Darkness....
I realized lately I kinda hate who I am....
I hate my personality....
I don't know why I do though.
I guess I miss being that person everyone atleast cared about
or people when to when they were down
Now, it's like I'm the last resort for that kinda thing....
I know everyone else is sick of me
and I don't blame them.
*shrugs*
I guess I kinda miss having people actually want to see me..
Everyone is always busy
I miss out on pretty much everything
I hate it.
I doubt I am going to the New Rebellion show
I don't think we have the money for it...
It's sad..
My parents are talking about moving into this house
right across the street from Ian
and I will probably spend even less time around him.
Gah.
I'm scared.
I'm scared to death I might be pregnant.
Stupidity.
Something in my mind keeps saying "no you're not, there's no way"
but I dunno.
and I won't know for a while.
grah.
As of late I've think I've talked to Pete, Jeremy, Ian & Tom the most out of all of my "friends"
If that's even what I have anymore
It all just seems like strangers
aquaintences.. i dunno
people I barely know and barely know me.
Well, they barely know me because I won't let them know me.
I think I just want to let this whole notion of friendship go.
I don't see the point in friends anymore.
So far all it's done is made me feel like I am nothing
I can't do anything to help anybody anymore
(in the rare case that they come to me for help)
I don't want to really see anybody
and the people I do want to see are either
A) busy with something else
or
B) I know they won't be able to so I don't even ask.
It's just.. frustrating.
I just...... I don' t know.
I really, truely, do not know.
I just want to be Ange again. For some reason, I can't be. Nobody seems to even notice that I am dying inside more and more each day. *shrugs* Maybe I just got better at hiding it. Even Peter hasn't been noticing. Adam sort of did today, but I blew off that whole situation I guess.
Who's going to catch me when I fall this time? Henri or Jake used to be my safety net along with Scott and Eric, but I don't have any of them anymore. What to do I do now?
Plunging into darkness is one of the scariest feelings ever and right now that's where I am.
I don't want pity, bullshit comments, so don't even bother posting them.
I hate my personality....
I don't know why I do though.
I guess I miss being that person everyone atleast cared about
or people when to when they were down
Now, it's like I'm the last resort for that kinda thing....
I know everyone else is sick of me
and I don't blame them.
*shrugs*
I guess I kinda miss having people actually want to see me..
Everyone is always busy
I miss out on pretty much everything
I hate it.
I doubt I am going to the New Rebellion show
I don't think we have the money for it...
It's sad..
My parents are talking about moving into this house
right across the street from Ian
and I will probably spend even less time around him.
Gah.
I'm scared.
I'm scared to death I might be pregnant.
Stupidity.
Something in my mind keeps saying "no you're not, there's no way"
but I dunno.
and I won't know for a while.
grah.
As of late I've think I've talked to Pete, Jeremy, Ian & Tom the most out of all of my "friends"
If that's even what I have anymore
It all just seems like strangers
aquaintences.. i dunno
people I barely know and barely know me.
Well, they barely know me because I won't let them know me.
I think I just want to let this whole notion of friendship go.
I don't see the point in friends anymore.
So far all it's done is made me feel like I am nothing
I can't do anything to help anybody anymore
(in the rare case that they come to me for help)
I don't want to really see anybody
and the people I do want to see are either
A) busy with something else
or
B) I know they won't be able to so I don't even ask.
It's just.. frustrating.
I just...... I don' t know.
I really, truely, do not know.
I just want to be Ange again. For some reason, I can't be. Nobody seems to even notice that I am dying inside more and more each day. *shrugs* Maybe I just got better at hiding it. Even Peter hasn't been noticing. Adam sort of did today, but I blew off that whole situation I guess.
Who's going to catch me when I fall this time? Henri or Jake used to be my safety net along with Scott and Eric, but I don't have any of them anymore. What to do I do now?
Plunging into darkness is one of the scariest feelings ever and right now that's where I am.
I don't want pity, bullshit comments, so don't even bother posting them.