(no subject)
I have so many things to say. Some things I can say and somethings I can't. Lots of insight into the world around me; past, present, and future. And I wish I could type them all in here, but 1) I'm a bit beat and don't feel like it and 2) I don't want them to get misinterpreted.
Like how my sister wrote my mother an email tellin' her how she was goin' to her boyfriend's relatives house for Turkey Day lunch. Look I don't care where she goes, she's my delightful little sister (and in our 23 year bond, we've hardly fought) and this is not a condemnation on her, but an email? You can write an email in 2010 and say (I have no idea what it said..so this is pure assumption) hey I really wanna be there, but Caleb's parents are doin' Thanksgivin' lunch around roughly the same we do it, so I'm gonna eat over there then come by there afterwards. And that' flew with my mother. My crazy ass Mom who goes nuts without rhyme or reason over the tiniest little thing. And I bought it up, 'cause like I saw my sister there makin' deviled eggs (which I Deviled Egg Snatched (2x) and then vamoose ninja vanish. And I went down to take a nap ('cause that's what I ALWAYS do at my grandma's...a behavior which could probably be psychoanalyzed to death) and then I wake and she's gone. So I ask Mom about it and she was like oh...well that's the best way to communicate with me 'cause it doesn't give me the chance to express me initial feelings. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was just irked at her (my mom) that things could go down that way and it all be ok. And sometimes I feel like I don't get a fair shake from my parents and other times I get far more than I deserve. And it's not even about all that in this instance. It's about the fact that an email...an electronic mail-o-gram can be sent and my nutjob Mom is ok with that. Yet if my sister would've said the same thing on the cellophone or I dare say had a real life face-to-face conversation...the results would've BEEN vastly different.
It's just a strange indictment of the society we currently live in that we can be less personal and have greater results than if we were to be direct and have to deal with anger, frustration, and resentment in live-action.
What's the world comin' to? Are we slowly morphin' into people that are better at delayed reactions than we all in live-time? I think about that a lot, and how a vast deal of my relationships, friendships, and just general interactions with important people are, and I wonder if things are fallin' apart. I always want real relationships...even though I'm piss poor at expressin' my true emotions in live action. At least I know in the rare instances I DO express feeling that it's REAL.
A lot of my life is make-believe, tricks, and lies. And I'm ok with that, because I'm not as awesome as I appear on paper, so I gotta stretch shit. Perception is reality after all. Not everything I am is a lie, far from it, but a lot of real world shit I alter in my brain to make it better than it really is. 'Cause let's be honest, for all the incredibly, amazing things that exist and occur in this world, there's just as much sad, shitty bullshit. I'm just a storyteller who makes up tales and fabricates reasons as to why what happens happens.
And I'm constantly on the lookout for a person who makes me want to be real. And every since I've found that person I try to make it my mission to be just that. And yeah it sucks exposin' a deeply flawed soul to someone else, but to me findin' that one person who's better than any character you can conjure up in your noggin is the Holy Grail.
It's all dumb as shit man. I've watched too many movies, and read too many stories. I'm a Rhett Butler lookin' for his Scarlett O'Hara. A Harry searchin' for his Sally. Romeo sans his Juliet. I'm that dude, and I just want that to be a real thing.
Out of this whole faker than fuck universe we've somehow manage to find ourselves in, I just want a real-life Honest-to-God relationship. I don't care if it's difficult. Or if it's broken. And I'm deathly afraid that it could be fleetin'...but I wanna keep that one person I feel like I can't leave behind. It sounds crazy and seems completely outta the realm of possibility sometimes, but dammit, if losers get lucky.
I dunno...it's hard to describe. I could, but now I feel like the words mean less to nothin' without the opportunity to execute the actions that back my claims up.
Sigh. I wish I was better at bein' human. Haha.. Night El-Ars!
Like how my sister wrote my mother an email tellin' her how she was goin' to her boyfriend's relatives house for Turkey Day lunch. Look I don't care where she goes, she's my delightful little sister (and in our 23 year bond, we've hardly fought) and this is not a condemnation on her, but an email? You can write an email in 2010 and say (I have no idea what it said..so this is pure assumption) hey I really wanna be there, but Caleb's parents are doin' Thanksgivin' lunch around roughly the same we do it, so I'm gonna eat over there then come by there afterwards. And that' flew with my mother. My crazy ass Mom who goes nuts without rhyme or reason over the tiniest little thing. And I bought it up, 'cause like I saw my sister there makin' deviled eggs (which I Deviled Egg Snatched (2x) and then vamoose ninja vanish. And I went down to take a nap ('cause that's what I ALWAYS do at my grandma's...a behavior which could probably be psychoanalyzed to death) and then I wake and she's gone. So I ask Mom about it and she was like oh...well that's the best way to communicate with me 'cause it doesn't give me the chance to express me initial feelings. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was just irked at her (my mom) that things could go down that way and it all be ok. And sometimes I feel like I don't get a fair shake from my parents and other times I get far more than I deserve. And it's not even about all that in this instance. It's about the fact that an email...an electronic mail-o-gram can be sent and my nutjob Mom is ok with that. Yet if my sister would've said the same thing on the cellophone or I dare say had a real life face-to-face conversation...the results would've BEEN vastly different.
It's just a strange indictment of the society we currently live in that we can be less personal and have greater results than if we were to be direct and have to deal with anger, frustration, and resentment in live-action.
What's the world comin' to? Are we slowly morphin' into people that are better at delayed reactions than we all in live-time? I think about that a lot, and how a vast deal of my relationships, friendships, and just general interactions with important people are, and I wonder if things are fallin' apart. I always want real relationships...even though I'm piss poor at expressin' my true emotions in live action. At least I know in the rare instances I DO express feeling that it's REAL.
A lot of my life is make-believe, tricks, and lies. And I'm ok with that, because I'm not as awesome as I appear on paper, so I gotta stretch shit. Perception is reality after all. Not everything I am is a lie, far from it, but a lot of real world shit I alter in my brain to make it better than it really is. 'Cause let's be honest, for all the incredibly, amazing things that exist and occur in this world, there's just as much sad, shitty bullshit. I'm just a storyteller who makes up tales and fabricates reasons as to why what happens happens.
And I'm constantly on the lookout for a person who makes me want to be real. And every since I've found that person I try to make it my mission to be just that. And yeah it sucks exposin' a deeply flawed soul to someone else, but to me findin' that one person who's better than any character you can conjure up in your noggin is the Holy Grail.
It's all dumb as shit man. I've watched too many movies, and read too many stories. I'm a Rhett Butler lookin' for his Scarlett O'Hara. A Harry searchin' for his Sally. Romeo sans his Juliet. I'm that dude, and I just want that to be a real thing.
Out of this whole faker than fuck universe we've somehow manage to find ourselves in, I just want a real-life Honest-to-God relationship. I don't care if it's difficult. Or if it's broken. And I'm deathly afraid that it could be fleetin'...but I wanna keep that one person I feel like I can't leave behind. It sounds crazy and seems completely outta the realm of possibility sometimes, but dammit, if losers get lucky.
I dunno...it's hard to describe. I could, but now I feel like the words mean less to nothin' without the opportunity to execute the actions that back my claims up.
Sigh. I wish I was better at bein' human. Haha.. Night El-Ars!