#10, Logan Likes Mary Anne!
Part 2 of this surprisingly difficult-to-snark book. I guess you shouldn't snark books that you're fond of. Still, I've tried gallantly, see what you think. Chapters 1-9 here
Chapter 10: This chapter is really densely action-packed, (relatively speaking) hence why this is pretty lengthy.
Mary Anne has nothing to wear to the dance. I bet Logan would secretly love an old-school MA kilt and knee socks combo. Richard gives her his credit card to go shopping with and hugs her. Aw gee.
This is where the BSC suggests for MA to go shopping in Bellairs: Claudia: shoes. Oh my god, shoes. Dawn: Juniors. Which is? Stacey: Underwear (whore!) Kristy: Sportswear.
Seriously, Stacey really hammers home the underwear thing. She keeps bringing it up. Maybe she’s thinking of Mrs Barrett’s plunging neckline. Mary Anne tries on a green sweater dress that makes her look like a mermaid - we aren’t told whether this is good or bad - and a yellow dress that makes her look like a house. “Then Claudia handed me a full white skirt with the words Paris, Rome, and London, and sketchy pink and blue pictures of the Eiffel Tower, the Tower Bridge, and other stuff scrawled all over it.” Squee! I always loved the idea of this skirt when I was a kid, and wanted to find one for myself (never did of course, probably for the best.) She matches this with a pink shirt and a baggy pink sweater, and they find some pink and blue slip-ons. Stacey still has to be talked out of underwear (not hard to talk Stacey out of her underwear, I’m sure! Well, sometimes it’s just too easy to be mean to Stacey.)
Oh good grief. You can tell this is an early book, when you get dialogue like THIS:
“‘You know what?’ said Kristy. ‘I say we cancel today’s meeting and go over to Mary Anne’s instead. We can pay Janine a couple of dollars to answer the phone for us. Then we can help you get ready for the dance, Mary Anne.’”
WTF! I wish someone had reminded Kristy of this conversation in #100.
Anyway, they get to the dance (not before we get another “Aaauuuggh!” - this time Kristy, who was not being brutally murdered but wanted MA to scuff her shoes or she’d fall over) and we get some outfits!:
Claudia: Short, tight-fitting black pants (why not say short black tights? Wait, if they are short pants doesn’t that make them…shorts?) with a baggy white t-shirt that says “BE-BOP” all over it in between pictures of rock and roll dancers. She has a floppy blue bow in her hair. It actually sounds pretty cute, for the time it was written.
Stacey: White tshirt under a hot pink jumpsuit. Boring! Hardly NY Sophistication!
Dawn: Green and white jumper with stretchy green pants, which is apparently “more casual” than Stacey and Claud’s outfits. All I can say is, no mom jeans?!
Kristy: White turtleneck with a pink jumper and jeans. Eh, if it ain’t broke…
The dance is not quite what Mary Anne dreamily imagined, but in fact “a mob scene.” The corsage Logan hands her got dropped and stood on - ha! But also, is it commonplace to give corsages when you are just going to a school dance? Seems a bit formal. Mary Anne has a rather awkward time with Logan, he keeps asking her questions but occasionally there is the dreaded lag in conversation. Oh, how I hate that silence. Eventually they dance, with Mary Anne imitating what Logan does, so he gets sillier and - oh horrors - it culminates in Mary Anne kicking her shoe off by mistake, and it sails through the air, narrowly missing the vice principal (if this was Saved By The Bell, it would have hit him). So embarrassing but…really funny. Instead of laughing it off, Mary Anne, true to form - and kind of understandably - runs off and hides in the bleachers, silently watching Logan dance with her friends. But because Logan is a good bitch he isn’t mad at her and thought it was awesome that she had fun while she was dancing instead of trying to show off. Lucky save, Spier.
Chapter 11: Boring babysitting chapter featuring Kristy and the dreaded Karen. Kristy has Dawn stay over for the night, which MA notes is kind of nice since Kristy used to be jealous of her and MA’s friendship. MA also notes that Kristy was allowed a friend over since she was stuck baby sitting on a Friday night. As if she’d have anything else on. The only interesting thing about this chapter is Kristy and Dawn talking about MA growing up and changing. Kristy says she’s scared it’s going to be an awful year, because she has moved and not made any friends. Well sweetheart, it’s certainly going to be an awfully long year. About ten years long. We also get some foreshadowing for the next book, that Louie the dog is getting really old and tired. Nothing snarky to say about that - I love Louie!
Chapter 12: Logan is on the phone to MA. He tells her about this movie, Meatballs. Wikipedia says it is from 1979, which is why it makes perfect sense for teenagers in 1988 to be discussing it with each other. (It does however, star Bill Murray who is made of win.) Mary Anne is all happy because the plot of a movie could take a while to explain, and there will be less chance of awkward silences. Oh, I remember those days.
Turns out this chapter is full of phone calls, a bit like those scenes you occasionally see in movies where the screens keep splitting with various people on hold. Long story short: Mary Anne is allowed to go to Stacey’s orgy party, and Logan agrees to come go with her.
Chapter 13. Mary Anne says she “dressed carefully” for the party. And wore the same outfit that she wore to the dance. Can’t have been that damn careful then, huh? The party sounds fairly typical of the ones I remember going to at 13 - funnily enough - girls on one side, boys on the other, table of food, loud music, no one dancing. Alan Gray puts yellow M&Ms in his eyes (product placement!!!) to look like Little Orphan Annie. WTF? He actually puts M&Ms into his eyes? How do they stick? How is he not blinded? What has this got to do with Annie? Anyone care to help me out here? Logan finds MA and they sit down and chill, comfortably this time. Alan suggests Spin The Bottle, to cries of immaturity from the girls. There was no such nay-saying when I was 13. Spin the Bottle was the giddy highlight of any party.
The lights dim. A cake is brought in. Everyone sings Happy Birthday and looks at Mary Anne. Mary Anne says it was like one of those dreams where you turn up at school naked. Yeah, I think being naked at school would be worse than a bunch of kids bringing you cake and presents. Still, we are well aware that the centre of attention is not MA’s favourite place, and she runs all the way home.
Chapter 14: Mary Anne veers between “how could they?!” and “I’m too sensitive! They must hate me!” Falls asleep in her clothes (ah, waking up in the clothes from the night before. Nothing like it.) The next morning, she asks Richard if she can get a cat. He says yes. MA is all Ha-whhhaaaat? That he didn’t put up a fight. Maybe he’s been snorting ants or something with Sharon and mellowed out. Anyway, Mary Anne calls Logan, they make up, (but I thought you were mad at me! etc) and they go get a kitten from the shelter. Mary Anne says she always wanted a grey striped tiger cat called Tigger like in Winnie The Pooh. Which makes no sense. Tigger was orange. MA doesn’t bother to elaborate, but of course manages to find a kitten of said description. Logan gives Mary Anne a silver bracelet. Logan obviously wants what’s in her pants.
Chapter 15: Mary Anne calls Stacey and makes up with her too (unfortunately for Stacey, there’s no make-up sex involved) The entire BSC come over to witness the kitteh and bring MA all her birthday presents and remaining cake. Dawn gets her a blue top, Stacey gets her a corset, crotchless panties, and fishnets, Kristy gets her a Smash tape (her favourite band!) and Claudia got her some home made earrings. Ooops, wait, that’s not quite right. Stacey got her some socks to match the famous cities skirt. Apparently they were really wild. How wild can socks be? Really? They divide the cake up into four (none for Stacey) and eat it. Dawn then bitches about all that sugar. No one crammed the damn cake into your mouth, Dawn.
Finally, the story ends with Mary Anne coming up with the idea of associate members. Kristy sounds sliiightly huffy that it wasn’t her idea (“well…it really isn’t a bad idea,” she snits ) I personally think it’s a pretty clever concept. Logan doesn’t have to come to meetings, but if the BSC are in a real jam, they can call on him. (Which reminds me of that Kings of Leon song…can’t you just imagine Logan with his Adorable Southern Accent singing “I’m on call…to be there! I’ll come a-running…” But Logan could never be as hot as the Followills.)
It ends with Mary Anne reflecting on all the good stuff happening - her birthday, her boyf, and her kitten. She might as well have said “and then all our conflicts were magically resolved!” But still, I really like this book. I will have to choose a worse one for next time (unfortunately BSC European Vacation is taken! It’s so awful!) so I can really get my snark on.