(no subject)
So I am a bad person... Like really bad.
I mislead poor Chris my ex times three?ish.
I guess I should tell the whole story. I had met him before in AG-FOR on campus, but he was unremarkable on the whole. We were seated at the same table at our friends Monica and Justin's wedding (August 2009). Actually, we were seated right next to each other. I look back at those pictures and I looked roughly the size of a barge. I was sweating--we were in a greenhouse in the middle of August and it was a hot night. My hair was completely frizzy, but he liked me. Truth be told I liked him too. Another guy our age from our table tagged along with us too. I felt like a queen holding court and practically demanded that Chris facebook me to hang out sometime.
I liked him; he was in animal science. Chris has great hair and brown eyes and he was just the right amount taller than me. He liked hiking and he laughed at my bad jokes. The fact that he was impressed with my plant knowledge--half of which was total bullshit--didn't hurt either.
So we went out on a date. And then we went out on another and another and we had just started to get to that next phase in the relationship and I think he got scared and he dumped me by the old don't answer her messages method. After four months of dating!
I know I was pissed and I told him that standing me up was not acceptable and if he did it to another girl that he'd be big trouble. He apologized profusely and that was that.
I fell into a deep depression and was acting out a lot. It was partly work related stress, but I figured it out and I felt better.
I just wish I could go back and not sleep with that British RAF pilot. Sex while drunk/ with someone shorter than you is not fun. Oh well... Lesson learned.
Come May or June I get a text from him. I texted him back because while he was apologizing to me he made me promise we'd stay friends and I didn't want to look like a catty bitch. I still had feelings for him and we ended up dating again.
After a while I knew that I wasn't in love with him and I knew I never would be. I dumped him explaining I wasn't mature enough to be in a relationship and I felt relieved. I felt free. My love life was dormant after that. That was in August I think.
Then a month ago he texts me. I text back because I dumped him and once again I don't want to look like a bitch. He asks me out for dinner and I say why not I don't want to cook.
It was clear it was a date from the get go. From the big hug to the fight over splitting the bill. I realized he still wanted to be with me. I haven't been with someone in four months and I was weak. I couldn't remember why I had broken up with him. He was funny and he thought I was interesting. I still found him attractive. Why did I break up with this gem? I could tell him anything...
So when he texted me the next week asking me to dinner at his house after dinner how could I say no? I might get lucky...
I gussied myself up and I went to his place. He made a amazing and tasty dinner and I had two too many glasses of wine. I slept with him again. Ugh.
He's great in bed don't get me wrong. I had fun, but the second we started I remembered why we broke up. I didn't love him and I never would. Deep down inside I knew he wasn't what I wanted out of a life partner. When he looked up at me with those love filled eyes I thought I was going to hurl.
He lets me make too many decisions and feel like I'm hen pecking him. I don't want to be that woman.
He talks about things we should do and he never follows through. For example I planned a good hike in Jasper ending at a hot springs and he could never find time for me.
So this last week I evaded texts from him with the answer I'm working overtime and now he is gone to Malaysia for a month, so hopefully he forgets about me. Or I figure out how to say, "Sorry I just used you for sex."
Merry Christmas and Happy blank Conscience!
I mislead poor Chris my ex times three?ish.
I guess I should tell the whole story. I had met him before in AG-FOR on campus, but he was unremarkable on the whole. We were seated at the same table at our friends Monica and Justin's wedding (August 2009). Actually, we were seated right next to each other. I look back at those pictures and I looked roughly the size of a barge. I was sweating--we were in a greenhouse in the middle of August and it was a hot night. My hair was completely frizzy, but he liked me. Truth be told I liked him too. Another guy our age from our table tagged along with us too. I felt like a queen holding court and practically demanded that Chris facebook me to hang out sometime.
I liked him; he was in animal science. Chris has great hair and brown eyes and he was just the right amount taller than me. He liked hiking and he laughed at my bad jokes. The fact that he was impressed with my plant knowledge--half of which was total bullshit--didn't hurt either.
So we went out on a date. And then we went out on another and another and we had just started to get to that next phase in the relationship and I think he got scared and he dumped me by the old don't answer her messages method. After four months of dating!
I know I was pissed and I told him that standing me up was not acceptable and if he did it to another girl that he'd be big trouble. He apologized profusely and that was that.
I fell into a deep depression and was acting out a lot. It was partly work related stress, but I figured it out and I felt better.
I just wish I could go back and not sleep with that British RAF pilot. Sex while drunk/ with someone shorter than you is not fun. Oh well... Lesson learned.
Come May or June I get a text from him. I texted him back because while he was apologizing to me he made me promise we'd stay friends and I didn't want to look like a catty bitch. I still had feelings for him and we ended up dating again.
After a while I knew that I wasn't in love with him and I knew I never would be. I dumped him explaining I wasn't mature enough to be in a relationship and I felt relieved. I felt free. My love life was dormant after that. That was in August I think.
Then a month ago he texts me. I text back because I dumped him and once again I don't want to look like a bitch. He asks me out for dinner and I say why not I don't want to cook.
It was clear it was a date from the get go. From the big hug to the fight over splitting the bill. I realized he still wanted to be with me. I haven't been with someone in four months and I was weak. I couldn't remember why I had broken up with him. He was funny and he thought I was interesting. I still found him attractive. Why did I break up with this gem? I could tell him anything...
So when he texted me the next week asking me to dinner at his house after dinner how could I say no? I might get lucky...
I gussied myself up and I went to his place. He made a amazing and tasty dinner and I had two too many glasses of wine. I slept with him again. Ugh.
He's great in bed don't get me wrong. I had fun, but the second we started I remembered why we broke up. I didn't love him and I never would. Deep down inside I knew he wasn't what I wanted out of a life partner. When he looked up at me with those love filled eyes I thought I was going to hurl.
He lets me make too many decisions and feel like I'm hen pecking him. I don't want to be that woman.
He talks about things we should do and he never follows through. For example I planned a good hike in Jasper ending at a hot springs and he could never find time for me.
So this last week I evaded texts from him with the answer I'm working overtime and now he is gone to Malaysia for a month, so hopefully he forgets about me. Or I figure out how to say, "Sorry I just used you for sex."
Merry Christmas and Happy blank Conscience!