(no subject)
i have been feeling so depressed lately. i feel like a huge part of my life has been taken away from me. i can't not run. my knee won't get better. i mean come on its been like 4 months by now and i still cant run without it clicking or popping or hurting. i dont even know waht to do anymore. i miss running so much. i miss being able to run. i can barely run a 5k anymore and its driving me crazy. i just want to go back to where i was over the summer. i go to these dumb ass meets with 50 schools where the first place girl is running 19.30. that was me over the summer. now i come in at 25 looking like a pussy. i cant even train to get better becuase its one injury after another... my knee then my ankle then my knee again. am i just not meant to run? amd i just not meant to enjoy my senior year, or my life for that matter..
everything has been going wrong, i just cant seem to be positive. all i can think about is the one thing i can't do anymore. i'm a pathetic excuse for a runner. i love it so much more than anyone knows. i can't live without it..i'm going crazy...i dont know howmuch longer i can take acting like i'm ok in school when everything is actually blurry, i cant even think straight and i just come home and sit in my room and stare at walls or lay in my bed and cry. i'm nothing without running. i just want it back in my life. i feel like i have had a bad breakup or something. i want this empty feeling to go away. i want to be done with injuries. why me? what did i do to deserve this...to watch everyone who didnt work half as hard as i have come thorugh the finish line minutes before me. it makes me feel like i have failed everyone..myself, my coach, my team mates. i'mm all talk, all i talk about is how much i run and how much i love it. then i get out there and make an ass of myself. i need to be able to train. if i can train i can get better..but with my knee and my ankle the way they are i dont know if i will ever be able to run again..its all i want to do. i dont even care about anything else anymore. i dont care what parties there are this weekend or how i'm dressed anymore. i dont worry about guys or grades...all i can think about is running. its killing me.
my god i need therapy or something i'm going crazy.
everything has been going wrong, i just cant seem to be positive. all i can think about is the one thing i can't do anymore. i'm a pathetic excuse for a runner. i love it so much more than anyone knows. i can't live without it..i'm going crazy...i dont know howmuch longer i can take acting like i'm ok in school when everything is actually blurry, i cant even think straight and i just come home and sit in my room and stare at walls or lay in my bed and cry. i'm nothing without running. i just want it back in my life. i feel like i have had a bad breakup or something. i want this empty feeling to go away. i want to be done with injuries. why me? what did i do to deserve this...to watch everyone who didnt work half as hard as i have come thorugh the finish line minutes before me. it makes me feel like i have failed everyone..myself, my coach, my team mates. i'mm all talk, all i talk about is how much i run and how much i love it. then i get out there and make an ass of myself. i need to be able to train. if i can train i can get better..but with my knee and my ankle the way they are i dont know if i will ever be able to run again..its all i want to do. i dont even care about anything else anymore. i dont care what parties there are this weekend or how i'm dressed anymore. i dont worry about guys or grades...all i can think about is running. its killing me.
my god i need therapy or something i'm going crazy.