(no subject)
so many things to say, yet not enough words to say them.... I am exhausted right now, yet I feel compelled to write in here... I don't think it will be a very accurate portrayl of how I am feeling lately though because I am in a pretty foul mood this evening. so bear with me here...
despite the bitchiness of today, I have been overwhelmingly happy lately. I am finding it hard to find someone who is happy for me being happy though... I am struck by people who don't know how to deal with me having a boyfriend and are upset I am not there for their beck and call like I once was... I understand in some sense that I have not had a boyfriend in over 3 years and it may be hard to handle me not jumping at the slightest call, but all I really want is for people to understand that I have never in my life felt this phenomenally amazing and I am trying my hardest to not become "that girl"... thats not who I am anyways and I haven't even done anything to constistute being accused of such a thing...yes, its hard to not want to spend all the time I can with Alex though seeing how I only have 3 weeks before I will be gone for the better part of 4 months, but I have being spreading myself equally across those here, as equally as I can anyways...I don't understand some people. I'm happy, and all I want is for the people who love me to be happy for me, not do their damndest to make me feel guilty. I've been crazy busy since I've been home too between shopping, and spending time with my family, Brother, Alex, and Autum I haven't had much time to really dwell on any of that drama... I am happy and for pretty much the first time in my life, putting myself first. I love all my friends and my family, but I can't let other people control my happiness in such a way that I will end up being miserable so they can be happy. thats just not fair.
in other, more upbeat news, I love Alex... and we dropped the "L bomb" a few days ago... I really couldn't be happier that I met him, I know he will treat me right and he is an amazing person. spring semester is going to be excrutiatingly hard to get through, but at least it is only 4 months.
I cannot believe Christmas is only 3 or 4 days away, thats so insane... it doesn't feel like x-mas at all... at least I got all my shopping done today though, and everything is wrapped and ready to go... so I'm excited about that...
okay well I am going to be a bum tonight and go to sleep really early, I haven't been getting much sleep lately anyways so i really need to do some catching up. good night all, and if I don't write again, have a great holiday!
ps. sammy, if the whole exercize science thing doesn't work out for you, you definitely have a back up with baking! Those cookies were to die for :) xo