LS #8: Karen's Haircut, Chapters 6-13
Chapters 1-5
Karen gets a mullet. Need I say more?
Chapter 6 is rather unremarkable (although it is the chapter where Karen gets the idea for the haircut), so here comes a bullet point!
- "Beauty parlors are terrific. Once I went on an ocean cruise on a huge ship. On the ship were swimming pools and restaurants and even a beauty parlor. And I went to the beauty parlor by myself and got a manicure." Aaaaaaand there goes my sympathy.
In Chapter 7, Karen gets permission to get a haircut and a manicure. Who the hell cares? The next chapter is what we're all waiting for!
OK, everybody ready? Yeah? Let's do this, then. Chapter 8 is where KAREN GETS A MULLET. And as much as I feel for her in this book, I can't help but laugh at that. A MULLET! SHE GOT A DAMN MULLET! Anyway, bullet points:
- "I decided I didn’t like Gloriana’s hair at all. Some of it was short, some was long, some was dark, and some was light." Based on the cover art, I'm gonna agree with this.
- The haircut that Karen wanted, by the way, was "shoulder-length hair (so I could still wear barrettes and hair ribbons in it) with bangs in front," which would have been totally adorable, methinks.
- "Suddenly I realized something awful. My hair was getting too short! But I was afraid to tell Gloriana." Oh noes! The horror! (Though I will add that it's understandable that she was afraid to speak up.)
- "It was not the cut I had asked for. I was practically bald." Must you exaggerate so much, dear?
It's Chapter 9! What's that, Karen? You're not really practically bald? Well, then, what does your hair look like? "I had bangs in front, all right, but the rest of my hair was cut close to my head, except for some long hair in the back that did come to my shoulders. It looked really weird. Mostly, my hair was too short for barrettes and ribbons." Oh. That's...interesting. (SHE GOT A MULLET, Y'ALL!) Um, you look sad now. Was that cut not what you wanted? It wasn't? Well...it'll grow out eventually. You don't feel much better, do you? Yeah, I didn't think so. OK, lemme break character for the rest of this chapter.
So Karen heads back to school feeling worse than ever: "How could I face the kids at school? They were all going to tease me. I just knew it. Especially Ricky Torres. Yicky Ricky Torres. He would tease me the worst of all. He would probably call me a mean name." Ugh, this again, Ricky? Come on now. Did you learn nothing from what happened before? Sheesh! Well, anyway, Ricky calls Karen the Bride of Frankenstein, and the other classmates use the nickname as well (I still hate this class.). Karen goes to the back of the classroom, hoping that Hannie and Nancy will make her feel better--they don't, Nancy says "Karen, your hair is so … interesting” and Hannie just wants to know what happened. Karen explains--"Gloriana didn’t copy the picture I gave her."--and then Hannie says "I - you - I - Karen, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you can’t be my bridesmaid. Not while you look like this." Well, aren't you just a glowing ray of sunshine today! That's just what Karen needed right now--more anxiety about being ugly! OK, gonna move on now, 'cause I'm getting a little pissed.
Oh, and here's the first picture of the haircut:
In Chapter 10, I start cringing again, because this is where Karen starts trying entirely too hard to compensate for her supposed ugliness. I just...I've gotta do bullet points again.
- "What? What did you say? … That if I can’t look beautiful, at least I can have a beautiful name? Boy, that’s a great idea, Goosie. Thanks!" Oh dear. Somehow I don't think this will go so well for her.
- "Yesterday I had thought Gloriana was a beautiful name, but not today. Not after what Gloriana had done to me. Hmm. Katie? No. Sarah? No. Those were pretty names, but I wanted a beautiful name like … like Tiffanie! That was a gorgeous name!" Uh, sure, it's a gorgeous name, we'll go with that. Right.
- I decided I needed more pizzazz. Maybe my new haircut was ugly, and maybe my glasses and teeth were ugly, but I could still try to look glamorous." With gold nail polish? I don't know about that, Karen, (I like gold nail polish, too, but no. Glamorous it ain't.) but if it makes you feel better, go for it.
Oh, Chapter 11. So what happened this time, Karen? Hannie still won't let you be in her wedding? Oh. I feel sorry for you, but at the same time, I simply don't care about this sideplot, so I'm going to move right along.
It's back to school for Chapter 12. Karen decides to wear a lot of jewelry--"I put on five pink plastic bracelets, and eight rings, one of each finger. I get the rings at the dentist’s office. On each ring is a different colored stone. When the rings were in place, I put on five necklaces. Then I slipped a stretchy blue beaded bracelet over my foot. Nobody in my class had ever worn an ankle bracelet. I would be the first one." And while I definitely think that's waaaay too much jewelry, I can't really blame for feeling she has to overdo it so as not to look ugly.
Oh, and here's another illustration:
See? Entirely too much. And the illustration doesn't even show all of it!
By the way, Karen's attempts to get her classmates call her Tiffanie don't work, although Ricky tries to get it right--he calls her Taffy. Mmm, saltwater taffy. Er, sorry. Jersey girl moment. Anyway, next chapter.
So Karen--all right, all right, sorry, Tiffanie, what's going on in Chapter 13? Oh, you don't want to be Tiffanie anymore (and just when I was catching on, no less..) ? So what would you prefer to be called, then? Krystal. OK. I can try to remember that, even if almost no one else does...
Uh, so anyway, what are you doing now? Oh, just chatting on the phone with Nancy? Hey, hey, don't pressure her to take a side in your and Hannie's fight (for a certain value of one, anyway), that's not OK. Don't look at me like that! Anyway, I'm gonna stop here.
The last part will be up soon. I gotta go cringe some more.
Karen gets a mullet. Need I say more?
Chapter 6 is rather unremarkable (although it is the chapter where Karen gets the idea for the haircut), so here comes a bullet point!
- "Beauty parlors are terrific. Once I went on an ocean cruise on a huge ship. On the ship were swimming pools and restaurants and even a beauty parlor. And I went to the beauty parlor by myself and got a manicure." Aaaaaaand there goes my sympathy.
In Chapter 7, Karen gets permission to get a haircut and a manicure. Who the hell cares? The next chapter is what we're all waiting for!
OK, everybody ready? Yeah? Let's do this, then. Chapter 8 is where KAREN GETS A MULLET. And as much as I feel for her in this book, I can't help but laugh at that. A MULLET! SHE GOT A DAMN MULLET! Anyway, bullet points:
- "I decided I didn’t like Gloriana’s hair at all. Some of it was short, some was long, some was dark, and some was light." Based on the cover art, I'm gonna agree with this.
- The haircut that Karen wanted, by the way, was "shoulder-length hair (so I could still wear barrettes and hair ribbons in it) with bangs in front," which would have been totally adorable, methinks.
- "Suddenly I realized something awful. My hair was getting too short! But I was afraid to tell Gloriana." Oh noes! The horror! (Though I will add that it's understandable that she was afraid to speak up.)
- "It was not the cut I had asked for. I was practically bald." Must you exaggerate so much, dear?
It's Chapter 9! What's that, Karen? You're not really practically bald? Well, then, what does your hair look like? "I had bangs in front, all right, but the rest of my hair was cut close to my head, except for some long hair in the back that did come to my shoulders. It looked really weird. Mostly, my hair was too short for barrettes and ribbons." Oh. That's...interesting. (SHE GOT A MULLET, Y'ALL!) Um, you look sad now. Was that cut not what you wanted? It wasn't? Well...it'll grow out eventually. You don't feel much better, do you? Yeah, I didn't think so. OK, lemme break character for the rest of this chapter.
So Karen heads back to school feeling worse than ever: "How could I face the kids at school? They were all going to tease me. I just knew it. Especially Ricky Torres. Yicky Ricky Torres. He would tease me the worst of all. He would probably call me a mean name." Ugh, this again, Ricky? Come on now. Did you learn nothing from what happened before? Sheesh! Well, anyway, Ricky calls Karen the Bride of Frankenstein, and the other classmates use the nickname as well (I still hate this class.). Karen goes to the back of the classroom, hoping that Hannie and Nancy will make her feel better--they don't, Nancy says "Karen, your hair is so … interesting” and Hannie just wants to know what happened. Karen explains--"Gloriana didn’t copy the picture I gave her."--and then Hannie says "I - you - I - Karen, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you can’t be my bridesmaid. Not while you look like this." Well, aren't you just a glowing ray of sunshine today! That's just what Karen needed right now--more anxiety about being ugly! OK, gonna move on now, 'cause I'm getting a little pissed.
Oh, and here's the first picture of the haircut:
In Chapter 10, I start cringing again, because this is where Karen starts trying entirely too hard to compensate for her supposed ugliness. I just...I've gotta do bullet points again.
- "What? What did you say? … That if I can’t look beautiful, at least I can have a beautiful name? Boy, that’s a great idea, Goosie. Thanks!" Oh dear. Somehow I don't think this will go so well for her.
- "Yesterday I had thought Gloriana was a beautiful name, but not today. Not after what Gloriana had done to me. Hmm. Katie? No. Sarah? No. Those were pretty names, but I wanted a beautiful name like … like Tiffanie! That was a gorgeous name!" Uh, sure, it's a gorgeous name, we'll go with that. Right.
- I decided I needed more pizzazz. Maybe my new haircut was ugly, and maybe my glasses and teeth were ugly, but I could still try to look glamorous." With gold nail polish? I don't know about that, Karen, (I like gold nail polish, too, but no. Glamorous it ain't.) but if it makes you feel better, go for it.
Oh, Chapter 11. So what happened this time, Karen? Hannie still won't let you be in her wedding? Oh. I feel sorry for you, but at the same time, I simply don't care about this sideplot, so I'm going to move right along.
It's back to school for Chapter 12. Karen decides to wear a lot of jewelry--"I put on five pink plastic bracelets, and eight rings, one of each finger. I get the rings at the dentist’s office. On each ring is a different colored stone. When the rings were in place, I put on five necklaces. Then I slipped a stretchy blue beaded bracelet over my foot. Nobody in my class had ever worn an ankle bracelet. I would be the first one." And while I definitely think that's waaaay too much jewelry, I can't really blame for feeling she has to overdo it so as not to look ugly.
Oh, and here's another illustration:
See? Entirely too much. And the illustration doesn't even show all of it!
By the way, Karen's attempts to get her classmates call her Tiffanie don't work, although Ricky tries to get it right--he calls her Taffy. Mmm, saltwater taffy. Er, sorry. Jersey girl moment. Anyway, next chapter.
So Karen--all right, all right, sorry, Tiffanie, what's going on in Chapter 13? Oh, you don't want to be Tiffanie anymore (and just when I was catching on, no less..) ? So what would you prefer to be called, then? Krystal. OK. I can try to remember that, even if almost no one else does...
Uh, so anyway, what are you doing now? Oh, just chatting on the phone with Nancy? Hey, hey, don't pressure her to take a side in your and Hannie's fight (for a certain value of one, anyway), that's not OK. Don't look at me like that! Anyway, I'm gonna stop here.
The last part will be up soon. I gotta go cringe some more.