Never enough
Last night myself and a couple other folks met with a group of pastors (well, 3) at a church in north Seattle to talk about how the church can have a more "pastoral" response to gay folks. The conversation lasted for about and hour and a half and, like every previous conversation I've had like this over the last 12+ years, really took a lot out of me.
All 3 pastors fall on the more conservative side theologically - that gay and lesbian Christians are called to a life of celibacy. On one hand, that doesn't seem like such a bad position considering the Bible calls for the death penalty in the Old testament or simply dismisses gays as forsaken by God in the New. On the other hand, how fucked up is it that those are the two positions of the Old and New Testaments?
Two of the pastors we met with I have known and been known by for a bit - one better than the other. The other one was someone I'd never met before.
It was very frustrating conversation. One of the guys acted like he was bothered just being there and the other two went on the defensive not 15 minutes into the conversation when it was suggested the church wasn't a safe place for gay people. The head pastor admitted that he understood why gays and evangelical Christians have problems understanding one another but said that there was no way he could abandon his perspective that homosexual expression was a sin.
All three listened to us and I felt like we were understood but, when the dust is cleared, our lives don't carry the same weight that these handful of verses do.
After the meeting the group of us that met with the pastors got together and debriefed. Anger and exhaustion were expressed. I mostly sat silently trying to hear everyone. It's just tiring and hurtful knowing and experiencing that your life, as much as you pour out in front of people, can be brushed away.
One of the pastors recommended a book to me that he felt articulated his position. I want to read it and follow back up with him but, in the end, will it matter? Sometimes I feel like, as a gay person engaging these kinds of arguments, we're asked to jump through these philosophical and theological hoops only to have those on the other side say the particular hoops we just jumped through really weren't the things they cared about. Now, if we'll only tackle this other course....
I don't want to get out of bed this morning.
In other news, I leave for Los Angeles on Thursday. I'll be there until Sun.
All 3 pastors fall on the more conservative side theologically - that gay and lesbian Christians are called to a life of celibacy. On one hand, that doesn't seem like such a bad position considering the Bible calls for the death penalty in the Old testament or simply dismisses gays as forsaken by God in the New. On the other hand, how fucked up is it that those are the two positions of the Old and New Testaments?
Two of the pastors we met with I have known and been known by for a bit - one better than the other. The other one was someone I'd never met before.
It was very frustrating conversation. One of the guys acted like he was bothered just being there and the other two went on the defensive not 15 minutes into the conversation when it was suggested the church wasn't a safe place for gay people. The head pastor admitted that he understood why gays and evangelical Christians have problems understanding one another but said that there was no way he could abandon his perspective that homosexual expression was a sin.
All three listened to us and I felt like we were understood but, when the dust is cleared, our lives don't carry the same weight that these handful of verses do.
After the meeting the group of us that met with the pastors got together and debriefed. Anger and exhaustion were expressed. I mostly sat silently trying to hear everyone. It's just tiring and hurtful knowing and experiencing that your life, as much as you pour out in front of people, can be brushed away.
One of the pastors recommended a book to me that he felt articulated his position. I want to read it and follow back up with him but, in the end, will it matter? Sometimes I feel like, as a gay person engaging these kinds of arguments, we're asked to jump through these philosophical and theological hoops only to have those on the other side say the particular hoops we just jumped through really weren't the things they cared about. Now, if we'll only tackle this other course....
I don't want to get out of bed this morning.
In other news, I leave for Los Angeles on Thursday. I'll be there until Sun.