Kids in Ms. Colman's Class #2 - Author Day part 2
In which we learn that Ricky is actually really smart despite failing the usual intelligence barometer in these books: being a bad speller.
Ms. Colman assigns kids into pairs to write the stories for Author Day. It seems like only the one that's chosen to be a skit actually matters, and the rest of them will just be ignored. They could at least put them in a binder or something for Mr. Bennett. Not that he'd particularly want it, but it would make the other kids feel good, at least, instead of feeling like their hard work was entirely unappreciated.
Ricky is assigned to work with Natalie.
Natalie was not his favorite person. She was sloppy and she forgot things. But she was okay.
WHY ARE ALL THESE SECOND GRADERS SO DOWN ON NATALIE FOR NOT KEEPING HER CLOTHES NEAT?! Meanwhile, the BSC thinks Jenny Prezzioso is Satan for wanting to keep her clothes clean. What in the fuck?! Do seven-year-olds really care if someone's socks are droopy and their shirts are untucked? The people of Stoneybrook are kind of horrible.
Though hilariously, we get a POV switch (argh!) where we learn that Natalie doesn't care much for Ricky, either.
Ricky chooses to write the story, which he says will be about a goose named Lucy. Natalie wants to draw the pictures as he writes, but he refuses to read his story out loud, so she has to read over his shoulder and try to keep up. I kind of don't blame her for being annoyed with him here.
This picture is actually really detailed and not alarming. Also, Natalie looks totally normal. I feel like a lot of her problems in life would be solved if she just started wearing ankle socks. (Not that victims should change themselves to please their bullies; I'm just saying, it seems to be a huge deal for some reason.)
The story details are pretty cute:
It was about a fat goose about Lucy. Lucy lived on a farm. She was so fat that the farmer and his wife had nicknamed her Juicy Lucy. They said she would make a tasty goose dinner one day.
Lucy heard the farmer talking about a “dinner date.” She thought she was to be taken out for dinner by a fine goose gentleman. So she began to get ready for her date.
Natalie is really very sweet about being excited to hear the end of the story. I don't get why Ricky doesn't like her; she doesn't seem to care about his farting gaffe and she's being really nice to him. I guess you just can't forgive droopy socks.
Anyway, let's keep on.
Natalie drew and drew. She drew a picture of the farmer and the farmer’s wife. She drew a picture of the farmer dreaming of the tasty goose dinner. She drew a picture of Lucy dreaming of the fine goose gentleman who would be her dinner date.
“May I read the rest of the story, please?” Natalie asked Ricky.
Ricky handed her the last two pages.
Natalie read the part in which Lucy found out she was going to be dinner, not go out for dinner. She read about how Lucy outsmarted the farmer and ran away. Finally she read, “‘Lucy ran all the way to a pond. There she found a fine goose gentleman who asked her to stay at the pond with him forever. So she did.’”
That's a really cute, clever, creative story. Shades of Beatrix Potter. Ricky's a smart kid.
“That,” said Natalie, “is one of the best stories I have ever read.”
And Natalie is so nice. WHY is she the buttmonkey of Ms. Colman's class?! I mean, I get that she has some flaws, like she cries really easily and isn't the brightest bulb on the tree. But all the kids complain about is her sloppy clothing and the fact that she snorts when she laughs. What the hell kind of reason is that to not like someone? I can see that being a deciding factor in middle or high school, but are second graders really such mean girl bitches? Including the boys?
Chapter 6: The Winner
The kids are, of course, going to vote on the story they want to be made into a skit. Ricky has more of a brain than Ms. Colman, as he thinks to himself that it's going to be an eight-way tie as everyone votes for themselves. And, of course, he votes for his own story (as he should; it's awesome) - as do eleven other kids. It's a landslide.
Ricky is excited, but then realizes, OH FUCK, this is going to mean reading out loud. He asks Natalie to do it for him, but since it's his story, she thinks he should read it, while she shows her pictures. The other kids beg him to do it, because they think the story is awesome, but he's not having it. Finally, Natalie suggests that he talk to Ms. Colman.
He asks Ms. Colman if he can see her and tells her he doesn't want to read in front of Mr. Bennett. The bitch has the nerve to sigh at him and says they can meet after he eats his lunch.
Chapter 7: The Deal
And this is what the bitch has to say to him:
“I know you have been upset. I know you are embarrassed about the mistake you made the other day. And I have tried to be patient with you. I want to understand you. So tell me what is going on now.”
You want to understand him, but you've never initiated a conversation with him about this. You've never tried to help him. Your "being patient with him" IS JUST A SHITTY THING TO SAY because HE IS JUST TRYING TO FUCKING PROTECT HIMSELF AGAINST A BUNCH OF ASSHOLE KIDS AND HIS ASSHOLE TEACHER WHO LAUGHED AT HIM. Yes, he is technically misbehaving by refusing to read aloud when it's part of his job as a student, but you know WHY he won't do it, and you haven't tried at all to help him.
“I am mad. And I am never going to read aloud again,” said Ricky.
“Never again is a very long time,” replied Ms. Colman. “I do not think you really mean never again.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Ricky, this is getting out of hand. Sometimes I will need to hear you read aloud. I need to hear all my students read aloud. I cannot make your classmates to do something, then tell you that you do not have to do it. That is not fair to anybody.”
WAY TO TELL HIM HE DOESN'T MEAN WHAT HE SAYS. And bitch, you don't make Natalie read out loud! At least that's canon in some books. It's not fair to anyone the way you treat all of these kids. It's not fair to anyone that Karen is allowed to shout over everyone. It's not fair to anyone that you ignore bad behavior and then yell at kids for standing up for themselves.
“Very well,” said Ms. Colman. “I cannot force you to do something you do not want to do. But I must tell you that if you will not read ‘Juicy Lucy’ aloud at the party on Author Day, then you may not come to Author Day. You will come to school, or course, but you will go to the resource room. If you change your mind, though, and decide to read, then you may come to Author Day. Is that a deal?”
WHAT A FUCKING BULLY. How is THIS fair? He's worked harder than any other kid to prepare for Author Day and you're JUST NOW telling him that if he doesn't read out loud he can't participate? How is it fair? He's had no warning. You've never tried to help him deal with his new fear of reading out loud. You never even told people to stop making fun of him! WHY IS HE BEING PUNISHED FOR BEING UPSET AT BEING LAUGHED AT?! How is this productive or constructive? How is this going to teach him to get over the embarrassment and move on? No, sitting in silence won't help him either, but threats and punishment aren't going to do any good and are just going to make it worse because now he knows you're not in his side! He's not being lazy or spiteful, he's AFRAID OF BEING MOCKED. Are you completely lacking compassion or are you just stupid?!
Fucking smug bitch.
He also isn't off the hook for making the big book of his story or creating the play. So he still has to work his ass off and then not get to meet his favorite author? That's shitty.
Chapter 8: A Present for Mr. Bennett
Ms. Colman groups the kids to prepare for author day. The decorations group decides to draw pictures of characters in his books. The group preparing the gift has trouble thinking of something good. Omar suggests a pencil box made of popsicle sticks, but Nancy says he probably writes on a computer. Omar suggests making a pillow for him to sit on while he works. Bobby says no way in hell is he sewing. Maybe you guys could try thinking of ideas instead of shooting Omar's down. Ms. Colman just says they'll think of something, instead of, you know, helping.
Closing sentence:
Ms. Colman smiled. She was proud of her students. And she was looking forward to Author Day as much as they were.
Yet you won't let one of them participate essentially out of spite. Bitch.
Chapter 9: The Goose and the Gander
The kids ended up making a diary for Mr. Bennett so he could write about a special event, like his trip to Stoneybrook. That seems a little narcissistic. Meeting Karen Brewer isn't going to be the highlight of the man's life.
Ricky and Natalie bust their asses making a giant book version of Juicy Lucy, and then Ms. Colman tells them to get started working on the skit. I know it's their story, but why do they have to do all the hard work while five kids collaborate on making a blank book?!
When Ms. Colman says they'll be in charge, Ricky says "cool" and starts getting an idea.
Then Ms. Colman outlines the format of the skit, because creativity is only smiled upon when Karen does something, and it sounds really ridiculous to me:
“I will help you,” Ms. Colman went on, “if you need a hand. But you are in charge. This is what you need to think about. On Author Day, someone will read the story of ‘Juicy Lucy’ aloud. Natalie will hold up the big book and turn the pages so everyone can see the pictures. Next to her, several of you will act out a story. You will not be speaking, since someone will be reading the story. But you might have costumes or props. Do you know what props are?”
Why not just read the damn thing, with the kids who WANT TO taking turns reading out loud?
While casting the play, Ricky chooses the kids who didn't give him a hard time about the "fart" incidence to get the best parts. Pretty reasonable considering, you know, everything. He doesn't cast Karen, Bobby, Hank, Hannie or Leslie at all and "bossily" tells them that they can help with other stuff. Right, when someone who isn't Karen asserts themselves, they're being bossy.
Karen whines that she wants to be in the play. About time someone didn't give the little brat what she wants. Nancy whines that she DIDN'T want to be in the play. A more valid complaint. Natalie puts two and two together and asks Ricky why he cast parts the way he did. Stupidly, he admits the truth, and Ms. Colman overhears and says "Uh-oh."
I hate Ms. Colman.
Chapter 10: Run For Your Life!
Ms. Colman demands that Ricky start over choosing actors. She tells the laughing five to apologize to Ricky and they mumble sorry.
AND THEN THE FUCKING BITCH TELLS RICKY TO APOLOGIZE TO THEM.
I'm just going to copy this shit so you can understand just how heinous a bitch she is.
“First of all,” said Ms. Colman, “it is your play and Natalie’s. Not just yours. Second, if you did not choose Karen, Hannie, Leslie, Bobby, and Hank to be in the play because you think they not right for any parts. But I you did not choose them because you wanted to hurt their feelings the way they hurt yours, then that is not fine. And I think that is what you did. So please apologize, Ricky.”
“Sorry,” muttered Ricky.
“Okay, let’s start over again,” said Ms. Colman. “And Natalie, this time I would like you to speak up when you and Ricky are choosing the characters. You have good ideas. Ricky, please forget about who laughed. Choose the kids you think would be best for each role or job.”
Yeah, forget about kids who made fun of you and be nice to them because YOU MIGHT HURT THEIR FEELINGS. BUT YOU NEVER CARED ABOUT HIS HURT FEELINGS, NOW DID YOU?
I can't even rage out over this any more. I just. So much HATE.
Also, what the hell did she think would happen when she told little kids to cast a play? Of course they're going to pick people they like. That's what little kids do. And yeah, tell Natalie she has "good ideas" but allow everyone to pick on her constantly. That's lovely.
Ricky gives in and lets Leslie be the star. At least it's not Karen, who's stuck playing a random farm animal. That makes me feel a little better.
Skipping ahead to the dress rehearsal, because not much else is going on here.
I always wonder why people in the 'brook go SO all-out for these little class plays in terms of costumes and the like.
Natalie agrees to read the story in rehearsal but is firm about not reading it on Author Day. Everything is a disaster. No one knows what the fuck they're doing.
But Ms. Colman smiled. “I am sure it will be fine,” she said.
I hate you so much, Ms. Colman.
Ms. Colman assigns kids into pairs to write the stories for Author Day. It seems like only the one that's chosen to be a skit actually matters, and the rest of them will just be ignored. They could at least put them in a binder or something for Mr. Bennett. Not that he'd particularly want it, but it would make the other kids feel good, at least, instead of feeling like their hard work was entirely unappreciated.
Ricky is assigned to work with Natalie.
Natalie was not his favorite person. She was sloppy and she forgot things. But she was okay.
WHY ARE ALL THESE SECOND GRADERS SO DOWN ON NATALIE FOR NOT KEEPING HER CLOTHES NEAT?! Meanwhile, the BSC thinks Jenny Prezzioso is Satan for wanting to keep her clothes clean. What in the fuck?! Do seven-year-olds really care if someone's socks are droopy and their shirts are untucked? The people of Stoneybrook are kind of horrible.
Though hilariously, we get a POV switch (argh!) where we learn that Natalie doesn't care much for Ricky, either.
Ricky chooses to write the story, which he says will be about a goose named Lucy. Natalie wants to draw the pictures as he writes, but he refuses to read his story out loud, so she has to read over his shoulder and try to keep up. I kind of don't blame her for being annoyed with him here.
This picture is actually really detailed and not alarming. Also, Natalie looks totally normal. I feel like a lot of her problems in life would be solved if she just started wearing ankle socks. (Not that victims should change themselves to please their bullies; I'm just saying, it seems to be a huge deal for some reason.)
The story details are pretty cute:
It was about a fat goose about Lucy. Lucy lived on a farm. She was so fat that the farmer and his wife had nicknamed her Juicy Lucy. They said she would make a tasty goose dinner one day.
Lucy heard the farmer talking about a “dinner date.” She thought she was to be taken out for dinner by a fine goose gentleman. So she began to get ready for her date.
Natalie is really very sweet about being excited to hear the end of the story. I don't get why Ricky doesn't like her; she doesn't seem to care about his farting gaffe and she's being really nice to him. I guess you just can't forgive droopy socks.
Anyway, let's keep on.
Natalie drew and drew. She drew a picture of the farmer and the farmer’s wife. She drew a picture of the farmer dreaming of the tasty goose dinner. She drew a picture of Lucy dreaming of the fine goose gentleman who would be her dinner date.
“May I read the rest of the story, please?” Natalie asked Ricky.
Ricky handed her the last two pages.
Natalie read the part in which Lucy found out she was going to be dinner, not go out for dinner. She read about how Lucy outsmarted the farmer and ran away. Finally she read, “‘Lucy ran all the way to a pond. There she found a fine goose gentleman who asked her to stay at the pond with him forever. So she did.’”
That's a really cute, clever, creative story. Shades of Beatrix Potter. Ricky's a smart kid.
“That,” said Natalie, “is one of the best stories I have ever read.”
And Natalie is so nice. WHY is she the buttmonkey of Ms. Colman's class?! I mean, I get that she has some flaws, like she cries really easily and isn't the brightest bulb on the tree. But all the kids complain about is her sloppy clothing and the fact that she snorts when she laughs. What the hell kind of reason is that to not like someone? I can see that being a deciding factor in middle or high school, but are second graders really such mean girl bitches? Including the boys?
Chapter 6: The Winner
The kids are, of course, going to vote on the story they want to be made into a skit. Ricky has more of a brain than Ms. Colman, as he thinks to himself that it's going to be an eight-way tie as everyone votes for themselves. And, of course, he votes for his own story (as he should; it's awesome) - as do eleven other kids. It's a landslide.
Ricky is excited, but then realizes, OH FUCK, this is going to mean reading out loud. He asks Natalie to do it for him, but since it's his story, she thinks he should read it, while she shows her pictures. The other kids beg him to do it, because they think the story is awesome, but he's not having it. Finally, Natalie suggests that he talk to Ms. Colman.
He asks Ms. Colman if he can see her and tells her he doesn't want to read in front of Mr. Bennett. The bitch has the nerve to sigh at him and says they can meet after he eats his lunch.
Chapter 7: The Deal
And this is what the bitch has to say to him:
“I know you have been upset. I know you are embarrassed about the mistake you made the other day. And I have tried to be patient with you. I want to understand you. So tell me what is going on now.”
You want to understand him, but you've never initiated a conversation with him about this. You've never tried to help him. Your "being patient with him" IS JUST A SHITTY THING TO SAY because HE IS JUST TRYING TO FUCKING PROTECT HIMSELF AGAINST A BUNCH OF ASSHOLE KIDS AND HIS ASSHOLE TEACHER WHO LAUGHED AT HIM. Yes, he is technically misbehaving by refusing to read aloud when it's part of his job as a student, but you know WHY he won't do it, and you haven't tried at all to help him.
“I am mad. And I am never going to read aloud again,” said Ricky.
“Never again is a very long time,” replied Ms. Colman. “I do not think you really mean never again.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Ricky, this is getting out of hand. Sometimes I will need to hear you read aloud. I need to hear all my students read aloud. I cannot make your classmates to do something, then tell you that you do not have to do it. That is not fair to anybody.”
WAY TO TELL HIM HE DOESN'T MEAN WHAT HE SAYS. And bitch, you don't make Natalie read out loud! At least that's canon in some books. It's not fair to anyone the way you treat all of these kids. It's not fair to anyone that Karen is allowed to shout over everyone. It's not fair to anyone that you ignore bad behavior and then yell at kids for standing up for themselves.
“Very well,” said Ms. Colman. “I cannot force you to do something you do not want to do. But I must tell you that if you will not read ‘Juicy Lucy’ aloud at the party on Author Day, then you may not come to Author Day. You will come to school, or course, but you will go to the resource room. If you change your mind, though, and decide to read, then you may come to Author Day. Is that a deal?”
WHAT A FUCKING BULLY. How is THIS fair? He's worked harder than any other kid to prepare for Author Day and you're JUST NOW telling him that if he doesn't read out loud he can't participate? How is it fair? He's had no warning. You've never tried to help him deal with his new fear of reading out loud. You never even told people to stop making fun of him! WHY IS HE BEING PUNISHED FOR BEING UPSET AT BEING LAUGHED AT?! How is this productive or constructive? How is this going to teach him to get over the embarrassment and move on? No, sitting in silence won't help him either, but threats and punishment aren't going to do any good and are just going to make it worse because now he knows you're not in his side! He's not being lazy or spiteful, he's AFRAID OF BEING MOCKED. Are you completely lacking compassion or are you just stupid?!
Fucking smug bitch.
He also isn't off the hook for making the big book of his story or creating the play. So he still has to work his ass off and then not get to meet his favorite author? That's shitty.
Chapter 8: A Present for Mr. Bennett
Ms. Colman groups the kids to prepare for author day. The decorations group decides to draw pictures of characters in his books. The group preparing the gift has trouble thinking of something good. Omar suggests a pencil box made of popsicle sticks, but Nancy says he probably writes on a computer. Omar suggests making a pillow for him to sit on while he works. Bobby says no way in hell is he sewing. Maybe you guys could try thinking of ideas instead of shooting Omar's down. Ms. Colman just says they'll think of something, instead of, you know, helping.
Closing sentence:
Ms. Colman smiled. She was proud of her students. And she was looking forward to Author Day as much as they were.
Yet you won't let one of them participate essentially out of spite. Bitch.
Chapter 9: The Goose and the Gander
The kids ended up making a diary for Mr. Bennett so he could write about a special event, like his trip to Stoneybrook. That seems a little narcissistic. Meeting Karen Brewer isn't going to be the highlight of the man's life.
Ricky and Natalie bust their asses making a giant book version of Juicy Lucy, and then Ms. Colman tells them to get started working on the skit. I know it's their story, but why do they have to do all the hard work while five kids collaborate on making a blank book?!
When Ms. Colman says they'll be in charge, Ricky says "cool" and starts getting an idea.
Then Ms. Colman outlines the format of the skit, because creativity is only smiled upon when Karen does something, and it sounds really ridiculous to me:
“I will help you,” Ms. Colman went on, “if you need a hand. But you are in charge. This is what you need to think about. On Author Day, someone will read the story of ‘Juicy Lucy’ aloud. Natalie will hold up the big book and turn the pages so everyone can see the pictures. Next to her, several of you will act out a story. You will not be speaking, since someone will be reading the story. But you might have costumes or props. Do you know what props are?”
Why not just read the damn thing, with the kids who WANT TO taking turns reading out loud?
While casting the play, Ricky chooses the kids who didn't give him a hard time about the "fart" incidence to get the best parts. Pretty reasonable considering, you know, everything. He doesn't cast Karen, Bobby, Hank, Hannie or Leslie at all and "bossily" tells them that they can help with other stuff. Right, when someone who isn't Karen asserts themselves, they're being bossy.
Karen whines that she wants to be in the play. About time someone didn't give the little brat what she wants. Nancy whines that she DIDN'T want to be in the play. A more valid complaint. Natalie puts two and two together and asks Ricky why he cast parts the way he did. Stupidly, he admits the truth, and Ms. Colman overhears and says "Uh-oh."
I hate Ms. Colman.
Chapter 10: Run For Your Life!
Ms. Colman demands that Ricky start over choosing actors. She tells the laughing five to apologize to Ricky and they mumble sorry.
AND THEN THE FUCKING BITCH TELLS RICKY TO APOLOGIZE TO THEM.
I'm just going to copy this shit so you can understand just how heinous a bitch she is.
“First of all,” said Ms. Colman, “it is your play and Natalie’s. Not just yours. Second, if you did not choose Karen, Hannie, Leslie, Bobby, and Hank to be in the play because you think they not right for any parts. But I you did not choose them because you wanted to hurt their feelings the way they hurt yours, then that is not fine. And I think that is what you did. So please apologize, Ricky.”
“Sorry,” muttered Ricky.
“Okay, let’s start over again,” said Ms. Colman. “And Natalie, this time I would like you to speak up when you and Ricky are choosing the characters. You have good ideas. Ricky, please forget about who laughed. Choose the kids you think would be best for each role or job.”
Yeah, forget about kids who made fun of you and be nice to them because YOU MIGHT HURT THEIR FEELINGS. BUT YOU NEVER CARED ABOUT HIS HURT FEELINGS, NOW DID YOU?
I can't even rage out over this any more. I just. So much HATE.
Also, what the hell did she think would happen when she told little kids to cast a play? Of course they're going to pick people they like. That's what little kids do. And yeah, tell Natalie she has "good ideas" but allow everyone to pick on her constantly. That's lovely.
Ricky gives in and lets Leslie be the star. At least it's not Karen, who's stuck playing a random farm animal. That makes me feel a little better.
Skipping ahead to the dress rehearsal, because not much else is going on here.
I always wonder why people in the 'brook go SO all-out for these little class plays in terms of costumes and the like.
Natalie agrees to read the story in rehearsal but is firm about not reading it on Author Day. Everything is a disaster. No one knows what the fuck they're doing.
But Ms. Colman smiled. “I am sure it will be fine,” she said.
I hate you so much, Ms. Colman.