Oh my my, here we go:

The Cyst
So, a few weeks ago, while wiping my bottom after some really caustic coffee-poops, I felt this bump. A bump? A bump. OMG NOT TEH CANCERZ!#@!#!!1 No, 'tweren't the cancers. However, there on my taint, slightly to the right, between asshole and testicles, was a cyst. Oh snap. Here's wikipedia's take on cysts: