Secret secrets are no fun
Oh hey, Karen. That's a nice scrunchie you're wearing. It really detracts from your crazed facial expressions. No, I mean it. If you'd settled for a tasteful barrette I would be completely distracted by how it appears you learned facial cues from a truly started bush baby, but you are totally working it. So listen. Maybe you have heard that I am convalescing. It's pretty boring and I already beat Portal 2. So I decided that writing recaps would fill the void in my life where "a job" and "goals" would ordinarily go. But I need you to do me this solid and not tell anyone that I am high out of my mind on oxycodone as I write this, okay?
Okay great. I knew I could trust -
you. fucking. bitch.
Chapter 1
Cast your memories back a few volumes and you might remember that the all-important task of naming Nancy's unborn sibling has fallen to her, Nancy Dawes. So she's called together this little focus group of herself and one (1) Karen Brewer. Suggestions?
Karen, whose heart beats red, white and blue, thinks more children should be named after the founding fathers who made this country great for other rich white men, unless they are girls and then should be named after the Baby-Sitter's Little Sisters who take up too much of my memory bank with their shenanigans. Luckily, Nancy is saved from having respond by Karen giving us a brief taste of the autobiography yet to come. When I was a child I thought this was how all novels had to work, and when I started reading "real" books I was all "How am I supposed to follow this shit if I don't know how what color eyes the narrator has?"
Nancy interrupts Karen's internal monologue about how Nancy has no follow-through in this naming business, to think aloud that she should sabotage any chance the baby has of being more well-loved than she. She lays herself supine on the most convenient couch, and Karen flips to a new page in her legal pad. Nancy frets that the new infant will be infinitely more skilled than her in every area possible and even some imaginary ones, like communicating with velociraptors and Scientology. Karen mutters something half-hearted about how fun it'll be to be a big sister, but Nancy is too busy hatching a scheme to be the best daughter ever, ensuring that at least 50% of her parents' child-love will be forever set aside for her, no matter how cute this interloper turns out to be. Andrew chooses this moment to kick the door in, yell about cookies, and leave. If that didn't convince Nancy how awesome Older Sister-ing can be, I don't know what will.
Chapter 2
Karen hints that she is both a big sister AND a little sister, and her house is both big AND little. She asks us how this can be, like she's the Sphinx of Stoneybrook or something. A mirror! A man! Instead of murdering me for not knowing, she just tells me the answer in great detail, which is worse. At the end she talks about how she was a little sister four times, and a big sister twice, in addition to being a two-two, which is of course a constant state.
Chapter 3
Rain plagues the playgrounds of Stoneybrook Academy, imprisoning all indoors, even for recess. Karen pouts that she's missing out on prime running around time, even though nearly every recess scene we're ever shown involves her standing around or gently tossing a stone into some chalked squares with numbers. Karen ignores my valid point to mention that one out of one Ms. Colmans agree: it's good for Karen to run around outside during recess. I wonder how many conversations had between the two of them end with Ms. Colman obscurely referencing the hell her college degree has brought upon her with Karen being none-the-wiser.
Remember Karen's agony over not being able to frolic in open fields while an inoffensive rock song plays in the background? All it takes is Hi-C writing the names of some extremely non-fun indoor games on the chalkboard for K.Brew to 180 back to effusive joy! Second grade fucking rules! I can't believe I haven't played Seven Up in fifteen years! But all those other lame games are obfuscated by the blinding light emanating from one beautiful word: Telephone. Karen shrieks "Ring-ring" to communicate her love of communication, and Hi C calming reminds her that outdoor-voices are for outdoors and days when our fearless leader is not nursing a hangover. Karen obliges, lowers her volumes, raises her pitch, and rings some more. Good enough?
The Telephone group is obvs the bossest one to be in. All 3Ms are together, because individual interests are very much frowned upon in any friendship, Nat is representing the droopy socks division, the anti 3Ms and Ricky are all in a line. Colman gives them a sentence and Karen gives us the downlow - Telephone has serious side effects, including raucous laughter and mind-blowing. Do not attempt to play this solo because that wouldn't make any sense. Let's rock slash roll.
Karen's psyched when her number in the group is seven, ensuring that the sentence will be extra-silly by the time it hits her. She's so busy cluing us in about this that she forgets the only thing she's supposed to do in this game she supposedly adores - whisper it in the ear of Jannie. Instead she shouts what she believes she hears, probably so the following drama will distract the reader from thinking about how totally not-silly "Amy's name is Harry and her hubby's name is Sal!" is. Don't worry, guys, I got your back. Sentence: you leave a lot to be desired. Illustration on the facing page: you do not. Karen is bush babying it up, and has both hands clasped over her mouth, hoping to force the sound waves to turn around and return to their place of origin before anyone notices that this is not standard Telephone protocol. From Nancy's bitchface, she has probably not succeeding. Natalie is opening her mouth in what looks like the first few seconds of horrified bawling, and Bobby looks scandalized. I know, Bobby. How could Amy's name be Harry? That's preposterous!
Jannie lets Karen know that she's shattered the rules of Telephone with the might hammer of Thor, and now this game is ruined. These kids are so upset about being deprived of their Telephone turn you'd think that being classmates with Karen wasn't the worst thing that ever happened to them. Karen yawps her apology, and it is only now that the rest of the class falls silent to cast a wary eye on the Telephone group. I guess twenty questions doesn't seem so bad now. Karen clears her throat and requests another sentence from Ms. Colman. The camera freeze-frames on her exaggerated "Whatcha gonna do?" face and the Chapter Three credits roll. Featuring: Tony Danza as Bobby Gianelli.
Chapter 4
Karen and Nancy can't go home together because Nancy needs to tag along to the OB/GYN appointment her mom made. The old issues of Highlights with all those "spot the differences" already circled are a welcome relief from the Kare-Blare. This book is wrought with completely unnecessary parentheticals (parentheses are sometimes used to indicate order of operations in mathematical equations). More and more children get picked up by their mommies. And then there were two.
Karen's been around the block, mental breakdown-wise, so she knows the score when Nat is chewing her nails and tugging her socks. Since that is what she does 90% of the time she is "on camera", I am amazed when Karen's right and there is worry tugging at Natalie's heart. Natalie! What do you need? I'll help you, I'll fight for us. Natalie won't reveal her angst source when Karen initially prods, hinting only at her problem's secretive nature. Karen fails miserably at maintaining her cool when she offers her secret-keeping skills. Natalie is nervous about the fact that Karen's pupils dialated to occupy nearly her entire pupil, and her slip up during Telephone earlier, and also every other time she has ever tried to do anything. Karen presses. Natalie refuses. Karen wheedles. Natalie cannot be moved. Karen begs. No means no, Karen!
And then it doesn't. Natalie leans in to whisper, but all Karen can her are the sibilant sounds of "psst", "psst", and "psst!". After a few failed attempts to get any English words from that, Karen reminds Nat that they are the only ones around. For real? They're unsupervised? I hope the secret involves better school security in the future. But soft! What news escapes Nat's lips on winged words? The principal extremely vaguely told her she has to take a test? Natalie is horrified to consider the test's nature. What if it's to see if she's too dumb to be in second grade? What if it's to reproduce the Periodic Table of Elements from memory and she asks a question but then the test administer is all "I have a question, why aren't you wearing pants?" and she isn't like in that dream she had last night? It could happen. Karen wonders why everyone around her recently suffers from intense self esteem issues and is so prone to paranoia about every piece of news. Much like how she told Nancy that being an older sibling could be fun, Karen suggests maybe the test is for something good. When Nat demands an example of a good test, Karen is stumped. Maybe it's a test to see if you're a genius, or a test to see which local pizza delivery service is the most delicious, or a test that lets you miss gym class and draw unicorns instead? I thought of those in like, ten seconds, and I wasn't even smart enough to skip a grade. What's Karen's deal?
Natalie resigns herself to her fear, and tells Karen she's better not give Natalie another thing to worry about by blabbing her big mouth all over the place. Karen swears on "Karen Brewer's honor", which is supposedly just as good as that of a scout. Thankfully, both the mommies arrive simultaneously, saving Natalie from spraining a retina as she eye-rolls to the heavens. Karen pantomimes physically holding the secret inside of her by mouth-covering. You probably shouldn't hearken back to like, two hours ago, when you couldn't even keep a secret for thirty seconds for the sake of a game. It does not inspire confidence.
Chapter 5
Karen hopes the doorbell she hears is for her and Goosie. Oh, such luck! It is! Nancy strolls in, fresh from her brush with the unborn at the doctor's. She promises her tale will be amazing, and Karen's eyes dance. She loves amazing stories. Me too! I wish I were reading one!
Just kidding! How could my heart not be warmed by Nancy's poetry. Babies hearts, as heard through stethescopes, sound like this: glub-glub. Karen suffers these details only with the thought she she herself might give motherhood a whirl in the future, and one can never be too prepared. Nanners also saw her soon to be sib on the sonogram screen! That thing has fingers. Nancy pronounces the creature to be "a real baby in there", so obviously she's picked up a lot of scientific know-how since we saw her last. She hopes that displacing her mother's internal organs is the bee knees for baby x - maybe it'll set up camp for awhile and spare her a few years of knowing her parents are only pretending to love her. Karen wisely states that she doubts Mommy Dawes will allow that parasite to stay inside of her forever. Parents just don't understand, amirite baby x and also Will Smith? Yes.
Nancy decides to launch plan Victor Alpha Red October ASAP, so they start compiling a list of good deeds to do to earn love. In the picture, the duo have literally put their heads together. One of the proposed "nice things to do" is to nag Daddy Dawes about folding the endless piles of laundry. That is indeed the quickest way into a person's heart, according to that part of my brain that always thinks bad ideas are good ones. Good job, girls!
After Nancy's departure, Karen hallucinates that Goosie has demanded to hear our fair Natalie's secret. Karen gasps as this affront to both her and Natalie's honor. How dare you, Goosie? I trusted you.
Chapter 6
Back at the daily grind, Karen is copying her spelling words. She turns around to wave and Nancy. She does this often throughout the series, and I cannot remember similar behavior having been exhibited by myself or my peers. Maybe we were just a little more secure in our friendships. Maybe we weren't possessed to constantly remind our pawns that they could never escape. "You think that you're safe because I can't see you, don't you Nancy" Karen thinks to herself as she wiggles her fingers. "Don't think that I won't turn around every twenty minutes to check on your for signs of a brewing mutiny. Cute barrettes! Back to spelling!" Karen reads her book. She is in the middle of thinking about how The Witches is practically a novelization of her own life because of Morbida Destiny when a PA crashes her thought party. Natalie Springer is needed at the nurses office. Stat!
A quick glance tells K.Brew all she needs to know - Natalie is sad and that means she will probably die en route to the health center. Oh my god oh my god. Why must You always call your angels back to You in Heaven? How can Ms. Colman expect us to concentrate on our math lesson when the best of us is being taken so soon? I'm going to light some candles and put them around Natalie's desk, along with some school photos and a cross I made out of some twigs from the playground that I now realize looks kind of Blair Witch-esque so I hope no one notices. Amen.
THERE YOU ARE! Natalie's been sitting solo at the class cafeteria waiting for lunch to begin. She's even more sad than when she was called away. She cannot be coaxed into sparing a single detail, and Karen is so distraught she can't eat her - where did her lunch go? Why are there crumbs all over her face? This is too many mysteries to handle in one lunch period! Karen pushes her chair away from her table and runs outside to console herself with hopscotch and Nancy's company. All she can think about is her non-confrontation, as is pictured for us. Karen's mouth is totally full in this drawing, and a banner in the background announces WED IS PIZZA. Natalie is turned away from the PIZZA sign, probably because she has stomach AIDS cross-bred with anthrax and can never eat pizza again. Natalie! Your bangs are so cute! Also be careful because Karen looks like she is looking for a place to wipe her greasy hands, and your flowered sweater could be her next victim! I would tell you to cheer up but no one can be that heroic in the face of such a situation. Bye Natalie! Karen obviously did what she could. Onto the next thing.
Which, unless this is the first sentence of my recap you are reading, you obviously know is "tell Nancy the secret". Nancy swears not to tell anyone. Trust.
Chapter 7
Natalie is getting called to see the nurse again. I didn't even recover from last time! Karen turns around to make a tortured face at Nancy, but the latter is notably busy engaging in a whisper match with Hannie. On Wednesday, she's called a third time. Now, Karen observes that the whole back row is concerned. On Friday, half the class has their mouths tied in a worry-knot. Obvs they've noted the frequency with which Natalie is called to the infirmary. What could be the reason? Swine flu? Pegasus flu? Or worse - the Stacey Strand of Diabetes? Karen decides to have a talk with recently-been-in-the-presence-of-a-doctor Nancy at recess to see what can be seen. She throat clears and tries to get Hannie to scram, needing to see Miss Dawes in private. But what's this? Nancy let it slip that Natalie has alien pancreas cancer? I guess that's alright. Musketeers and all. Karen wonders if the nurse is trying to find the cause of Natalie's clumsiness. Um, if there's found to be a genetic link to the extremely adorkable dropsies Natalie has from time to time, then inject me with that junk. It'll up my chances of being the lead in a romantic comedy by at least 700%, and then people will stop asking me to hold their babies.
By the way, this is only between us, right?
Chapter 8
This heavy plot threatens even the stoutest-hearted reader with compassion fatigue, so lets do some good deeds at Nancy's like we've been talking about for what I believe to be weeks. Guest-starring, Pokey the kitten! Like every pet this side of Connecticut, Pokey is named after an unlikely character who was at first super weird and annoying but then you realized wasn't so bad after all and then you pretty much forgot about - the poke function on Facebook. And he is adorable. Nancy all but chucks him into the nearest closet to remind us that no amount of cuteness can get in the way of our goal. They begin dusting.
Mama Dawes exits her study to ask if the girls wouldn't rather go ride their bicycles or whatever it is that kids these days do. Or is dusting hip again? We can't keep up with your Bieber Fevers and only rolling up one pant leg! The girls ignore this and continue working. And it totally pays off. Then they gather all their aplomb and enthusiasm for leave-raking! Best Saturday ever! They get called back inside for cocoa and peanut butter and raisin cookies. No thanks, Mrs. Dawes. My religion prevents me from eating meat on Fridays and also things that I find disgusting. Mr. Dawes asks if the girls have something they'd like to discuss. Nancy puts her acting skills to good use as she pretends to think, only to come up with nothing. The parents prod further. Suddenly, Karen is awfully good at secret-keeping and claims the only thing she'd like to talk about is if the Daweses have anything in particular they'd like cleaned next. The parents shake their heads, wordlessly wondering if drugs are already something they need to be worrying about, as Nancy and Karen frolic to the basement in search of more work.
Chapter 9
No wonder Ms. Colman is the greatest! The class is about to embark on a journey of learning as the read about another class's journey through the stars on a Magic School Bus! Karen has the patience of a person waiting for their popcorn to start popping at only three- or four-second intervals and demands spoilers. For "The Magic Schoolbus". Remember how Mrs. Frizzle in that book always had to be like "Arnold, are you listening?" I was the Arnold of my class when we read those books. And the answer was always "No."
Natalie gets called to the nurse's again. What is with this? Is it always a surprise to everyone whether or not the nurse will need to see Natalie? Don't they have an established meeting time or something? Natalie shuffles to the door, socks askew. Karen resolves to learn the secret of Natalie's heart, but no Magic Schoolbus can take you there. Friendship is the only transportation available. That and breaking someone's will with constant hounding. You don't have to demand spoilers to know which is the preferred method of Karens the world over!
She corners Nat at lunch time, demanding answers. Natalie has already been put through the ringer, thrice weekly for some time now, so it doesn't take much before her brave front crumbles. Let us in, Natalie. Except not Karen. Just me. Let the right one in. Which is me.
Natalie needs to go to speech classes to correct her lisp! Karen is relieved, since none of those words seem like death is imminent. But Natalie is not comforted in the knowledge that she'll be leading a long and healthy life, full of saying her 's's in front of a mirror. She begs Karen to keep this to herself, worried about the shame that will befall her house if people find out she has a lisp. Oh woe. Oh woe.
Chapter 10
Karen has to actively remind herself not to blurt the story she just heard. She quickly amends her mantra, upgrading from her original amount of people she'll allow herself to tell (zero) to a new and improved number (two). She can't let Hancy worry needlessly or continue to draft the speeches they'll give at Natalie's funeral if Natalie is actually fine. First, she has to visualize how she'll tell this secret, using the techniques from The Secret. This isn't going to be like that time she yelled the sentence for everyone to hear. This is going to be like the time she first told Nancy the secret she wasn't supposed to tell anyone. She opens her eyes. Good visualization session. Let's make this a realization.
She recaps the conversation we just read three pages ago. Nancy is relieved and wants to play hopscotch. Good thing you can get your energy out at this recess, Karen. She thinks to herself that she wants to pretend she's at speech class like Natalie and practice her s words. I was in a speech class in France and it actually is super fun, until you hurt yourself trying to make that 'rrr' sound. But Nancy and Hannie don't buy it, and they head to the courts. Suddenly, Hannie excuses herself to converse furtively with Hank Reubens, because they have such an established closeness as we've seen in other books I'm sure. Karen wonders what's going on, but her crazed desire to drag everything out of everyone apparently doesn't extend this far. She looks at her special hopscotch stone. This is how life is supposed to be, man.
Chapter 11
Karen greets Natalie with the enthusiasm of a 50s housewife in a commercial for baking soda. Natalie responds with the enthusiasm of a normal person talking about baking soda. She then exits after attendance to head to speech class. Jannie starts weeping. Ms. Colman seems unconcerned about the young girl's plight, but at least now she won't have to fake her way through a lesson plan just yet. Jannie hiccups that her tears are being spilled for Natalie, which, obviously. There's no one else worth crying over in this entire township. Jannie's worried because she heard Nat's going to have an operation. Bobby corrects this by saying Natalie is actually going blind, silly. Hank cooly interjects that she's just going to speech class, god. Women. Always getting hysterical after attendance. Ms. Colman tries to calm the class, even though it didn't seem like anyone but Jannie needed calming. Ricky throws his desk at the wall, having had enough! Either Colman set the record straight right now, or he is going to fucking lose it, lady. Colman verifies Hank's story, all are relieved. This exchange has taken up exactly one speech class's worth of time, and Nat King Cole is back. Everyone stares. She blushes, too perfect even in her humility. Hank demands to know how speech class went.
Ricky is setting his desk up back in its home, explaining that some people got a little over-excited in their worries that Natalie was on death's door, when Hank cleared everything up. Natalie wants to know how Hank knew when Hank is not Karen, probably, and Karen is the only one she told. Everyone tears their eyeballs away from Natalie and turns them on Karen.
Chapter 12
Despite Karen singing to herself about meanie looks not being able to hurt her as would a stick or a stone, she does not seem that okay.
Chapter 13
Nancy invites Karen over to her house after school. She's excited about the prospect of doing some more good deeds. They act like the main problem isn't even happening and clean out the hall closet. Then they go sort laundry. Mrs. Dawes comes downstairs to observe. She's had enough of this A&E feature mystery, and wants to get down to brass tacks: what. the fuck. is with them. Karen muses that she did get into trouble at school today, but that's not why she's suddenly so into organization. Mama D leaves, seemingly unsatisfied, with her daughter even more so. Since Mama thinks doing good things means Nancy did something bad, she should just...start...being bad. I guess. She was more convincing than I am, so just accept this.
Chapter 14
Even though when last she left her school everyone was yelling at everyone, they've all made up in the name of channeling their anger at our narrator. Even Natalie and Bobby are partnering up to deliver you the freshest banter of the decade: Don't tell Karen secrets because she often tells them. Nailed it!
During attendance, Karen wishes she could say "I wish I weren't" instead of "here". She probably could, nothing's stopping her. Except the fact that everyone else would say "I know right" and then high-five or fist-bump. Karen frets that she'll have to divorce Ricky because of all this.
Even being made the sun can't motivate her planet/moon classmates to speak to her. How can someone give a silent treatment to the center of our solar system? When I lived in the desert, I yelled at the sun every single day! And if your sun is Karen, you have more to yell about. Thanks but no thanks for the skin cancer and blabbermouthing, sun! I have on SPF 90 so don't think your tricks will work today! But nothing. At lunch, Hannie and Nancy are going to far out of their way to act like they don't hate Karen that it seems like they really do and are hanging around only to mock her.
What a horrendous day. Karen informs us that her art skills are unparalleled and her collage in art class exquisite (her word), but Hank looks away when passing her the glue she requests. No amount of Elmers can stick together her broken heart after such a cold shouldering.
Chapter 15
Back to Nancy's! I do not enjoy the "watch others clean a house" genre unless it's the house of a former hoarder or that movie about the documentary about Grey Gardens, so I'm going to need to borrow my imagination to care about this.
But wait! Nancy was serious when she said she was abandoning the good deeds plan, and is now commencing Operation: Pregnant Forever. As long as she has Pokey she doesn't see why her parents need a baby, so she's going to erase her doctor's appointment from the calendar and hide the suitcases her mom meant to bring to the hospital. Scientific! Ms. Colman is truly the best of educators and not at all a hack. Karen is nervous about inducing a perma-pregnancy, but decides she can't risk Nancy's friendship. Not now. Not after the collage incident. They hide the parenting books in the back of the freshly-cleaned closet. Why do her parents have books about raising children? They already have a seven year old. Did they not care about that one and now they're serious? That explains why they haven't sat Nancy down to address the feelings that every only child has in anticipation of a baby. She's just the first pancake of the batch that you throw away anyway because you didn't heat your skillet properly yet. Nancy! Don't worry! I think this means your parents already don't love you. So you won't lose any love after the birth of baby x. Look at me solving problems!
Karen is jealous of how well I handled that situation so she left.
Chapter 16
The kids have started verbally abusing Karen. She is so relieved to have attention she doesn't even give a care if it's negative or positive. She walks past the twins who glower at her existence to see Nancy. Here's an update: Nancy still thinks the baby won't come if her parents aren't prepared. If that were true I would have way fewer cousins. Hannie agrees.
Natalie goes to speech class. All the kids wish her well and promise her she can borrow their assorted notes upon her return. Karen is relieved all the kids are united by love for our girl, and decides the only thing left is to extract herself from the mire she already inserted herself in. Down with secrets! Up with openness! She is going to make herself heard. Can I preach it like I feel it?
Chapter 17
I am in love with how this book is written, real talk. Y'all are missing out by only reading my recap.
Karen's running her idea to apologize by Hannie and Nancy. They are in favor. She stands up and announces to all that she has Something to say to Natalie, and if you want to hear it you should meet her outside on the playground. Karen! There is a difference between not keeping secrets and oversharing. You're that person on my Facebook feed who complains about her boyfriend in status updates. I always mean to delete you but secretly I feed off of your broadcast drama because I am kind of a bad person. Meet you on the playground as soon as I shotgun this chocolate milk.
By the time Karen reaches a tree and turns, her class has assembled itself. She realizes she didn't plan a speech, and curses at herself for not attending those Toastmaster sessions David Michael raves about. She decides to lay it all out - Natalie. Sorry about how I took your business and told everyone about it and then apologized publicly which effectively put your shit on blast some more. She's satisfied with how that went, and then adds that she only told one person who swore not to tell, who did the same until it was just like a game of Telephone and soon Amy's name is Harry and Natalie is going to have a brain operation. Ha! You know?
Then she actually acts totally reasonable and says she only told Nancy because she was worried, and not be spiteful. What a well constructed speech! Karen deserves the bow she takes, except the act of bowing after the apology is douchey and cancels out the deserving. Speeches are tricky! That's why Natalie goes to a class three times a week. Also her lisp.
Natalie accepts the apology, everyone apologizes, and we all learn a lesson we'll remember until the end of this book but not apply to any books after this. Hugs!
Chapter 18
Back at the Dawes homestead, Nancy tells Karen that she's been inspired to come clean to her own parents about her actions. Karen will come with, because she's not so different from me. We both feed off of other people's mundane dramas.
They go to find Nancy's momma apologizing about missing her doctor's appointment. Suddenly coming clean seems like a mistaaaake. Too late! Mme Dawes recradles the phone and asks the girls what they need. They fess up. Mrs. Dawes responds in a loud voice that is not outdoorsy but rather angry. Karen is sent home because you don't need multiple head aches, and Karen wisely advises Nancy to know no fear, and tell the truth. That words hangs like a whisper her wake. The truuuuuth....uuuuth....thhhhh.
Chapter 19
Just kidding! Karen didn't actually leave. She continues standing as Nancy cries. She hopes to herself that no one will mind. She reveals her fears and motivation for everything. Her mother pulls her up onto her lap, and Karen clears her throat. She is granted permission to stay, and pulls up a chair to live tweet the redemption for her followers (Goosie). After some heartfelt proclamations Karen suddenly remembers the time Emily Michelle came and Karen tried to get attention by acting good and then bad, even though at the beginning of this book Karen claimed no such thing had ever happened.
The girls promise to undo all the bad they've done, but not the good! Remember the good? It was...it was pretty good, right? Mrs. Dawes agrees that it was, and lies to her daughter that she would be loved even if she hadn't done it.
Chapter 20
Another rained out recess. Bobby invites Karen to join a game of Telephone. The other members of the game sigh, knowing this marks the death of any chance they had at enjoying themselves. When the secret gets to Karen, she make a big show of how she won't yell out the sentence. It goes on for so long. Finally, she whispers into Hannie's ear the phrase as she best understood it. Her classmates cheer! I often exaggerate what happens, but according to this ghostwriter everyone applauds Karen for following the rules of Telephone. Or maybe Karen is broken and is no longer a very reliable narrator.
In the end the sentence is all wrong and it's totally dumb, since the original phrase was "Rain rain go away, Come again another day" which is so famous and part of every child's cultural well, that there is no way it would get misspoken even if you couldn't hear all the way. For realsies. This is why I hate Telephone. Stop calling. Stop calling. I don't want to wait anymore.
Luckily, Natalie saves the day by suggesting we all play Speech Class. In the end, Karen liberated Natalie from her prison of secrets. The true moral of this book is that if someone tells you something you should always announce it to everyone right away, both to avoid the Telephone Effect and to save the original secret haver from themselves.
I think we all learned something today. I know I did.
Okay great. I knew I could trust -
you. fucking. bitch.
Chapter 1
Cast your memories back a few volumes and you might remember that the all-important task of naming Nancy's unborn sibling has fallen to her, Nancy Dawes. So she's called together this little focus group of herself and one (1) Karen Brewer. Suggestions?
Karen, whose heart beats red, white and blue, thinks more children should be named after the founding fathers who made this country great for other rich white men, unless they are girls and then should be named after the Baby-Sitter's Little Sisters who take up too much of my memory bank with their shenanigans. Luckily, Nancy is saved from having respond by Karen giving us a brief taste of the autobiography yet to come. When I was a child I thought this was how all novels had to work, and when I started reading "real" books I was all "How am I supposed to follow this shit if I don't know how what color eyes the narrator has?"
Nancy interrupts Karen's internal monologue about how Nancy has no follow-through in this naming business, to think aloud that she should sabotage any chance the baby has of being more well-loved than she. She lays herself supine on the most convenient couch, and Karen flips to a new page in her legal pad. Nancy frets that the new infant will be infinitely more skilled than her in every area possible and even some imaginary ones, like communicating with velociraptors and Scientology. Karen mutters something half-hearted about how fun it'll be to be a big sister, but Nancy is too busy hatching a scheme to be the best daughter ever, ensuring that at least 50% of her parents' child-love will be forever set aside for her, no matter how cute this interloper turns out to be. Andrew chooses this moment to kick the door in, yell about cookies, and leave. If that didn't convince Nancy how awesome Older Sister-ing can be, I don't know what will.
Chapter 2
Karen hints that she is both a big sister AND a little sister, and her house is both big AND little. She asks us how this can be, like she's the Sphinx of Stoneybrook or something. A mirror! A man! Instead of murdering me for not knowing, she just tells me the answer in great detail, which is worse. At the end she talks about how she was a little sister four times, and a big sister twice, in addition to being a two-two, which is of course a constant state.
Chapter 3
Rain plagues the playgrounds of Stoneybrook Academy, imprisoning all indoors, even for recess. Karen pouts that she's missing out on prime running around time, even though nearly every recess scene we're ever shown involves her standing around or gently tossing a stone into some chalked squares with numbers. Karen ignores my valid point to mention that one out of one Ms. Colmans agree: it's good for Karen to run around outside during recess. I wonder how many conversations had between the two of them end with Ms. Colman obscurely referencing the hell her college degree has brought upon her with Karen being none-the-wiser.
Remember Karen's agony over not being able to frolic in open fields while an inoffensive rock song plays in the background? All it takes is Hi-C writing the names of some extremely non-fun indoor games on the chalkboard for K.Brew to 180 back to effusive joy! Second grade fucking rules! I can't believe I haven't played Seven Up in fifteen years! But all those other lame games are obfuscated by the blinding light emanating from one beautiful word: Telephone. Karen shrieks "Ring-ring" to communicate her love of communication, and Hi C calming reminds her that outdoor-voices are for outdoors and days when our fearless leader is not nursing a hangover. Karen obliges, lowers her volumes, raises her pitch, and rings some more. Good enough?
The Telephone group is obvs the bossest one to be in. All 3Ms are together, because individual interests are very much frowned upon in any friendship, Nat is representing the droopy socks division, the anti 3Ms and Ricky are all in a line. Colman gives them a sentence and Karen gives us the downlow - Telephone has serious side effects, including raucous laughter and mind-blowing. Do not attempt to play this solo because that wouldn't make any sense. Let's rock slash roll.
Karen's psyched when her number in the group is seven, ensuring that the sentence will be extra-silly by the time it hits her. She's so busy cluing us in about this that she forgets the only thing she's supposed to do in this game she supposedly adores - whisper it in the ear of Jannie. Instead she shouts what she believes she hears, probably so the following drama will distract the reader from thinking about how totally not-silly "Amy's name is Harry and her hubby's name is Sal!" is. Don't worry, guys, I got your back. Sentence: you leave a lot to be desired. Illustration on the facing page: you do not. Karen is bush babying it up, and has both hands clasped over her mouth, hoping to force the sound waves to turn around and return to their place of origin before anyone notices that this is not standard Telephone protocol. From Nancy's bitchface, she has probably not succeeding. Natalie is opening her mouth in what looks like the first few seconds of horrified bawling, and Bobby looks scandalized. I know, Bobby. How could Amy's name be Harry? That's preposterous!
Jannie lets Karen know that she's shattered the rules of Telephone with the might hammer of Thor, and now this game is ruined. These kids are so upset about being deprived of their Telephone turn you'd think that being classmates with Karen wasn't the worst thing that ever happened to them. Karen yawps her apology, and it is only now that the rest of the class falls silent to cast a wary eye on the Telephone group. I guess twenty questions doesn't seem so bad now. Karen clears her throat and requests another sentence from Ms. Colman. The camera freeze-frames on her exaggerated "Whatcha gonna do?" face and the Chapter Three credits roll. Featuring: Tony Danza as Bobby Gianelli.
Chapter 4
Karen and Nancy can't go home together because Nancy needs to tag along to the OB/GYN appointment her mom made. The old issues of Highlights with all those "spot the differences" already circled are a welcome relief from the Kare-Blare. This book is wrought with completely unnecessary parentheticals (parentheses are sometimes used to indicate order of operations in mathematical equations). More and more children get picked up by their mommies. And then there were two.
Karen's been around the block, mental breakdown-wise, so she knows the score when Nat is chewing her nails and tugging her socks. Since that is what she does 90% of the time she is "on camera", I am amazed when Karen's right and there is worry tugging at Natalie's heart. Natalie! What do you need? I'll help you, I'll fight for us. Natalie won't reveal her angst source when Karen initially prods, hinting only at her problem's secretive nature. Karen fails miserably at maintaining her cool when she offers her secret-keeping skills. Natalie is nervous about the fact that Karen's pupils dialated to occupy nearly her entire pupil, and her slip up during Telephone earlier, and also every other time she has ever tried to do anything. Karen presses. Natalie refuses. Karen wheedles. Natalie cannot be moved. Karen begs. No means no, Karen!
And then it doesn't. Natalie leans in to whisper, but all Karen can her are the sibilant sounds of "psst", "psst", and "psst!". After a few failed attempts to get any English words from that, Karen reminds Nat that they are the only ones around. For real? They're unsupervised? I hope the secret involves better school security in the future. But soft! What news escapes Nat's lips on winged words? The principal extremely vaguely told her she has to take a test? Natalie is horrified to consider the test's nature. What if it's to see if she's too dumb to be in second grade? What if it's to reproduce the Periodic Table of Elements from memory and she asks a question but then the test administer is all "I have a question, why aren't you wearing pants?" and she isn't like in that dream she had last night? It could happen. Karen wonders why everyone around her recently suffers from intense self esteem issues and is so prone to paranoia about every piece of news. Much like how she told Nancy that being an older sibling could be fun, Karen suggests maybe the test is for something good. When Nat demands an example of a good test, Karen is stumped. Maybe it's a test to see if you're a genius, or a test to see which local pizza delivery service is the most delicious, or a test that lets you miss gym class and draw unicorns instead? I thought of those in like, ten seconds, and I wasn't even smart enough to skip a grade. What's Karen's deal?
Natalie resigns herself to her fear, and tells Karen she's better not give Natalie another thing to worry about by blabbing her big mouth all over the place. Karen swears on "Karen Brewer's honor", which is supposedly just as good as that of a scout. Thankfully, both the mommies arrive simultaneously, saving Natalie from spraining a retina as she eye-rolls to the heavens. Karen pantomimes physically holding the secret inside of her by mouth-covering. You probably shouldn't hearken back to like, two hours ago, when you couldn't even keep a secret for thirty seconds for the sake of a game. It does not inspire confidence.
Chapter 5
Karen hopes the doorbell she hears is for her and Goosie. Oh, such luck! It is! Nancy strolls in, fresh from her brush with the unborn at the doctor's. She promises her tale will be amazing, and Karen's eyes dance. She loves amazing stories. Me too! I wish I were reading one!
Just kidding! How could my heart not be warmed by Nancy's poetry. Babies hearts, as heard through stethescopes, sound like this: glub-glub. Karen suffers these details only with the thought she she herself might give motherhood a whirl in the future, and one can never be too prepared. Nanners also saw her soon to be sib on the sonogram screen! That thing has fingers. Nancy pronounces the creature to be "a real baby in there", so obviously she's picked up a lot of scientific know-how since we saw her last. She hopes that displacing her mother's internal organs is the bee knees for baby x - maybe it'll set up camp for awhile and spare her a few years of knowing her parents are only pretending to love her. Karen wisely states that she doubts Mommy Dawes will allow that parasite to stay inside of her forever. Parents just don't understand, amirite baby x and also Will Smith? Yes.
Nancy decides to launch plan Victor Alpha Red October ASAP, so they start compiling a list of good deeds to do to earn love. In the picture, the duo have literally put their heads together. One of the proposed "nice things to do" is to nag Daddy Dawes about folding the endless piles of laundry. That is indeed the quickest way into a person's heart, according to that part of my brain that always thinks bad ideas are good ones. Good job, girls!
After Nancy's departure, Karen hallucinates that Goosie has demanded to hear our fair Natalie's secret. Karen gasps as this affront to both her and Natalie's honor. How dare you, Goosie? I trusted you.
Chapter 6
Back at the daily grind, Karen is copying her spelling words. She turns around to wave and Nancy. She does this often throughout the series, and I cannot remember similar behavior having been exhibited by myself or my peers. Maybe we were just a little more secure in our friendships. Maybe we weren't possessed to constantly remind our pawns that they could never escape. "You think that you're safe because I can't see you, don't you Nancy" Karen thinks to herself as she wiggles her fingers. "Don't think that I won't turn around every twenty minutes to check on your for signs of a brewing mutiny. Cute barrettes! Back to spelling!" Karen reads her book. She is in the middle of thinking about how The Witches is practically a novelization of her own life because of Morbida Destiny when a PA crashes her thought party. Natalie Springer is needed at the nurses office. Stat!
A quick glance tells K.Brew all she needs to know - Natalie is sad and that means she will probably die en route to the health center. Oh my god oh my god. Why must You always call your angels back to You in Heaven? How can Ms. Colman expect us to concentrate on our math lesson when the best of us is being taken so soon? I'm going to light some candles and put them around Natalie's desk, along with some school photos and a cross I made out of some twigs from the playground that I now realize looks kind of Blair Witch-esque so I hope no one notices. Amen.
THERE YOU ARE! Natalie's been sitting solo at the class cafeteria waiting for lunch to begin. She's even more sad than when she was called away. She cannot be coaxed into sparing a single detail, and Karen is so distraught she can't eat her - where did her lunch go? Why are there crumbs all over her face? This is too many mysteries to handle in one lunch period! Karen pushes her chair away from her table and runs outside to console herself with hopscotch and Nancy's company. All she can think about is her non-confrontation, as is pictured for us. Karen's mouth is totally full in this drawing, and a banner in the background announces WED IS PIZZA. Natalie is turned away from the PIZZA sign, probably because she has stomach AIDS cross-bred with anthrax and can never eat pizza again. Natalie! Your bangs are so cute! Also be careful because Karen looks like she is looking for a place to wipe her greasy hands, and your flowered sweater could be her next victim! I would tell you to cheer up but no one can be that heroic in the face of such a situation. Bye Natalie! Karen obviously did what she could. Onto the next thing.
Which, unless this is the first sentence of my recap you are reading, you obviously know is "tell Nancy the secret". Nancy swears not to tell anyone. Trust.
Chapter 7
Natalie is getting called to see the nurse again. I didn't even recover from last time! Karen turns around to make a tortured face at Nancy, but the latter is notably busy engaging in a whisper match with Hannie. On Wednesday, she's called a third time. Now, Karen observes that the whole back row is concerned. On Friday, half the class has their mouths tied in a worry-knot. Obvs they've noted the frequency with which Natalie is called to the infirmary. What could be the reason? Swine flu? Pegasus flu? Or worse - the Stacey Strand of Diabetes? Karen decides to have a talk with recently-been-in-the-presence-of-a-doctor Nancy at recess to see what can be seen. She throat clears and tries to get Hannie to scram, needing to see Miss Dawes in private. But what's this? Nancy let it slip that Natalie has alien pancreas cancer? I guess that's alright. Musketeers and all. Karen wonders if the nurse is trying to find the cause of Natalie's clumsiness. Um, if there's found to be a genetic link to the extremely adorkable dropsies Natalie has from time to time, then inject me with that junk. It'll up my chances of being the lead in a romantic comedy by at least 700%, and then people will stop asking me to hold their babies.
By the way, this is only between us, right?
Chapter 8
This heavy plot threatens even the stoutest-hearted reader with compassion fatigue, so lets do some good deeds at Nancy's like we've been talking about for what I believe to be weeks. Guest-starring, Pokey the kitten! Like every pet this side of Connecticut, Pokey is named after an unlikely character who was at first super weird and annoying but then you realized wasn't so bad after all and then you pretty much forgot about - the poke function on Facebook. And he is adorable. Nancy all but chucks him into the nearest closet to remind us that no amount of cuteness can get in the way of our goal. They begin dusting.
Mama Dawes exits her study to ask if the girls wouldn't rather go ride their bicycles or whatever it is that kids these days do. Or is dusting hip again? We can't keep up with your Bieber Fevers and only rolling up one pant leg! The girls ignore this and continue working. And it totally pays off. Then they gather all their aplomb and enthusiasm for leave-raking! Best Saturday ever! They get called back inside for cocoa and peanut butter and raisin cookies. No thanks, Mrs. Dawes. My religion prevents me from eating meat on Fridays and also things that I find disgusting. Mr. Dawes asks if the girls have something they'd like to discuss. Nancy puts her acting skills to good use as she pretends to think, only to come up with nothing. The parents prod further. Suddenly, Karen is awfully good at secret-keeping and claims the only thing she'd like to talk about is if the Daweses have anything in particular they'd like cleaned next. The parents shake their heads, wordlessly wondering if drugs are already something they need to be worrying about, as Nancy and Karen frolic to the basement in search of more work.
Chapter 9
No wonder Ms. Colman is the greatest! The class is about to embark on a journey of learning as the read about another class's journey through the stars on a Magic School Bus! Karen has the patience of a person waiting for their popcorn to start popping at only three- or four-second intervals and demands spoilers. For "The Magic Schoolbus". Remember how Mrs. Frizzle in that book always had to be like "Arnold, are you listening?" I was the Arnold of my class when we read those books. And the answer was always "No."
Natalie gets called to the nurse's again. What is with this? Is it always a surprise to everyone whether or not the nurse will need to see Natalie? Don't they have an established meeting time or something? Natalie shuffles to the door, socks askew. Karen resolves to learn the secret of Natalie's heart, but no Magic Schoolbus can take you there. Friendship is the only transportation available. That and breaking someone's will with constant hounding. You don't have to demand spoilers to know which is the preferred method of Karens the world over!
She corners Nat at lunch time, demanding answers. Natalie has already been put through the ringer, thrice weekly for some time now, so it doesn't take much before her brave front crumbles. Let us in, Natalie. Except not Karen. Just me. Let the right one in. Which is me.
Natalie needs to go to speech classes to correct her lisp! Karen is relieved, since none of those words seem like death is imminent. But Natalie is not comforted in the knowledge that she'll be leading a long and healthy life, full of saying her 's's in front of a mirror. She begs Karen to keep this to herself, worried about the shame that will befall her house if people find out she has a lisp. Oh woe. Oh woe.
Chapter 10
Karen has to actively remind herself not to blurt the story she just heard. She quickly amends her mantra, upgrading from her original amount of people she'll allow herself to tell (zero) to a new and improved number (two). She can't let Hancy worry needlessly or continue to draft the speeches they'll give at Natalie's funeral if Natalie is actually fine. First, she has to visualize how she'll tell this secret, using the techniques from The Secret. This isn't going to be like that time she yelled the sentence for everyone to hear. This is going to be like the time she first told Nancy the secret she wasn't supposed to tell anyone. She opens her eyes. Good visualization session. Let's make this a realization.
She recaps the conversation we just read three pages ago. Nancy is relieved and wants to play hopscotch. Good thing you can get your energy out at this recess, Karen. She thinks to herself that she wants to pretend she's at speech class like Natalie and practice her s words. I was in a speech class in France and it actually is super fun, until you hurt yourself trying to make that 'rrr' sound. But Nancy and Hannie don't buy it, and they head to the courts. Suddenly, Hannie excuses herself to converse furtively with Hank Reubens, because they have such an established closeness as we've seen in other books I'm sure. Karen wonders what's going on, but her crazed desire to drag everything out of everyone apparently doesn't extend this far. She looks at her special hopscotch stone. This is how life is supposed to be, man.
Chapter 11
Karen greets Natalie with the enthusiasm of a 50s housewife in a commercial for baking soda. Natalie responds with the enthusiasm of a normal person talking about baking soda. She then exits after attendance to head to speech class. Jannie starts weeping. Ms. Colman seems unconcerned about the young girl's plight, but at least now she won't have to fake her way through a lesson plan just yet. Jannie hiccups that her tears are being spilled for Natalie, which, obviously. There's no one else worth crying over in this entire township. Jannie's worried because she heard Nat's going to have an operation. Bobby corrects this by saying Natalie is actually going blind, silly. Hank cooly interjects that she's just going to speech class, god. Women. Always getting hysterical after attendance. Ms. Colman tries to calm the class, even though it didn't seem like anyone but Jannie needed calming. Ricky throws his desk at the wall, having had enough! Either Colman set the record straight right now, or he is going to fucking lose it, lady. Colman verifies Hank's story, all are relieved. This exchange has taken up exactly one speech class's worth of time, and Nat King Cole is back. Everyone stares. She blushes, too perfect even in her humility. Hank demands to know how speech class went.
Ricky is setting his desk up back in its home, explaining that some people got a little over-excited in their worries that Natalie was on death's door, when Hank cleared everything up. Natalie wants to know how Hank knew when Hank is not Karen, probably, and Karen is the only one she told. Everyone tears their eyeballs away from Natalie and turns them on Karen.
Chapter 12
Despite Karen singing to herself about meanie looks not being able to hurt her as would a stick or a stone, she does not seem that okay.
Chapter 13
Nancy invites Karen over to her house after school. She's excited about the prospect of doing some more good deeds. They act like the main problem isn't even happening and clean out the hall closet. Then they go sort laundry. Mrs. Dawes comes downstairs to observe. She's had enough of this A&E feature mystery, and wants to get down to brass tacks: what. the fuck. is with them. Karen muses that she did get into trouble at school today, but that's not why she's suddenly so into organization. Mama D leaves, seemingly unsatisfied, with her daughter even more so. Since Mama thinks doing good things means Nancy did something bad, she should just...start...being bad. I guess. She was more convincing than I am, so just accept this.
Chapter 14
Even though when last she left her school everyone was yelling at everyone, they've all made up in the name of channeling their anger at our narrator. Even Natalie and Bobby are partnering up to deliver you the freshest banter of the decade: Don't tell Karen secrets because she often tells them. Nailed it!
During attendance, Karen wishes she could say "I wish I weren't" instead of "here". She probably could, nothing's stopping her. Except the fact that everyone else would say "I know right" and then high-five or fist-bump. Karen frets that she'll have to divorce Ricky because of all this.
Even being made the sun can't motivate her planet/moon classmates to speak to her. How can someone give a silent treatment to the center of our solar system? When I lived in the desert, I yelled at the sun every single day! And if your sun is Karen, you have more to yell about. Thanks but no thanks for the skin cancer and blabbermouthing, sun! I have on SPF 90 so don't think your tricks will work today! But nothing. At lunch, Hannie and Nancy are going to far out of their way to act like they don't hate Karen that it seems like they really do and are hanging around only to mock her.
What a horrendous day. Karen informs us that her art skills are unparalleled and her collage in art class exquisite (her word), but Hank looks away when passing her the glue she requests. No amount of Elmers can stick together her broken heart after such a cold shouldering.
Chapter 15
Back to Nancy's! I do not enjoy the "watch others clean a house" genre unless it's the house of a former hoarder or that movie about the documentary about Grey Gardens, so I'm going to need to borrow my imagination to care about this.
But wait! Nancy was serious when she said she was abandoning the good deeds plan, and is now commencing Operation: Pregnant Forever. As long as she has Pokey she doesn't see why her parents need a baby, so she's going to erase her doctor's appointment from the calendar and hide the suitcases her mom meant to bring to the hospital. Scientific! Ms. Colman is truly the best of educators and not at all a hack. Karen is nervous about inducing a perma-pregnancy, but decides she can't risk Nancy's friendship. Not now. Not after the collage incident. They hide the parenting books in the back of the freshly-cleaned closet. Why do her parents have books about raising children? They already have a seven year old. Did they not care about that one and now they're serious? That explains why they haven't sat Nancy down to address the feelings that every only child has in anticipation of a baby. She's just the first pancake of the batch that you throw away anyway because you didn't heat your skillet properly yet. Nancy! Don't worry! I think this means your parents already don't love you. So you won't lose any love after the birth of baby x. Look at me solving problems!
Karen is jealous of how well I handled that situation so she left.
Chapter 16
The kids have started verbally abusing Karen. She is so relieved to have attention she doesn't even give a care if it's negative or positive. She walks past the twins who glower at her existence to see Nancy. Here's an update: Nancy still thinks the baby won't come if her parents aren't prepared. If that were true I would have way fewer cousins. Hannie agrees.
Natalie goes to speech class. All the kids wish her well and promise her she can borrow their assorted notes upon her return. Karen is relieved all the kids are united by love for our girl, and decides the only thing left is to extract herself from the mire she already inserted herself in. Down with secrets! Up with openness! She is going to make herself heard. Can I preach it like I feel it?
Chapter 17
I am in love with how this book is written, real talk. Y'all are missing out by only reading my recap.
Karen's running her idea to apologize by Hannie and Nancy. They are in favor. She stands up and announces to all that she has Something to say to Natalie, and if you want to hear it you should meet her outside on the playground. Karen! There is a difference between not keeping secrets and oversharing. You're that person on my Facebook feed who complains about her boyfriend in status updates. I always mean to delete you but secretly I feed off of your broadcast drama because I am kind of a bad person. Meet you on the playground as soon as I shotgun this chocolate milk.
By the time Karen reaches a tree and turns, her class has assembled itself. She realizes she didn't plan a speech, and curses at herself for not attending those Toastmaster sessions David Michael raves about. She decides to lay it all out - Natalie. Sorry about how I took your business and told everyone about it and then apologized publicly which effectively put your shit on blast some more. She's satisfied with how that went, and then adds that she only told one person who swore not to tell, who did the same until it was just like a game of Telephone and soon Amy's name is Harry and Natalie is going to have a brain operation. Ha! You know?
Then she actually acts totally reasonable and says she only told Nancy because she was worried, and not be spiteful. What a well constructed speech! Karen deserves the bow she takes, except the act of bowing after the apology is douchey and cancels out the deserving. Speeches are tricky! That's why Natalie goes to a class three times a week. Also her lisp.
Natalie accepts the apology, everyone apologizes, and we all learn a lesson we'll remember until the end of this book but not apply to any books after this. Hugs!
Chapter 18
Back at the Dawes homestead, Nancy tells Karen that she's been inspired to come clean to her own parents about her actions. Karen will come with, because she's not so different from me. We both feed off of other people's mundane dramas.
They go to find Nancy's momma apologizing about missing her doctor's appointment. Suddenly coming clean seems like a mistaaaake. Too late! Mme Dawes recradles the phone and asks the girls what they need. They fess up. Mrs. Dawes responds in a loud voice that is not outdoorsy but rather angry. Karen is sent home because you don't need multiple head aches, and Karen wisely advises Nancy to know no fear, and tell the truth. That words hangs like a whisper her wake. The truuuuuth....uuuuth....thhhhh.
Chapter 19
Just kidding! Karen didn't actually leave. She continues standing as Nancy cries. She hopes to herself that no one will mind. She reveals her fears and motivation for everything. Her mother pulls her up onto her lap, and Karen clears her throat. She is granted permission to stay, and pulls up a chair to live tweet the redemption for her followers (Goosie). After some heartfelt proclamations Karen suddenly remembers the time Emily Michelle came and Karen tried to get attention by acting good and then bad, even though at the beginning of this book Karen claimed no such thing had ever happened.
The girls promise to undo all the bad they've done, but not the good! Remember the good? It was...it was pretty good, right? Mrs. Dawes agrees that it was, and lies to her daughter that she would be loved even if she hadn't done it.
Chapter 20
Another rained out recess. Bobby invites Karen to join a game of Telephone. The other members of the game sigh, knowing this marks the death of any chance they had at enjoying themselves. When the secret gets to Karen, she make a big show of how she won't yell out the sentence. It goes on for so long. Finally, she whispers into Hannie's ear the phrase as she best understood it. Her classmates cheer! I often exaggerate what happens, but according to this ghostwriter everyone applauds Karen for following the rules of Telephone. Or maybe Karen is broken and is no longer a very reliable narrator.
In the end the sentence is all wrong and it's totally dumb, since the original phrase was "Rain rain go away, Come again another day" which is so famous and part of every child's cultural well, that there is no way it would get misspoken even if you couldn't hear all the way. For realsies. This is why I hate Telephone. Stop calling. Stop calling. I don't want to wait anymore.
Luckily, Natalie saves the day by suggesting we all play Speech Class. In the end, Karen liberated Natalie from her prison of secrets. The true moral of this book is that if someone tells you something you should always announce it to everyone right away, both to avoid the Telephone Effect and to save the original secret haver from themselves.
I think we all learned something today. I know I did.