O, what a lonely thing In a lonely drain...
fuck how long has it been. just writing this is making me sick. Im not fond of you lj. not. fond.
started college. and despite my constant if not continuous paniced rushed dizzy feeling it hasnt been too bad. I see no one that I know except Cody on Monday Wednesdays and fridays. on top of doing college work I still have to deal with high school shit that didnt get finished because the school administrators suck. ass. you think after years and years of doing this theyd get it right. now i have to come in between my classes tomorrow to have everyone and their mom sign this paper. even my mom. not to mention I have to come in for a pe final and a fucking english letter. speaking of. i need to write that paper thats 20 % of my fucking grade. fuck that ya know?
Everyone's leaving. my mom leaves in a week and a half. neal went back to school. ryan left. my father's been gone. I have an extra room. for free. if you need it. and id be willing to give it to anyone. I think I can talk Ryan Corson into staying with me. after he turns 18. i mean..its free. if not ill just...let it be empty for neal or something.
Im trying hard to not be so passive and to be more out going.
This college thing is getting tiring already. Maybe when stress goes away. I AM looking forward to photo class though. Its relaxed enough that I can finally have a lot of freedom in there. My english teacher is nice. A tired rock listening to pot smoking english teacher. My favorite. I wish I had something to show everyone who I am. Like when people see me its like "Fuck. look at her" and know me in a second and then maybe id have more friends and people wouldnt keep leaving.
You wanna know a fucking secret. Im missing you. And it hurts.
3 days and 15 weeks to go. may 4th is my last day not including finals. fuck i cant wait til spring. I heard the song Jet Airliner today. and it reminded me of the first spring where I felt free. And where I felt happy. And it hurt because im in the middle of fucking winter where there isnt a sun to speak of and I have to wear coats and shoes and I dont even have a fucking back yard so what does it matter. Theres no grass to sink my toes into. No sun room to warm in. Fuck I want to go home.
started college. and despite my constant if not continuous paniced rushed dizzy feeling it hasnt been too bad. I see no one that I know except Cody on Monday Wednesdays and fridays. on top of doing college work I still have to deal with high school shit that didnt get finished because the school administrators suck. ass. you think after years and years of doing this theyd get it right. now i have to come in between my classes tomorrow to have everyone and their mom sign this paper. even my mom. not to mention I have to come in for a pe final and a fucking english letter. speaking of. i need to write that paper thats 20 % of my fucking grade. fuck that ya know?
Everyone's leaving. my mom leaves in a week and a half. neal went back to school. ryan left. my father's been gone. I have an extra room. for free. if you need it. and id be willing to give it to anyone. I think I can talk Ryan Corson into staying with me. after he turns 18. i mean..its free. if not ill just...let it be empty for neal or something.
Im trying hard to not be so passive and to be more out going.
This college thing is getting tiring already. Maybe when stress goes away. I AM looking forward to photo class though. Its relaxed enough that I can finally have a lot of freedom in there. My english teacher is nice. A tired rock listening to pot smoking english teacher. My favorite. I wish I had something to show everyone who I am. Like when people see me its like "Fuck. look at her" and know me in a second and then maybe id have more friends and people wouldnt keep leaving.
You wanna know a fucking secret. Im missing you. And it hurts.
3 days and 15 weeks to go. may 4th is my last day not including finals. fuck i cant wait til spring. I heard the song Jet Airliner today. and it reminded me of the first spring where I felt free. And where I felt happy. And it hurt because im in the middle of fucking winter where there isnt a sun to speak of and I have to wear coats and shoes and I dont even have a fucking back yard so what does it matter. Theres no grass to sink my toes into. No sun room to warm in. Fuck I want to go home.