Mary Anne + 2 Many Babies - 3 Brain Cells x 6 Sitters = Clusterf*ck!
Chapters One thru Five
Chapter Six
A babysitting chapter. Kristy's handwriting. I want to pass this up, but I'm reading the notebook entry and WHAT'S THIS?! Kristy and Mortal Enemy #2 (next to Cokie Mason) ALAN GRAY got "married"?! And their "egg baby" is a boy named IZZY?! I have to read this babysitting chapter!
So yeah, Kristy got paired up with Alan "Can't Decide If He's a Bully Or A Class Clown" Gray. Mary Anne says she had a cow at first, but then it turned out Alan was actually a pretty good father to the "egg baby." And Alan was the one who wanted to name his boy "Izzy." Sorry, but when I think of a character named Izzy, I always think of Katherine fucking Heigl on "Grey's Anatomy." But this is a bsc-snark, so I'll keep my Katherine Heigl rants to myself.
The...ahem, "loving parents" fixed Izzy up in a flannel-and-felt-lined shoe box that also has a music box in it to develop a music appreciation (courtesy of Alan) and tiny charts and pictures on the walls to stimulate Izzy's learning cells (Kristy, of course). And unlike the couples in the class arguing over who got stuck with their egg, Kristy and Alan argue over who got to take the egg home with them.
Wow. Alan's actually sort of taking this project seriously? And is that good about a baby egg? Hey, Kristy, might want to consider hiring Alan as a BSC member. I'm just sayin'.
Anyhoo, babysitting the Papadakiseseseses. Kristy gets to explain her "pretend egg son" and "pretend marriage" to Hannie and Linny, about taking him everywhere with her and "feeding" him. Then Alan calls, checking on Izzy. (Awww, Alan's playing the role of the concerned parent! How sweet!) Kristy says Izzy's fine, but....he seems kind of shy here. You know, new faces.
The face of nervousness, you guys.
They talk about Izzy's socialization skills a little longer (you guys, he's not even a week old; he can't even decide which side of his shoebox he wants to poop on yet), and Hannie and Linny get bored. They take Sari and decide to go play in the playroom, but they at least tell Kristy first. She talks to Alan about ten more minutes about Izzy. Wow, Kristy. You're kind of not paying attention to the REAL kids.
When she gets off the phone, she realizes Izzy's not in his shoebox. OH NOES. She goes into insta-freakout mode and asks Hannie and Linny where Izzy is. Welllll....Linny decided to take Izzy out of the shoebox and show him around the playroom. Now we have to find the egg before something bad happens. Turns out Sari had Izzy under a doll's blanket, playing with it like it really was a baby doll.
BTW, lots of egg-puns in this chapter. You name them, Linny made 'em. Eggs-sactly. Eggs-cellent. Egg-zample. Egg-citement. Egg-straordinary. Eggs, eggs, eggs. Easter was last week, too. I'm burned out on eggs. I got to make Easter pins at my job to boost employee morale and get into the holiday spirit. Wanna see the one I made for myself?:
I'm a regular Claudia. Eggs are in, you guys.
Okay, back on topic and back to the book.
Chapter Seven
Mary Anne and Logan named the baby! It's funny, I get this Family Flyer mailer once a month, and there's a section called "They Named The Baby!" for birth announcements, and I love love LOVE perusing them to see what messed-up named people are naming their kids these days. I just got one in the mail today, actually. So many variations on how to spell names, like Caylee or Kayleigh or Caeleigh, or Breeannah, or Katelinh (for example). My favorite was few months ago, "Merxiadeez." Which is quite literally, Mercedes. Can never forget that one.
Anyhoo...Mary Anne and Logan decided on Samantha, and are calling her Sammie for short. Cute. And they actually fix a basket for her lined with pink fabric, and colored her pink with food coloring and drew flowers and a basic S on her. (For "SuperEgg," really.) It's Easter time in the 'Brook, yo!
On this particular day, Logan has to take Kerry and Hunter to the park, and he's worried if he takes Sammie with, she'll get too much sun. (And cook in her shell. And smell funky.) So Mary Anne takes Sammie with her because she's just babysitting Rose and Ricky Salem that day, and figures it's easier to take care of three infants (really, two actual babies and an egg) than it would for Logan to take care of two active kids and an infant (egg).
And here's where the title of the book comes into play! If Sammie had been a real infant, she would have had to figure out how to feed her and rush upstairs to take care of twin infants. I won't go into details, really, but it's stressing on poor Mary Anne. Today's just a bad day for the twins. But you know...this sort of stuff happens with babies. Welcome to the real world, Mary Anne!
That evening at the Schafer-Spier household, Mary Anne tells Dawn about her ordeal, and they agree. Sounds like a nightmare, but they STILL want their parents to procreate. And the Kumbel catalog came in the mail (I guess the equivalent of the big ol' Sears catalog in the bsc-verse; who else here misses the Sears catalog?), so they turn to Mary Anne's favorite section: the BABY section, of course! (I think it's a requirement to be in love with the baby section if you're a BSC member.)
Richard and Sharon overhear Mary Anne and Dawn going nuts over baby shit, and flat-out tell them, "No more babies. Deal with it."
Chapter Eight
BSC meeting day. 7 BSC members + 3 babies X 14 chapters divided by pi = I HATE MATH.
Kristy has Izzy with her, Mary Anne has Sammie, and Stacey has Bobby with her. Yep, Stacey got knocked up by Austin Bentley, some random guy she and Claud share. Kinky. And Bobby lives in a plastic mixing bowl. Nice, Stacey. Make the baby feel like you're going to COOK it. She'll make a wonderful parent someday. (Whatever, that baby was a mistake and we all know it.)
After discussing egg babies, Kristy motions for any club business. And here's where we get the required tears expected of Mary Anne in ANY Mary Anne book. Why the fuck is she crying NOW? Because "Logan is always hogging Sammie!" BOO FUCKING HOO. Any normal mother would be GLAD to have the father take their baby off their hands for at least a half hour. If I were a mother, I'd be crying tears of relief that my baby daddy would want to spend more time with our kid. Now pony up some damn child support!
The phone rings, and they arrange a sitting job for the Gianellis (Stacey gets the job). "Claud phoned Mr. Gianelli back while I scribbled in the BSC record book. I love filling in those blank spaces." Mary Anne, you have NO LIFE.
Then Stacey picks this moment to say, "I don't know why you want to spend so much time with an egg." OH NO YOU DIDN'T, STACE. Mary Anne is aghast. "Sammie is my daughter!" But Stacey goes on and on about how she and Austin are doing this project and being very fair and careful, but what a pain it is. Having to stop and THINK about feeding Bobby, and having to take the baby shopping with her and her Mom, and she got to look around four baby departments to contemplate baby things while Maureen got to go buy FUN shit like clothes and books. In other words, Stacey's saying that babies need a lot of equipment and THAT shit is EXPENSIVE. Mary Anne tries arguing about how buying baby stuff is fun. "For five minutes," Stacey says.
See? As sort of selfish as Stacey comes off here, she has a point, and is trying to be as realistic about this from her normal teenager point of view. All of those "16 and Pregnant" and "Teen Mom" twats need to take a cue from Stacey McGill. I mean, really.
Mal tries to crack a joke about bacon and eggs. She and Jessi laugh. The rest of the BSC don't. Claud says, "You guys don't understand. You aren't parents yet." Well, neither are you, Claud. You don't have an egg baby, so STFU.
Then Jessi asks, "What's being married like?" Jessi, just ask your parents. Stacey and Kristy and Mary Anne talk about communicating and compromise and expenses, then Jessi and Mal point out that they didn't mention anything about love. Touché, junior members. Then Logan calls and reminds Mary Anne to feed Sammie. Kristy points out how much more time it would take to prepare formula for their babies. (And may I also mention how freaking EXPENSIVE formula is?! I ring up customers at my job for formula on WIC, and wow, it's outrageous how much grocery stores charge for baby formula. Highway robbery. WIC really does come in handy for that stuff.) They're getting off easy, really. Jessi and Mallory agree; Jessi points out that they're only doing this project for a month, and Mallory remembers how her mom was when she was pregnant with Claire (and the other six Pikes) and if Mrs. Pike had been in school while pregnant, she would have had to drop out. Kristy's all, "She had six other kids to care for" as if Mallory is stupid or something, but Mal points out that NONE of them know how tired you feel when you're pregnant, or how much more exhausted you feel after the baby comes. Sheesh, I have no idea HOW Mrs. Pike does it!
And then Mary Anne starts thinking about that crap if Sharon had a baby now. GIVE IT A REST, MARY ANNE. You have Dawn. Isn't that enough for you for a sister?
Chapter Nine
A babysitting chapter with Stacey. The Gianellis are new clients, and Bobby Gianelli goes to school with Karen "The Terror" Brewer. There is tape over the doorbell and a sign that reads "CHILD SLEEPING, PLEASE KNOCK." Ooo-kay. Alicia is napping, and Bobby is coming home from school soon. Mr. Gianelli asks Stacey what's in her mixing bowl, and before Stacey can explain the class project, he remembers the "egg" thing because he used to be a teacher.
So. After Mr. Gianelli leaves, Stacey talks to her egg in the mixing bowl and actually says, "Okay, pretend I'm feeding you. You're going to your father's tonight, I've got stuff to do, I'm way behind in everything." Wow, you'll be an EXCELLENT mother someday, Stace.
Alicia wakes up and asks Stacey what she's talking to. Stacey shows her the egg in her bowl, and Alicia freaks out. And guess what? Her egg has the same name as the older Gianelli kid. (Bobby). The human Bobby comes home, and they leave so he can go play football with his friends. While human Bobby plays, Stacey figures she and Alicia can walk to the brook and play, but Alicia refuses to go anywhere with that egg. So Stacey has to call Austin to pick up egg Bobby.
Then she does some MORE rational thinking, mainly about HER parental situation. What if she had no father to rely on to help out with HER kid? What if you can't leave your job if there's a problem with your kid? And then she starts thinking about how worried HER mother gets over HER, especially since Stacey has the diabeetus and her dad lives kind of far away in NYC. And how hard it must still be on Maureen. She talks about it with Mary Anne later on that night, and Mary Anne agrees that she used to worry about stuff like that when it was her and her dad and no mom for the longest time. Then Stacey says, "I'm going to wait until I'm really old before I have a human baby." Good idea.
Chapter Ten
Wow, Mary Anne realizes since they had their baby, she and Logan don't spend as much time together anymore. Welcome to the real world, Mary Anne! HEY! Why don't you hire a babysitter to egg-sit your kid?! I know a great babysitting club you can call for that stuff!...Oh wait.
So because Mary Anne doesn't want to impose on Richard and Sharon or Dawn (because Dawn is babysitting the Braddocks), she decides to bring Sammie with on their date.
And it's a fun time going to a movie with an Easter basket on top of everything else. Let's just leave it at that. Then they nearly LOSE Sammie the Egg. (Turns out she was wedged under Mary Anne's seat.) Then they have an argument over who takes Sammie home that night because Mary Anne nearly lost her. Aw, a lovers spat.
Chapter Eleven
ANOTHER babysitting chapter, Dawn and Mal at the Pikes. Hey, guess what? Dawn has to do the egg project, too. She was paired up with some guy named Aaron Albright whom Dawn doesn't like very much. (Dawn doesn't like very many boys, does she?) Their egg-baby is named Skip. Dawn had no say-so in the baby's name; she would've named the baby Douglas, "a good strong name." Skip just reminds me of the guy that Sharon had briefly dated before getting back together with Richard. Anyone else remember "The Skip-Man"? Hmm? Bueller?
The Pike kids are intrigued by Dawn's egg baby. Now they ALL want egg babies. So they "adopt" egg babies from the fridge. It's the Pike kids and a bunch of eggs. You can figure out how this will end up. Eggs will be broke, arguments will be had, the triplets will smear egg yolk all over Nicky, Claire will name her egg "Silly-billy-goo-goo" and Margo will throw up over the sight of egg yolk. Well, the last three didn't happen, but in my mind, they did.
Chapter Twelve
Shawna wants a divorce from Miles. It's not working out. It's couples therapy time for this edition of "Modern Living." And there's some craptacular editing in this chapter because I see quite a few missing quotation marks. Not only are things not working out for Shawna and Miles (Miles never wants to take responsibility for the baby with no name), another couple actually DID lose their baby-egg at the park and they're actually CRYING over it. Wow. Someone other than Mary Anne crying! And another kid actually speaks up and tells the teacher he can't do this project anymore because he plays two sports and is in school choir and has an after-school job and his parents are going through a divorce and basically, he's overwhelmed.
Mary Anne and Logan realize they're not the only ones having problems. Then Logan brings up how his parents had a big argument about money the other night at 2 AM. He still doesn't trust Mary Anne with Sammie. He takes Sammie with to baseball practice for gym. Mary Anne cries. What else is new?
Chapter Thirteen
Mary Anne gets to babysit the twins again. She's not over-the-moon about babies anymore. Mrs. Salem looks tired; the babies are running her ragged. Babies crying harder than normal, and it takes Mary Anne a long time to figure out why because they're both fed and changed. She calls Dawn over to help her out, and they realize the babies are TEETHING.
I seem to remember these girls giving Mallory Pike a hard time about just when babies start teething in "Hello Mallory." And they couldn't figure this shit out for themselves? Clueless thirteen-year-old girls who THINK they know all about babysitting. How I love this book series. (And Mary Anne couldn't have called Mallory, who's been through all sorts of younger baby siblings herself and probably DOES know more about this than they do? More proof than Ann hates Mal.)
Chapter Fourteen
The phone rings at the Schafer-Spier residence. Everyone's too beat to answer the phone. It's Logan. Sammie is WALKING and Logan recorded the moment on videotape. For REAL? No, he's calling just so he and Mary Anne could talk. But honestly, the way they've been acting about these dumb eggs makes me wonder.
They make up, and talk about how taking care of babies and kids is difficult. AND expensive. Mr. Bruno took Hunter in for a checkup, and that cost $75. (Back in 1992, anyway.) No wonder Mr. and Mrs. Bruno were fighting over money. Hell, Logan and Mary Anne can't even afford an egg. How sad is that? Maybe when you're older, things get easier, right? Not necessarily. Look at Kristy's parents (Elizabeth and Patrick, I mean). Look at Dawn's parents. Look at Stacey's parents.
After their discussion, Mary Anne and Dawn decide to throw the SearsKumbel catalog away. (You know Dawn fished it out of the garbage and took it to the recycling bin later.)
Chapter Fifteen
Mary Anne and Logan's final term paper for the class ends up to be 32 pages long. Good lord, this isn't a college dissertation! Now their teacher tells them their kids are 21 years old and time to leave the nest, so they need to write a final short composition. Mary Anne realizes, "My baby's going to leave me!" and automatically gets teary-eyed. (IT'S JUST AN EGG, MARY ANNE.)
So Sammie's going off to her first big important job in New York City in a publishing house. Where Mary Anne hopes to work someday. Wow, someone's living vicariously through their child. Goodbye lovely egg, and good luck. You'll make a fine omelet for the teacher.
BSC meeting. 7 members + no babies = FREEDOM!!!
Bobby went on to teach high school history.
Izzy is a car mechanic.
Claud's baby (Claud had a baby, too?!) will be an artist. Hopefully it will be smarter than it's mommy.
Dawn's is in med school. I'm sure if she had it her way, he'd be working with Greenpeace.
And by the way, Richard and Sharon got back to the topic of babies with Dawn and Mary Anne. They say no more kids, but maaaaybe another pet? .....Nah, Tigger's enough.
Here's my final note before I end my snark. I'm in the point of my life where I'm questioning my own maternal instinct at the age of 30 with no kids of my own and not feeling compelled to go goo-goo over the sight of a baby. Maybe I'll feel differently when and if I ever have one of my own. I don't know. Regardless, Happy Early Mothers' Day everybody. Now go buy your mother some candy and flowers; she puts up with a lot.
Th-th-that's all, folks!
Chapter Six
A babysitting chapter. Kristy's handwriting. I want to pass this up, but I'm reading the notebook entry and WHAT'S THIS?! Kristy and Mortal Enemy #2 (next to Cokie Mason) ALAN GRAY got "married"?! And their "egg baby" is a boy named IZZY?! I have to read this babysitting chapter!
So yeah, Kristy got paired up with Alan "Can't Decide If He's a Bully Or A Class Clown" Gray. Mary Anne says she had a cow at first, but then it turned out Alan was actually a pretty good father to the "egg baby." And Alan was the one who wanted to name his boy "Izzy." Sorry, but when I think of a character named Izzy, I always think of Katherine fucking Heigl on "Grey's Anatomy." But this is a bsc-snark, so I'll keep my Katherine Heigl rants to myself.
The...ahem, "loving parents" fixed Izzy up in a flannel-and-felt-lined shoe box that also has a music box in it to develop a music appreciation (courtesy of Alan) and tiny charts and pictures on the walls to stimulate Izzy's learning cells (Kristy, of course). And unlike the couples in the class arguing over who got stuck with their egg, Kristy and Alan argue over who got to take the egg home with them.
Wow. Alan's actually sort of taking this project seriously? And is that good about a baby egg? Hey, Kristy, might want to consider hiring Alan as a BSC member. I'm just sayin'.
Anyhoo, babysitting the Papadakiseseseses. Kristy gets to explain her "pretend egg son" and "pretend marriage" to Hannie and Linny, about taking him everywhere with her and "feeding" him. Then Alan calls, checking on Izzy. (Awww, Alan's playing the role of the concerned parent! How sweet!) Kristy says Izzy's fine, but....he seems kind of shy here. You know, new faces.
The face of nervousness, you guys.
They talk about Izzy's socialization skills a little longer (you guys, he's not even a week old; he can't even decide which side of his shoebox he wants to poop on yet), and Hannie and Linny get bored. They take Sari and decide to go play in the playroom, but they at least tell Kristy first. She talks to Alan about ten more minutes about Izzy. Wow, Kristy. You're kind of not paying attention to the REAL kids.
When she gets off the phone, she realizes Izzy's not in his shoebox. OH NOES. She goes into insta-freakout mode and asks Hannie and Linny where Izzy is. Welllll....Linny decided to take Izzy out of the shoebox and show him around the playroom. Now we have to find the egg before something bad happens. Turns out Sari had Izzy under a doll's blanket, playing with it like it really was a baby doll.
BTW, lots of egg-puns in this chapter. You name them, Linny made 'em. Eggs-sactly. Eggs-cellent. Egg-zample. Egg-citement. Egg-straordinary. Eggs, eggs, eggs. Easter was last week, too. I'm burned out on eggs. I got to make Easter pins at my job to boost employee morale and get into the holiday spirit. Wanna see the one I made for myself?:
I'm a regular Claudia. Eggs are in, you guys.
Okay, back on topic and back to the book.
Chapter Seven
Mary Anne and Logan named the baby! It's funny, I get this Family Flyer mailer once a month, and there's a section called "They Named The Baby!" for birth announcements, and I love love LOVE perusing them to see what messed-up named people are naming their kids these days. I just got one in the mail today, actually. So many variations on how to spell names, like Caylee or Kayleigh or Caeleigh, or Breeannah, or Katelinh (for example). My favorite was few months ago, "Merxiadeez." Which is quite literally, Mercedes. Can never forget that one.
Anyhoo...Mary Anne and Logan decided on Samantha, and are calling her Sammie for short. Cute. And they actually fix a basket for her lined with pink fabric, and colored her pink with food coloring and drew flowers and a basic S on her. (For "SuperEgg," really.) It's Easter time in the 'Brook, yo!
On this particular day, Logan has to take Kerry and Hunter to the park, and he's worried if he takes Sammie with, she'll get too much sun. (And cook in her shell. And smell funky.) So Mary Anne takes Sammie with her because she's just babysitting Rose and Ricky Salem that day, and figures it's easier to take care of three infants (really, two actual babies and an egg) than it would for Logan to take care of two active kids and an infant (egg).
And here's where the title of the book comes into play! If Sammie had been a real infant, she would have had to figure out how to feed her and rush upstairs to take care of twin infants. I won't go into details, really, but it's stressing on poor Mary Anne. Today's just a bad day for the twins. But you know...this sort of stuff happens with babies. Welcome to the real world, Mary Anne!
That evening at the Schafer-Spier household, Mary Anne tells Dawn about her ordeal, and they agree. Sounds like a nightmare, but they STILL want their parents to procreate. And the Kumbel catalog came in the mail (I guess the equivalent of the big ol' Sears catalog in the bsc-verse; who else here misses the Sears catalog?), so they turn to Mary Anne's favorite section: the BABY section, of course! (I think it's a requirement to be in love with the baby section if you're a BSC member.)
Richard and Sharon overhear Mary Anne and Dawn going nuts over baby shit, and flat-out tell them, "No more babies. Deal with it."
Chapter Eight
BSC meeting day. 7 BSC members + 3 babies X 14 chapters divided by pi = I HATE MATH.
Kristy has Izzy with her, Mary Anne has Sammie, and Stacey has Bobby with her. Yep, Stacey got knocked up by Austin Bentley, some random guy she and Claud share. Kinky. And Bobby lives in a plastic mixing bowl. Nice, Stacey. Make the baby feel like you're going to COOK it. She'll make a wonderful parent someday. (Whatever, that baby was a mistake and we all know it.)
After discussing egg babies, Kristy motions for any club business. And here's where we get the required tears expected of Mary Anne in ANY Mary Anne book. Why the fuck is she crying NOW? Because "Logan is always hogging Sammie!" BOO FUCKING HOO. Any normal mother would be GLAD to have the father take their baby off their hands for at least a half hour. If I were a mother, I'd be crying tears of relief that my baby daddy would want to spend more time with our kid. Now pony up some damn child support!
The phone rings, and they arrange a sitting job for the Gianellis (Stacey gets the job). "Claud phoned Mr. Gianelli back while I scribbled in the BSC record book. I love filling in those blank spaces." Mary Anne, you have NO LIFE.
Then Stacey picks this moment to say, "I don't know why you want to spend so much time with an egg." OH NO YOU DIDN'T, STACE. Mary Anne is aghast. "Sammie is my daughter!" But Stacey goes on and on about how she and Austin are doing this project and being very fair and careful, but what a pain it is. Having to stop and THINK about feeding Bobby, and having to take the baby shopping with her and her Mom, and she got to look around four baby departments to contemplate baby things while Maureen got to go buy FUN shit like clothes and books. In other words, Stacey's saying that babies need a lot of equipment and THAT shit is EXPENSIVE. Mary Anne tries arguing about how buying baby stuff is fun. "For five minutes," Stacey says.
See? As sort of selfish as Stacey comes off here, she has a point, and is trying to be as realistic about this from her normal teenager point of view. All of those "16 and Pregnant" and "Teen Mom" twats need to take a cue from Stacey McGill. I mean, really.
Mal tries to crack a joke about bacon and eggs. She and Jessi laugh. The rest of the BSC don't. Claud says, "You guys don't understand. You aren't parents yet." Well, neither are you, Claud. You don't have an egg baby, so STFU.
Then Jessi asks, "What's being married like?" Jessi, just ask your parents. Stacey and Kristy and Mary Anne talk about communicating and compromise and expenses, then Jessi and Mal point out that they didn't mention anything about love. Touché, junior members. Then Logan calls and reminds Mary Anne to feed Sammie. Kristy points out how much more time it would take to prepare formula for their babies. (And may I also mention how freaking EXPENSIVE formula is?! I ring up customers at my job for formula on WIC, and wow, it's outrageous how much grocery stores charge for baby formula. Highway robbery. WIC really does come in handy for that stuff.) They're getting off easy, really. Jessi and Mallory agree; Jessi points out that they're only doing this project for a month, and Mallory remembers how her mom was when she was pregnant with Claire (and the other six Pikes) and if Mrs. Pike had been in school while pregnant, she would have had to drop out. Kristy's all, "She had six other kids to care for" as if Mallory is stupid or something, but Mal points out that NONE of them know how tired you feel when you're pregnant, or how much more exhausted you feel after the baby comes. Sheesh, I have no idea HOW Mrs. Pike does it!
And then Mary Anne starts thinking about that crap if Sharon had a baby now. GIVE IT A REST, MARY ANNE. You have Dawn. Isn't that enough for you for a sister?
Chapter Nine
A babysitting chapter with Stacey. The Gianellis are new clients, and Bobby Gianelli goes to school with Karen "The Terror" Brewer. There is tape over the doorbell and a sign that reads "CHILD SLEEPING, PLEASE KNOCK." Ooo-kay. Alicia is napping, and Bobby is coming home from school soon. Mr. Gianelli asks Stacey what's in her mixing bowl, and before Stacey can explain the class project, he remembers the "egg" thing because he used to be a teacher.
So. After Mr. Gianelli leaves, Stacey talks to her egg in the mixing bowl and actually says, "Okay, pretend I'm feeding you. You're going to your father's tonight, I've got stuff to do, I'm way behind in everything." Wow, you'll be an EXCELLENT mother someday, Stace.
Alicia wakes up and asks Stacey what she's talking to. Stacey shows her the egg in her bowl, and Alicia freaks out. And guess what? Her egg has the same name as the older Gianelli kid. (Bobby). The human Bobby comes home, and they leave so he can go play football with his friends. While human Bobby plays, Stacey figures she and Alicia can walk to the brook and play, but Alicia refuses to go anywhere with that egg. So Stacey has to call Austin to pick up egg Bobby.
Then she does some MORE rational thinking, mainly about HER parental situation. What if she had no father to rely on to help out with HER kid? What if you can't leave your job if there's a problem with your kid? And then she starts thinking about how worried HER mother gets over HER, especially since Stacey has the diabeetus and her dad lives kind of far away in NYC. And how hard it must still be on Maureen. She talks about it with Mary Anne later on that night, and Mary Anne agrees that she used to worry about stuff like that when it was her and her dad and no mom for the longest time. Then Stacey says, "I'm going to wait until I'm really old before I have a human baby." Good idea.
Chapter Ten
Wow, Mary Anne realizes since they had their baby, she and Logan don't spend as much time together anymore. Welcome to the real world, Mary Anne! HEY! Why don't you hire a babysitter to egg-sit your kid?! I know a great babysitting club you can call for that stuff!...Oh wait.
So because Mary Anne doesn't want to impose on Richard and Sharon or Dawn (because Dawn is babysitting the Braddocks), she decides to bring Sammie with on their date.
And it's a fun time going to a movie with an Easter basket on top of everything else. Let's just leave it at that. Then they nearly LOSE Sammie the Egg. (Turns out she was wedged under Mary Anne's seat.) Then they have an argument over who takes Sammie home that night because Mary Anne nearly lost her. Aw, a lovers spat.
Chapter Eleven
ANOTHER babysitting chapter, Dawn and Mal at the Pikes. Hey, guess what? Dawn has to do the egg project, too. She was paired up with some guy named Aaron Albright whom Dawn doesn't like very much. (Dawn doesn't like very many boys, does she?) Their egg-baby is named Skip. Dawn had no say-so in the baby's name; she would've named the baby Douglas, "a good strong name." Skip just reminds me of the guy that Sharon had briefly dated before getting back together with Richard. Anyone else remember "The Skip-Man"? Hmm? Bueller?
The Pike kids are intrigued by Dawn's egg baby. Now they ALL want egg babies. So they "adopt" egg babies from the fridge. It's the Pike kids and a bunch of eggs. You can figure out how this will end up. Eggs will be broke, arguments will be had, the triplets will smear egg yolk all over Nicky, Claire will name her egg "Silly-billy-goo-goo" and Margo will throw up over the sight of egg yolk. Well, the last three didn't happen, but in my mind, they did.
Chapter Twelve
Shawna wants a divorce from Miles. It's not working out. It's couples therapy time for this edition of "Modern Living." And there's some craptacular editing in this chapter because I see quite a few missing quotation marks. Not only are things not working out for Shawna and Miles (Miles never wants to take responsibility for the baby with no name), another couple actually DID lose their baby-egg at the park and they're actually CRYING over it. Wow. Someone other than Mary Anne crying! And another kid actually speaks up and tells the teacher he can't do this project anymore because he plays two sports and is in school choir and has an after-school job and his parents are going through a divorce and basically, he's overwhelmed.
Mary Anne and Logan realize they're not the only ones having problems. Then Logan brings up how his parents had a big argument about money the other night at 2 AM. He still doesn't trust Mary Anne with Sammie. He takes Sammie with to baseball practice for gym. Mary Anne cries. What else is new?
Chapter Thirteen
Mary Anne gets to babysit the twins again. She's not over-the-moon about babies anymore. Mrs. Salem looks tired; the babies are running her ragged. Babies crying harder than normal, and it takes Mary Anne a long time to figure out why because they're both fed and changed. She calls Dawn over to help her out, and they realize the babies are TEETHING.
I seem to remember these girls giving Mallory Pike a hard time about just when babies start teething in "Hello Mallory." And they couldn't figure this shit out for themselves? Clueless thirteen-year-old girls who THINK they know all about babysitting. How I love this book series. (And Mary Anne couldn't have called Mallory, who's been through all sorts of younger baby siblings herself and probably DOES know more about this than they do? More proof than Ann hates Mal.)
Chapter Fourteen
The phone rings at the Schafer-Spier residence. Everyone's too beat to answer the phone. It's Logan. Sammie is WALKING and Logan recorded the moment on videotape. For REAL? No, he's calling just so he and Mary Anne could talk. But honestly, the way they've been acting about these dumb eggs makes me wonder.
They make up, and talk about how taking care of babies and kids is difficult. AND expensive. Mr. Bruno took Hunter in for a checkup, and that cost $75. (Back in 1992, anyway.) No wonder Mr. and Mrs. Bruno were fighting over money. Hell, Logan and Mary Anne can't even afford an egg. How sad is that? Maybe when you're older, things get easier, right? Not necessarily. Look at Kristy's parents (Elizabeth and Patrick, I mean). Look at Dawn's parents. Look at Stacey's parents.
After their discussion, Mary Anne and Dawn decide to throw the SearsKumbel catalog away. (You know Dawn fished it out of the garbage and took it to the recycling bin later.)
Chapter Fifteen
Mary Anne and Logan's final term paper for the class ends up to be 32 pages long. Good lord, this isn't a college dissertation! Now their teacher tells them their kids are 21 years old and time to leave the nest, so they need to write a final short composition. Mary Anne realizes, "My baby's going to leave me!" and automatically gets teary-eyed. (IT'S JUST AN EGG, MARY ANNE.)
So Sammie's going off to her first big important job in New York City in a publishing house. Where Mary Anne hopes to work someday. Wow, someone's living vicariously through their child. Goodbye lovely egg, and good luck. You'll make a fine omelet for the teacher.
BSC meeting. 7 members + no babies = FREEDOM!!!
Bobby went on to teach high school history.
Izzy is a car mechanic.
Claud's baby (Claud had a baby, too?!) will be an artist. Hopefully it will be smarter than it's mommy.
Dawn's is in med school. I'm sure if she had it her way, he'd be working with Greenpeace.
And by the way, Richard and Sharon got back to the topic of babies with Dawn and Mary Anne. They say no more kids, but maaaaybe another pet? .....Nah, Tigger's enough.
Here's my final note before I end my snark. I'm in the point of my life where I'm questioning my own maternal instinct at the age of 30 with no kids of my own and not feeling compelled to go goo-goo over the sight of a baby. Maybe I'll feel differently when and if I ever have one of my own. I don't know. Regardless, Happy Early Mothers' Day everybody. Now go buy your mother some candy and flowers; she puts up with a lot.
Click to viewTh-th-that's all, folks!