(no subject)
so this kind of sucks.i wasnt really sure if i had feelings for jarrod or not. i think it was more of a physical attraction you know but now him and bri like eachother and i'm really bummed about it. and i feel like i shouldnt be. i feel like i cant like anyone cause no one ever really likes me back. no guy would ever want to date me over bri i should probably just accept that right now. its kind of depressingsometimes. like it sucks having the hot best freind who gets every guy. even the ones that could have potentially liked me. and its not like i'm gonna stop my best freind from dating someone she likes who likes her back thats pretty selfish. no matter how much it sucks. i'll get over it. and i will get used to them. together. in front of me. i'll get used to her coming over to hagn out iwth jarrod. i think i liked it better whne she was coming over to hang out with eric. it just puts me in a bad mood sometimes seeing my best friend with the guy taht have been hooking up with. especially having to pretend that i dont even care. becasue not oonly did i tell bri that i was fine with them dating, but do you know how lame i would seem if the guy i was hooking up with and that i had feelings for is all of a sudden going out with my best friend.
thats so depressing . which is why its always easier to just deny that you ever had feelings for him becasue then you arent vulnerable. because even though you are breaking down inside, everyone else thinks your a hardass who wasjust hooking up with him for fun and has no feelings for him what so ever...when really. its the complete opposite. and i dont know how to tell bri that. i dont even know how to put how i feel into words. its not even all about jarrod. its the principle of it.....like we are best friends. she should be able to tell when i dont mean what i say. and i feel like she did, she just didnt want to. i dont eeven know what i am saying anymore.
guys dont like me. maybe i'll accept that someday. i'm never gonna have a boyfrined whos crazy about me like bri does all the time. i'll just be the best friend who hears shit from her and the boyfriend who is crazy about her all the time. and i get to sit and wish i had someone who cared about me as much as he caresa bout her. cause i never will. i wish i knew what was wrong with me. whatever. i'm done. i dont even care.
thats so depressing . which is why its always easier to just deny that you ever had feelings for him becasue then you arent vulnerable. because even though you are breaking down inside, everyone else thinks your a hardass who wasjust hooking up with him for fun and has no feelings for him what so ever...when really. its the complete opposite. and i dont know how to tell bri that. i dont even know how to put how i feel into words. its not even all about jarrod. its the principle of it.....like we are best friends. she should be able to tell when i dont mean what i say. and i feel like she did, she just didnt want to. i dont eeven know what i am saying anymore.
guys dont like me. maybe i'll accept that someday. i'm never gonna have a boyfrined whos crazy about me like bri does all the time. i'll just be the best friend who hears shit from her and the boyfriend who is crazy about her all the time. and i get to sit and wish i had someone who cared about me as much as he caresa bout her. cause i never will. i wish i knew what was wrong with me. whatever. i'm done. i dont even care.