One of those days. . .
It's one of those days again. . . the afternoon after I had another one of my vivid dreams that will stick with me for days. I can't concentrate on much, not even my journal entry. All I want to do is sprout wings and fly away.
Do you ever have dreams that are SO real, that you don't want to dream them. Because you know when you wake up, you're going to be in bed without the person in your dreams? But you don't force yourself to wake up, because you know. . . that this moment in time - your dreams - are the only thing you'll have with him.
Well, until he wakes up to the fact that you're there - that you've always been there - standing right behind him waiting for him to wake up and realize that he's swept you off your feet. The lifelike dreams are all you have until he realizes that you've been there. . . waiting patiently for him while he's off doing his thing. While he's gone off and gotten smarter, while you laid in bed at night. . . praying that he was safe, praying that he would return (to you) without meeting other girls. The dreams are all you have while you have imaginary conversations with him as midnight slips into 1am, and 1am quickly becomes 2am. The dreams are the only thing you have while you pretend that he's in the room next to your room and your beds are side-by-side. . . only separated by a wall.
The dreams are all you have while you write letters to him on loose-leaf paper in black ink. Letters you'll never send, but instead put in a shoe box that you stow in the back of your closet. The dreams are all you have while you scribble down the lyrics from "One & Only" multiple times while you wish that you could actually sing the song aloud to him.
You don't force yourself to wake up, because the dreams are all you have while your playlist of songs for him build up every day, and you can't go a day without thinking of him.
Do you ever have dreams where he rescues you from a fate worst than death? Or where his kiss. . .the kiss that you've never had the privilage to feel. . . felt SO real? Do you have vivid dreams where you relive moments in time that you shared with him in real life? Like the time that he hugged you because you both were going away and wouldn't see each other for a long time. Or the time he accidently touched your hand during an evening service at youth camp?
Do you wake up the next day, feeling guilter than heck because you allowed yourself to dream these things? Especially when your supposed to be keeping your feelings for him on a short leash. . . and you know that you've allowed your heart to feel more than it should. Does the dream ever stay with you for days afterwards while pure hope seeps through the guilt like rays of sunshine on the gloomiest of days?