LS # 89 Karen's Unicorn, Part Two
Not sure how to link to Part One. Glad you all enjoyed it, though! :)
Chapter 4: The Circus Is Coming!
Karen and Nancy are on the school bus. It's September, and the leaves are beginning to change. Aside from the maple tree in my neighbor's backyard, I don't get to see that in Florida, but for the first fourteen years of my life, I lived in Virginia. Autumn is the time of year that I miss it the most. In fact, it's my favorite season; my LJ page has an autumn theme. Karen is excited because in autumn they have Halloween, then Thanksgiving, leading up to Christmas. She says fall is the start of the holidays, and it really kind of is. Nancy is excited for the Jewish holidays.
The bus comes to a stoplight, then Karen dramatically grabs Nancy's arm and exclaims, "Look at that!" I'm suddenly remembering Milhouse trying to distract Bart Simpson by telling him to look at a dog. "Wow, brown!" But this is no mere canine. There, plastered on a building, is an ad for the Cicrus DeMarco, featuring their special attraction: "A real, live unicorn!" Well, I guess that makes more sense than the phrase, "real, live millionaire." Which, come to think of it, I don't think Karen ever refers to her dad that way. Karen is understandably jazzed about the thought of seeing a real, live unicorn! Yeah, it's a pretty amazing plot contrivance coincidence that the circus brings a unicorn to town when Karen can't seem to shut up about them lately.
On the playground, all the kids are talking about the circus. Pamela says she is sure she'll get to go the first day, causing Karen to roll her eyes at the sheer snobbiness of her best enemy. When the kids go into class, Ms.Colman greets them by saying she can guess what they're all excited about. Karen shouts out, "The circus! The unicorn!" and Ms.C just smiles. She's been pouring vodka into her coffee thermos again, I see. Or else someone brought special brownies to the teacher's lounge this morining. Either way, Karen does her usual fangirling about how Ms.Colman is just the bee's knees. She is gigundoly nice. She almost never yells. But sometimes she has to ask me to use my indoor voice or to simmer down. Too bad that only works for about five seconds at a time. And did anyone else catch that? She almost never yells. I've seen that before in these books: Colman either never yells or almost never yells. I've never read a book where she actually does yell, so I would love to know if it ever really happened. I'm betting that she did yell at Karen at least once, and Karen's ashamed to admit it, so she bounces back and forth between whether she does or not. This will likely go down as just another one of the great mysteries of life. We will never know.
Showing that she may know a thing or two about children after all, Ms.Colman says that since everyone is so pumped about the circus, she's decided they can talk about it for a bit before starting work. That's a good idea; then the kids can get it out of their systems and concentrate on classwork. Except for Karen, of course, but you know what I mean. Amazingly, Karen raises her hand and waits to be called on before squeeing about the unicorn. Bobby Gianelli snorts that it can't be a real unicorn, because they don't exist. Karen reiterates that the poster said REAL! LIVE! UNICORN! Duh, Bobby! Just because you have a penis doesn't mean you know everything! Once again behaving like the responsible adult she's supposed to be, Ms.Colman holds up her hand for silence and clarifies that she wants to talk about circuses in general. She gives a bit of background on the history of circuses. Not that interesting, but at least she's teaching. She states that the Circus DeMarco is a small circus with no animal acts. This prompts Karen to remind us all, "Except the unicorn!" Bobby is all, "There is no unicorn." Karen shoots back that is says so right on the poster. Yeah, Gianelli, put that in your bubble pipe and smoke (or is it blow?) it.
Ms.Colman sees that her attempt to help the kids focus has blown up in her face. She says it is now time for spelling.
Chapter 5: Ms. Colman's Surprising Announcement
Gee, I wonder what it could possibly be? Spoiler: the circus. The first, second, and third-graders of Stoneybrook Academy are going to the Circus DeMarco. That's nice, but what about the older grades? I think at least some of the big kids might feel left out. They could be going on a different day, though. Ms. Colman adds that the class will have an assignment at the circus: find three things that could have been different in a circus one hundred years ago, and three things that have stayed the same. We never hear about this again. After the show, the class will get a behind-the-scenes look at circus life, including a close-up look at the unicorn. Bobby loudly asks if they'll be close enough to see the masking-tape on his horn. Karen doesn't give a shit. She turns around to grin at her friends, who don't share her belief in unicorns, even though they've been nice about it.
At dinner, Karen tells her family about going to the circus, but Lisa and Seth are too distracted. They haven't been able to find a workshop space that's both big enough and affordable. Karen tells us that these are "grown-up" problems and she doesn't know how to fix them. She wants to talk more about unicorns but no one is listening, so after dinner she decides to read to Andrew about unicorns. Run, Andrew, run!
Chapter 6: The Wishing Plan
Karen is helping Andrew with the bike again. He crashes for the fourth time that morning, and Karen says that this whole bike-riding biz is just not a good idea. Andrew won't be deterred; he's getting better! Let me say again how much I love this kid. Karen thinks of the other kids on their street who are Andrew's age. None of them can ride a two-wheeler yet, so Andrew must not be ready, either. Karen suggests painting his tricycle black to make it look more powerful. Andrew repeats his earlier sentiment that trikes are for babies, and they go to practice riding some more.
After lunch, Karen thinks about all the problems her family is having. They need help, and Karen knows just what to do. When she goes to the circus, she'll ask the unicorn to work its magic! She makes up a list of wishes: she wants to see the unicorn twice; she wants Andrew to either learn to ride a two-wheeler or give up on the idea (way to be supportive there, Brewer); she wishes to get a letter from Maxie, her New York pen-pal); she wishes to do well on her next math test; and she wants for Seth's workshop problem to be solved. Writing down her wishes makes Karen feel better, and she knows the unicorn will make everything all right.
When Karen announces to her family what she's done, Andrew thanks her and is happy, but Lisa and Seth are just kind of, "Meh." Karen doesn't mind, because they can say there's no such things as unicorns. But as for she and Andrew, they believe.
Chapter 7: Circus DeMarco
It's the big day! Karen chose her circus outfit carefully: New jeans (so now she has more than one pair), her pink-and-white unicorn sweatshirt, pink socks, white sneakers, and a pink-and-white scrunchie for her ponytail. Cute!
Karen and Nancy are field-trip partners, while Hannie is partners with Natalie, but she seems to be fine with that. That's another thing I love about this book: an utter lack of Natalie-hate. Not one mention of snorting or droopy socks. Gabrielle Charbonnet needs to ghostwrite more of these books. But then, I guess they wouldn't be as fun to snark. Karen bounces up and down on the bus until Nancy tells her to cut that shit out, Karen's gonna make her chirp her chips! That calms Karen down, and I'm betting Nancy wishes she could somehow work in the threat of barfing everytime Karen gets hyper. You and everyone else, Nancy.
The second-graders are seated in the second row at the circus. Karen hops down the aisle and into her seat. I can't blame her for being excited. Karen loves all the circus acts, but she can't wait to see the unicorn, which is saved for last.
Then it happens. The unicorn steps into the spotlight. Karen says it "looked as if it were made out of a magical moonbeam." That's pretty cute, and totally something a seven-year-old girl would say. It's what I would have said. The unicorn's trainer, a beautiful maiden in a white princess dress, steps into the ring carrying the magic wand. Karen isn't fooled by the wand. She knows it couldn't possibly be truly magic, only the unicorn can be magic! The maiden taps the unicorn's horn with her wand, causing it to bow and touch its horn to the ground. The ringmaster tells the audience they can now ask the unicorn questions. Apparently unicorns can't lie, but they must ask only yes-or-no questions. Makes sense.
Karen, true to form, doesn't bother to raise her hand (she admits this), but stands up and calls out, "Are you real?" The unicorn nods! Karen sits down and smugly thinks, "Take that, Bobby Gianelli."
Chapter 8: My Wishes
The circus is over and it's time for the tour. Karen has been to circus camp, so she already knows this song and dance. When the ringmaster finally asks if they want to see the unicorn, Karen jumps up and down, yelling, "I do! I do!" To which Ms. Colman simply says, "Karen." Karen knows this means she has to mind her manners. But she doesn't say this means she'll actually do it.
The beautiful maiden is now wearing a running suit and the unicorn is eating some hay. Even without the spotlight and the fancy saddle, Karen still thinks it's beautiful. She asks if the unicorn is a boy, and the trainer says he is. Karen then wants to know if he has a name. The trainer replies, "He has a special, secret unicorn name. But we call him Bob." Hahahaha, that's my dad's name! Karen shows a rare display of tact by not pointing out that Bob doesn't seem a fitting name for such a beautiful, magical creature.
Bobby Gianelli loudly asks if superglue is what holding on Bob's horn. Naturally, the world's bestest teacher does fuck-all about this. The trainer just smiles and points out that the horn is too heavy to be held on by superglue. Bobby frowns and asks if it's taped on; the trainer asks if he sees any tape. Karen tells him to face facts, Bob the Unicorn is the real deal. Bobby frowns harder at this and says, "He is not real. I know he is not." We are forty-four pages into this book, and I don't think there's been a single contraction yet.
Ms. Colman then announces that it's time to go. Karen remembers her wishlist, which she has in her pocket. She reaches in and touches it, but doesn't feel the need to take it out. She whispers her wishes to herself while she and the unicorn look into each other's eyes, neither of them blinking. After she's done wishing, the unicorn goes back to eating his hay, probably wondering why the fuck he just had a staring contest with this weird kid. Blissfully ignorant of his true thoughts, Karen thanks him.
Chapter 9: Do Not Worry
Cripes, even the chapter title doesn't have a contraction. Why does this surprise me?
Before going back to the bus, the kids purchase souvenirs. Hannie buys a flashlight with a clown's face, Nancy buys a photo album of the circus performers, and Karen buys a necklace with a unicorn charm. I want a unicorn necklace. Karen puts on the necklace, saying she'll wear it until all her wishes come true. Hannie asks what wishes, so Karen fills her friends in about everything that's been going down at Casa de Engle. Hannie and Nancy look at each other; I like to think they're thinking, "Bitch has finally snappd." But all they say is that they hope her wishes come true, and to let them know if they can help. Sweet girls.
Karen has Rice Krispie treats for her after-school snack. I love Rice Krispie treats. Karen says that she the unicorn and he was one-hundred-percent real. Andrew is in awe of this, but he will get to see for himself, as his preschool class is going to the circus the next day. I'm glad he gets to go. Karen tells her mom and brother how she looked the unicorn right in the eye (probably scarring him for life, poor horsey) and made her wishes, so everything's going to be just fine now. They don't have to worry. She feels very grown-up for adding that it may take some time for the wishes to come true, so they will have to be patient. That is mature of her. Hypocritical, but mature nonetheless. Lisa is more cautious, telling Karen it's great she had fun at the circus, but some things aren't what they seem, so she shouldn't get her hopes up. This doesn't bother Karen as, "Mommies are supposed to say things like that." She knows their troubles are over.
Karen goes to her room and looks through her box where she keeps all her letters. She realizes Maxie wrote to her three months ago, but can't remember if she wrote back. Karen has decided to help the unicorn along with his wish-granting, so she writes to her friend. She also does some practice math problems, since another wish was to do well on her next test.
Andrew asks again for help riding the bike, and Karen ends the chapter by crossing her fingers that the unicorn will do something about the bike wish.
Chapter 10: Some Wishes Come True
Karen cries, "Hooray!" She has just gotten back her math test. She only got three problems wrong. Ricky congratulates her, which is nice of him. Karen tells him this was one of her wishes; they're coming true! Ricky tells her not to start about the unicorn, because he asked his dad if unicorns exist. His dad said no, and his dad is never wrong. Wait till these kids grow up and learn that parents can, in fact, be wrong. Karens says Mr.Torres is wrong this time, because that's not the only wish that came true. The night before, she got a phone call from Maxie, which is even better than a letter.
A few other kids point out that if the unicorn is real, then why is it in a small circus, instead of in a big zoo, or being studied by scientists? Karen shrugs this off. She doesn't know why or how the unicorn is real, but they all saw him themselves. The others still aren't sure, but Ms.Colman interrupts The Great Unicorn Debate Of 1997 by telling them to shut the fuck up already and write two paragraphs about anything they want. Karen writes about famine and war and her life's goal to become a missionary and travel to third-world countries--oh, wait, my bad. She writes about unicorns.
Color me shocked.
Is the Circus DeMarco unicorn for real? Will Karen's little house conundrums be solved? The answers to these questions in ladymrose's next installment of Karen's Unicorn!
Chapter 4: The Circus Is Coming!
Karen and Nancy are on the school bus. It's September, and the leaves are beginning to change. Aside from the maple tree in my neighbor's backyard, I don't get to see that in Florida, but for the first fourteen years of my life, I lived in Virginia. Autumn is the time of year that I miss it the most. In fact, it's my favorite season; my LJ page has an autumn theme. Karen is excited because in autumn they have Halloween, then Thanksgiving, leading up to Christmas. She says fall is the start of the holidays, and it really kind of is. Nancy is excited for the Jewish holidays.
The bus comes to a stoplight, then Karen dramatically grabs Nancy's arm and exclaims, "Look at that!" I'm suddenly remembering Milhouse trying to distract Bart Simpson by telling him to look at a dog. "Wow, brown!" But this is no mere canine. There, plastered on a building, is an ad for the Cicrus DeMarco, featuring their special attraction: "A real, live unicorn!" Well, I guess that makes more sense than the phrase, "real, live millionaire." Which, come to think of it, I don't think Karen ever refers to her dad that way. Karen is understandably jazzed about the thought of seeing a real, live unicorn! Yeah, it's a pretty amazing plot contrivance coincidence that the circus brings a unicorn to town when Karen can't seem to shut up about them lately.
On the playground, all the kids are talking about the circus. Pamela says she is sure she'll get to go the first day, causing Karen to roll her eyes at the sheer snobbiness of her best enemy. When the kids go into class, Ms.Colman greets them by saying she can guess what they're all excited about. Karen shouts out, "The circus! The unicorn!" and Ms.C just smiles. She's been pouring vodka into her coffee thermos again, I see. Or else someone brought special brownies to the teacher's lounge this morining. Either way, Karen does her usual fangirling about how Ms.Colman is just the bee's knees. She is gigundoly nice. She almost never yells. But sometimes she has to ask me to use my indoor voice or to simmer down. Too bad that only works for about five seconds at a time. And did anyone else catch that? She almost never yells. I've seen that before in these books: Colman either never yells or almost never yells. I've never read a book where she actually does yell, so I would love to know if it ever really happened. I'm betting that she did yell at Karen at least once, and Karen's ashamed to admit it, so she bounces back and forth between whether she does or not. This will likely go down as just another one of the great mysteries of life. We will never know.
Showing that she may know a thing or two about children after all, Ms.Colman says that since everyone is so pumped about the circus, she's decided they can talk about it for a bit before starting work. That's a good idea; then the kids can get it out of their systems and concentrate on classwork. Except for Karen, of course, but you know what I mean. Amazingly, Karen raises her hand and waits to be called on before squeeing about the unicorn. Bobby Gianelli snorts that it can't be a real unicorn, because they don't exist. Karen reiterates that the poster said REAL! LIVE! UNICORN! Duh, Bobby! Just because you have a penis doesn't mean you know everything! Once again behaving like the responsible adult she's supposed to be, Ms.Colman holds up her hand for silence and clarifies that she wants to talk about circuses in general. She gives a bit of background on the history of circuses. Not that interesting, but at least she's teaching. She states that the Circus DeMarco is a small circus with no animal acts. This prompts Karen to remind us all, "Except the unicorn!" Bobby is all, "There is no unicorn." Karen shoots back that is says so right on the poster. Yeah, Gianelli, put that in your bubble pipe and smoke (or is it blow?) it.
Ms.Colman sees that her attempt to help the kids focus has blown up in her face. She says it is now time for spelling.
Chapter 5: Ms. Colman's Surprising Announcement
Gee, I wonder what it could possibly be? Spoiler: the circus. The first, second, and third-graders of Stoneybrook Academy are going to the Circus DeMarco. That's nice, but what about the older grades? I think at least some of the big kids might feel left out. They could be going on a different day, though. Ms. Colman adds that the class will have an assignment at the circus: find three things that could have been different in a circus one hundred years ago, and three things that have stayed the same. We never hear about this again. After the show, the class will get a behind-the-scenes look at circus life, including a close-up look at the unicorn. Bobby loudly asks if they'll be close enough to see the masking-tape on his horn. Karen doesn't give a shit. She turns around to grin at her friends, who don't share her belief in unicorns, even though they've been nice about it.
At dinner, Karen tells her family about going to the circus, but Lisa and Seth are too distracted. They haven't been able to find a workshop space that's both big enough and affordable. Karen tells us that these are "grown-up" problems and she doesn't know how to fix them. She wants to talk more about unicorns but no one is listening, so after dinner she decides to read to Andrew about unicorns. Run, Andrew, run!
Chapter 6: The Wishing Plan
Karen is helping Andrew with the bike again. He crashes for the fourth time that morning, and Karen says that this whole bike-riding biz is just not a good idea. Andrew won't be deterred; he's getting better! Let me say again how much I love this kid. Karen thinks of the other kids on their street who are Andrew's age. None of them can ride a two-wheeler yet, so Andrew must not be ready, either. Karen suggests painting his tricycle black to make it look more powerful. Andrew repeats his earlier sentiment that trikes are for babies, and they go to practice riding some more.
After lunch, Karen thinks about all the problems her family is having. They need help, and Karen knows just what to do. When she goes to the circus, she'll ask the unicorn to work its magic! She makes up a list of wishes: she wants to see the unicorn twice; she wants Andrew to either learn to ride a two-wheeler or give up on the idea (way to be supportive there, Brewer); she wishes to get a letter from Maxie, her New York pen-pal); she wishes to do well on her next math test; and she wants for Seth's workshop problem to be solved. Writing down her wishes makes Karen feel better, and she knows the unicorn will make everything all right.
When Karen announces to her family what she's done, Andrew thanks her and is happy, but Lisa and Seth are just kind of, "Meh." Karen doesn't mind, because they can say there's no such things as unicorns. But as for she and Andrew, they believe.
Chapter 7: Circus DeMarco
It's the big day! Karen chose her circus outfit carefully: New jeans (so now she has more than one pair), her pink-and-white unicorn sweatshirt, pink socks, white sneakers, and a pink-and-white scrunchie for her ponytail. Cute!
Karen and Nancy are field-trip partners, while Hannie is partners with Natalie, but she seems to be fine with that. That's another thing I love about this book: an utter lack of Natalie-hate. Not one mention of snorting or droopy socks. Gabrielle Charbonnet needs to ghostwrite more of these books. But then, I guess they wouldn't be as fun to snark. Karen bounces up and down on the bus until Nancy tells her to cut that shit out, Karen's gonna make her chirp her chips! That calms Karen down, and I'm betting Nancy wishes she could somehow work in the threat of barfing everytime Karen gets hyper. You and everyone else, Nancy.
The second-graders are seated in the second row at the circus. Karen hops down the aisle and into her seat. I can't blame her for being excited. Karen loves all the circus acts, but she can't wait to see the unicorn, which is saved for last.
Then it happens. The unicorn steps into the spotlight. Karen says it "looked as if it were made out of a magical moonbeam." That's pretty cute, and totally something a seven-year-old girl would say. It's what I would have said. The unicorn's trainer, a beautiful maiden in a white princess dress, steps into the ring carrying the magic wand. Karen isn't fooled by the wand. She knows it couldn't possibly be truly magic, only the unicorn can be magic! The maiden taps the unicorn's horn with her wand, causing it to bow and touch its horn to the ground. The ringmaster tells the audience they can now ask the unicorn questions. Apparently unicorns can't lie, but they must ask only yes-or-no questions. Makes sense.
Karen, true to form, doesn't bother to raise her hand (she admits this), but stands up and calls out, "Are you real?" The unicorn nods! Karen sits down and smugly thinks, "Take that, Bobby Gianelli."
Chapter 8: My Wishes
The circus is over and it's time for the tour. Karen has been to circus camp, so she already knows this song and dance. When the ringmaster finally asks if they want to see the unicorn, Karen jumps up and down, yelling, "I do! I do!" To which Ms. Colman simply says, "Karen." Karen knows this means she has to mind her manners. But she doesn't say this means she'll actually do it.
The beautiful maiden is now wearing a running suit and the unicorn is eating some hay. Even without the spotlight and the fancy saddle, Karen still thinks it's beautiful. She asks if the unicorn is a boy, and the trainer says he is. Karen then wants to know if he has a name. The trainer replies, "He has a special, secret unicorn name. But we call him Bob." Hahahaha, that's my dad's name! Karen shows a rare display of tact by not pointing out that Bob doesn't seem a fitting name for such a beautiful, magical creature.
Bobby Gianelli loudly asks if superglue is what holding on Bob's horn. Naturally, the world's bestest teacher does fuck-all about this. The trainer just smiles and points out that the horn is too heavy to be held on by superglue. Bobby frowns and asks if it's taped on; the trainer asks if he sees any tape. Karen tells him to face facts, Bob the Unicorn is the real deal. Bobby frowns harder at this and says, "He is not real. I know he is not." We are forty-four pages into this book, and I don't think there's been a single contraction yet.
Ms. Colman then announces that it's time to go. Karen remembers her wishlist, which she has in her pocket. She reaches in and touches it, but doesn't feel the need to take it out. She whispers her wishes to herself while she and the unicorn look into each other's eyes, neither of them blinking. After she's done wishing, the unicorn goes back to eating his hay, probably wondering why the fuck he just had a staring contest with this weird kid. Blissfully ignorant of his true thoughts, Karen thanks him.
Chapter 9: Do Not Worry
Cripes, even the chapter title doesn't have a contraction. Why does this surprise me?
Before going back to the bus, the kids purchase souvenirs. Hannie buys a flashlight with a clown's face, Nancy buys a photo album of the circus performers, and Karen buys a necklace with a unicorn charm. I want a unicorn necklace. Karen puts on the necklace, saying she'll wear it until all her wishes come true. Hannie asks what wishes, so Karen fills her friends in about everything that's been going down at Casa de Engle. Hannie and Nancy look at each other; I like to think they're thinking, "Bitch has finally snappd." But all they say is that they hope her wishes come true, and to let them know if they can help. Sweet girls.
Karen has Rice Krispie treats for her after-school snack. I love Rice Krispie treats. Karen says that she the unicorn and he was one-hundred-percent real. Andrew is in awe of this, but he will get to see for himself, as his preschool class is going to the circus the next day. I'm glad he gets to go. Karen tells her mom and brother how she looked the unicorn right in the eye (probably scarring him for life, poor horsey) and made her wishes, so everything's going to be just fine now. They don't have to worry. She feels very grown-up for adding that it may take some time for the wishes to come true, so they will have to be patient. That is mature of her. Hypocritical, but mature nonetheless. Lisa is more cautious, telling Karen it's great she had fun at the circus, but some things aren't what they seem, so she shouldn't get her hopes up. This doesn't bother Karen as, "Mommies are supposed to say things like that." She knows their troubles are over.
Karen goes to her room and looks through her box where she keeps all her letters. She realizes Maxie wrote to her three months ago, but can't remember if she wrote back. Karen has decided to help the unicorn along with his wish-granting, so she writes to her friend. She also does some practice math problems, since another wish was to do well on her next test.
Andrew asks again for help riding the bike, and Karen ends the chapter by crossing her fingers that the unicorn will do something about the bike wish.
Chapter 10: Some Wishes Come True
Karen cries, "Hooray!" She has just gotten back her math test. She only got three problems wrong. Ricky congratulates her, which is nice of him. Karen tells him this was one of her wishes; they're coming true! Ricky tells her not to start about the unicorn, because he asked his dad if unicorns exist. His dad said no, and his dad is never wrong. Wait till these kids grow up and learn that parents can, in fact, be wrong. Karens says Mr.Torres is wrong this time, because that's not the only wish that came true. The night before, she got a phone call from Maxie, which is even better than a letter.
A few other kids point out that if the unicorn is real, then why is it in a small circus, instead of in a big zoo, or being studied by scientists? Karen shrugs this off. She doesn't know why or how the unicorn is real, but they all saw him themselves. The others still aren't sure, but Ms.Colman interrupts The Great Unicorn Debate Of 1997 by telling them to shut the fuck up already and write two paragraphs about anything they want. Karen writes about famine and war and her life's goal to become a missionary and travel to third-world countries--oh, wait, my bad. She writes about unicorns.
Color me shocked.
Is the Circus DeMarco unicorn for real? Will Karen's little house conundrums be solved? The answers to these questions in ladymrose's next installment of Karen's Unicorn!