Karen's Hurricane Part 2
Back with more of Karen's Hurricane - real life has kept me away from this train wreck. Once I stopped ignoring the lack of contractions, I was able to struggle through a few more chapters.
Karen's Hurricane - Part 2
Part 1
Chapter 6 - Fix Up Day
Friday morning, and because of KAREN'S hurricane, they have the TV on to watch the news and the family learns that the storm switched it's path and is now headed northeast, heading for New Jersey, possibly making landfall on Long Island in forty-eight hours. Since Karen assumes the readers are geographically challenged, she points out that New York is right next to Connecticut. As if it's not been mentioned several thousand times before in various books.
But I suppose, if this book was found in a time capsule two thousand years from now by some aliens - wait, wait... I'm assuming they will know English and I really shouldn't go there...
I also want to point out that at no point, was it mentioned that Hurricane Karen downgraded in intensity. Meaning it is still a 3 on the scale - which means it's a major hurricane, not just something above a tropical storm or what not. Wait, I shouldn't say that. The last tropical depression - hurricane remnants, etc I encountered (and I live around 1,000 miles from the Gulf Coast) caused five, yeah, FIVE supercells that yes, caused multiple tornado warnings. Spending an hour in the half in the basement = major suckage.
So, with all the excitement, Karen had forgotten that it was fix-up day. She remembers just in time, so she dresses in her overalls and work boots, instead of her usual garb of I dunno... stuff she stole from K.Ron's closet or whatever...
Ms. Coleman hands out the materials and leads Karen and her two lackeys over to the big old oak tree to plant some box hedges. Karen asks her teacher how old the oak tree is and is informed that it's over 80 years old. Karen says that's ancient and tells her slaves (oh, that's Hannie and Nancy, if you're just joining in) that they better behave themselves, they're in the shade of a grand old tree.
-50 points to both girls for not smacking Karen dead in the face with the shovel.
Chapter 7 - Hurricane Preperations
Saturday and blah blah hurricane keeps changing where it's going, comparisons between it and how Karen acts blah blah.
Storm is going to miss NJ - going to hit Long Island - Karen has to tell us what Long Island Sound is because she thinks people on the other side of the fourth wall are morons - and then hit Connecticut or Rhode Island. Given how freakin' small those states are, I think that's pretty much a done deal, unless this hurricane is the size of a thunderstorm in width, but I doubt it.
Karen also learns how bad these storms are. They knock out power, cause flooding and lay waste to everything in their paths.
Andrew thinks they need to get raincoats and boots. Lisa says that's a good idea, but they also need bottled water, canned goods, candles - and somehow forgets to mention bleach. I've heard that people supposedly get this for hurricanes, but don't know why.
Karen and Lisa go to the store for food items and Seth and Andrew head for the hardware store for batteries and plywood for the windows.
Karen decides that she doesn't like hurricanes, even if they are named after her. (Which, as everyone knows, isn't true. But as Karen's a six year old who skipped from preschool straight to second grade and didn't learn some important things, we know she doesn't know any better.)
Chapter 8 - Hurricane Warning (or the chapter where I go from annoyed to pissed.)
Everyone is worried about the hurricane, getting ready for it and Pamela, who is Karen's bestest enemy, states that her family is going to go Pennsylvania if it looks like the hurricane is heading for Stoneybrook.
+pauses+ Uh, coastal people, help me out here - aren't hurricane evacuations mandatory when the storm is level 3 or higher? Seems logical... ANYWAY...
Karen can't believe Pamela said that. That it was just like her to get going when the going gets tough. She then feels the need to rip poor Pamela's head off (even though Karen wishes her family was leaving too) that HER family was staying because THEY believe in helping others. Never mind the fact that Pamela's father is probably a lawyer and her mom is eight months pregnant and they want to be safe and sound should Junior want to show up early.
Rather than bitch-slapping her, Pamela sniffs and goes off, nose in the air, already planning her next game with her vast collection of Barbies where she acts out what she really would like to do Karen. Her mom had to take away her yarn after she kept tying one of them up and hanging them from the ceiling fan.
Sorry, I went to a more interesting story there...
So, after Karen takes attendance (but her heart isn't in it) Ms Coleman has the kids go over their context clues - but the mood is far too tense, so as she says they're going to have personal reading time, the principal, Mrs Titus, gets on the intercom, something she hardly ever does. Guess someone else does morning announcements.
The Hurricane Watch has become a Hurricane Warning and classes are canceled and parents are being called so everyone can go home and prepare for the storm.
Seems to me that should have been done I dunno, last night or early this morning? Because the kids were at school for oh, thirty minutes and it would made much more sense for no school at all. This storm has to be at least two hundred or so miles wide, so it's not like there was a chance Stoneybrook wasn't going to get hit in some form - major fail, NOAA, major fail. Or perhaps, major fail on the part of the school? The mayor? Er - the governor of the state?
But I digress, because last year, I went to work before a blizzard struck - I was one of five people to come in - the custodian was there at 6 - and after 12 patrons came in, we got our book delivery and at 8:30 am it started snowing - at 10:30 we got a call and said we were closing at 11. Yeah. I was kind of pissed, after getting 5 calls from separate coworkers - (including someone who wasn't scheduled to be there until the evening, but she's forgiven because when I answered, she said she wanted to order a pizza. Libraries only have cookbooks on those) called in to stay they were staying home. I sort of felt bad for my boss, who lives an hour south - where the storm was coming from - the other four of us all live within ten minutes of the library. Yeah - would have been better to not open at all and spare a few dozen people (at our branch and all the others) the danger.
Chapter 9 - Hurricane Karen Strikes!
For dinner that night, the family tries to eat all the ice cream in the freezer so it won't melt when the power goes out. Exactly how much ice cream is in the freezer that it's a hard task? Or do they have like cartons at a time in the thing? Also, anyone else see the flaw in giving two small children that much sugar that late in the day? Yeah.
Seth puts plywood on the picture window after dinner and the rest of them put tape on the other ones. Lisa sings Que Sera - a song that Karen had never heard until now when she and Andrew seek refuge in their mommy and stepdad's bed. Music teacher fail.
Karen wakes up to driving, pounding rain and runs downstairs and asks a stupid question: 'Is this the hurricane?' No Karen, it's a blizzard. Seth apparently left to see if anyone still needed help downtown before the kids got up. Yeah...+rubs temple+ I don't get it either, why didn't he go last night when it was drizzling? Stoneybrook has street lights.
They watch things go flying through the air - sticks, leaves, branches, a lawn chair... and after the power goes out, Karen wants to call the big house and make sure their okay (secretly, they're all glad that Karen's not over there) and they learn that the phone is dead. Did no one tell this girl that using a phone during severe weather is a no-no? But honestly Karen? Your step-siblings are big kids and given that K Ron is so bossy and well, we know - it makes Karen look polite, I'm sure they are just fine and playing Monopoly or something they can't play when you're over there acting like a brat because you're to young for a certain game... sorry, ranting.
Chapter Ten - The Eye of the Storm
Karen's worried that the little house is going to float away in the flooded street - I can see where she might get that. But when the eye hits, she thinks the storm is over - but it's only halfway. Andrew starts screaming for Seth - you know, who bailed on them this morning? You know, I don't blame the kid. Karen wants to talk to her daddy, Kristy - and she wants Seth to come home too. Lisa tells her brats to stop screaming and not worry about their stepdad, because secretly, she's pissed he went off and left her here alone.
Lisa then goes on about what a kind, serious, thoughtful person Seth is and that he's okay, he wouldn't do anything stupid - yada yada yada...
They go out on the porch to find that the water is halfway up their lawn and is about a foot and a half deep in the road. +rubs temple again+ Sorry, uh - I don't know if the sewers are that overwhelmed already, but um... a foot and a half deep in the road? Er... I think we need a creek or something - don't we?
Wait, wait...Must. Not. Employ. Logic.
The family freaks out with joy when Seth appears on the news - he's still downtown, riding out the storm in a shelter. There's been minor wind damage and flooding. What's 'minor' wind damage? Is that a few branches in the yard? Seriously - and with the lawn furniture? Did everyone not get the memo to secure things that were outdoors?
Karen's Hurricane - Part 2
Part 1
Chapter 6 - Fix Up Day
Friday morning, and because of KAREN'S hurricane, they have the TV on to watch the news and the family learns that the storm switched it's path and is now headed northeast, heading for New Jersey, possibly making landfall on Long Island in forty-eight hours. Since Karen assumes the readers are geographically challenged, she points out that New York is right next to Connecticut. As if it's not been mentioned several thousand times before in various books.
But I suppose, if this book was found in a time capsule two thousand years from now by some aliens - wait, wait... I'm assuming they will know English and I really shouldn't go there...
I also want to point out that at no point, was it mentioned that Hurricane Karen downgraded in intensity. Meaning it is still a 3 on the scale - which means it's a major hurricane, not just something above a tropical storm or what not. Wait, I shouldn't say that. The last tropical depression - hurricane remnants, etc I encountered (and I live around 1,000 miles from the Gulf Coast) caused five, yeah, FIVE supercells that yes, caused multiple tornado warnings. Spending an hour in the half in the basement = major suckage.
So, with all the excitement, Karen had forgotten that it was fix-up day. She remembers just in time, so she dresses in her overalls and work boots, instead of her usual garb of I dunno... stuff she stole from K.Ron's closet or whatever...
Ms. Coleman hands out the materials and leads Karen and her two lackeys over to the big old oak tree to plant some box hedges. Karen asks her teacher how old the oak tree is and is informed that it's over 80 years old. Karen says that's ancient and tells her slaves (oh, that's Hannie and Nancy, if you're just joining in) that they better behave themselves, they're in the shade of a grand old tree.
-50 points to both girls for not smacking Karen dead in the face with the shovel.
Chapter 7 - Hurricane Preperations
Saturday and blah blah hurricane keeps changing where it's going, comparisons between it and how Karen acts blah blah.
Storm is going to miss NJ - going to hit Long Island - Karen has to tell us what Long Island Sound is because she thinks people on the other side of the fourth wall are morons - and then hit Connecticut or Rhode Island. Given how freakin' small those states are, I think that's pretty much a done deal, unless this hurricane is the size of a thunderstorm in width, but I doubt it.
Karen also learns how bad these storms are. They knock out power, cause flooding and lay waste to everything in their paths.
Andrew thinks they need to get raincoats and boots. Lisa says that's a good idea, but they also need bottled water, canned goods, candles - and somehow forgets to mention bleach. I've heard that people supposedly get this for hurricanes, but don't know why.
Karen and Lisa go to the store for food items and Seth and Andrew head for the hardware store for batteries and plywood for the windows.
Karen decides that she doesn't like hurricanes, even if they are named after her. (Which, as everyone knows, isn't true. But as Karen's a six year old who skipped from preschool straight to second grade and didn't learn some important things, we know she doesn't know any better.)
Chapter 8 - Hurricane Warning (or the chapter where I go from annoyed to pissed.)
Everyone is worried about the hurricane, getting ready for it and Pamela, who is Karen's bestest enemy, states that her family is going to go Pennsylvania if it looks like the hurricane is heading for Stoneybrook.
+pauses+ Uh, coastal people, help me out here - aren't hurricane evacuations mandatory when the storm is level 3 or higher? Seems logical... ANYWAY...
Karen can't believe Pamela said that. That it was just like her to get going when the going gets tough. She then feels the need to rip poor Pamela's head off (even though Karen wishes her family was leaving too) that HER family was staying because THEY believe in helping others. Never mind the fact that Pamela's father is probably a lawyer and her mom is eight months pregnant and they want to be safe and sound should Junior want to show up early.
Rather than bitch-slapping her, Pamela sniffs and goes off, nose in the air, already planning her next game with her vast collection of Barbies where she acts out what she really would like to do Karen. Her mom had to take away her yarn after she kept tying one of them up and hanging them from the ceiling fan.
Sorry, I went to a more interesting story there...
So, after Karen takes attendance (but her heart isn't in it) Ms Coleman has the kids go over their context clues - but the mood is far too tense, so as she says they're going to have personal reading time, the principal, Mrs Titus, gets on the intercom, something she hardly ever does. Guess someone else does morning announcements.
The Hurricane Watch has become a Hurricane Warning and classes are canceled and parents are being called so everyone can go home and prepare for the storm.
Seems to me that should have been done I dunno, last night or early this morning? Because the kids were at school for oh, thirty minutes and it would made much more sense for no school at all. This storm has to be at least two hundred or so miles wide, so it's not like there was a chance Stoneybrook wasn't going to get hit in some form - major fail, NOAA, major fail. Or perhaps, major fail on the part of the school? The mayor? Er - the governor of the state?
But I digress, because last year, I went to work before a blizzard struck - I was one of five people to come in - the custodian was there at 6 - and after 12 patrons came in, we got our book delivery and at 8:30 am it started snowing - at 10:30 we got a call and said we were closing at 11. Yeah. I was kind of pissed, after getting 5 calls from separate coworkers - (including someone who wasn't scheduled to be there until the evening, but she's forgiven because when I answered, she said she wanted to order a pizza. Libraries only have cookbooks on those) called in to stay they were staying home. I sort of felt bad for my boss, who lives an hour south - where the storm was coming from - the other four of us all live within ten minutes of the library. Yeah - would have been better to not open at all and spare a few dozen people (at our branch and all the others) the danger.
Chapter 9 - Hurricane Karen Strikes!
For dinner that night, the family tries to eat all the ice cream in the freezer so it won't melt when the power goes out. Exactly how much ice cream is in the freezer that it's a hard task? Or do they have like cartons at a time in the thing? Also, anyone else see the flaw in giving two small children that much sugar that late in the day? Yeah.
Seth puts plywood on the picture window after dinner and the rest of them put tape on the other ones. Lisa sings Que Sera - a song that Karen had never heard until now when she and Andrew seek refuge in their mommy and stepdad's bed. Music teacher fail.
Karen wakes up to driving, pounding rain and runs downstairs and asks a stupid question: 'Is this the hurricane?' No Karen, it's a blizzard. Seth apparently left to see if anyone still needed help downtown before the kids got up. Yeah...+rubs temple+ I don't get it either, why didn't he go last night when it was drizzling? Stoneybrook has street lights.
They watch things go flying through the air - sticks, leaves, branches, a lawn chair... and after the power goes out, Karen wants to call the big house and make sure their okay (secretly, they're all glad that Karen's not over there) and they learn that the phone is dead. Did no one tell this girl that using a phone during severe weather is a no-no? But honestly Karen? Your step-siblings are big kids and given that K Ron is so bossy and well, we know - it makes Karen look polite, I'm sure they are just fine and playing Monopoly or something they can't play when you're over there acting like a brat because you're to young for a certain game... sorry, ranting.
Chapter Ten - The Eye of the Storm
Karen's worried that the little house is going to float away in the flooded street - I can see where she might get that. But when the eye hits, she thinks the storm is over - but it's only halfway. Andrew starts screaming for Seth - you know, who bailed on them this morning? You know, I don't blame the kid. Karen wants to talk to her daddy, Kristy - and she wants Seth to come home too. Lisa tells her brats to stop screaming and not worry about their stepdad, because secretly, she's pissed he went off and left her here alone.
Lisa then goes on about what a kind, serious, thoughtful person Seth is and that he's okay, he wouldn't do anything stupid - yada yada yada...
They go out on the porch to find that the water is halfway up their lawn and is about a foot and a half deep in the road. +rubs temple again+ Sorry, uh - I don't know if the sewers are that overwhelmed already, but um... a foot and a half deep in the road? Er... I think we need a creek or something - don't we?
Wait, wait...Must. Not. Employ. Logic.
The family freaks out with joy when Seth appears on the news - he's still downtown, riding out the storm in a shelter. There's been minor wind damage and flooding. What's 'minor' wind damage? Is that a few branches in the yard? Seriously - and with the lawn furniture? Did everyone not get the memo to secure things that were outdoors?