Mystery #8, Jessi and the Jewel Thieves, Part 1
This is my first snark since 2008, so I hope it passes. I figure it can't be any worse than this book.
This scene (sort of) happens in the book. Hodges got the jewelry store part right, and Quint's hand on Jessi's shoulder is accurate (any opportunity to put his hands all over her in this book, he takes advantage of). Jessi should be wearing a Cosby sweater, so that part is wrong. Also, I'm not sure what she's doing with her right arm. Also, does she even have a left arm? The dude with the rope of pearls should be glaring at Jessi and Quint, not trying to make a sale to Mrs. McGill. And why is there a man in a trench coat at the door? Finally... get up, Quint and Jessi! The jewelry store is not a playground! It's no wonder that security guard 86's you from the store.
Chapter One:
“Why do BSC books always begin with dialogue?” I mused aloud, as I flipped open my copy of Jessi and the Jewel Thieves and began to read. I gasped. Oh, EW! A mealmoth just soared past! I sighed. If only I was Stacey McGill, at least it would be a ~sophisticated* cockroach scuttling across the carpet instead of just a measly mealmoth flying by. It’s probably VERY unsophisticated to admit to having a mealmoth in your house (sorry) but I didn’t grow up in the *~Big Apple~* like Stacey so I hope you understand. But you’re probably all confused by now so let me introduce myself.
Just kidding. I won’t really introduce myself. But I am honored (?) to introduce Jessi Ramsey, our lovely narrator (in her lone Mystery) who begins this book by peering into her closest, trying (and failing) to find something cool to wear for her upcoming weekend in New. York. City. (New York City?!) Oh... while doing this, she’s also obnoxiously “belting” out the lyrics to “New York, New York” (so it doesn't exactly start with dialogue, since she's singing and not talking to anybody. Close enough. You know, it is possible to begin a story without a set of quotation marks, Ellen Miles.)
Jessi pauses mid-belt to break for some good old-fashioned BSC exposition! In case you were wondering why the trip to New York, it’s because Jessi's “long-distance” (at all of 45 minutes away) boyfriend, Quint Walter, invited her to some upcoming performance at Juilliard… the best music and dance school EVER!, where Quint is so very talented that "with the help of Jessi", he aced his audition a few months ago (even though he only went to classes once a week) and is now a student.
Now, one might be inclined to think after hearing this, Oh, how nice of Jessi's mom and dad to take her to see her little friend’s ballet, but it turns out that Mr. and Mrs. Ramsey aren’t going with her to New York. (Come on, this is Jessi we’re talking about! If 11 year olds are old enough to watch their little sister and infant brother all alone for a whole weekend, surely they’re old enough to ride the train in to a huge city to "watch their boyfriends' ballet!") Fortunately, Stacey just happens to be visiting her dad in the Big Apple that weekend, and doesn’t mind if Jessi tags along.
After filling us in, Jessi makes sure to remind us that SHE has danced the lead in SEVERAL big performances. But she’s not being conceited. It’s just true!
Then Jessi starts to think about her long-distance love affair with Quint. She wonders if they should cool things down and just be friends. After all, Jessi went to two dances with seventh-grader Curtis Shaller at SMS. Does this mean she was “cheating” on Quint? Jessi feels guilty. What to do? Being eleven is a real trial.
Jessi starts talking out loud to herself about her Quint crisis while browsing through her sweater drawer (what, she has clothes that aren’t leotards?) Jessi is like, “After all, I’m only eleven, and maybe I shouldn’t really have a steady boyfriend, much less one who lives so far-“ Exactly, Jessi. You’re only eleven! What 11-year-old starts sentences (even ones spoken to themselves) with “After all...”? What person of ANY age talks that way?
At least the “steady boyfriend” part sounds realistic. Glad Ellen did SOME research on what the kids are saying these days.
Then Becca appears in the doorway, all, “Who are you talking to?” Nerdy Jessi replies, “I’m talking to myself. That’s WHOM. Tee hee hee!” They giggle about how crazy Jessi is to talk to herself.
Then Becca is like, “I heard you singing that song about Yew Nork-"
Wait... isn’t she the same idiot who kept calling L.A. “LP” in some other Jessi book? And… is mispronouncing city names supposed to be "cute"? Okay, when my sister was about Becca's age (which is 8, even though from the way Becca acts in this book, you'd think she was about 3), she called the town of Aberdeen, WA “Epideem.” We still tease her about that occasionally today. But at least Aberdeen is sort of a long and uncommon name for a kid. Even for an 8-year-old, which of the all of two syllables is so hard to remember about New York? Did Becca spend the first 8 years of her life pronouncing her home town as Oakley, Jew Yersey? Whatever.
I guess Jessi thinks her little sister's stupidity is cute. In fact, she thinks Becca’s mispronunciation is SO cute and funny, that she says (and I quote):
“I laughed. You mean New York,” I said. “New York, New York!” I sang out. “That one?”
Becca doesn't seem to find it strange that Jessi started her sentence with, “I laughed." Becca is like, “Right, Becca said. Can you teach it to me?” They dance around, kicking their heels cutesily like little rockettes (at least Ellen spares us the "dut dut du-du-duh!" singing along that you know they were doing), then flop exhaustedly onto Jessi’s bed.
Suddenly Becca has this abrupt mood swing and she starts to pout and wail about how "NOBODY LOVES [her]!" It seems that -- the very upcoming weekend that Jessi will be off in Yew Nork watching Quint's ballet -- Mama, Daddy and Aunt Cecilia are all going to some family wedding in Massachusetts and dumping Becca off at the Pikes. (Becca would rather stay with Charlotte, but the Johanssens just happen to be going away that weekend, too.) Becca can't come to the wedding because Kids ARE NOT INVITED. Period. Squirt, however, is “too young” for Mama and Daddy to leave behind, so he gets to go to Massachusetts; Mama and Daddy plan to hire a baby-sitter to stay with him at the hotel during the wedding.
Not that I care about Becca, but all I have to say regarding the above is HUH? Seriously, Mr. and Mrs. Ramsey, what the...? First off, do the words "Nine-o-clock Island" ring a bell to you? Second, what, do they not think Mrs. Pike can handle a baby? She’s only had about 1100 of them. Third... NO MOTHER’S HELPER TRAVELING ALONG? I'm shocked! But I thought baby-sitters didn’t exist outside of Stoneybrook and Palo City! Finally... a baby-sitter coming over to some hotel to watch a kid seems kind of weird, but if the Ramseys are going to go that route, why not just leave Becca with the sitter, too?!
Maybe because that might actually make sense? Which is probably too much to ask, but... oh, well, who cares, it's only Becca.
Speak of the little hellbeast (and boy, is she one in this book). Becca is still whining, but even Jessi has stopped paying attention, as Jessi is now too busy thinking sadly about how much she misses Oakley to pay attention to her bratty sister. Mainly because there were plenty of African-American families in Oakley, and… not so much in Stoneybrook. Jessi “profoundly” reflects that when she first moved to Stoneybrook, people weren’t very nice to the Ramseys because many of them had never even met a black person before, much less lived right next door to a whole family of them! They were afraid! But it’s okay, because once those scared neighbors got to know Jessi and her family a little better, they began to act “generally a lot nicer.” That's fine, but...
I always thought Jessi seemed awfully... forgiving of her oh-so-kind and welcoming neighbors in Stoneybrook. (Although Jessi does say that she still feels "different" there.) So they're "generally a lot nicer" now. La-di-da. So what? Who would WANT to be the recipient of kindness from a townful of racist jerks who had to "get used to" you before they began treating you like a human being? And which neighbors? Were the Lowells really such an exception to the Stoneybrook rule? Hmmm.
Who knows. I'm just surprised it took 8 whole pages for Jessi of all people to mention her skin color. (And to think, I was picturing two little Caucasian girls kicking their lily-white legs rockette-style just a few pages back.)
(Hey, I said "lily"! Foreshadowing for something that comes later in this book! Which I'd better get back to, since this recap is already half as long as the book itself...)
So, somebody hollers at Jessi from downstairs. It's Aunt Dictator Cecilia, who yells at Jessi to hurry up and go do the grocery shopping for her. Why does Aunt Cecilia treat Jessi like such a BABY?
Before Jessi runs downstairs to go do Aunt Cecilia's work for her, Becca whispers some stupid "secret" about how she thinks her parents are only pretending that they're going to drop her off at the Pikes, but really, she'll get to go with them to the wedding. Shut up, Becca.
Chapter Two:
... takes place at a BSC meeting. (Shocker!)
Jessi describes her friends (so ORIGINAL, Ellen!) but her observations aren't very exciting. Among the hightlights:
If Jessi was ~**thirteen**~~, she'd wear all kinds of cool clothes and fix her hair a different way each day (hmm, Jessi, would Mme. Noelle approve?) But not Kristy! Jessi bets that Kristy never even looks in the MIRROR -- and she certainly doesn't wear cool clothes or fix her hair! "Not that she isn't pretty. She is," Jessi reassures us. "She just doesn't put any work in it." So what does it matter then, Jessi, as long as she's "pretty"? Which you just said she is (*I breathe a sigh of relief*). It sounds like Jessi is a little bit j-e-l-l-u-s.
Oh... and did you know that Kristy's stepfather is a Real Live Millionaire? Stop laughing! Jessi's not joking! And that ZOO roaming around the Brewer mansion! A cat, a dog, and two fish?! Rumor has it they even let a RAT run around every other weekend! What a madhouse.
Then there's Claudia, who "practically lives on" Doritos and Kit-Kats and Munchos (?) But don't worry; it's all good, because Claudia doesn't look like somebody who gorges herself on junk food. Her skin is flawless, and she's not at ALL overweight (oh, whew! I was going to toss this book into the fireplace if I had to read a single word about the zit on Claudia's plump cheek) and she's one of the coolest dressers at SMS! (But no outfit, Ellen? Boring. What does Jessi know about fashion, anyway? I want proof!)
As it is, Jessi stretches the truth by calling Mary Anne "sensitive", and flat-out lies by describing Dawn as "very mellow and laid-back." Then it's time for Stacey and her blonde her that she perms and body waves and "rolls up on little rubber things." (What?) Stacey has diabetes and MUST watch what she eats very, VERY carefully or else she'll die. Jessi takes a moment to berate herself for not watching her diet as carefully as Stacey does. For, surely (in Jessi's mind) an overweight ballerina would be a fate equal to (if not worse than) death from consuming an M & M.
Finally, Jessi tells us about her so-called BFF, Mallory, whom Jessi generously describes as "very cute", even though Mallory "doesn't believe" Jessi when she tells her this (did you think she was "very cute" when you first met her, Jessi? Did you?) Jessi just knows that SOMEDAY, Mallory will "become" glamorous. If only she wasn't still eleven. Being eleven is a real trial.
Chapter Three:
It's Friday... the big day! Stacey and Jessi are off to the Big Apple!
Before Jessi leaves, she surveys her luggage. She's all prepared with an outfit for every occasion! For walking around the city, Jessi plans to wear her "best jeans", a "geometric patterned" (i.e. Cosby) sweater borrowed from Mal (borrowed from Mal?), and "little black boots." For "lounging around Stacey's father's apartment", Jessi packed pajamas, a robe, and slippers. Which, okay, it makes sense to bring along pajamas... but why not just say "for sleeping in", Jessi? Just how much time does she plan to spend "lounging" around Stacey's father's apartment? At least say "for hanging out at Stacey's" or something. Finally, for her big night at Quint's, Jessi is bringing a black velvet dress and her Mama's best "jet" necklace. (Yawn.) In addition to all of this, Jessi's suitcase is crammed with a raincoat and some books and her ballet clothes and some other junk. (An alarm clock?) Jessi was too shy to ask Claudia to borrow her "leopard print jean jacket", even though she secretly wanted to. (That jacket sounds more like Sophistacey's style to me than Claud's, but what do I know.)
The Ramseys all pile into their car. First, it's time to drop off Becca at the Pikes. Here's an unexpected twist: Mama and Daddy (who are actually "Mom" and "Dad" in this book) weren't really just pretending to leave Becca behind. They really do "abandon" her at the Pikes. Such cruelty!
Mallory is already waiting for Becca when the car pulls up. Mallory is like, "Hi, Becca! Oh, boy, this weekend is gonna be so much fun! We're gonna have a scavenger hunt! Wanna play?" Becca ignores her. Mrs. Ramsey is like, "Look, Becca... it's Mallory!" and Becca is like, "DON'T LEAVE MEEEEEE!" and Mrs. Ramsey is like, "But, MALLORY!" which only makes Becca sob harder. Becca hates Mallory. (Ellen Miles hates Mallory. ANM hates Mallory. Everybody hates Mallory.)
Finally, the Ramseys take off, with a hasty promise from Mama to "bring [Becca] a present." Then it's off to Stacey's house. Which is, of course, just behind the Pikes (continuity!) so Mama and Daddy don't even bother to walk Jessi there; they just dumped her off with Becca. Jessi has to "lug" her bag over all on her own.
At Stacey's, before they go to the train station, Stacey condescendingly re-packs Jessi's suitcase for her, taking out the alarm clock, two books, and the raincoat. Stacey promises Jessi that, in the case of rain, she can borrow one of Stacey's coats (surprisingly, Jessi doesn't start doing a rain dance right then and there at the very thought).
Claudia, MA, and Dawn rides their bikes over to see Stacey and Jessi off at the train station. What, was Kristy so very angry that two of "her" sitters had to miss a meeting to catch their train (like there wouldn't be at least a few more trains that departed after their precious meeting) that she stayed home in protest... or did Charlie (HUGE gasp) actually have something better to do than drive his sister and her little friends over to the Metro Link station? We'll never know.
The train (which, in the previous chapter, Jessi insisted left at "4:30" but in this chapter leaves at "5:05") arrives and Jessi and Stacey wave good-bye to their friends ("Baby-sitters Club!") 'cause they know that their friends are always there. Or something. Anyway, they get all settled into the train and Stacey is like "Hey, Jessi-" just as Jessi is all, "Hey, Stacey-" They giggle, and Jessi touches Stacey's arm and "quickly" says, "Owe me a coke" which must be the ~sophisticated* version of hooking pinkies and saying "Jinx!" (Jessi makes sure to point out that if Stacey had touched Jessi's arm first, Jessi would have owed her a Diet Coke.)
Stacey bossily orders Jessi to stick close to her once they get to big, bad New York, because "You're not used to the city, and it can be overwhelming." Now, if Aunt Cecilia had said this, she would have paid dearly with slippers full of shaving cream and who knows what else. But since the words came from Anastasia~'s magical lips of ~sophistication**, Jessi merely thinks her concern is "sweet" and she promises to stick close to Stacey's side. Jessi's thoughts turn to Quint, then to Becca, as she remembers Becca gazing after her at the Pike's house just an hour or so earlier. "It's hard to be away from home when you're that age", reflects wordly, 11-year-old Jessi. How does Jessi know? She hadn't even been to Camp Mohawk yet when she was 8.
***
Well, I'd planned to post an entire book recap rather than break one up, but as you can see, I get a little wordy. To make up for it, here's the UK (?) cover of Jessi and the Jewel Thieves which I'm not yet able to look at for more than 1.5 seconds before I start howling with laughter. I've tried. It's futile.
Coming up... will Jessi have her Talk with Quint? Will Becca die at the Pike house? WHAT jewel thieves? Find out in the next installment!
This scene (sort of) happens in the book. Hodges got the jewelry store part right, and Quint's hand on Jessi's shoulder is accurate (any opportunity to put his hands all over her in this book, he takes advantage of). Jessi should be wearing a Cosby sweater, so that part is wrong. Also, I'm not sure what she's doing with her right arm. Also, does she even have a left arm? The dude with the rope of pearls should be glaring at Jessi and Quint, not trying to make a sale to Mrs. McGill. And why is there a man in a trench coat at the door? Finally... get up, Quint and Jessi! The jewelry store is not a playground! It's no wonder that security guard 86's you from the store.
Chapter One:
“Why do BSC books always begin with dialogue?” I mused aloud, as I flipped open my copy of Jessi and the Jewel Thieves and began to read. I gasped. Oh, EW! A mealmoth just soared past! I sighed. If only I was Stacey McGill, at least it would be a ~sophisticated* cockroach scuttling across the carpet instead of just a measly mealmoth flying by. It’s probably VERY unsophisticated to admit to having a mealmoth in your house (sorry) but I didn’t grow up in the *~Big Apple~* like Stacey so I hope you understand. But you’re probably all confused by now so let me introduce myself.
Just kidding. I won’t really introduce myself. But I am honored (?) to introduce Jessi Ramsey, our lovely narrator (in her lone Mystery) who begins this book by peering into her closest, trying (and failing) to find something cool to wear for her upcoming weekend in New. York. City. (New York City?!) Oh... while doing this, she’s also obnoxiously “belting” out the lyrics to “New York, New York” (so it doesn't exactly start with dialogue, since she's singing and not talking to anybody. Close enough. You know, it is possible to begin a story without a set of quotation marks, Ellen Miles.)
Jessi pauses mid-belt to break for some good old-fashioned BSC exposition! In case you were wondering why the trip to New York, it’s because Jessi's “long-distance” (at all of 45 minutes away) boyfriend, Quint Walter, invited her to some upcoming performance at Juilliard… the best music and dance school EVER!, where Quint is so very talented that "with the help of Jessi", he aced his audition a few months ago (even though he only went to classes once a week) and is now a student.
Now, one might be inclined to think after hearing this, Oh, how nice of Jessi's mom and dad to take her to see her little friend’s ballet, but it turns out that Mr. and Mrs. Ramsey aren’t going with her to New York. (Come on, this is Jessi we’re talking about! If 11 year olds are old enough to watch their little sister and infant brother all alone for a whole weekend, surely they’re old enough to ride the train in to a huge city to "watch their boyfriends' ballet!") Fortunately, Stacey just happens to be visiting her dad in the Big Apple that weekend, and doesn’t mind if Jessi tags along.
After filling us in, Jessi makes sure to remind us that SHE has danced the lead in SEVERAL big performances. But she’s not being conceited. It’s just true!
Then Jessi starts to think about her long-distance love affair with Quint. She wonders if they should cool things down and just be friends. After all, Jessi went to two dances with seventh-grader Curtis Shaller at SMS. Does this mean she was “cheating” on Quint? Jessi feels guilty. What to do? Being eleven is a real trial.
Jessi starts talking out loud to herself about her Quint crisis while browsing through her sweater drawer (what, she has clothes that aren’t leotards?) Jessi is like, “After all, I’m only eleven, and maybe I shouldn’t really have a steady boyfriend, much less one who lives so far-“ Exactly, Jessi. You’re only eleven! What 11-year-old starts sentences (even ones spoken to themselves) with “After all...”? What person of ANY age talks that way?
At least the “steady boyfriend” part sounds realistic. Glad Ellen did SOME research on what the kids are saying these days.
Then Becca appears in the doorway, all, “Who are you talking to?” Nerdy Jessi replies, “I’m talking to myself. That’s WHOM. Tee hee hee!” They giggle about how crazy Jessi is to talk to herself.
Then Becca is like, “I heard you singing that song about Yew Nork-"
Wait... isn’t she the same idiot who kept calling L.A. “LP” in some other Jessi book? And… is mispronouncing city names supposed to be "cute"? Okay, when my sister was about Becca's age (which is 8, even though from the way Becca acts in this book, you'd think she was about 3), she called the town of Aberdeen, WA “Epideem.” We still tease her about that occasionally today. But at least Aberdeen is sort of a long and uncommon name for a kid. Even for an 8-year-old, which of the all of two syllables is so hard to remember about New York? Did Becca spend the first 8 years of her life pronouncing her home town as Oakley, Jew Yersey? Whatever.
I guess Jessi thinks her little sister's stupidity is cute. In fact, she thinks Becca’s mispronunciation is SO cute and funny, that she says (and I quote):
“I laughed. You mean New York,” I said. “New York, New York!” I sang out. “That one?”
Becca doesn't seem to find it strange that Jessi started her sentence with, “I laughed." Becca is like, “Right, Becca said. Can you teach it to me?” They dance around, kicking their heels cutesily like little rockettes (at least Ellen spares us the "dut dut du-du-duh!" singing along that you know they were doing), then flop exhaustedly onto Jessi’s bed.
Suddenly Becca has this abrupt mood swing and she starts to pout and wail about how "NOBODY LOVES [her]!" It seems that -- the very upcoming weekend that Jessi will be off in Yew Nork watching Quint's ballet -- Mama, Daddy and Aunt Cecilia are all going to some family wedding in Massachusetts and dumping Becca off at the Pikes. (Becca would rather stay with Charlotte, but the Johanssens just happen to be going away that weekend, too.) Becca can't come to the wedding because Kids ARE NOT INVITED. Period. Squirt, however, is “too young” for Mama and Daddy to leave behind, so he gets to go to Massachusetts; Mama and Daddy plan to hire a baby-sitter to stay with him at the hotel during the wedding.
Not that I care about Becca, but all I have to say regarding the above is HUH? Seriously, Mr. and Mrs. Ramsey, what the...? First off, do the words "Nine-o-clock Island" ring a bell to you? Second, what, do they not think Mrs. Pike can handle a baby? She’s only had about 1100 of them. Third... NO MOTHER’S HELPER TRAVELING ALONG? I'm shocked! But I thought baby-sitters didn’t exist outside of Stoneybrook and Palo City! Finally... a baby-sitter coming over to some hotel to watch a kid seems kind of weird, but if the Ramseys are going to go that route, why not just leave Becca with the sitter, too?!
Maybe because that might actually make sense? Which is probably too much to ask, but... oh, well, who cares, it's only Becca.
Speak of the little hellbeast (and boy, is she one in this book). Becca is still whining, but even Jessi has stopped paying attention, as Jessi is now too busy thinking sadly about how much she misses Oakley to pay attention to her bratty sister. Mainly because there were plenty of African-American families in Oakley, and… not so much in Stoneybrook. Jessi “profoundly” reflects that when she first moved to Stoneybrook, people weren’t very nice to the Ramseys because many of them had never even met a black person before, much less lived right next door to a whole family of them! They were afraid! But it’s okay, because once those scared neighbors got to know Jessi and her family a little better, they began to act “generally a lot nicer.” That's fine, but...
I always thought Jessi seemed awfully... forgiving of her oh-so-kind and welcoming neighbors in Stoneybrook. (Although Jessi does say that she still feels "different" there.) So they're "generally a lot nicer" now. La-di-da. So what? Who would WANT to be the recipient of kindness from a townful of racist jerks who had to "get used to" you before they began treating you like a human being? And which neighbors? Were the Lowells really such an exception to the Stoneybrook rule? Hmmm.
Who knows. I'm just surprised it took 8 whole pages for Jessi of all people to mention her skin color. (And to think, I was picturing two little Caucasian girls kicking their lily-white legs rockette-style just a few pages back.)
(Hey, I said "lily"! Foreshadowing for something that comes later in this book! Which I'd better get back to, since this recap is already half as long as the book itself...)
So, somebody hollers at Jessi from downstairs. It's Aunt Dictator Cecilia, who yells at Jessi to hurry up and go do the grocery shopping for her. Why does Aunt Cecilia treat Jessi like such a BABY?
Before Jessi runs downstairs to go do Aunt Cecilia's work for her, Becca whispers some stupid "secret" about how she thinks her parents are only pretending that they're going to drop her off at the Pikes, but really, she'll get to go with them to the wedding. Shut up, Becca.
Chapter Two:
... takes place at a BSC meeting. (Shocker!)
Jessi describes her friends (so ORIGINAL, Ellen!) but her observations aren't very exciting. Among the hightlights:
If Jessi was ~**thirteen**~~, she'd wear all kinds of cool clothes and fix her hair a different way each day (hmm, Jessi, would Mme. Noelle approve?) But not Kristy! Jessi bets that Kristy never even looks in the MIRROR -- and she certainly doesn't wear cool clothes or fix her hair! "Not that she isn't pretty. She is," Jessi reassures us. "She just doesn't put any work in it." So what does it matter then, Jessi, as long as she's "pretty"? Which you just said she is (*I breathe a sigh of relief*). It sounds like Jessi is a little bit j-e-l-l-u-s.
Oh... and did you know that Kristy's stepfather is a Real Live Millionaire? Stop laughing! Jessi's not joking! And that ZOO roaming around the Brewer mansion! A cat, a dog, and two fish?! Rumor has it they even let a RAT run around every other weekend! What a madhouse.
Then there's Claudia, who "practically lives on" Doritos and Kit-Kats and Munchos (?) But don't worry; it's all good, because Claudia doesn't look like somebody who gorges herself on junk food. Her skin is flawless, and she's not at ALL overweight (oh, whew! I was going to toss this book into the fireplace if I had to read a single word about the zit on Claudia's plump cheek) and she's one of the coolest dressers at SMS! (But no outfit, Ellen? Boring. What does Jessi know about fashion, anyway? I want proof!)
As it is, Jessi stretches the truth by calling Mary Anne "sensitive", and flat-out lies by describing Dawn as "very mellow and laid-back." Then it's time for Stacey and her blonde her that she perms and body waves and "rolls up on little rubber things." (What?) Stacey has diabetes and MUST watch what she eats very, VERY carefully or else she'll die. Jessi takes a moment to berate herself for not watching her diet as carefully as Stacey does. For, surely (in Jessi's mind) an overweight ballerina would be a fate equal to (if not worse than) death from consuming an M & M.
Finally, Jessi tells us about her so-called BFF, Mallory, whom Jessi generously describes as "very cute", even though Mallory "doesn't believe" Jessi when she tells her this (did you think she was "very cute" when you first met her, Jessi? Did you?) Jessi just knows that SOMEDAY, Mallory will "become" glamorous. If only she wasn't still eleven. Being eleven is a real trial.
Chapter Three:
It's Friday... the big day! Stacey and Jessi are off to the Big Apple!
Before Jessi leaves, she surveys her luggage. She's all prepared with an outfit for every occasion! For walking around the city, Jessi plans to wear her "best jeans", a "geometric patterned" (i.e. Cosby) sweater borrowed from Mal (borrowed from Mal?), and "little black boots." For "lounging around Stacey's father's apartment", Jessi packed pajamas, a robe, and slippers. Which, okay, it makes sense to bring along pajamas... but why not just say "for sleeping in", Jessi? Just how much time does she plan to spend "lounging" around Stacey's father's apartment? At least say "for hanging out at Stacey's" or something. Finally, for her big night at Quint's, Jessi is bringing a black velvet dress and her Mama's best "jet" necklace. (Yawn.) In addition to all of this, Jessi's suitcase is crammed with a raincoat and some books and her ballet clothes and some other junk. (An alarm clock?) Jessi was too shy to ask Claudia to borrow her "leopard print jean jacket", even though she secretly wanted to. (That jacket sounds more like Sophistacey's style to me than Claud's, but what do I know.)
The Ramseys all pile into their car. First, it's time to drop off Becca at the Pikes. Here's an unexpected twist: Mama and Daddy (who are actually "Mom" and "Dad" in this book) weren't really just pretending to leave Becca behind. They really do "abandon" her at the Pikes. Such cruelty!
Mallory is already waiting for Becca when the car pulls up. Mallory is like, "Hi, Becca! Oh, boy, this weekend is gonna be so much fun! We're gonna have a scavenger hunt! Wanna play?" Becca ignores her. Mrs. Ramsey is like, "Look, Becca... it's Mallory!" and Becca is like, "DON'T LEAVE MEEEEEE!" and Mrs. Ramsey is like, "But, MALLORY!" which only makes Becca sob harder. Becca hates Mallory. (Ellen Miles hates Mallory. ANM hates Mallory. Everybody hates Mallory.)
Finally, the Ramseys take off, with a hasty promise from Mama to "bring [Becca] a present." Then it's off to Stacey's house. Which is, of course, just behind the Pikes (continuity!) so Mama and Daddy don't even bother to walk Jessi there; they just dumped her off with Becca. Jessi has to "lug" her bag over all on her own.
At Stacey's, before they go to the train station, Stacey condescendingly re-packs Jessi's suitcase for her, taking out the alarm clock, two books, and the raincoat. Stacey promises Jessi that, in the case of rain, she can borrow one of Stacey's coats (surprisingly, Jessi doesn't start doing a rain dance right then and there at the very thought).
Claudia, MA, and Dawn rides their bikes over to see Stacey and Jessi off at the train station. What, was Kristy so very angry that two of "her" sitters had to miss a meeting to catch their train (like there wouldn't be at least a few more trains that departed after their precious meeting) that she stayed home in protest... or did Charlie (HUGE gasp) actually have something better to do than drive his sister and her little friends over to the Metro Link station? We'll never know.
The train (which, in the previous chapter, Jessi insisted left at "4:30" but in this chapter leaves at "5:05") arrives and Jessi and Stacey wave good-bye to their friends ("Baby-sitters Club!") 'cause they know that their friends are always there. Or something. Anyway, they get all settled into the train and Stacey is like "Hey, Jessi-" just as Jessi is all, "Hey, Stacey-" They giggle, and Jessi touches Stacey's arm and "quickly" says, "Owe me a coke" which must be the ~sophisticated* version of hooking pinkies and saying "Jinx!" (Jessi makes sure to point out that if Stacey had touched Jessi's arm first, Jessi would have owed her a Diet Coke.)
Stacey bossily orders Jessi to stick close to her once they get to big, bad New York, because "You're not used to the city, and it can be overwhelming." Now, if Aunt Cecilia had said this, she would have paid dearly with slippers full of shaving cream and who knows what else. But since the words came from Anastasia~'s magical lips of ~sophistication**, Jessi merely thinks her concern is "sweet" and she promises to stick close to Stacey's side. Jessi's thoughts turn to Quint, then to Becca, as she remembers Becca gazing after her at the Pike's house just an hour or so earlier. "It's hard to be away from home when you're that age", reflects wordly, 11-year-old Jessi. How does Jessi know? She hadn't even been to Camp Mohawk yet when she was 8.
***
Well, I'd planned to post an entire book recap rather than break one up, but as you can see, I get a little wordy. To make up for it, here's the UK (?) cover of Jessi and the Jewel Thieves which I'm not yet able to look at for more than 1.5 seconds before I start howling with laughter. I've tried. It's futile.
Coming up... will Jessi have her Talk with Quint? Will Becca die at the Pike house? WHAT jewel thieves? Find out in the next installment!