The Broken
~It's been nearly eight years since my last post on here. I have been slacking very much in attempting to keep up with my thoughts and what is going on in my life. However, recent turmoil has caused me to find a place to try and vent that isn't in my physical journal. I don't think I've written much in my physical journal since Katie was murdered. I'm not sure why but I can't seem to bring myself to put pen to paper and actually examine what I am feeling. Writing in the journal and on here has always forced me view what it is that is actually going on in my life and how it is impacting me. Perhaps it's because of some hidden thoughts that I'm avoiding. This occurs to me and I'm not sure how to deal with that aspect. I know there's a thought in mind, however I'm avoiding putting that round in the chamber.
~ I've fallen in love with someone. Its a long story that will have to be fully updated some other time. She's married. At first all was great like its supposed to be. However, that has recently taken a turn for the worse. When we first got together she made the comment that she didn't want to hurt me. Seems she knew what we were getting into. She knew that I was likely the one to get more hurt out of this situation. The more I think about it the more I realize that this whole situation is about her. It's about her getting what she wants at the expense of others. No matter what happens I am going to be on the loosing end. I am no longer part of the solution or even part of the equation. Its not about us, its about what she wants. All I can do is sit around and hope that I can find my way out of this that keeps me out of the pit I fell into with my ex-fiance. I was truly in one of the worst spots in my life when that happened. It was a long and drawn out recovery. Not so much of the intensity when Katie was murdered, which I truly haven't come to grips with stiil. It isn't lost on my that you no longer will be able to read this anymore either, Katie. Of the few people who actuallly knew about this account you were one who would have actually given me a run for my money in what I am doing.
~I am caught up with her. My heart yearns but I am at a crossroads. I must decide whether my own mental health is worth continuing down this road. I believe I am going to start extracting myself from it before the round loads itself.
~BrokenRomeo