Life sucks sometimes when your alone...dats da truth
hey homies<333
not having such a great night tonight... yeah i may be sensative
w shit and complain bout stupid shit but i gotta stop i may of
said some shit wrong tonight too i aint gonna lie... but it wasn't
all on me... i don't know what i do wrong anyMOre i dont know
why i'm being greedy i'm neva like dat at all...mii mom is dissin me
and always seems to be on Johns side anymore yeah i may
say shit or have stupid reasons for sayin things and what I think
but no one gives me da chance to talk or wanna hear bc there
stupid " why sohuld i even bother talking then? if they don't
wanna hear stupid reasons then don't ask me and leave me
alone " i try to talk then it gets me to the point where i block
everyone out an say go away " leave me alone " ... i mean i just
don't give a fuck anymore... i try mii hardest not to over react
but some shit i do and shit bothers me and they don't wanna hear
it not even mii own fuckin mother anymore... everyone tells me
oh i make no sense when i talk... yeah i do they just dont wanna
hear the truth sometimes on mii side and know what I feel...
but no they just call me an asshole "!! and say i'm like mii fuckin
father ... i aint like mii fuckin father i don't have his jeans
i don't eva wanna be like mii dad i hate mii fuckin dad the only
real thing JOhnny and I have in common is we hate our dads
i don't hate mii dad as much as he does... but i'm pretty close
sometimes... and the fight all had to do w shit w me tonight
and what i feel and JOhns gf and wont listen to reasons why
i dont want her at da party its mii fuckin graduation party iw ant
to have fun, i don't know her its not bc of jealously and bullshit
like dat...its mii party i want family and friends im close to there
i may not have many friends but i wanna have fun and if JOhn
doesn't wanna go bc of her not goin then fine fuck him i've
known him n his sis since i was lil and hes gonna bail on me bc
im being an asshole and greedy bc i dont want his gf to go to
the party...it be diff if i knew her am i so wrong? i have like 6 days
left till mii party and mii mom is treating me like shit and john
her only son.. and of course mii lil sis doesnt understand dis shit
so she minds her business. .. i don't know
i got fired at K-Mart it was lil mii fault, but mostly theres they could of handled it better. .. i tried i kept to it but they are
fuck ups at K-Mart in berlin don't eva work there thats why they
still got the now hiring sign! bc they make ppl wanna leave
i just wish right now the only thing i wish i had was mii ex JOhnJohn
back but right now hes in jail... i thought hed get better
or a man i am not tryin to sound desperate but the only time i seem
to be happy is w a b/f ... i want long term relationship
serious, i need a man to make me happy thats da only thing i
dont have in mii life right now... mii type is weird i like da white gangsta type " lil cocky attitude on da side but knows how to treat a grl... and main thing i love them being very protective lot of mii friends don't like dta but it shows to me they care fo me... he has to of course you know smell good...have a head on his shoulders... i'll let him spend time w his boys nothin wrong w dat as long as he calls me once and i know hes thinkin of me i don't ask much...except when where not busy fo him to chill w his grl...i really could use a man right now to be there fo me when i get upset like dis and cuddle, knowing someone is there fo me...all mii friends h ave their own lives b/fs...i don't and now i'm out of school i'm trying to find a job again...working on getting mii steal blue mitsusbushi eclispe or howeva you spell it ... and just wish guys wouldn't always go b y looks all da time bc dat hurts a grl it shows your not good enough fo them if they got da best personality...
& right now i have this bad ass sting on mii right arm its red andi thought it was sunburn its like two bumps and one big one i thought i got bit by somethin when i was out helpin mii mom earlyer today w da plants at her work when we where talkin but now its turning red and it fuckin stings like a bitch =/ do i deserve this fuckin stingy bump thing on mii arm? is it bc of smokin? i don't think so...but do i deserve somethin weird like dis on mii arm? fo what i did and have mii own feelings? wtf?
its too muc shit to jot down right now to explain what really happened tonight but mostly it and it i felt like writing more i would but i'm sorry guys if dats confusin...if you can give me any advice leave me a message, comment ,or comment blog anything i'd appreciate it and know some one knows how i feel sometimes...
^~~ I know dat all sounds confusin to you guys now bc i didnt explain it enoguh and i havn't wrote in here mad long
but plz give me advice i could use it tonight i mean im depressed when mii graduation party is in 6 fuckin days on Sunday i think yeah da 26 and i'll try to explain more la8r on tonight or tomorrow after cleaning mii room... now i'm gonna smoke Parliament lights and just try to relax right now ... when i'm really upset i didnt' realize writing bout it makes me feel better i didnt knwo what else to do...
and i thought friends had your back no matta what if they have a gf or not and they ask you to go somewhere on a big day " and don't wanna go bc someone doesn't in vite their bf or gf if you don't know them at all... i mean i thought best friends even if its just a guy like JOhn always got your back no matta how many fights, arguements, how many times you say you hate each otha " but i guess dats not true...I may of said shit dat hurt him and i may have been ungrateful but its both sides here anad im very hurt
BrOoke Amandaaaa
shOrti
The more you, put me through,
The more it makes me wanna come back to you,
You say you hate me, I just love you more,
You don't want me, I just want you more,
I know it's sad but it's makin me happy,
The more that you slap me, the more that it turns me on,
Cuz you love me, and I love you more.