44 Karen's Big Weekend 11-20
And the conclusion...
Chapter 11
Maxie and Karen’s family are all going out for dinner to Momma Leones, which according to google is now out of business. As is the style, they take cabs. Okay I’ve been to NYC a number of times and always managed to get around without a cab- this was also in the time where you were allowed three people in the front seat… poor cab driver. Seriously though, the Engle’s cab bill has to be bloody expensive. When I lived in Toronto I took a cab to the hospital (about a 5 minute) drive and it was 15$, I can only imagine how much these cabs are in NYC. So they go to the restaurant and it reminds Karen of NYC-I am picturing it to be East Side Mario’s. But apparently because it’s busy and loud is why it reminds Karen of NYC. It’s really weird that she would be reminded of NYC while in NYC. I mean when I am in Montreal I am reminded of Europe, but when I am in Montreal I don’t think “this reminds me of Montreal”. But I digress, Karen and Maxie decide to pretend to be French- what is Karen’s obsession with the French? And in Karen’s prime brilliance her and Maxie start speaking to the waiter in French, except not real French, their own made up French. The waiter is all “wtf” and Karen’s all “he didn’t understand us”… WELL DUH you child prodigy, you can’t make up a language and say “voosee vahsee chacha” and “oh, oui, non, vavoo, beebay” and expect ANYONE to understand what you’re saying, let alone a waiter who is ESL, idiot… I am actually surprised they did not go to the Hardrock like the BSC does. Karen & Andrew order spaghetti because they love fine Italian food, okay I have been to Italy and when I think fine Italian food I don’t think Spaghetti. And after dinner they go to Radio City Hall because Lisa has a really good settlement from her pimp. And after the show Karen goes back to the hotel for another day of touring before spending the night with Maxima
Chapter 12
Karen feels like a grand lady, despite sharing a bed with Karen. Okay I really doubt sharing a bed with Andrew is that horrible- you’re both tiny people in a double bed. Lisa & Seth ask Karen and Andrew is they want to go skating. I know where this is going and I am enraged. They get to the tree and very quickly are on the ice rink- IT DOES NOT HAPPEN LIKE THAT. I have been there and you wait in line because everyone wants to go skating on the rink and it’s not that big so they have minimize the people who go on the rink. You don’t just show up and get skates- seriously Ann, your biography says “Ann lives in NYC”-the real NYC or the NYC in your head because you know NOTHING about the city you supposedly live in… UGH. And of course Karen is a good skater because God forbid Karen not be good at something. Aside from cartwheels has there been anything Karen cannot do? After skating they get roasted chestnuts, which I like, it’s really weird but so good. Karen sees a candy store and goes there to buy a gift for Hannie and Nancy- okay Karen, here is a life lesson. If a store sells only chocolate it is not going to be cheap, if it is located in NYC, it will make Godiva seem cheap. Karen is surprised that a chocolate Santa is more than a sweater at Macy’s-oh sweet innocence. Karen decides Hannie & Nancy don’t need chocolate- not because the smallest box is 25$ but because chocolate will give cavities.
Chapter 13
Seth is reading a newspaper that was delivered to the hotel that morning- why in the world would you walk around NYC with a newspaper? Apparently there is an author signing his new children’s book at a local bookstore, which of course is two feet from where they are and not at all busy at this time of year so Karen and Andrew get a copy of his book and he signs it. I do admit, I have a soft spot for autographed books. Karen then notes she has met a real live author who lived in the ‘brook, as opposed to a real, dead author? There is either a typo or Ann is ahead of her time because Lisa says “let’s get on line now”… Andrew is cute and says to the author “we like your book, thank you for writing it”. And he signs the book, and of course, Karen can write cursive better than the author. No Karen, it’s called a signature and given that he has been signing books all day he is probably tired… Seriously, what does Karen do that is never better or the best? Karen wants to buy two books for Hannie & Nancy and get them autographed but each book is 14.95 and Karen cannot afford it.
Chapter 14
And now they go to Madison Avenue- how long are their days, seriously? And perhaps Karen should train for the Olympics because this family seems to move really frickin’ fast. Andrew is bored with shopping- I can see that. Why not take the kid to one of the museums where he can actually interact and engage instead of going shopping. They go to a toy store and Karen decides to buy Hannie & Nancy wands and bursts into tears when Seth asks if that’s what she really wants to buy. I don’t know she doesn’t go to one of the souvenir stores and buys them an I Heart NY t-shirt, pencil, postcard and a Statue of Liberty statue.
Chapter 15
It’s conveniently time to go to Maxies. They arrive at Maxie’s and her parents are in a tizzy because they forgot they have plans. But never fear because Stacey is conveniently in NYC this weekend and offered to baby-sit. Stacey has to write this up in the book because not only is it a baby-sitting job but it’s for one of the ‘brook children. (okay this whole part is not true, but it wouldn’t surprise me if it was). Seth & Lisa are taking Andrew to the Children’s Museum, I don’t even. HOW LONG ARE THERE DAYS??? Karen also asks what they are going do today-it cannot possibly be that early… It’s apparently the toy drive so the Medvine’s need to bring toys to the shelter. This chapter is not particularly snark-worthy, they provide toys for children and Karen is surprised that there are so many homeless people and that the kids won’t get any more presents. I am surprised they never did a special BSC book on homelessness. Karen learns a lesson- that she is lucky to sleep in a bed at night because not everyone has that luxury. It’s too bad she forgets this lesson in Karen’s Lucky Penny
Chapter 16
Karen’s night at Maxie’s is over and wonders if perhaps tomorrow they will be able to visit. Given that there are days are 100 hours long, they probably do have time. They then take a cab back to their hotel, again. They all take a nap before dinner because they have a long day ahead of them. They are going to Rumpelmayers for dinner, which according to google is both crazy expensive and also out of business now. I am seriously surprised they did not go to the Hard Rock Café or even the Stardust- both seem more kid friendly and more reasonably priced. And after dinner they go to see Guys & Dolls- seriously, of all the shows you can go to NYC you pick Guys & Dolls? Although, I suppose Ann lives in a time vortex where time stands still in 1952, so I guess it makes sense. And they take a cab again to the theatre. And after the show Seth tells the cab driver to take the long way back to the hotel-who the heck does that in NYC-take the long way? How much are your cab bills?
Chapter 17
It’s time for church- it really annoys me that they are going to church when they clearly don’t go to church but want to go just so they can say they went to a church worship service at St Patrick’s Cathedral. It’s not a friggin’ tourist attraction- it’s a worship service; I didn’t go to St Patrick’s for worship just because I was in NYC, I am not (edit to clarify: I am not opposed to going to see the building, I did that, I am opposed to going to the Sunday morning Mass just to say you went to Mass/Church @ St Patricks) (although, I do admit going to a Wednesday Morning Papal Mass when I was in Rome). Karen is all “what church” and Andrew is all “do we have to?”- I love kids. Karen in her child prodigy genius tells Seth they call NYC the Big Apple because it’s big (she doesn’t get the apple part). I admit, I don’t either, but that’s also because I used to live near the Big Apple. Karen asks Lisa for a quarter to put in the wishing well and Lisa is mortified because it’s not a wishing well it’s the Holy Water. I really cannot blame Karen considering she’s never been to church before in her life. They stand at the back in order to allow for an easy getaway, smart move. Andrew is bored, no kidding. Andrew had exactly 54 cents because he is too little for money, but he puts in 25 cents into the collection, while Karen, with 14.11$ puts in 10 cents- this reminds me of the story of the Rich Man and Poor Woman and how her offering was more despite being less because she gave all she had while the rich man gave a little. They have two hours before their train leaves and Karen still does not have gifts for Hannie & Nancy
Chapter 18
It’s time to start packing and leave. Karen is mad because she has not found a gift for Hannie or Nancy, despite promising something special. Seth says they can look at the train station @ Grand Central-Karen is still grumpy. There is a fake Santa at a charity bowl and Karen asks what neediest means. Seth explains he thinks they mean the poorest, the ones who need help the most. And Karen says “the people without homes” and Seth says “probably”-seriously Seth? In one of Karen’s redeeming moments she puts all her money in the charity bowl and asks the Santa to use it for toys for the kids who won’t get gifts-this is very endearing and sweet.
Chapter 19
On the train ride home Karen writes a thank you note to Seth & Lisa, it’s cute (though not in cursive, despite her aforementioned good cursive writing):
Dear Mommy and Seth, Thank you for our trip to New York! It was great! I had the best time! Thank you for taking Andrew and Me to see Santa Claws, I mean Claus. Thank you for taking us to all the ristoruntes. Thank you for taking us to Radio City Music hall and the bookstore and ice skating. Thank for you taking us to see Guys and Dolls. The next time I buy a doll I will name it Nicely-Nicely Johnson even if it is a girl. This was the best weekend ever. I will always remember the tree. Lots and Lots and Lots of Love, Karen
(and with that a 7 year old can spell better than a 13 year old)/
They get home and Emily Michelle, I mean Junior is still alive so Nancy is a good rat-keeper. And then Karen also calls Hannie and tells her she had a good weekend. No mention that she called, oh her BH family. Karen finds her I heart NY buttons and for the first time I notice she bought I heart NYC buttons, not NY--- how does Ann not even know that? The staple NY souvenir is NOT I heart NYC; it is I heart NY… for the love of grass, ANN YOU FAIL AT LIVING IN NYC
Chapter 20
It’s party time at the BH for the 3M. Karen puts the buttons on the bed for her friends. Hannie & Nancy bring their gifts and Hannie asks Karen where her gifts are- Karen explains the whole story about the toy drive and giving her money away. And Karen’s gift to Hannie & Nancy is that she gave their gifts to the Charity Clause. And rather than being all “say what” Nancy and Hannie are all “that is the best gift ever”, no mention that Karen gives her gifts away. And then they spend the afternoon doing wintery things and this book is done.
As I said, Karen is not bratty here its more Ann’s ridiculousness that attracted me to this snarking.
For my next snark, which would you like- Secret Life of Mary-Anne, Claudia’s Freind Friend or Karen’s Pizza Party for extreme Karen brattiness?
Chapter 11
Maxie and Karen’s family are all going out for dinner to Momma Leones, which according to google is now out of business. As is the style, they take cabs. Okay I’ve been to NYC a number of times and always managed to get around without a cab- this was also in the time where you were allowed three people in the front seat… poor cab driver. Seriously though, the Engle’s cab bill has to be bloody expensive. When I lived in Toronto I took a cab to the hospital (about a 5 minute) drive and it was 15$, I can only imagine how much these cabs are in NYC. So they go to the restaurant and it reminds Karen of NYC-I am picturing it to be East Side Mario’s. But apparently because it’s busy and loud is why it reminds Karen of NYC. It’s really weird that she would be reminded of NYC while in NYC. I mean when I am in Montreal I am reminded of Europe, but when I am in Montreal I don’t think “this reminds me of Montreal”. But I digress, Karen and Maxie decide to pretend to be French- what is Karen’s obsession with the French? And in Karen’s prime brilliance her and Maxie start speaking to the waiter in French, except not real French, their own made up French. The waiter is all “wtf” and Karen’s all “he didn’t understand us”… WELL DUH you child prodigy, you can’t make up a language and say “voosee vahsee chacha” and “oh, oui, non, vavoo, beebay” and expect ANYONE to understand what you’re saying, let alone a waiter who is ESL, idiot… I am actually surprised they did not go to the Hardrock like the BSC does. Karen & Andrew order spaghetti because they love fine Italian food, okay I have been to Italy and when I think fine Italian food I don’t think Spaghetti. And after dinner they go to Radio City Hall because Lisa has a really good settlement from her pimp. And after the show Karen goes back to the hotel for another day of touring before spending the night with Maxima
Chapter 12
Karen feels like a grand lady, despite sharing a bed with Karen. Okay I really doubt sharing a bed with Andrew is that horrible- you’re both tiny people in a double bed. Lisa & Seth ask Karen and Andrew is they want to go skating. I know where this is going and I am enraged. They get to the tree and very quickly are on the ice rink- IT DOES NOT HAPPEN LIKE THAT. I have been there and you wait in line because everyone wants to go skating on the rink and it’s not that big so they have minimize the people who go on the rink. You don’t just show up and get skates- seriously Ann, your biography says “Ann lives in NYC”-the real NYC or the NYC in your head because you know NOTHING about the city you supposedly live in… UGH. And of course Karen is a good skater because God forbid Karen not be good at something. Aside from cartwheels has there been anything Karen cannot do? After skating they get roasted chestnuts, which I like, it’s really weird but so good. Karen sees a candy store and goes there to buy a gift for Hannie and Nancy- okay Karen, here is a life lesson. If a store sells only chocolate it is not going to be cheap, if it is located in NYC, it will make Godiva seem cheap. Karen is surprised that a chocolate Santa is more than a sweater at Macy’s-oh sweet innocence. Karen decides Hannie & Nancy don’t need chocolate- not because the smallest box is 25$ but because chocolate will give cavities.
Chapter 13
Seth is reading a newspaper that was delivered to the hotel that morning- why in the world would you walk around NYC with a newspaper? Apparently there is an author signing his new children’s book at a local bookstore, which of course is two feet from where they are and not at all busy at this time of year so Karen and Andrew get a copy of his book and he signs it. I do admit, I have a soft spot for autographed books. Karen then notes she has met a real live author who lived in the ‘brook, as opposed to a real, dead author? There is either a typo or Ann is ahead of her time because Lisa says “let’s get on line now”… Andrew is cute and says to the author “we like your book, thank you for writing it”. And he signs the book, and of course, Karen can write cursive better than the author. No Karen, it’s called a signature and given that he has been signing books all day he is probably tired… Seriously, what does Karen do that is never better or the best? Karen wants to buy two books for Hannie & Nancy and get them autographed but each book is 14.95 and Karen cannot afford it.
Chapter 14
And now they go to Madison Avenue- how long are their days, seriously? And perhaps Karen should train for the Olympics because this family seems to move really frickin’ fast. Andrew is bored with shopping- I can see that. Why not take the kid to one of the museums where he can actually interact and engage instead of going shopping. They go to a toy store and Karen decides to buy Hannie & Nancy wands and bursts into tears when Seth asks if that’s what she really wants to buy. I don’t know she doesn’t go to one of the souvenir stores and buys them an I Heart NY t-shirt, pencil, postcard and a Statue of Liberty statue.
Chapter 15
It’s conveniently time to go to Maxies. They arrive at Maxie’s and her parents are in a tizzy because they forgot they have plans. But never fear because Stacey is conveniently in NYC this weekend and offered to baby-sit. Stacey has to write this up in the book because not only is it a baby-sitting job but it’s for one of the ‘brook children. (okay this whole part is not true, but it wouldn’t surprise me if it was). Seth & Lisa are taking Andrew to the Children’s Museum, I don’t even. HOW LONG ARE THERE DAYS??? Karen also asks what they are going do today-it cannot possibly be that early… It’s apparently the toy drive so the Medvine’s need to bring toys to the shelter. This chapter is not particularly snark-worthy, they provide toys for children and Karen is surprised that there are so many homeless people and that the kids won’t get any more presents. I am surprised they never did a special BSC book on homelessness. Karen learns a lesson- that she is lucky to sleep in a bed at night because not everyone has that luxury. It’s too bad she forgets this lesson in Karen’s Lucky Penny
Chapter 16
Karen’s night at Maxie’s is over and wonders if perhaps tomorrow they will be able to visit. Given that there are days are 100 hours long, they probably do have time. They then take a cab back to their hotel, again. They all take a nap before dinner because they have a long day ahead of them. They are going to Rumpelmayers for dinner, which according to google is both crazy expensive and also out of business now. I am seriously surprised they did not go to the Hard Rock Café or even the Stardust- both seem more kid friendly and more reasonably priced. And after dinner they go to see Guys & Dolls- seriously, of all the shows you can go to NYC you pick Guys & Dolls? Although, I suppose Ann lives in a time vortex where time stands still in 1952, so I guess it makes sense. And they take a cab again to the theatre. And after the show Seth tells the cab driver to take the long way back to the hotel-who the heck does that in NYC-take the long way? How much are your cab bills?
Chapter 17
It’s time for church- it really annoys me that they are going to church when they clearly don’t go to church but want to go just so they can say they went to a church worship service at St Patrick’s Cathedral. It’s not a friggin’ tourist attraction- it’s a worship service; I didn’t go to St Patrick’s for worship just because I was in NYC, I am not (edit to clarify: I am not opposed to going to see the building, I did that, I am opposed to going to the Sunday morning Mass just to say you went to Mass/Church @ St Patricks) (although, I do admit going to a Wednesday Morning Papal Mass when I was in Rome). Karen is all “what church” and Andrew is all “do we have to?”- I love kids. Karen in her child prodigy genius tells Seth they call NYC the Big Apple because it’s big (she doesn’t get the apple part). I admit, I don’t either, but that’s also because I used to live near the Big Apple. Karen asks Lisa for a quarter to put in the wishing well and Lisa is mortified because it’s not a wishing well it’s the Holy Water. I really cannot blame Karen considering she’s never been to church before in her life. They stand at the back in order to allow for an easy getaway, smart move. Andrew is bored, no kidding. Andrew had exactly 54 cents because he is too little for money, but he puts in 25 cents into the collection, while Karen, with 14.11$ puts in 10 cents- this reminds me of the story of the Rich Man and Poor Woman and how her offering was more despite being less because she gave all she had while the rich man gave a little. They have two hours before their train leaves and Karen still does not have gifts for Hannie & Nancy
Chapter 18
It’s time to start packing and leave. Karen is mad because she has not found a gift for Hannie or Nancy, despite promising something special. Seth says they can look at the train station @ Grand Central-Karen is still grumpy. There is a fake Santa at a charity bowl and Karen asks what neediest means. Seth explains he thinks they mean the poorest, the ones who need help the most. And Karen says “the people without homes” and Seth says “probably”-seriously Seth? In one of Karen’s redeeming moments she puts all her money in the charity bowl and asks the Santa to use it for toys for the kids who won’t get gifts-this is very endearing and sweet.
Chapter 19
On the train ride home Karen writes a thank you note to Seth & Lisa, it’s cute (though not in cursive, despite her aforementioned good cursive writing):
Dear Mommy and Seth, Thank you for our trip to New York! It was great! I had the best time! Thank you for taking Andrew and Me to see Santa Claws, I mean Claus. Thank you for taking us to all the ristoruntes. Thank you for taking us to Radio City Music hall and the bookstore and ice skating. Thank for you taking us to see Guys and Dolls. The next time I buy a doll I will name it Nicely-Nicely Johnson even if it is a girl. This was the best weekend ever. I will always remember the tree. Lots and Lots and Lots of Love, Karen
(and with that a 7 year old can spell better than a 13 year old)/
They get home and Emily Michelle, I mean Junior is still alive so Nancy is a good rat-keeper. And then Karen also calls Hannie and tells her she had a good weekend. No mention that she called, oh her BH family. Karen finds her I heart NY buttons and for the first time I notice she bought I heart NYC buttons, not NY--- how does Ann not even know that? The staple NY souvenir is NOT I heart NYC; it is I heart NY… for the love of grass, ANN YOU FAIL AT LIVING IN NYC
Chapter 20
It’s party time at the BH for the 3M. Karen puts the buttons on the bed for her friends. Hannie & Nancy bring their gifts and Hannie asks Karen where her gifts are- Karen explains the whole story about the toy drive and giving her money away. And Karen’s gift to Hannie & Nancy is that she gave their gifts to the Charity Clause. And rather than being all “say what” Nancy and Hannie are all “that is the best gift ever”, no mention that Karen gives her gifts away. And then they spend the afternoon doing wintery things and this book is done.
As I said, Karen is not bratty here its more Ann’s ridiculousness that attracted me to this snarking.
For my next snark, which would you like- Secret Life of Mary-Anne, Claudia’s Freind Friend or Karen’s Pizza Party for extreme Karen brattiness?