PSA

[brown_betty]

It is never okay to disregard a transperson's preferred gender identity. Not if he's a compulsive liar, not if he's a demonstrated con-artist, not if he's dragging down the name of fandom, not if he's the worst person on the internet

Comments

[tavella]

Or some people believe that it's part of an ongoing con, and refuse to participate in it in any form. There's some people who think it's the only true thing Amy's ever said, and that's fair enough, but I'm certainly not going to criticize people for not wanting to play with what they consider lies.

[brown_betty]

No, I can't agree. Once it's been pointed out (as it has) that this is really painful to every transperson who reads it, they ought at very least opt out and use 'they.'

I mean, I'm not going to go around printing up a blacklist, I don't judge them as people, and I recognize that many of these people have been deeply hurt, and are probably in many respects decent people, who in other circumstances would not disrespect transpeople. But in this case, their behaviour is unnecessarily hurtful to people who are not in any way involved, which is bad.

[impactbomb]

Yeah, well, screw you too, some of us have to live with the consequences of not being trusted to know our own goddamned gender identity because we're going to be painted as "just another con artist" since people are going to keep seeing this whole thing as yet another reason not to believe trans people when they say this because zomg one of us also happens to be a con artist, despite god fucking knows how many cis people being the exact same fucking thing and no one asks whether you're fucking presenting as your own goddamned gender identity for it, DO THEY.

Go to hell, take your justifications with you. I'm sorry, I'm not interested in being rational about this, and you can take it up with the rest of the entire cisgendered population.

[brown_betty]

I'm really sorry you've been subjected to this, and I apologize for the hurt you've received in the comments to my journal, and that I haven't maintained this as a safe space.

[tavella]

I'll step out, then, since it's your journal. LJ messages work if someone wishes to say anything else.

[impactbomb]

I hadn't seen this message before I hit send. I've said my piece, I'm done, I'm stepping out too.

[tavella]

Transgender != con-artist. I refer to people as whatever gender they prefer, since that's a basic courtesy. I don't, however, feel the need to buy into whatever persona Amy is currently doing in their ever-changing world, and I *don't* feel that I owe Amy any basic courtesy, given the harm they've wreaked.

I owe you the respect of your gender identity; I do not owe you respect for *Amy*, and I get quite irritated when people attempt to claim it.

[impactbomb]

Well.

Well, that's just wonderful for you.

It's wonderful that you can isolate this case so clearly, because you're so perceptive, and so sensitive and all.

I feel the respect coming off you in waves, because a decent response to someone saying "stop doing this it hurts me" is totally "well I didn't mean you".

Do you know what it's fucking like to live with the fear of being labeled exactly that - a con artist! - simply for wanting to tell someone you loved them, or wanting to hang out off work, or for simply going to the fucking bathroom? I mean, has anyone ever told you about it? Did you ever bother to fucking listen? Because if not, I'm telling you now, that's exactly the monster you feed treating someone's gender identity as "just another con" like this.

I don't give a shit about thanfiction or DAYD or anything else; I've long known of and about the whole goddamn VB saga, and long wished to punch the fucker in the face, but call him "he". He identifies as trans. Again, you would not call a cisgendered con artist the

[brown_betty]

I don't believe you mean this, but please consider that your statement is received as a threat. When you say you owe someone this only so long as you respect them, it is very similar to the way chivalry can be used to enforce standards of behaviour: "She was raped, but she was a whore. You are a good woman, and I would never rape you. So long as you are a good woman, you are safe."

No one should have to be 'good' to get fundamental human rights. I appreciate that you are avoiding gendering VB, and that's fair. I appreciate that many people were hurt by their actions. Just consider that VB wins nothing if we refrain from hurting more people with this.

[vito_excalibur]

I disagree with this. I think you're comparing dissimilar things. Having your word taken is not a basic right in the same way that not being physically abused is a basic right.

[brown_betty]

I don't think being gendered as you request is the same as having your word taken. You don't have to believe someone to gender them the way they request. It's not about belief, to me. It's like, if someone says they're, I dunno, gay, you treat them that way until they contradict themselves.

(I hope this isn't being interpreted as saying I 'disbelieve' anyone's account of their own gender. I just require proof to believe things. I will gender people as they request regardless of proof or lack thereof.)

[vito_excalibur]

You know, you're quite right. Never mind!