Stacey's Ex-Boyfriend
Hi all, I’ve been reading these snarks for a while and finally decided to give it a whirl!
First, the cover. I think my boyfriend has the best description: “It’s like two 23-year-olds who got married too young and are now living in a trailer home and regretting it.”
Ch.1
First sentence: “How should you feel about an ex-boyfriend?” I don’t know Stacey, but you’ve had so many I’m sure you can figure it out. She’s also just staring at the back of Robert’s head during math class as she ponders the fact that she is “Stacey McGill, Robert’s ex-girlfriend.” But don’t worry that’s not all that she is. She’s also a daughter (number-one kid, even though they’re divorced), a New Yorker (I KNOW, WE ALL KNOW YOU’RE FROM NEW YORK), a friend (do you really need to spell it out that you have friends?), a diabetic, a student, and a girlfriend. Why does she feel the need to vigorously define herself as anything BUT Robert’s ex-girlfriend? Because Robert is feeling le sad.
That bitch Andi Gentile, who Robert started dating while he was still with Stacey, dumped him and now he’s all alone. All by himself. No one to comfort him and guide him (sorry I just saw Spamalot). But Robert couldn’t pull himself together and start dating another hot chick. Now he mopes around, isn’t any fun, and his skin no longer sparkles in the sun. Apparently Stacey tried talking to him 3 months ago because Andi told her something was wrong with Robert. Why would Andi tell Stacey this? SHE broke them up, then she dumped Robert, and now she’s worried about him so she tells his ex-ex-girlfriend? Anyway, Stacey thought their talk went well and assumed that he would be fine, but clearly he’s not.
There is one golden line though “It’s hard to be just friends after you’ve kissed a guy.” At the rate Stacey’s going, soon she won’t be able to have any guy friends at all since she’s on boyfriend #200.
This was an awful chapter. It’s pretty clear that this book only exists to showcase Robert’s special dilemma (Spoiler: it’s depression!)
Suzanne Weyn clearly hated the fact that she was assigned to this book and I hate that the library only had 5 BSC books in when I went.
Ch.2
The usual chapter two, this time everyone is described based on what kind of genius they are. The Genius Club, if you will. Why oh why do they all have to be geniuses at their chosen hobby??? The only friends of mine that were actually geniuses were the two who devoted their lives to violin/viola. Everyone else certainly had strengths, but no one was the unchallenged supreme champion of math club or volleyball or pot smoking.
So Claudia is the creative genius of course, so she doesn’t have to feel bad that her sister is an actual genius. Kristy is the business genius. She’ll even be on the cover of a magazine as “The Little Giant of Industry.” How did we get from business to industry? I’m fairly certain they are two separate beasts. This is also another example of being the “most” of something. Why does Kristy have to be THE shortest person in 8th grade? Can’t she just be short? When did they measure all the 8th-graders and determine that Kristy is by far the shortest one? We did that once in my 4th grade class, but that was only 20 students, not the entire grade. (I do remember being quite upset to find that I was shorter than average, although that’s changed now thank goodness.)
Mary Anne is the organizational genius. So far, these are pretty crappy genius titles. It’s like those useless participation ribbons. Also, once again claiming that Mary Anne has never made a mistake in the record book, when I know for a fact that’s not true. Unfortunately, I can’t prove it because I forget which book it is, but I KNOW there’s one where she messes up and it’s a big deal.
Hah, Dawn doesn’t get to be a genius because she ditched Stoneybrook. What would she be? Genius of bitchery? More likely Genius of Individuality, at least according to the BSC.
Logan is the sports genius. Lame. I thought he would be Douche Genius or the stealth genius with the Southern accent who sounds stupid but is actually….a genius!
Shannon is just a plain genius. How boring. Who wants a regular genius when you can have all these other awesomely made up ones??
Jessi - dance genius. Mallory- writing genius. I don’t know about that. I’ve read her writing, and it looks like it was written by an 11-year-old. Imagine that. Abby is the comic genius. I agree with that. I know a lot of people don’t like Abby’s sense of humor, but I LOVE it. I love bad puns.
Wait, does Stacey not get to be a genius? Maybe she just assumes we know she’s a math genius. Or a fashion genius. Or a future slut genius.
At the very end Abby hands around some fresh-picked strawberries from a new u-pick place, Strawberry Fields Forever. Kristy comments that the kids they sit for would love to do that….I’m sure they would, they can always go with their families. Don’t make me read a strawberry-picking baby-sitting plotline! God, no! The wheels of Kristy’s brain are already turning! Stacey can literally see them!
Wrong Strawberry Fields
Ch. 3
Stacey and Claudia are shopping at the mall and run into Robert’s 12-year-old sister, Patti. I knew he had a younger sister, but has her name and age ever been mentioned before? Seems like a plot device to me…
Anyway, Patti is a major bitch and accuses Stacey of being the reason that Robert is all depressed, even though Stacey points out that Robert broke up with her, not the other way around. She basically blames Stacey for him being out of sorts ever since they broke up, even though he dated Andi afterwards. And the fact that none of Robert’s friends call him anymore is also Stacey’s fault. Claudia rightly calls her a creep. Seriously , what is wrong with that girl?
Now the after-school special vibe gets even worse. Claudia uncharacteristically has this idea that Robert was feeling depressed while still dating Stacey, so he tried switching girlfriends to see if that would cheer him up, but it didn’t. There was no mention of Robert being depressed in earlier books. I must’ve read Stacey’s Broken Heart a bajillion times and Robert never seemed depressed, he just seemed like he was sneaking around shacking up with Andi while Stacey was in NYC.
Now Claudia thinks he could be depressed because he was taking drugs. Because that is the only explanation for feeling down in the dumps. But according to Claudia “Some of Robert’s friends are weird enough to take drugs. They might influence him.” Are you Claudia or are you a clueless parent? This whole conversation is so staged. I could maybe see Mary Anne asking about the drug link and peer pressure, but not Claudia. It doesn’t fit her character at all.
Peer pressure at its worst
Ch. 4
Stacey’s still dithering over whether to call Robert or not. She finally does call, but Robert’s not home. Crisis averted! Nope, never mind, he calls back and leaves a message. Stacey calls back, he’s not there again, she leaves a message, they finally talk at school on Monday. Stacey is incredibly awkward about asking him if he’s okay. And instead of completely denying everything like a normal teenage boy, he agrees to talk more with her after school.
This talk they have after school is sooooo the opposite of reality. Robert doesn’t know what’s bothering him, he doesn’t like his old friends, he doesn’t care if the baseball team wins or loses because it’s pointless either way. He feels like every day is “same old, same old” until the day he dies, and that his life itself is pointless. Now, he might really be feeling all his inside, but I sincerely doubt that your average 13-year-old jock has the eloquence to put all these thoughts into words, especially when talking with his very bangable ex. Also, this would be the point where I would freak out that he might try to kill himself. He’s saying his life is pointless?? Stacey, get some adult help ASAP!! I know it’s against the BSC code, but with that kind of talk you have to act quickly! I don’t really like the message this sends for kids, because waiting is really the worst thing you can do.
Oh god, apparently the only thing Robert likes to do anymore is talk to Stacey. Where is this going?
Ch.5
Ohh, people are starting to think that Stacey and Robert are an item again! So of course Stacey has to tell the entire BSC that they’re not a couple, just that Robert is going through a “tough time emotionally.” I think it’s about to get even tougher now that Stacey’s gone and told 7 other gossipy teens about his problems. Seriously, what 13-year-old boy is going to want a bunch of girls who he’s not really friends with to know all about his depression?? What a way to NOT be a friend.
He’s having a tough time emotionally. Just look at that sad face!
Anyway, Kristy suggests baseball to cheer him up , and Abby points out that the baseball team could win its first division championship in 5 years. Now, how would Abby know this and why would she care? She’s new to SMS! How does she know the intricate history of the baseball team?
I don’t actually know whose baby this is, but she is a true doubting (Kristy) Thomas.
I know Abby likes sports, but she seems like she’d be more into the girls’ teams, not the boys teams…hint hint hint.
Shit’s about to hit the fan! Robert told Jacqui Grant that he and Stacey were back together - just to get her to stop bugging him. Uh huh. Stacey almost goes into a diabetic coma at this news, but Robert assures her that he doesn’t want to date her again. Stacey also tells him that “a lot of time has passed” since they were together. HAS it, Stacey? Has it really? In BSC time it’s a few years, sure, but in real time, even if they had dated for, say, 4 months at the beginning of 8th grade, it would still be only 3-4 months since they broke up! That is not a long time! Not even enough time for Robert to date another girl and fall into a multi-month depression!
That day at lunch, Stacey tells the BSC that Robert seems to be cheering up, and we get this totally uncalled for bitching from Kristy: “Kristy scowled. ‘Does that mean that you have to hang out with him constantly in order for him to feel better?’” Whoa there! First off, Stacey’s talked with him, like, twice. Secondly, since when is it a bad thing to be there for a friend? This doesn’t even interfere with baby-sitting in any way! Why on earth would Kristy be bitter about this? This whole book just feels so contrived! She does it again the next day when Stacey asks if it’s okay if she sits with Robert at lunch. “’You can’t baby-sit him forever,’ Kristy grumbled.” WHAT DOES IT MATTER????
At the end, when Stacey goes to watch Robert’s baseball practice, Logan tells her that he quit the team 3 days ago. Stacey, using her excellent math logic, determines that since it is now Friday, that must have been on Wednesday. I’m not so sure about that. If I were talking about something that happened 3 days ago, I think I would say that was Tuesday. And if he did it during practice, that would actually only be 48 hours ago…2 days. I’m not just nitpicking, this does matter because Stacey thinks that if he quit on Wednesday, and was unusually cheerful on Thursday, then it was because he quit the team. Or maybe he just watched a lot of porn Wednesday night and the joy of it carried him over into Thursday. Personally, I think that’s the true reason.
Ch. 6
Baby-sitting, the Pikes, strawberries, Mallory, Jessi. This is truly a nightmare combo. The long and short of it is, Mal and Jessi are taking their siblings (minus the triplets) to go berry picking. The Pike parents drive them there, then promptly leave to go “shopping.” Or take advantage of the empty house to get busy making Pike #9 in every room, starting with the kitchen. ‘Cause that’s what they’re into. Gettin’ lewd with the food.
Claire eats too many strawberries, throws up on Mal, the berries cost $30….I would say that’s expensive, but combined with the Ramseys that’s actually berries for 16 people , and Claire ate $10 worth….this does not seem accurate, even in the ‘90’s.
Nom nom nom