Hello again
so i know i havent posted since i signed up for this thing but thats ok. really theres no one to read it but thats ok... i guess ur like my online diary. so things really suck now and its really all to hard to deal with. kinda dont know what or who to turn to anymore. i know i have my friends but im tired of throwing my burdens on them and they r kinda runing out of things to tell me... which is completely understandable becuase i am running out of thought myself. im so good with helpin other people, maybe a little too good, but when it comes to myslef i cant even process a thought properly let alone act on it. its even hard to have fun when theres so much on my mind, i cant even get drunk properly nemore. im not taking care of myslef and i know that theres so many things that and couldbe doing and should be doing but im not. is it really worth it. were all gonna end up dead neways or make really bad choices and suffer for the rest of our lives with it and make those around us suffer so why bother. its like im living this pretty dream but everytime theres a possibility to move ahead suddenly there a brick wall in the middle of green pastures. its very discouraing and i cannot get my head around it. theres really only one person that i feel like i can have a good time with but it terrifies me cuz it all seems strangly familiar and i dont want to start the circle over again. i dont think its the case but how do i know... how do i trust? theres also been some tlak about suicide lately which usually looks very appealing to me and always on the back of my mind. however its not so much the case nemore which i guess is a good thing but once again its becuase im thinking of other people before myself. its like i wanna fix everyhting before i die but i know thats not possible. so does this mean im not gonna die. im forever going to suffer with this shit. i want to die tho and i want everything to get better but i odnt know how to do that. i need somehting to get my mind to another place and as much as a trip sounds appealing i know its not gonna fix anything. im going to go neways it will at least help the psoriasis. but 1 week in the sun and salk water isnt going to outweigh the eternal stress. and yet another problem that im ignoring. ahh neways i could write forever. maybe thats why i havent really worte to begin with. i dont know