So hard to verbalize...
you always want what you cannot have. I think thats the law of nature. No one is ever happy, and no matter how happy I am, or how much I have to be thankful for, there is always some sort of balancing factor that steps in every once and a while to bring me crashing back down to earth. I love Alex, I love everything about him, when I am with him I am unbelievably happy... but I have to leave him to come back to school....and when I spend time with him I end up feeling guilty about my family or Autum...
This past weekend both my mother and Aut were really great with being understanding and supportive of me wanting to spend time with Alex... but I ended up feeling hurt by the lack of interest with Autum in including me in her Wedding planning etc....like I said initially, you always want the opposite of what you have...and by human nature you are never satisfied.
I have a really weird feeling lately, and I can't seem to shake it. I can't really explain what it is...I don't understand it, or why I am feeling that way, so I guess thats why I can't explain it.
so to move on to a completely random and different topic... I keep having wedding dreams, probably because of Aut's upcoming wedding. and through that I keep having dreams of Alex and I getting engaged...(dont worry, I'm not planning on that haha)... but its weird because I keep having vivid dreams involving the date and everything... January 22nd 2010....so two years from now if that happens, how weird would that be?....I have just been having weird weird dreams lately anyways, for instance the other night I had a dream that Alex and I were roadtripping across the country to see our friends in different places and I had a dream about one of his friends, whom I have never met, nor seen, and described how he looked and where he used to live (north carolina)... how weird is that??? I wasn't sure who it was supposed to be, because he had two friends that live far away, one in Colorado, and the Other in Michigan, but I never knew that the one who lives in colorado used to live in North Carolina....so I just thought that was really random. but in these dreams we kept getting jealous of each other, people from our pasts kept popping up and making the other person jealous...so I woke up feeling really weird.
ughh, I'm tired of writing right now, so I think I'm going to continue being a bum watching TV... I'm sure I'll pick back up with random rants at a later date.
This past weekend both my mother and Aut were really great with being understanding and supportive of me wanting to spend time with Alex... but I ended up feeling hurt by the lack of interest with Autum in including me in her Wedding planning etc....like I said initially, you always want the opposite of what you have...and by human nature you are never satisfied.
I have a really weird feeling lately, and I can't seem to shake it. I can't really explain what it is...I don't understand it, or why I am feeling that way, so I guess thats why I can't explain it.
so to move on to a completely random and different topic... I keep having wedding dreams, probably because of Aut's upcoming wedding. and through that I keep having dreams of Alex and I getting engaged...(dont worry, I'm not planning on that haha)... but its weird because I keep having vivid dreams involving the date and everything... January 22nd 2010....so two years from now if that happens, how weird would that be?....I have just been having weird weird dreams lately anyways, for instance the other night I had a dream that Alex and I were roadtripping across the country to see our friends in different places and I had a dream about one of his friends, whom I have never met, nor seen, and described how he looked and where he used to live (north carolina)... how weird is that??? I wasn't sure who it was supposed to be, because he had two friends that live far away, one in Colorado, and the Other in Michigan, but I never knew that the one who lives in colorado used to live in North Carolina....so I just thought that was really random. but in these dreams we kept getting jealous of each other, people from our pasts kept popping up and making the other person jealous...so I woke up feeling really weird.
ughh, I'm tired of writing right now, so I think I'm going to continue being a bum watching TV... I'm sure I'll pick back up with random rants at a later date.