating her.
Karen gets a certificate and then the cameras go to
bask in the glow of Conneticut's best junior
speller...who is not Karen Brewer. There's no reason
for Karen to be on stage anymore. I feel like we need
to hear this statement many, many more times. Wait
until Karen's Surprise, coming in two snarks, and
you'll see why.
Ms Colman, Seth and Lisa comfort Karen and then turn
her over to the Big House family. Watson offers to stop
for ice cream on the way home, but Karen passes it up.
Wow...I don't think I would be able to do that. (Yeah,
I got a bit of Claudia in me. But in moderation, who
cares?)
And.....here comes the tears. Kristy is really cool and
tells Karen they can talk when they're home so no one
else notices she's upset. But seriously, who wouldn't
expect her to be upset? She's seven and it's a big let
down, even more so with the way she pumped herself up.
Emily Michelle even cheers for Karen, but she puts on
the hair shirt and points out that little sisters just
don't understand.
Chapter 20
Elizabeth brings Karen milk and cookies when they get
home, since she wants to get ready for bed. She's not
exactly sulking, but she's not exactly social right now
either. That's an okay compromise.
When Kristy comes in to tuck Karen in, Karen says maybe
she deserved to lose because she was such a sore
winner. Why the hell didn't you think of that like
twenty chapters ago?!?!
Karen then adds she hates being a loser and Kristy says
she isn't a loser at all. She won four out of five
spelling bees. Even Karen admits that's pretty damn
good. And she's the second best junior speller in
Connecticut.
Then Kristy gets really awesome and asks Karen how she
was a sore winner. She answers, and she's right, but
she should've just said 'everything I did from the
moment I won the first bee until this moment' and she'd
be right too. At last she's going to apologize.
I do agree with Karen when she says she's sad that she
flunked on a word she knew how to spell. I felt that
way in a lot of classes at horse shows. There's nothing
like getting there at the crack of dawn, doing three
beautiful trips around the course in practice, then
your first class of the actual show your horse flips
over something stupid. Or you drop the horse at the
fence. Or some other minor mistake that seperates blue
and red ribbons.
Kristy promises to help Karen study next year
and...THANK GOD FOR THE TIME WARP!
Up Next:
#12 Karen's Ghost
Baby Sitters Little Sister #11
Cover Snark: Meh. Not much to snark there, to be
honest. Karen is holding up at blue ribbon, arms thrust
up into the sky in victory. Her classmates aren't
trying to stone her, so I'm assuming this is at the
start of the book.
Chapter 1
The book starts right off with Karen being a
competitive little jerk. This time it's just getting to
her seat in class before Nancy and Hannie, but it kind
of sets the tone for the whole book. And, of course,
she has to shout that she got there first like an idiot
because no matter how minor, when Karen wins something
the world must know.
Ms Colman is wonderful because she never makes you feel
dumb. And if she scolds you, she still likes you. Being
told to use your indoor voice is scolding? And of
course it doesn't work because when the spelling bee on
Monday is annouced, she yells like a little wild thing
yet again.
Ms Colman is not pleased, but smiles when Karen
pretends to button her lips up. Sucker. She goes onto
explain this spelling bee is a BFD because it's the
first round of a series of bees that will lead all the
way to the state capital and have one lucky first,
second, or third grader crowned the best junior speller
in Conneticut.
Everyone starts talking and it's all Karen can think
about for rest of the morning. She's a great speller,
don't you know, and she LOVES contests. At least, when
she's winning them.
At recess she starts in already spelling random shit
out. Then when Nancy says all three of the 3M are good
spellers, Karen channels Tony the Tiger for a moment,
saying they're 'grrreat!'
Apparently everyone is excited, and I think that's more
about the contest itself than the actual spelling part.
Plus it'll take up a lot of class time. Of course, that
meanie-mo Pamela Harding isn't excited. So Karen begins
to lay out why Pamela is a terrible person: she won't
sleep in a sleeping bag, she won't eat pizza and she
doesn't even like the Wizard of Oz!
OH THE HUMANITY!
I am probably the only person on earth that doesn't
like The Wizard of Oz. For years and years we watched
it faithfully every Easter and now I can't stand it.
The last time I watched it, my friend held me down on
his lap so I couldn't walk out of the room. Then he
started singing along with the munchkins in a munchkin
voice, but he changed the lyrics so they were filthy.
And I laughed so hard I peed on him.
Pamela doesn't care about bee and neither does Jannie.
Karen doesn't care what they think, because she's
obviously going to win. DUH!
Chapter 2
After school Karen is studying her spelling book and
the words are making her hungry. But she can't stop for
a snack because she wouldn't be studying! THE HORROR!
So she skips to non food words and the first one is
family.
Does everyone know what time it is?
IT'S TWO-TWO TIME!
- Karen says the Big House is a mansion for the first
time and confirms that Watson is indeed a millinaire.
- Emily Michelle has been booted up to "pretty neat"
status over Karen saying she's still deciding if she
likes her or not.
Then Karen spazzes again because she's not studying.
She's so totally O-C-D.
Chapter 3
Karen wakes up at the Big House and starts spelling her
toy's names. Then she hurries up and gets dressed so
she can go annoy her family. I mean, not miss anything
fun.
She slices a banana on top of her cereal and spells it
out loud. Then she demands to know who will help her
with her spelling words. Because everyone wants to
study on a Saturday morning!
David Michael wants to know why she's practicing so
much and Karen brags she could win the spelling bee
this very minute, but Ms. Colman said she should study,
so she's going to obsessively listen to her.
Everyone keeps making up excuses and Kristy ends claims
she has a special Baby Sitters Club meeting. I wonder
if it's an emergency meeting, but she calls it
'special' so the adults won't ask questions and
interfere in problems that have no business being
solved by thirteen year olds.
Kristy says Karen can study in her room, but after
breakfast Karen decides to go torture Watson instead.
He whines that he can't hold the spelling book and pull
weeds at the same time...and I would feel more sympathy
for him if he didn't only see his kids four days a
month. I think he can suck it up. And if he needs to be
hands free, why not give her words he knows how to spell himself?
Karen internally snots the spelling bee doesn't matter
to her family and doesn't understand why because she's
going to win them all until she's the state champion!
With the single minded determination that usually
guides insanity, Karen goes up to her room and makes
flashcards. Then she goes back to the garden and shows
Watson he doesn't need to hold a book, just say the
word on the card and she'll spell it.
He agrees to give her three words, because reading a
word off a flashcard is SO MUCH work for a child you
only see four days a month. Then Karen goes into beg
for three words from Elizabeth, but she only gets two
because Emily Michelle starts crying.
She gets more words out of Charlie and Nannie before
going upstairs to study in Kristy's room. She opens up
Kristy's english book and...wait...Kristy said Karen
could study IN HER ROOM, not go 'go into my room and
nose through my shit.' Boundries, Karen!
But who needs boundries when you're trying to become
the best speller in the universe? Karen is too pleased
with herself for knowing eighth grade words and then
adds this gem:
'What is the fun of being smart if no one knows?'
This sums up Karen so, so well.
At dinner, she brags about what words she can spell and
has to embarrass David Michael that he can't spell
"sincerely". Um, I'm 32 and most people my age can't
spell that right, Karen. Kindly fuck off.
Chapter 4
It's Monday! Monday! Monday!
It's time for the spelling bee and I am already
gritting my teeth. I'm going to be down to the gums by
the time this shitty book is done. I hate sore winners.
I won lots of championships and four year end full
circuit championships during my horse show years. And
if I had bragged about any of it I would've been on
everyone's shit list. On our circuit, you didn't brag.
There was like an unspoken rule. And if you did, it
would bite you in the ass. My first coach beat it into
our heads we had to work very, very hard because there
was always someone better than you and even the best
had bad days. *shrug* I guess it stuck with me.
Karen confirms she's in class and resists the urge to
follow up "here" with 'the next Junior Champion
Speller.' How benevolent.
Ms Colman explains the spelling bee and I mentally
check out. Say it, spell it, say it again. Right. I
would've been more enthused that we could read after we
struck out. I am glad she said that making a mistake
isn't a terrible thing, though, so one-tenth of a point
to Hufflepuff.
The contest starts and reading about people spelling is
kinda fucking boring because the word is RIGHT THERE.
When Karen spells 'apple' right she takes a few bows
and skips to the end of the line for her next turn.
Apple. Fucking APPLE. Koko the Gorilla can spell apple
too. Now there's a spelling bee that I would pay
attention during...I <3 Koko.
People start having to sit down and Karen has to point
out that only Pamela is reading a book, everyone else
is watching her. So when she spells 'igloo' she adds a
'brrr!' at the end. Whoever told Karen she was cute
that first time should be drug out in the street and
shot because now the rest of us have to deal with this
kind of shit.
It comes down to Nancy and Karen. Eeep. I never thought
twice about competiting with my friends at horse shows,
but outside of that, I'm not a competitive person so I
hated when it was just me and a friend left and you
have to wonder on a scale of one to ten how strong the
butthurt will be if you win.
Nancy misspells 'hurricane' and Karen internally snarks
she just got careless because Lisa gave them that word
in the car on the way to school. Or maybe she's
nervous, dickbutt.
Karne spells it right, VERY LOUDLY I might add, and
starts jumping up and down and screaming like a shaved
chimpanzee, further strengthening my theory that my
shitty ovaries are an act of Divine kindness because I
cannot take this shit.
Chapter 5
Karen asks her mother and Andrew if she looks the same
she did that morning. Yup, you look like a brat still.
Oh wait, she's not the same! She won the class spelling
bee!
After bragging all over the Little House, Karen goes
next door to brag at Nancy's house. Because friends
ALWAYS rub it in when they beat them at something! But
Nancy, being awesome, made Karen a big blue ribbon.
Karen says they need to make Nancy a red ribbon for
being runner up, but Nancy said she just made herself a
blue one too, only smaller. I'm surprised Karen didn't
go into thermo nuclear meltdown. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!
Then she goes home and calls the Big House, and all
four sets of Grandmas and Grandpas. When Seth gets
home, she's deciding who to call next. And I get a kid
being proud of her accomplishments and all, but Mom
would've been like "congrats honey, now stop bragging
that isn't complimentary, and hell no you are not
running up the long distance bill."
Karen follows Seth and Lisa around the house as they
wash up and make dinner, making them give her more
words to spell. Then she won't pass the potatoes at the
table until Seth gives her a word to spell. That shit
would get old FAST.
Andrew wants to know how to 'play' spelling bee and
Karen snaps all over him that it's not at GAME! What a
dumb question! Lisa tells her to apologize and Karen
spells it. Then she explains spelling bees to Andrew
when Seth makes her answer his question.
Karen tops it off with it doesn't matter because she's
going to be the best junior speller in C-0-N...fuck
this, I refuse to spell it out. And then tells Andrew
he doesn't know anything because he doesn't know what
states are. He calls her a sore winner, and rightfully
so. No one like a bragger.
At tucking in time Lisa confirms that Karen is being a
bit of a sore winner. Winning isn't everything, losing
isn't everything, and save your breath Lisa because
we're only going into the sixth chapter.
Chapter 6
Karen declares Monday spelling bee day. All we hear is
Hannie and Nancy say 'Yea!' to it and nothing more. I'm
curious if that went over as well (NOT!) as the whole
Augustania debacle.
Now they're having the first, second, and third grades
spelling bee to find the best of the school. The
auditorium is blue so Karen dresses in blue. Wouldn't
that make you blend in instead of stand out? At least
she's not going up there dressed as a watermelon.
Before the bee starts Karen gives herself a pep talk,
including telling herself she looks as good as Pamela
does every day and her best friends, Hannie and Nancy,
are cheering her on. Um...does she need to mentally
remind herself of her friend's names?
The first three words are hard, so Karen's glad to be
fourth. She realizes the other spellers are good, but
who cares? She's going to win. Why is anyone even
trying when this is so obviously Karen's bee to lose?
She almost screws up "chimney" and I have a little
laugh because my father is seventy-three years old and
still spells it 'chimley'. So yeah, it's a hard word,
but she gets it right, therefore forcing us to watch
her gloat for fourteen more chaptes.
Of course she wins and Karen goes back to class yelling
she's the 'Queen Bee.' Pamela calls her the 'bee
queen', but I don't think that's the best put down.
Snot nosed little pest is better, I think.
Jannie and Leslie are becoming Pamela's lackeys and
complain Karen is bragging. Ms Colman, instead of
talking to Karen, has the class give her a round of
applause. MOST of the kids clap. Later Ricky slips her
a note telling her he's glad she won even if she's a
show off.
Chapter 7
Karen whines because there's no spelling bee on Tuesday
while the rest of Stoneybrook heaves a collective sigh
of relief.
The Queen Brat has a good day anyway, because Ms Colman
pulls her aside before school is over to tell her about
the next spelling bee. For some reason, this makes
Karen feel 'so, so important' and..what the hell? And
she hopes that Pamela is watching, because every seven
year old loves to talk to their teacher.
When Karen gets home, she starts outfit planning. She
considers calling Ms Colman to find out what color the
high school auditorium is...and aren't they normally
white or wood? But 'Goosie' reminds her that she
doesn't have to match the room.
But on Claudia, the room looked fantastic.
Then she starts planning her acceptance speech. In my
experience, there are very few times in life you
actually need to give an acceptance speech for winning
things, especially school things.
Karen's speech goes like this: she's excited to win the
award, and everyone knows she's the best junior speller
in the world.
At least we don't have to worry about her self-esteem.
Chapter 8
On Monday, Karen decides to spell her way through the
day because the bee is that night. And could this be
any more assnine?
Oh, great, the state spelling bee is going to be
televised locally. So if Karen wins the bee that night,
she'll be on TV next time. Just what her ego needs. If
I was the Big House family, I'd find a new mansion in
another S-T-A-T-E. After all, Watson IS a real live
millionaire!
Karen obsessively studies her words to the point of
using them as answers for the questions, even if it's
not the right answer. Example:
'“If John has four berries in his basket, and Jill has
six berries, how many berries do John and Jill have
together?” asked Ms. Colman.
I knew the answer. It was ten. But ten wasn’t on my
list. So when Ms. Colman called on me I said, “E-L-E-
V-E-N, take away one. That’s ten!”'
Why Ms Colman keeps calling on her, I don't know.
Because she keeps doing it again and again and again to
the point it has to be really interuppting to the rest
of the class. But Karen's ego is more important than
rest of the class learning, of course!
At recess, Karen practices being on TV. She starts
walking in a way that tells me she's seen models on the
runway on TV, but when she tries I picture a
constipated camel. Then she smiles and starts spewing
self congratulatory things out loud. *headdesk*
Pamela is all 'well, you have to win tonight to get on
TV and how do you know you're going to win, huh?' But
Karen says that she isn't going to take a stupid pill,
so how can she lose?
The bullshit is strong in this one.
Chapter 9
It's time for Karen to get ready for the spelling bee,
but first she has to call the Big House and make sure
everyone has been sufficiently intimidated into
attending. I feel sorry for them, but yes, they are all
coming, even Emily Michelle. Does that count as child
abuse?
Karen can't decide what outfit she's going to wear now.
First she dresses like Dolores Umbridge, then she
decides she'd look better as a Smurf. Then back to
Dolores Umbridge, but she needs to call Watson and see
if he approves of head to toe pink.
Lisa doesn't want to let Karen call her father again,
and I don't see what the problem is, really. She's
being annoying, I get that, but I don't think that's
what Lisa's beef is. But Karen wants to make sure he
knows what she's wearing so he'll be able to find her.
Then she puts her annoyance powers onto a new task:
making sure Andrew looks perfect in case they ask him
to take a bow. She looks over his clothes that Lisa
picked out and finds a 'teeny tiny speck' and tells him
there's a huge spot on it. Probably just so she can
dictate what he wears.
Karen keeps hounding her mother and Seth for more words
to spell and I bet they're secretly hoping she loses so
they don't have to do another week or two of spelling
purgatory.
When Andrew asks how he looks, Karen just about knocks
him down for drawing attention away from her.
Hilariously, he asks Lisa how to spell pest.
Chapter 10
Karen says she's never seen such a huge building in her
life and Seth calls her on it because she's seen the
high school about a million times. She laughs off his
suggestion she's nervous. And spells 'nervous' of
course. Ugh.
When they get inside, Karen is sent backstage and that
makes her feel important. Did she also feel important
when she got a crown at Burger King? I'm surprised she
didn't make Watson claim a piece of Africa so she and
her paper crown could rule a land for real.
Karen sums up the competition and doesn't think they
look smart or dumb, just scared. The dude running the
show explains the rules and they're the same damn
rules, so why do they get repeated again and again in
dialouge. *strangles Ann*
On stage, Karen looks for her family in the audience. I
remember doing that too at her age. I am also reminded
of the time I cupped both hands around one eye as a
makeshift periscope on stage in the second grade
Christmas paegent. My family does not forget
embarrasing shit very easy at all.
Two people spell. I don't care. Karen spells next. I
don't care. This is almost as boring as a two-two
chapter. Three kids in a row misspell 'handkerchief'
wrong...and I probably did too. Fuck it. Spell check
exists for a reason.
Karen spells it right, of course, and wins the
'Stoneybrook Junior Spelling Bee'. Barf. She's
disappointed that they close the curtains before she
can make an acceptance speech.
An eigth grader from her school interviews her for the
school paper and takes a picture of her. So now Karen
figures she's a bonafide star. God help us.
Chapter 11
Karen runs into school on Tuesday morning because
that's when the paper comes out and she can't wait a
nano second to see her name in print, even if she had
to mow down a few kindergardners to do it.
During attendance the paper comes and GASP! Karen is on
the front page. WHY? Apparently the eighth grade hasn't
heard of her antics or is trying to punish the entire
school by further bloating Karen's ego. And that thing
is so bloated it's about to explode.
Karen screams for everyone to look that she's in the
newspaper. And she says all of her classmates are happy
for her, but her shit is starting to get old I'm sure.
Pamela says she's a show off. But Karen counters she
didn't ask to be made a WORLD FAMOUS STAR.
Is this kid even operating in this sphere of reality?
At seven I knew that winning spelling bees did not make
me the next Michael Jackson.
Pamela won't touch the paper and neither will Jannie or
Leslie or any of the other kids who want to her friend.
Ricky reads it, but tells Karen that she needs to shut
up about it. Good advice, Ricky, but it's falling on
deaf ears.
Ms. Colman decides this gives her a chance to skimp on
teaching for an afternoon and decides Friday they'll
have a party in Karen's honor.
Please stop feeding the troll.
Chapter 12
Friday it's party time, so Karen decides it's time to
be obnoxious again! She's doing her constipated camel
walk and telling the kids they are having this party
because she's the best junior speller in Stoneybrook.
You know, so no one forgets this party is about HER.
Maybe she's even the best speller in the world! But
then Pamela points out she would have to be able to
SPELL in every language of the world. I'm definitely
starting to like Miss Harding.
Ricky is the only one that is still speaking to Karen
at this point. Hannie and Nancy are playing a spelling
game with Leslie and Jannie and HORRORS! have not
invited Karen to play a SPELLING game! Well, no shit,
they know she's just going to make a production out of
it and then gloat when she wins. I wouldn't play 'pull
my finger' with Karen.
Karen ends up not having such a great time at her own
party. Well, you shouldn't have pissed everyone off
with your gloating, kiddo. You're not getting any
sympathy from me.
Finally Ms Colman sits Karen down and tells her she
needs to learn how to be a good winner. In other words,
not being a dickweed. When she asks Karen if she knows
the words humility and graciousness, she spells them to
show she does.
Ms Colman sighs and lets her leave. Clearly the child
is a lost cause.
Chapter 13
Karen bursts into the Big House waving the school paper
like she's been picked Time Magazine's 'Most
Influential Person Of The Year.' Then Andrew says Karen
is a S-T-A-R. Apparently she's been teaching him to
spell so he can follow in her 'famous footsteps.'
Gag me.
Karen recites the article from memory and stops to
spells words of it randomly. I would be tempted to
shove a pencil in my ear to render myself deaf at this
point. She also adlibs she's a world famous super star
who will win every spelling bee she ever enters.
Hannie comes over the next morning to make paper dolls
and Karne starts in with spelling things constantly.
Then she starts going through crayons and spelling the
names. Something about 'sepia' is finally enough to
make Hannie snap and tell Karen to knock that shit off.
Actually, she says 'cut it out', so Karen gets her
scissors and spells that word too. I'm glad Hannie
isn't holding them or the world might lose the most
obnoxious spelling bee participant in history.
Then she starts rambling on how she's going to win, so
what should she do with the money? Hannie says give her
half for having to listen to her friend's shit all day.
Points to the Grecian Goddess!
Karen still doesn't take a hint and starts trying on
outfits for the last spelling bee instead of playing
with her friend. Social cues, Karen. Hannie did not
come over to give you someone to brag to, she came over
to PLAY with you.
Finally Hannie completely loses it and tells Karen
she's leaving since all she cares about is spelling.
Karen says she feels bad that Hannie was mad, but she
has more important things to do.
The best grade school friends you'll ever have!
Chapter 14
On Monday morning, Hannie and Nancy are talking to
Pamela, Jannie and Leslie at school. They're laughing
and they seem like they're having a good time. BURN!
Karen doesn't speak to anyone all morning, not even
Ricky despite him being the most loyal to her, and the
class is probably about to burst into a chorus of
"Wonders of Wonders." But at recess, she caves and asks
the other two Musketters to play hopscotch, only
they're still hanging with Pamela.
Hannie and Nancy are not having it, though, saying she
doesn't want to play, all she wants to do is spell and
act like a television star. So they're the Two
Musketeers now. Three if Pamela wants to join. I bet
Karen REALLY wishes she left the 'no-friends-with-
Pamela' clause in their pact now!
Karen gets mad and says they're just jealous. And when
she wins the two hundred and fifty dollars, she won't
do a thing with them or for them! Apparently she's
modeling the behavior she learned from Watson, who
prefers to purchase orphans on the black market over
going through proper channels.
So she stomps off and says she won't buy anything for
anyone EVER!
Chapter 15
Okay, this was written a little wonky because this is
the County contest, not the state contest. They hold it
at the Assembly Hall and I feel all warm and ooshy
because one of my very first jobs was running the
cameras for cable access at City Hall. The Mayor even
knew me by name, and the City Council members were
actually really nice. They let me and my two team mates
use the fridge in the lounge. (For the record food/free
food is the way to my heart. ;) )
Karen mentally snots she could've invited Nancy and
Hannie but she didn't because they were so mean to her.
By not taking her shit, apparently. Seth even asks if
they couldn't come, and she just tells him they
couldn't. Nor do they care if she wins. Woe. WOE I tell
you! WOE!
The spelling bee starts and for the first time Karen
worries about winning, but then decides she 'has to'
win. And this would be why you're such a snot, Karen.No
one can win all the time! It's not healthy!
Karen admits she couldn't have spelled the first word
right. When she does get her word, Emily Michelle
starts crying and she loses her concentration for a
moment. Uh oh. If she gets that word wrong, I know
someone who's getting a one way ticket to Abu Dahbi.
Thankfully she gets the word right and doesn't have to
worry about stuffing her youngest sibling in a USPS
approved box.
If you guessed Karen wins this one, take your odds to
Vegas. Oh wait, don't. This is Stoneybrook, where the
Chosen Ones (aka the Baby Sitters Club) are not allowed
to taste faliure.
A real reporter for a real paper interviews Karen and
takes her picture for the paper. All of her family
congratulates her, including Emily Michelle. Who she
promptly unloads on for almost making her lose the
contest. The poor kid starts crying.
Maybe Abu Dahbi wouldn't be so bad. After all, Karen's
not there.
Chapter 16
On Monday, Ms Colman makes everyone give Karen another
round of applause. Well, at least they can go work at
Sea World as seal replacements. They won't be able to
do much else with the crappy education they're getting
at Stoneybrook Academy.
Everyone claps a little, even Nancy and Hannie, so
Karen decides to force herslef not to spell things or
talk about spelling, as painful as it is for her not to
rub her success in every chance she gets.
Karen agrees but then decides they should have a
hopscotch contest. Nancy and Hannie tell her everything
isn't a contest and beat it out of there. And I don't
blame them...sheesh, take a hint K-Brew!
She goes to the library to study big words, but decides
to look up 'contest' and 'win.' And instead of having
an ephinany, she just decides that's what she wants
more than anything...to win the state contest.
Chapter 17
The big contest is finally upon us and it's about
fucking time. Karen is happy it's a Big House weekend
so Kristy can help her get ready, even though Lisa was
the one to buy her a new dress.
Karen finally admits why Hannie and Nancy aren't
coming, but instead of helping her deal with it this
time, Krisy is all 'I'm so sorry, gotta run' and goes
to get herself ready. Yup. She's greeeeeeeeat with
kids, that one!
Lisa calls Karen so she can reassure her that she and
Seth are coming. Probably to save from being called
about ten million times.
Everyone from the Big House is very dressed up and
Karen thinks that's because the reporters will want to
talk to them after she wins. You know, find out how she
became a great speller. Spell this for me, Karen: DREAM
ON.
It's a long ass drive to Hartford and thankfully they
spare us because who wants to be trapped in a car with
Karen?
Ms Colman is waiting for Karen and takes her to green
room. Before that, though, Watson tells her that doing
her best is good enough for them. D'awwww. I bet it
went right over Karen's head, touching as it may have
been and all.
Karen meets the competition in the greenroom and thinks
how sad it is that they're going to lose. Only ONE can
survive the Spelling Games! And Karen is not about to
let Stoneybrook down!
For a change Karen isn't an obnoxious brat and sits
quietly as they wait, spelling in her head. Then a girl
named Melissa comes up and tries to talk to her, but
she's all like 'I'm Karen, I'm studying, GTFO'.
Melissa exposits that she's studied hard too because
spelling is the only thing she's good at. Does that
make her the Anti-Claudia? She says she's got to win
that night, but Karen's all thinking, well, let me show
you: 'I wondered why she was telling me this. Didn’t
she know that I was going to win?'
Chapter 18
The paegent starts at eight o' clock sharp. Lights,
cameras, action, may the odds EVER be in your favor!
And I'm tuning out because I don't want to hear how the
damn bee works when everyone is in this book has worked
the same. fucking. way.
Karen ignores it too, because she's figuring out how
long it will take her to win. She figures she'll give
each of the other spellers three chances to make a
mistake. Um...and then what if they don't make
mistakes? Are you going to pull out a crowbar and go
all Tanya Harding on them?
They start spelling. I'm so past everything being
spelled out here, guys. Karen's first word is
'royalty', saying that's what she'll feel like when she
wins. IT'S A FUCKING SPELLING BEE!!!!! THERE IS NO
NOBEL PRIZE FOR SPELLING!!!
There, I feel better.
Then mistakes start happening and soon it is only Karen
and Melissa, the anti-Claudia. Karen's thinking of her
acceptance speech and the trip she'll take in six
months to be in the national contest in Washington. Oh
shit...PLEASE LET HER FAIL FOR THE SAKE OF HUMANITY!
And Karen tanks it on 'convertiable.' I feel bad for
being so happy that she lost, but considering how
things almost always go her way for 122 books, plus 6
Super Specials and God knows how many BSC books...let
me have this, okay?
Chapter 19
Melissa is very excited to win, but she turns around
and tells Karen she's sorry she missed and shakes her
hand. Karen knows this is gracious behavior and tries
to do the same by congratulating her.
Karen gets a certificate and then the cameras go to
bask in the glow of Conneticut's best junior
speller...who is not Karen Brewer. There's no reason
for Karen to be on stage anymore. I feel like we need
to hear this statement many, many more times. Wait
until Karen's Surprise, coming in two snarks, and
you'll see why.
Ms Colman, Seth and Lisa comfort Karen and then turn
her over to the Big House family. Watson offers to stop
for ice cream on the way home, but Karen passes it up.
Wow...I don't think I would be able to do that. (Yeah,
I got a bit of Claudia in me. But in moderation, who
cares?)
And.....here comes the tears. Kristy is really cool and
tells Karen they can talk when they're home so no one
else notices she's upset. But seriously, who wouldn't
expect her to be upset? She's seven and it's a big let
down, even more so with the way she pumped herself up.
Emily Michelle even cheers for Karen, but she puts on
the hair shirt and points out that little sisters just
don't understand.
Chapter 20
Elizabeth brings Karen milk and cookies when they get
home, since she wants to get ready for bed. She's not
exactly sulking, but she's not exactly social right now
either. That's an okay compromise.
When Kristy comes in to tuck Karen in, Karen says maybe
she deserved to lose because she was such a sore
winner. Why the hell didn't you think of that like
twenty chapters ago?!?!
Karen then adds she hates being a loser and Kristy says
she isn't a loser at all. She won four out of five
spelling bees. Even Karen admits that's pretty damn
good. And she's the second best junior speller in
Connecticut.
Then Kristy gets really awesome and asks Karen how she
was a sore winner. She answers, and she's right, but
she should've just said 'everything I did from the
moment I won the first bee until this moment' and she'd
be right too. At last she's going to apologize.
I do agree with Karen when she says she's sad that she
flunked on a word she knew how to spell. I felt that
way in a lot of classes at horse shows. There's nothing
like getting there at the crack of dawn, doing three
beautiful trips around the course in practice, then
your first class of the actual show your horse flips
over something stupid. Or you drop the horse at the
fence. Or some other minor mistake that seperates blue
and red ribbons.
Kristy promises to help Karen study next year
and...THANK GOD FOR THE TIME WARP!
Up Next:
#12 Karen's Ghost