(no subject)
I'm lonely.
Not in the way that some people are. I have great friends, I truly do. And I know if I wanted to talk to them about more private things that they would listen. But sometimes I just can't.
I think part of my problem is that they all have so many problems, I spend more time listening to them than I do dealing with my own problems. I nurture and advise all day long, and by the time I'm done doing that, I have nothing left. So everything that I have going on in my head and heart gets pushed aside. That doesn't mean I'm blaming them, I blame myself entirely.
I try to think of myself as an independent person, and for the most part, I am. I can take care of myself, I'm not one of those girls who "needs a man" to make them happy. In fact, I'd rather be single than waste my time on someone who is just going to play with my emotions and break my heart. So I don't date. At least not in a while.
And that makes me lonely. But, not necessarily for love. I'm very loved in my life, and blessed because of it. It's the things that a significant other can provide that I miss most. The affection, the intimacy, the physical closeness and everything that comes with it. I miss being held and touched, and yes, I miss sex.
I'm one of those people who if you knew me you might think I wasn't an overly sexual being, but I am. Ask the ex, he'll be happy to tell you, I'm sure. And to be a sexual creature without any sex is like being a fish without any water. It just doesn't work.
So, yes, I'm lonely. And I'm not sure why I find it easier to open up in a journal that complete strangers will be reading, instead of to the people who care about me most. It just is.
Not in the way that some people are. I have great friends, I truly do. And I know if I wanted to talk to them about more private things that they would listen. But sometimes I just can't.
I think part of my problem is that they all have so many problems, I spend more time listening to them than I do dealing with my own problems. I nurture and advise all day long, and by the time I'm done doing that, I have nothing left. So everything that I have going on in my head and heart gets pushed aside. That doesn't mean I'm blaming them, I blame myself entirely.
I try to think of myself as an independent person, and for the most part, I am. I can take care of myself, I'm not one of those girls who "needs a man" to make them happy. In fact, I'd rather be single than waste my time on someone who is just going to play with my emotions and break my heart. So I don't date. At least not in a while.
And that makes me lonely. But, not necessarily for love. I'm very loved in my life, and blessed because of it. It's the things that a significant other can provide that I miss most. The affection, the intimacy, the physical closeness and everything that comes with it. I miss being held and touched, and yes, I miss sex.
I'm one of those people who if you knew me you might think I wasn't an overly sexual being, but I am. Ask the ex, he'll be happy to tell you, I'm sure. And to be a sexual creature without any sex is like being a fish without any water. It just doesn't work.
So, yes, I'm lonely. And I'm not sure why I find it easier to open up in a journal that complete strangers will be reading, instead of to the people who care about me most. It just is.