Claudia and the Great Search 1-5
Chapter 1
The story starts with Claudia bored in science class. Claudia is upset that her class has to perform an experiment. According to her the teacher knows what’s going to happen so it isn’t experimentation as much as play acting. I’m pretty sure scientists have duplicated other experiments before, just to test the results or another hypothesis. But maybe the teacher is doing a tried and true experiment. I would have no desire to conduct an experiment when I didn’t know the results, especially around middle schoolers.
My ninth grade teacher told us stories of a previous class. One girl set her hair on fire and another boy killed my teacher’s fishes because he put soap in the tank to see what would happen. It’s probably best that the teacher stick to an easy and tested experiment, especially when you have clowns like Alan Gray in the school. I’d also like to point out that Claudia doesn’t know what’s going to happen. It’s not like she’s conducting science experiments in her room during her free time.
Claudia is happy because she gets to leave early. I loved leaving school early. Claudia is upset because Janine is getting a reward. Wow, not even two pages and we get resentment of Janine. Is that a new record? Claudia doesn’t want to go to the ceremony because she is a resentful sister who can’t support her sister in her achievements. My little brother hates going out to dinner with us. On my eighteenth birthday he didn’t want to come and spent the night sulking. If I were Janine I would have begged my parents to let Claudia skip the ceremony. I know she would have been making snide comments about how no one cares about my award and why is everyone making such a big deal out of this and why are you ruining my life by succeeding? Claudia, you’re getting out of school early. All you have to do is sit through an awards ceremony. It’s not like you have to go to the dentist or get bloodwork done. You can just suck it up and be happy for your sister.
This prompts Claudia to explain the dynamics between her and Janine. Janine likes school. Claudia can’t comprehend this because she hates the mere mention of school and spends every morning praying that the school will burn down, she’ll get sick or her parents will miraculously agree to let her drop out of school and let her become a full-fledged artist.
It’s time for Claudia to go. The Kishis have left their job to see the award ceremony. Peaches and Russ are there as well. It must be an important ceremony. My aunts and uncles never came to my award ceremonies unless it was a prestigious honor. Damn, they get reserved seats and everything. A teacher is complimenting Janine. Is Claudia happy about this? Is she proud of her sister? No, she’s basically like, “Why is this guy kissing my sister’s ass?” I might be a little jealous if my brother was getting a prestigious award, but I’d still be proud of him. Does Claudia have even the slightest bit of pride in her sister?
Wow, Janine is the second person in ten years to get this award and she’s a younger recipient. That is a big accomplishment. Janine accepts her award and Claudia says the nightmare began. Why? Did a fire start? Did a fight break out? Was the place held up? Did your mother collapse? Did Peaches announce that she was infertile so she can’t have a kid that you can kidnap and raise on your own? No, people are congratulating Janine and Janine looks happy. What a nightmare. Yes, Claudia, how dare people congratulate someone for an accomplishment and how dare Janine be happy about this? For once in your life will it kill you to be happy for your sister, Claudia?
Claudia gets upset when people assume she’ll be like Janine. I can understand that. I can’t relate because I don’t have any older siblings, but I imagine it would be annoying for people to think I’ll be as smart as my sibling and hold me to a higher standing. I’m sure that after a week with Claudia in their classes the teachers will give up hope for another genius and just hope that Claudia can pass the class with the lowest passing grade. Janine is dressed like a sane person with a skirt and a blouse. Claudia on the other hand is wearing one of her usual wild outfits-- a very short black skirt, an oversized white shirt with bright pink and turquoise poodles printed on it, flat turquoise shoes with ankle straps, and a ton of jewelry, including dangly poodle earrings. My long hair was swept to one side in a high ponytail held in place with a huge pink barrette.
Wow, Claudia’s parents didn’t make her change into something more presentable for an awards ceremony? She should count her blessings. I know some parents would tell Claudia, “You aren’t going to dress like how you stumbled out of bed drunk and just picked out whatever from the closet. Wear a nice skirt or a dress and no embellishments. I want you to look presentable for your sister’s ceremony.”
People are looking at Claudia and Janine. Claudia is thinking that they’re thinking that they can’t believe they’re sisters. They might be thinking something else, Claudia. You’re insecurity is showing. Then the people ignore Claudia and congratulate Janine. I believe it is customary to congratulate the receiver of an important award during the ceremony, but I could be wrong. Besides, if they talked to Claudia then they might mention Janine’s accomplishments and Claudia will get her hackles raised because how dare anyone think Janine did well or be happy for her?
Chapter 2
Claudia can leave. Janine is going out to celebrate with friends. Ha! Janine does have friends! My headcanon states that the friends from the fic Midoriri wrote came down to visit. They had an awesome time reenacting scenes from Madoka Magica. There was also a moment when the friends comforted Janine because it really doesn’t take a genius to know that Claudia’s attitude might be upsetting Janine. I’d be upset too if my little brother wasn’t happy for me if I got an award.
Claudia is a little snot and snarks, “Where? At the library?” Shut up, Claudia. Just because you hate anything academic doesn’t mean the rest of us do. Claudia is also bitchy about Janine’s friends. Their clothes don’t match. Oh yeah, because you’re the patron saint of matching clothes. Then she says that they look like they just reached into the closet and grabbed whatever. The irony. Claudia has no place to pass judgments about clothes. What is it with my choosing books where Claudia is a hypocrite? In Dawn’s Big Date she tried to get Norman to stop eating junk food. Now she’s mocking people for their clothing choice.
This is why I don’t want Claudia for a sister. First of all, I like to read. I’ve gotten some looks from people when they see me carrying a lot of books. I have no desire to listen to Claudia be a snot and treat me like a pariah because I like to read and I like words she might not know. Second, she and her friends act like anyone who has a different interest than they do are freaks. I don’t want to have my name come up only to be met with eye rolls. Also, I would like to be able to succeed without Claudia being a brat about it.
Well, after the horrible ordeal of people being happy for her sister, Claudia gets to go to a BSC meeting which means an info-dump. I didn’t read those parts when I liked the books and I’m not reading them now. Claudia does say that if Kristy took an interest in her clothes she’d be pretty. That’s a rotten thing to say.
Chapter 3
Now Claudia talks about how the BSC was formed. We know the damn story. David Michael needed a sitter but Kristy and her brothers were busy. Then Kristy got the idea to form the BSC to exploit parents who were too stupid to think to ask Grandma to babysit the kids for free or take the kids to the grocery with them. Stacey collects dues. Why is she so happy? Does she get to decide how the dues are spent? Is she secretly stealing money so that she can run off to New York and have an affair with an older man?
Kristy mentions that something is wrong with Emily Michelle. I can understand someone talking to their friends about their little sister. But the BSC likes to keep tabs on the kids they babysit so that they can swoop in and solve a problem that really isn’t their damn business or a problem at all. Mary Anne immediately tears up. A really bitchy part of me thinks that Mary Anne just tears up when someone mentions bad news for attention. I would be kind of upset if I’m trying to tell my best friend about a problem and she starts crying. Maybe I’d like to be comforted instead of comforting her.
Emily Michelle is having trouble adjusting. She’s language-delayed and she’s been having nightmares. I’d say it was nice that problems with Emily Michelle were being mentioned, but I know Claudia thinks she’s adopted in this book. I can’t help but think Emily’s situation is supposed to be a tie-in to Claudia’s. Besides, if Emily Michelle was having trouble adjusting, wouldn’t it be better to have a book with Kristy and her family adjusting to their new child?
Kristy wishes she could spend more time with Emily Michelle, but she has a babysitting job. Doesn’t Emily Michelle live in the same house as Kristy? I’m sure Kristy can take time out of her schedule of bossing children around to bond with her little sister. No wait, Emily Michelle is language-delayed and probably won’t be able to understand cult commands. Just wait until Emily Michelle learns to speak. Then Kristy will be itching to spend time with her sister.
Elizabeth needs a sitter for Friday. Karen and Andrew won’t be there. Claudia accepts the job. The BSC meeting has taken Claudia’s mind off the ceremony. Hooray.
Chapter 4
It starts to rain, which is the icing on the cake. I don’t mind rain that much, as long as I’m inside or don’t have to go anywhere. I like watching the rain on occasion, especially when it’s raining hard. Janine tried to ask Claudia’s advice about what to wear to the ceremony, but Janine’s clothes are ugly and boring. Just because Janine dresses like a sane person doesn’t give you the right to be a jerk to her. And why is Janine asking Claudia for advice? She has seen the way Claudia dresses, right? Maybe Janine thought they could bond over clothes. Claudia likes clothes.
Then Claudia’s parents discussed transportation to the ceremony. I really don’t see how that’s a problem, but Claudia just probably just thinks up reasons to hate her sister. Then she gets a C- on a math test. I’d have been happy about that. I suck at math. I was so happy when I passed statistics with a B+. Claudia goes downstairs to make dinner where she gets creative with the salad. The parents think that it’s a celebratory salad for Janine and Claudia goes, “Celebratory salad my foot.” You are trying my patience, Claudia. I understand that it must be difficult for you to live in your sister’s shadow, but for once in your miserable life can you show some appreciation for you sister? Janine is happy for you when you do well! Haven’t you ever heard of standing by your family?
Once again Claudia is a little brat and accuses Janine of being an attention whore. Janine acts modest but she loves the attention she’s getting. Yes, because it’s completely wrong to be happy about people congratulating you on an accomplishment. Like I said before, Claudia just looks for reasons to hate her sister. Janine mentions that someone wants to write an article about her. Well, it’s not like much happens in Stoneybrook. Claudia is jealous. Is she ever going to be happy for her sister? I’d probably be jealous if my little brother was getting all this attention, but I think I’d be happy for him as well.
Claudia shoves an egg in her mouth in case Janine asks her if she wants to be in the article. It’s a good thing, too. I know you would have said something rude and then I would have taken great pleasure in shoving that egg down your throat. My issue lies mostly with Claudia’s parents. Maybe they do set high standards for her. But that’s not Janine’s fault. Janine is good at school. Why should she stop being good at it? It’s not like she’s purposely trying to spite Claudia by succeeding. Does Claudia honestly think Janine wakes up and thinks, “How can I make Claudia look like a dumbass today? I know! I’ll invent a rocket!” Actually, Claudia probably does think that.
Janine also got money. Lucky. Claudia would blow hers on clothes and junk food. Janine is going to put the money towards college. That’s a sensible idea. When I get my first job I’m saving some of the money so I can pay my school fees and pay for my school books. Claudia thinks Janine’s idea is boring. As a college student and someone who likes to save money, I find Janine’s idea very sensible. College is expensive. It’s good to have some money stored away. Mr. and Mrs. Kishi are proud of Janine’s common sense.
Claudia can’t escape to her room to sulk because her parents got Janine a cake. The best part was that her name was spelt wrong. Claudia, you are a little brat. I understand that you’re jealous and feel invisible, but Janine accomplished something important! Would it kill you to be happy for her? You haven’t mentioned that you were proud or happy for her once, you cow!
Finally Claudia manages to escape. She looks at baby pictures and notices an awful lot of pictures with Janine. Then there’s pictures of her and Janine together. I find that sweet. Claudia thinks that she and Janine don’t look alike. Do I see the plot stumbling in late and drunk of its ass? Claudia realizes that she doesn’t look like her parents. Oh, Claudia thinks she’s adopted because there aren’t any baby pictures of her and she doesn’t resemble the rest of her family. Claudia, my little cousins look nothing alike. The girl is dark skinned and her brother is fair-skinned. Wow, I think I just made a Jessi/Mal analogy, except they both have dark hair. They both like to dance, though. The point is, siblings don’t always resemble each other. That doesn’t mean you’re adopted. Quit jumping to conclusions. Claudia doesn’t go downstairs and ask her parents because they’ll think she’s upset because Janine’s getting a lot of attention. You mean that it would solve this problem and there would be no plot or moments of stupidity. Besides, these girls hate asking an adult for advice. That’s what I liked about the show The Weekenders. Tino actually went to his mother for advice. I love it when kids go to their parents for advice instead of thinking that they know best.
Chapter 5
Claudia hasn’t told anyone about her adoption. She’s thought up some scenarios. Sometimes I joke with my mother that I got switched at birth because I like to read and I like cats and my family doesn’t. Other times I pretend I’m a fairy changeling. But Claudia seriously thinks she’s adopted. Why doesn’t she tell this to her parents? It’s been a week. At the very least she can ask her parents, “Hey, I was looking through some albums and I noticed that there aren’t any baby pictures of me. What’s up with that?” But no, that would be logical. Claudia and the BSC spit on logic.
During her sitting job Claudia notices that Emily Michelle really is having problems. She’s clingy when Elizabeth and Watson leave. David Michael is cranky. I can’t say I blame him. He and the younger kids were opposed to having another sibling and Elizabeth and Watson just dumped one on him. Maybe they should have given him time to adjust. David Michael is sick and goes to bed.
Claudia gets Emily Michelle settled in, but then it starts to storm and she gets scared.
Claudia thinks that Emily Michelle is lucky because her parents told her about her adoption, even though she was too little to understand. Damn right! Do you think a two year old knows what adoption is? Do you think she’ll remember what you told her? I don’t remember what I did when I was two. Claudia is upset because her parents didn’t tell her she’s adopted. You are not adopted! There is a logical reason as to why there aren’t a lot of baby pictures you. You’re making a big deal out of nothing. And I don’t know about adoption. I don’t know if adoptive parents tell their child right away about their adoption or wait until they’re ready to tell them. Maybe it depends on the child. If Claudia was adopted (she’s not) maybe her parents were waiting for the right time to tell her.
Stacey calls to check up on Claudia and to be the voice of reason. Claudia tells Stacey that she thinks she’s adopted and Stacey says, “Are you sure?”
Claudia says yes and that’s good enough for Stacey. Stacey suggests that Claudia start a search for her parents. Good-bye voice of reason and hello voice of stupidity. Just talk to your parents, Claudia! This is no time to be Nancy Drew. Oh, and Stacey comforts Claudia by saying that if she is adopted, one good thing came out of it- she and Janine the genius aren’t related. You girls suck. And Claudia is related to Janine the genius, so ha! I feel sorrier for Janine.
Emily Michelle has a nightmare. Claudia thinks she’s lucky that Elizabeth and Watson are honest about her adoption. I bet Claudia my box of Milk Duds and a bowl of ice cream with chocolate syrup that Emily Michelle won’t be able to explain what adoption is so Elizabeth and Watson telling a language-delayed two-year old she's adopted is pretty useless.