Something doesn't feel right
it's weird now that i think of it. i was so tired and so content in falling asleep early, and the next thing i know...i'm awake two hours later and feeling like i'm having an anxiety attack. Something bad is going to happen to me. maybe not physically, but maybe more so emotionally. maybe i'm just being paranoid, but things up to this point have been going really well for me. at least i like to think that. therefore, i think its time i had some kind of ball dropped on me, and i think it's going to happen soon; real soon. only because of the timing of everything. sure, i've been feeling something that i havent felt for a long time, and then i'll be going to school; so why not a better time for destiny to shoot me in the face, right? that's what i thought. sometimes, i wish i could see what was going to happen ahead of time. hell, we all do. at the same time though, i don't want to. just so i could feel sane before it happens.
i wish my mind didn't work at all. i wish i could never think things. i wish. it sucks i can't make it happen. maybe the idea of not feeling anything would also be good as well. i know one thing for sure. i am going to be the only reason i end up alone. me, myself, and Sim. all three of us have this shield up, and i want it off. i want to not be scared. i want to not be alone. i want to crawl up into a corner. i'm feeling so horrible right now. i wish i had someone next to me right now. it doesnt matter who, just anyone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. but i don't, so im a mess. a mess that no one ever wants to see. oh god, this sucks so much, but that's just it. it's always going to suck cause nothing is perfect, but you can't really blame me can you? don't you just wish someone would hold you sometimes?
i say the word sometimes a lot. it's probably cause it usually means im lying to myself. what i really mean is all the time. i wish i had someone to hold me all the time and tell me everything is going to be okay. i feel horrible all the time. i feel alone all the time. i want to crawl into a ball and sit in the corner all the time. i'm a mess...all the time. i wish that i could just pack up everything and move away. far away, and just forget everything, all the time.
i can't though, and i never will. then i'll learn to accept and deal. only to repeat this painful experience again.
right now, i'm picturing myself with my bags packed. make that just one bag packed. i'm sitting in a chair, and all i can hear are these loud noises. they're coming from everywhere. people are constantly on the move. there's a woman with a cup of coffee in her hand and she's in a rush. a man with his wife and two kids are hugging each other goodbye. here i am. sitting. waiting. with a bag at my feet and a ticket in my left hand. in my right hand is a picture. but i can't make it out. all i know is that it's the only thing i kept. the only thing i wanted to remember, but its blurred out in my vision. then i hear her. she calls to me. it's time to leave now. i grab my bag and head towards the gate. there, the woman who called to me asks for my ticket. i hand it to her, and i walk towards the gate. i walk down the hall and everything seems to move at an incredibly slow speed. i look back and everything is slowly fading out. i take my seat and look out the window, and in an instant it's all over. i'm finally moving on and everything i ever loved, everything i ever knew, everything i ever experienced is fading away as i go higher and higher. soon it all disappears...
...and along with it, i disappear as well.
i wish my mind didn't work at all. i wish i could never think things. i wish. it sucks i can't make it happen. maybe the idea of not feeling anything would also be good as well. i know one thing for sure. i am going to be the only reason i end up alone. me, myself, and Sim. all three of us have this shield up, and i want it off. i want to not be scared. i want to not be alone. i want to crawl up into a corner. i'm feeling so horrible right now. i wish i had someone next to me right now. it doesnt matter who, just anyone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. but i don't, so im a mess. a mess that no one ever wants to see. oh god, this sucks so much, but that's just it. it's always going to suck cause nothing is perfect, but you can't really blame me can you? don't you just wish someone would hold you sometimes?
i say the word sometimes a lot. it's probably cause it usually means im lying to myself. what i really mean is all the time. i wish i had someone to hold me all the time and tell me everything is going to be okay. i feel horrible all the time. i feel alone all the time. i want to crawl into a ball and sit in the corner all the time. i'm a mess...all the time. i wish that i could just pack up everything and move away. far away, and just forget everything, all the time.
i can't though, and i never will. then i'll learn to accept and deal. only to repeat this painful experience again.
right now, i'm picturing myself with my bags packed. make that just one bag packed. i'm sitting in a chair, and all i can hear are these loud noises. they're coming from everywhere. people are constantly on the move. there's a woman with a cup of coffee in her hand and she's in a rush. a man with his wife and two kids are hugging each other goodbye. here i am. sitting. waiting. with a bag at my feet and a ticket in my left hand. in my right hand is a picture. but i can't make it out. all i know is that it's the only thing i kept. the only thing i wanted to remember, but its blurred out in my vision. then i hear her. she calls to me. it's time to leave now. i grab my bag and head towards the gate. there, the woman who called to me asks for my ticket. i hand it to her, and i walk towards the gate. i walk down the hall and everything seems to move at an incredibly slow speed. i look back and everything is slowly fading out. i take my seat and look out the window, and in an instant it's all over. i'm finally moving on and everything i ever loved, everything i ever knew, everything i ever experienced is fading away as i go higher and higher. soon it all disappears...
...and along with it, i disappear as well.