On being a big boy.
I hate it when things are my fault. I hate it when people get angry at me, and they have every right to be. I hate that I have to say I'm sorry.
I wish I could be angry and aloof, dismissive--retreat to that adolescent place of "they just don't understand". Write some angry poems about how the world doesn't understand me.
Sometimes it feels like I went through adolescence a little late, and once I did, things changed and I had to grow up all again, in a new way.
People don't want to hear sob stories; they don't care about what hell I've been through. They don't want excuses. They don't want "I'm Sorry". They don't want any of that; they just want my shit done on time.
I have this problem where I have to learn things the hard way; instead of heeding the warning and continuing with caution, I ignore it, and go on wrecklessly. Sometimes I really am wreckless.
So, here's the task at hand now: how do I take in the ultumatum, understand it, and make necessary changes without doing my usual of kicking myself relentlessly? The adolescent ingdignation was always a handy defense. I guess now I have to realize a few things:
1. No one really wants to confront me in this fashion. They don't want to have to go through that; they don't want to say things to hurt my feelings. They just want me to do my part. They don't dislike me as a person; they just don't want to make life difficult.
2. Worrying and beating myself off is a waste of energy. It is not going to improve the situation. Instead, I need to figure out ways to make myself more efficient.
3. This happened for a reason. DOn't think of it as "game over", but think of it as an opportunity to improve myself. I am a motivated person and am always trying to improve myself. Now that I have cleared up a lot of the bigger issues, I take this chance to improve some of these other issues.
um yeah. I wrote this for me, mainly, just so you know.
I wish I could be angry and aloof, dismissive--retreat to that adolescent place of "they just don't understand". Write some angry poems about how the world doesn't understand me.
Sometimes it feels like I went through adolescence a little late, and once I did, things changed and I had to grow up all again, in a new way.
People don't want to hear sob stories; they don't care about what hell I've been through. They don't want excuses. They don't want "I'm Sorry". They don't want any of that; they just want my shit done on time.
I have this problem where I have to learn things the hard way; instead of heeding the warning and continuing with caution, I ignore it, and go on wrecklessly. Sometimes I really am wreckless.
So, here's the task at hand now: how do I take in the ultumatum, understand it, and make necessary changes without doing my usual of kicking myself relentlessly? The adolescent ingdignation was always a handy defense. I guess now I have to realize a few things:
1. No one really wants to confront me in this fashion. They don't want to have to go through that; they don't want to say things to hurt my feelings. They just want me to do my part. They don't dislike me as a person; they just don't want to make life difficult.
2. Worrying and beating myself off is a waste of energy. It is not going to improve the situation. Instead, I need to figure out ways to make myself more efficient.
3. This happened for a reason. DOn't think of it as "game over", but think of it as an opportunity to improve myself. I am a motivated person and am always trying to improve myself. Now that I have cleared up a lot of the bigger issues, I take this chance to improve some of these other issues.
um yeah. I wrote this for me, mainly, just so you know.