(no subject)
So, I'm on Spring Break right now, since I don't have classes on Friday, and instead of doing something productive (showering, cleaning, putting that fic into words rather than just imagining it in my head, or playing more Wii), I decided to try my hand at this thing.
AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR: KAREN ACTUALLY GETS PUNISHED FOR SOMETHING SHE DOES AKA Karen's Telephone Trouble.
Cover from dibbly-fresh, of course. I'd scan the pictures and put them in but I'm too lazy to. Anyway, Kristy has a severe case of bitchface right there, but she is clearly pissed off that Karen won't hang up the GD phone. Staring at her back and looking at your watch while behind her, and then glaring more isn't going to make her do anything if she can't see you, seriously. Also, the "Get off that phone!" thing to me is just an excuse to go get on ANOTHER phone somewhere else in the house, because I'm sure they have at least twenty in the real-live mansion! I'm sure the look on her face will cause a lot of RAGEEEEEEEE in the Karen-hating community, amirite?
Chapter 1:
Karen wakes up on a Saturday morning in June, which means both no school and warm weather! AWESOME. She then "pops" out of bed, which doesn't sound very pleasant, and hears voices in the kitchen. See, this happens a lot in the LS books, that she can hear people downstairs. But it's often implied that the real-live mansion! is huge, so is it that her room is near the stairs to the kitchen, or does the ghostwriter just not realize that the real-live mansion! is as big as it's described in the BSC books? Hmm, something to ponder over, I guess.
When she gets downstairs, Watson calls her "sweetheart," and she launches into a description of her appearance, beginning it with "In case you are wondering, my name is not really sweetheart." Yeah, I wasn't wondering, because who names their kid sweetheart? Well, I'm sure some people might now, but that's beside the point. Hannie stops by and she and Karen have an entire conversation without using an contractions! What kid does this? I'm sure I didn't. I use contractions at 21, even! WOW!
Kristy, Sam, and Charlie all make appearances long enough for Karen to tell the reader about them, and uses my favorite description of Sam and Charlie: "They are so old they are in high school." I must be ancient, seriously. It's funny, too, because I read that as "they're so old they're in high school." The book lacks contractions, I put them in in my mind! Yay.
David Michael, Elizabeth, Nannie, Emily (no Michelle, huh), and Andrew all leave to go various places outside, and Watson goes to his office to work. Doesn't anyone in this family just sit around on the weekend? Or stay in and watch TV? I understand that the weather is nice, but it'll be nice all summer. That's probably just my lazy side speaking, though. Anyway, Karen is left to eat her breakfast alone (Then Daddy said, "I hate to leave you eating alone, but I have some important work to do this morning." Uh, she's seven, not four, she can surely eat by herself, especially since it's just a bowl of cereal), during which she makes a phone call.
On the next page there is the most unflattering drawing of her ever. It looks like Karen's head on a woman's body, albeit a flat one. Her body is just so wide and doesn't fit her head, which is too small for it. Her face and hair are also more detailed than anything, though, so maybe the artist got sick of drawing after finishing the face.
Anyway, bad joke coming up!
"Here is your joke of the morning. What kind of jokes do breakfast cereals like best?"
"I don't (!!!!!!!!! CONTRACTION OMG) know," replied Nancy. "What kind?"
"Corny one!" I cried.
Nancy thought this was hysterical.
Maybe because I'm so old that I'm past high school, but wow. That was one bad joke. Maybe at seven I would have found it hilarious, but I haven't been seven for the longest time. Nancy tells Karen she'll call Terri and Tammy, the twins who always have to be mentioned, and Karen knows that her super-hilarious-amazing-awesome joke will have spread throughout the class by the end of that day. Then Melody comes over and Karen tells her the joke, and then they go to tell the OTHER kids the joke, too. When will the hilarious hijinks end?! Throughout the day, she keeps going back inside to make more calls and tell the joke over and over, and then she calls the Little House to tell Lisa the Sex Kitten and Seth the Bearded Carpenter, and then realizes that WE DON'T KNOW THAT SHE HAS TWO HOUSES AND FAMILES. OH BOY, ARE WE IN FOR IT.
Chapta 2: There's a usual chapter two stuff, parents hating each other but loving the kids, moving out, getting remarried, adopting Emily without the Michelle, and getting all the pets they could ever want or need! Also, she makes one of the Goldfishie-is-a-random-animal jokes that were prominent in later books because apparently it's funny? He's a gorilla this time (just joking lollerskates!). And at the end it's the joke we've all heard at least once about "what animal can jump higher than a house?" If you don't know, I'll leave you in suspense, or to use google. :D
Chapitre 3: Unfortunately, by Tuesday the cereal joke was soggy (roflcopter!), but Karen always has jokes! And do you know how she does it? Borrows joke books for the library? Of course not, that's too simple and nonpunishable! Buys them with her allowance money? Psh, that's for wimps. So, what does she do? Calls a 900 number, of course! Funny story, at my old job, before it started sucking and I began to hate everyone there, one of my coworkers wondered what would happen if he called a 1-900 sex hotline . . . or something. The manager in charge was like, "I have nothing to do with this," and walked away when my coworker when to try one, but it turned out to be blocked. Oh well. Good thing Karen didn't see one of her mom's sex hotline fliers, though, because that would not be good. It's just a joke hotline. 1-900-555-HAHA. Clever, I know.
"Hello, joke lovers! Get ready for your joke of the day!" said the voice on the other end of the phone. "Did you hear about the actress who sat in the bathtub all afternoon? She wanted to be in a Soap Opera! Hee-ha-ha!" I would have thought she was depressed, because, you know, staying in a bathtub all afternoon is kind of a part of that. She then calls Hannie who tells her that she'll call Nancy and the joke will be a hit!
Oh, and this. I was thinking about whom to call next . . . I don't even know when to use "who" and "whom." Why on Earth would a seven-year-old? Even if she skipped a grade. I learned in sixth grade, but have forgotten it since. Anyway, she sees another 900 number in the paper about horoscopes and decides to call it, too, because you should always call every number you see in the paper. After listening to her horoscope ("You'll have a rewarding day tomorrow"), she calls the number AGAIN to get Hannie's (Her horoscope said she had to be extra careful to avoid accident.), and good ol' Charlie comes in and wants to use the phone. Karen asks if he can wait while she makes one more call, and Charlie says he's going downtown and will just call from there, instead of tell her to GTFOff the phone. He then disappears.
After that, she calls Hannie, calls the number again for Nancy, and calls her to tell her her horoscope when Kristy comes in.
"Excuse me, Karen, but you are hogging the phone. I need to make a call. It is about my homework." You tell it like it is, Kristy! I wonder if she bitchface'd Karen, too, but who knows. Since homework is important Karen let her use the phone, but then heard about a phone-in contest on the radio, and she just HAD to do it.
I waved my arms at Kristy and mouthed the words "Please hurry up!" I tapped my foot and stared at her until she hung up.
Uh, wow. Because a contest on the radio is more important than homework, though who knows how many times Kristy's been in eighth grade now, so she should have things down already. Anyway, Karen calls in, doesn't win, and chats up the person on the other end until another call comes in. She answers it, sloppily writes down a message for Charlie, and then goes back to the other line, only to find out the woman decided not to hold for a chat with a seven-year-old.
Charlie gets home, can't read the message, Karen can't remember what she said, Charlie gets pissy and decides to call the girl (clearly Janine, amirite), but Karen remembers that Janine his friend said she was leaving right away and could not be reached, so Karen decides it's best to GTFO before Charlie gets more pissed at her.
Wow, that was three chapters. I tend to be long-winded, sorry. I'll do more lata.
AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR: KAREN ACTUALLY GETS PUNISHED FOR SOMETHING SHE DOES AKA Karen's Telephone Trouble.
Cover from dibbly-fresh, of course. I'd scan the pictures and put them in but I'm too lazy to. Anyway, Kristy has a severe case of bitchface right there, but she is clearly pissed off that Karen won't hang up the GD phone. Staring at her back and looking at your watch while behind her, and then glaring more isn't going to make her do anything if she can't see you, seriously. Also, the "Get off that phone!" thing to me is just an excuse to go get on ANOTHER phone somewhere else in the house, because I'm sure they have at least twenty in the real-live mansion! I'm sure the look on her face will cause a lot of RAGEEEEEEEE in the Karen-hating community, amirite?
Chapter 1:
Karen wakes up on a Saturday morning in June, which means both no school and warm weather! AWESOME. She then "pops" out of bed, which doesn't sound very pleasant, and hears voices in the kitchen. See, this happens a lot in the LS books, that she can hear people downstairs. But it's often implied that the real-live mansion! is huge, so is it that her room is near the stairs to the kitchen, or does the ghostwriter just not realize that the real-live mansion! is as big as it's described in the BSC books? Hmm, something to ponder over, I guess.
When she gets downstairs, Watson calls her "sweetheart," and she launches into a description of her appearance, beginning it with "In case you are wondering, my name is not really sweetheart." Yeah, I wasn't wondering, because who names their kid sweetheart? Well, I'm sure some people might now, but that's beside the point. Hannie stops by and she and Karen have an entire conversation without using an contractions! What kid does this? I'm sure I didn't. I use contractions at 21, even! WOW!
Kristy, Sam, and Charlie all make appearances long enough for Karen to tell the reader about them, and uses my favorite description of Sam and Charlie: "They are so old they are in high school." I must be ancient, seriously. It's funny, too, because I read that as "they're so old they're in high school." The book lacks contractions, I put them in in my mind! Yay.
David Michael, Elizabeth, Nannie, Emily (no Michelle, huh), and Andrew all leave to go various places outside, and Watson goes to his office to work. Doesn't anyone in this family just sit around on the weekend? Or stay in and watch TV? I understand that the weather is nice, but it'll be nice all summer. That's probably just my lazy side speaking, though. Anyway, Karen is left to eat her breakfast alone (Then Daddy said, "I hate to leave you eating alone, but I have some important work to do this morning." Uh, she's seven, not four, she can surely eat by herself, especially since it's just a bowl of cereal), during which she makes a phone call.
On the next page there is the most unflattering drawing of her ever. It looks like Karen's head on a woman's body, albeit a flat one. Her body is just so wide and doesn't fit her head, which is too small for it. Her face and hair are also more detailed than anything, though, so maybe the artist got sick of drawing after finishing the face.
Anyway, bad joke coming up!
"Here is your joke of the morning. What kind of jokes do breakfast cereals like best?"
"I don't (!!!!!!!!! CONTRACTION OMG) know," replied Nancy. "What kind?"
"Corny one!" I cried.
Nancy thought this was hysterical.
Maybe because I'm so old that I'm past high school, but wow. That was one bad joke. Maybe at seven I would have found it hilarious, but I haven't been seven for the longest time. Nancy tells Karen she'll call Terri and Tammy, the twins who always have to be mentioned, and Karen knows that her super-hilarious-amazing-awesome joke will have spread throughout the class by the end of that day. Then Melody comes over and Karen tells her the joke, and then they go to tell the OTHER kids the joke, too. When will the hilarious hijinks end?! Throughout the day, she keeps going back inside to make more calls and tell the joke over and over, and then she calls the Little House to tell Lisa the Sex Kitten and Seth the Bearded Carpenter, and then realizes that WE DON'T KNOW THAT SHE HAS TWO HOUSES AND FAMILES. OH BOY, ARE WE IN FOR IT.
Chapta 2: There's a usual chapter two stuff, parents hating each other but loving the kids, moving out, getting remarried, adopting Emily without the Michelle, and getting all the pets they could ever want or need! Also, she makes one of the Goldfishie-is-a-random-animal jokes that were prominent in later books because apparently it's funny? He's a gorilla this time (just joking lollerskates!). And at the end it's the joke we've all heard at least once about "what animal can jump higher than a house?" If you don't know, I'll leave you in suspense, or to use google. :D
Chapitre 3: Unfortunately, by Tuesday the cereal joke was soggy (roflcopter!), but Karen always has jokes! And do you know how she does it? Borrows joke books for the library? Of course not, that's too simple and nonpunishable! Buys them with her allowance money? Psh, that's for wimps. So, what does she do? Calls a 900 number, of course! Funny story, at my old job, before it started sucking and I began to hate everyone there, one of my coworkers wondered what would happen if he called a 1-900 sex hotline . . . or something. The manager in charge was like, "I have nothing to do with this," and walked away when my coworker when to try one, but it turned out to be blocked. Oh well. Good thing Karen didn't see one of her mom's sex hotline fliers, though, because that would not be good. It's just a joke hotline. 1-900-555-HAHA. Clever, I know.
"Hello, joke lovers! Get ready for your joke of the day!" said the voice on the other end of the phone. "Did you hear about the actress who sat in the bathtub all afternoon? She wanted to be in a Soap Opera! Hee-ha-ha!" I would have thought she was depressed, because, you know, staying in a bathtub all afternoon is kind of a part of that. She then calls Hannie who tells her that she'll call Nancy and the joke will be a hit!
Oh, and this. I was thinking about whom to call next . . . I don't even know when to use "who" and "whom." Why on Earth would a seven-year-old? Even if she skipped a grade. I learned in sixth grade, but have forgotten it since. Anyway, she sees another 900 number in the paper about horoscopes and decides to call it, too, because you should always call every number you see in the paper. After listening to her horoscope ("You'll have a rewarding day tomorrow"), she calls the number AGAIN to get Hannie's (Her horoscope said she had to be extra careful to avoid accident.), and good ol' Charlie comes in and wants to use the phone. Karen asks if he can wait while she makes one more call, and Charlie says he's going downtown and will just call from there, instead of tell her to GTFOff the phone. He then disappears.
After that, she calls Hannie, calls the number again for Nancy, and calls her to tell her her horoscope when Kristy comes in.
"Excuse me, Karen, but you are hogging the phone. I need to make a call. It is about my homework." You tell it like it is, Kristy! I wonder if she bitchface'd Karen, too, but who knows. Since homework is important Karen let her use the phone, but then heard about a phone-in contest on the radio, and she just HAD to do it.
I waved my arms at Kristy and mouthed the words "Please hurry up!" I tapped my foot and stared at her until she hung up.
Uh, wow. Because a contest on the radio is more important than homework, though who knows how many times Kristy's been in eighth grade now, so she should have things down already. Anyway, Karen calls in, doesn't win, and chats up the person on the other end until another call comes in. She answers it, sloppily writes down a message for Charlie, and then goes back to the other line, only to find out the woman decided not to hold for a chat with a seven-year-old.
Charlie gets home, can't read the message, Karen can't remember what she said, Charlie gets pissy and decides to call the girl (clearly Janine, amirite), but Karen remembers that Janine his friend said she was leaving right away and could not be reached, so Karen decides it's best to GTFO before Charlie gets more pissed at her.
Wow, that was three chapters. I tend to be long-winded, sorry. I'll do more lata.