...Are we there yet?
Am I there yet?
I feel like I keep on waiting for my life to start.
I got a good job. I like it most of the time. It's still challenging (Time management is not my strong point). It is a bit menial and watching the people around me I wonder if I will ever move up in the company. I've also realized that the job isn't the problem for me. It's the people. Some days I just want to hide under my covers and never come out...
Maybe because it isn't what I thought I'd be doing... though Lord knows what I thought I was going to do...
I think I have low self esteem... Or maybe I'm depressed... I had a one night stand... Granted I wasn't sober, but that is no excuse. Maybe I'm bored with life? Likely. That would explain the massive amounts of alcohol I was drinking.
I have a crush on my chiropractor, but it is an entirely depressing crush. Why do I have a thing for shorter chubby older men that are extremely charismatic? 1st Wes, than Ecolab guy, now chiropractor? That is something I don't want to touch with a thousand foot pole. I just can't figure that bizarre attraction out.
Also I watched Band of Brothers and now I'm getting into The Pacific, so previously unacceptable military men are starting to look good to me. (I know I know they defend our country the least I can do is love a couple) I just worry that I'm not deep enough to deal with the baggage that comes with service. Also I am the worst at putting my foot in my mouth sometimes...
I also worry that I'm bad at sex. That terrifies me. Or that I have some HUGE flaw in my personality... It seems that everytime I date someone we reach a certain point and then it goes south. I guess looking back I've never loved anyone I've dated. I usually just settle for them after the initial attraction fizzles out. If they'll have me that's enough... Except... The idea of being trapped in a relationship terrified me last year...
I don't have a clear idea about where my life should be and it's eating away at me. Maybe I should write up a 5 year plan...
*sigh* I guess I can't complain about shit I'm not going to do anything about...
eff.
Bryn
I feel like I keep on waiting for my life to start.
I got a good job. I like it most of the time. It's still challenging (Time management is not my strong point). It is a bit menial and watching the people around me I wonder if I will ever move up in the company. I've also realized that the job isn't the problem for me. It's the people. Some days I just want to hide under my covers and never come out...
Maybe because it isn't what I thought I'd be doing... though Lord knows what I thought I was going to do...
I think I have low self esteem... Or maybe I'm depressed... I had a one night stand... Granted I wasn't sober, but that is no excuse. Maybe I'm bored with life? Likely. That would explain the massive amounts of alcohol I was drinking.
I have a crush on my chiropractor, but it is an entirely depressing crush. Why do I have a thing for shorter chubby older men that are extremely charismatic? 1st Wes, than Ecolab guy, now chiropractor? That is something I don't want to touch with a thousand foot pole. I just can't figure that bizarre attraction out.
Also I watched Band of Brothers and now I'm getting into The Pacific, so previously unacceptable military men are starting to look good to me. (I know I know they defend our country the least I can do is love a couple) I just worry that I'm not deep enough to deal with the baggage that comes with service. Also I am the worst at putting my foot in my mouth sometimes...
I also worry that I'm bad at sex. That terrifies me. Or that I have some HUGE flaw in my personality... It seems that everytime I date someone we reach a certain point and then it goes south. I guess looking back I've never loved anyone I've dated. I usually just settle for them after the initial attraction fizzles out. If they'll have me that's enough... Except... The idea of being trapped in a relationship terrified me last year...
I don't have a clear idea about where my life should be and it's eating away at me. Maybe I should write up a 5 year plan...
*sigh* I guess I can't complain about shit I'm not going to do anything about...
eff.
Bryn