I'm lame.
I'm seriously kidding myself here. There is no way that I should be thinking or feeling the things that I am. I'm just going to get hurt like every other stupid ass situation in my life.
chapter one: girl meets boy... girl doesn't want to get hurt (again)
chapter two: girl lets boy in... kids herself into thinking she only thinks of him as a friend
chapter three: girl realizes that she is kidding herself and that boy only thinks of her as a friend
repeat... repeat..... repeat....
ugh. I don't even really know what I am feeling... I feel like I am starting to feel things I don't want to, because I KNOW, I just know they aren't going to be reciprocated, and I don't want to feel like a big fat idiot anymore.
I'm the friend that has the cute friends. I'm the girl that takes the pictures because I don't want to face the reality of what I look like next to everyone else. I'm the girl that spends more time complaining about it than actually doing anything.. I'm the girl that seems like shes fine on the outside, but is really fucked up inside. I'm the girl that just wants to be loved and just can't seem to think she is worth it. I'm the girl that says "Don't worry about what other people think" and can't stop wondering what that guy/girl is thinking when they look at me like that.
Basically...I'm pathetic.
ugh. I wish I could just be one of those people that didn't a fuck and just went out and did whatever. If those people even really exist.
whatever. in other news 5 days til the big 21. I'm excited I guess. I think it will be fun once I stop being such a shithead.
first phoneroom shift answering phone on thursday= scared shitless... I've been told not to worry, so hopefully I won't let the people that seem to think I can do it down.
ugh I am in such a whiney idiot mood. blah. there are so many things I want to say, but I can't.
I fucking hate your dumbass. I wish we never met you. you slut. please disappear.
I miss who I thought you were. You disappoint me and hurt my feelings all the time. But I can't sever anything because then I would feel guilty, and I'm still holding onto the hope that you really are who I thought you were. whatever, I'm done going out on limbs.
you disgust me. I can't believe I ever thought I loved you. at least I finally feel some closure knowing I didn't miss out on a single thing. dirtbag.
whatever. I'm done.
chapter one: girl meets boy... girl doesn't want to get hurt (again)
chapter two: girl lets boy in... kids herself into thinking she only thinks of him as a friend
chapter three: girl realizes that she is kidding herself and that boy only thinks of her as a friend
repeat... repeat..... repeat....
ugh. I don't even really know what I am feeling... I feel like I am starting to feel things I don't want to, because I KNOW, I just know they aren't going to be reciprocated, and I don't want to feel like a big fat idiot anymore.
I'm the friend that has the cute friends. I'm the girl that takes the pictures because I don't want to face the reality of what I look like next to everyone else. I'm the girl that spends more time complaining about it than actually doing anything.. I'm the girl that seems like shes fine on the outside, but is really fucked up inside. I'm the girl that just wants to be loved and just can't seem to think she is worth it. I'm the girl that says "Don't worry about what other people think" and can't stop wondering what that guy/girl is thinking when they look at me like that.
Basically...I'm pathetic.
ugh. I wish I could just be one of those people that didn't a fuck and just went out and did whatever. If those people even really exist.
whatever. in other news 5 days til the big 21. I'm excited I guess. I think it will be fun once I stop being such a shithead.
first phoneroom shift answering phone on thursday= scared shitless... I've been told not to worry, so hopefully I won't let the people that seem to think I can do it down.
ugh I am in such a whiney idiot mood. blah. there are so many things I want to say, but I can't.
I fucking hate your dumbass. I wish we never met you. you slut. please disappear.
I miss who I thought you were. You disappoint me and hurt my feelings all the time. But I can't sever anything because then I would feel guilty, and I'm still holding onto the hope that you really are who I thought you were. whatever, I'm done going out on limbs.
you disgust me. I can't believe I ever thought I loved you. at least I finally feel some closure knowing I didn't miss out on a single thing. dirtbag.
whatever. I'm done.