We are all made of Star Stuff.
A long time ago, it seems like ages now, XAST told me very specifically how I was made of Star Stuff.
You are made up of organ systems -
Which are made up of organs -
Which are made up of cells
Which are made up of molecules
Which are made up of Atoms
Which are made up of Protons - Neutrons -and Electron
These are the same things that are in the center of every star in every galaxy in the Universe
So you Lovely, are made up of Star Stuff
It was one of the best things that anyone has ever said to cheer me up.
Yesterday - I wake up and begin shuffling around the apartment. After checking my e-mail, live journal, and cell phone for any message relaying I needed to do - I see a missed call from Jefferson County Missouri - Where I grew up and near where XAST used to live. I checked my voicemail to see who it was - and It was XAST's other Aunt. I called her back and she told me that no one from Texas was allowed at the funeral - least of all Me or Dominic
She said - the family "Doesn't want you or any of that crazy witchiness around his body" - This entire time I have been nothing but respectful of the family - and the family that I had talked to seemed supportive of the idea of giving him a Kemetic funeral. I was shocked and devastated - and insulted. I could not and still can not fathom how someone would say that to a person who was grieving. I know that a lot of the family blames Dominic and I for his death. We drove to missouri and picked him and drove him back to Texas. I had never seen him happier than when he was here - he LIVED here. Suicides are never any person's fault, Ever. On Friday one of his aunts told me that it was.
After some pleading and arguing - we managed to get permission for Mel to be able to go.
After a meeting of the executive council in Texas - Me, Irulan, Dominic, and the one with veto power - Mel - It was decided that we will have a ceremony here in Texas before his body is sent up river. Since we couldn't have access to the body - we had it in one of his favorite spots. There is a wooded creek behind his favorite coffee house that has large rocks that you can sit on.
I smudged the area first - and then Dominic and I set up an Alter in honor of Xast. It had his magickal squeegee, his purple mirror, his diary, a picture his girlfriend had drawn, one of his necklaces, and his Goblet.
We invited about 30 people, nearly all of whom showed up.
The ceremony started with the ringing of the bell - nine and then three times.
Dominic preformed the LBRP next - cleansing the space.
I lit the candles and the incense next - of the five that I lit - only one stayed burning the whole time. (It was windy)
Dominic then preformed the opening of the mouth ritual with XAST's crooked cane - and the goblet in place of the body.
At this point I said a brief prayer for the mourners - although it had no specific religious flavor.
I gave a short speech on will - and coincidence.
Next - I read a prayer that I had written (the one in the previous post).
In Honor of XAST - a cigarette break was called - and most of us smoked cloves - There are pictures of the field of red glowing cherries in the darkness - very appropriately XAST.
The ceremony resumes with Mel speaking on XAST's many names - and how one of them was Duncan Idaho.
I was a friend of XAST - he taught me Compassion and Hope.
The "I was a friend of .... " was passed around the entire group of Mourners - during which we were interrupted by cops (who later apologized) and a barking dog - who's frantic barking we interpreted as "I was a friend of XAST - I barked at him every time he was here."
Dominic stood next - and led a recitation of "Invictus"
Then a recitation of the Litany against Fear.
Finally there was a special request from Dominic - one of XAST's goals in life was to see how many people he could get to dance without music in a parking lot - just dancing.
So the whole group went to the parking lot - and we danced.
At this point some very very drunk person decided to jump on the back of a car that was backing up and jump off again ... the occupants got very angry - and threatened to call the police - well... those people promptly backed into another car- and the whole of couldn't help but giggle - we felt they got what was coming. They left without further interruption.
We stood around the coffee house for another hour - talking and remembering. There were several parties last night. I chose to go home and be alone.
I will never get over XAST's death. I will move on though. He was a part of me in a way almost indescribable. There is a large lanky blonde shape missing from me right now.
A lot of people want me to go to St. Louis to crash the funeral. I'm not going to. It would cause more pain, suffering, and blame than there already is. XAST didn't want a funeral. I don't want to dishonor him. We all know where he is right now. XAST would want as little hurt as possible. Yes, I am very angry and upset over it - but It's not worth it. Dominic also cannot afford to go.
Mel I love you. I mean that. I will send you on your way there with all of my blessings.
Love is -
And I Remain
Only an Egg.
Ally
P.S. If you were a friend of XAST please pass along the Fremen tradition of "I was a friend of ..." You can say it, post it, whatever. Since not everyone was there last night - we feel that it should be continued until everyone has a chance to say theirs.
You are made up of organ systems -
Which are made up of organs -
Which are made up of cells
Which are made up of molecules
Which are made up of Atoms
Which are made up of Protons - Neutrons -and Electron
These are the same things that are in the center of every star in every galaxy in the Universe
So you Lovely, are made up of Star Stuff
It was one of the best things that anyone has ever said to cheer me up.
Yesterday - I wake up and begin shuffling around the apartment. After checking my e-mail, live journal, and cell phone for any message relaying I needed to do - I see a missed call from Jefferson County Missouri - Where I grew up and near where XAST used to live. I checked my voicemail to see who it was - and It was XAST's other Aunt. I called her back and she told me that no one from Texas was allowed at the funeral - least of all Me or Dominic
She said - the family "Doesn't want you or any of that crazy witchiness around his body" - This entire time I have been nothing but respectful of the family - and the family that I had talked to seemed supportive of the idea of giving him a Kemetic funeral. I was shocked and devastated - and insulted. I could not and still can not fathom how someone would say that to a person who was grieving. I know that a lot of the family blames Dominic and I for his death. We drove to missouri and picked him and drove him back to Texas. I had never seen him happier than when he was here - he LIVED here. Suicides are never any person's fault, Ever. On Friday one of his aunts told me that it was.
After some pleading and arguing - we managed to get permission for Mel to be able to go.
After a meeting of the executive council in Texas - Me, Irulan, Dominic, and the one with veto power - Mel - It was decided that we will have a ceremony here in Texas before his body is sent up river. Since we couldn't have access to the body - we had it in one of his favorite spots. There is a wooded creek behind his favorite coffee house that has large rocks that you can sit on.
I smudged the area first - and then Dominic and I set up an Alter in honor of Xast. It had his magickal squeegee, his purple mirror, his diary, a picture his girlfriend had drawn, one of his necklaces, and his Goblet.
We invited about 30 people, nearly all of whom showed up.
The ceremony started with the ringing of the bell - nine and then three times.
Dominic preformed the LBRP next - cleansing the space.
I lit the candles and the incense next - of the five that I lit - only one stayed burning the whole time. (It was windy)
Dominic then preformed the opening of the mouth ritual with XAST's crooked cane - and the goblet in place of the body.
At this point I said a brief prayer for the mourners - although it had no specific religious flavor.
I gave a short speech on will - and coincidence.
Next - I read a prayer that I had written (the one in the previous post).
In Honor of XAST - a cigarette break was called - and most of us smoked cloves - There are pictures of the field of red glowing cherries in the darkness - very appropriately XAST.
The ceremony resumes with Mel speaking on XAST's many names - and how one of them was Duncan Idaho.
I was a friend of XAST - he taught me Compassion and Hope.
The "I was a friend of .... " was passed around the entire group of Mourners - during which we were interrupted by cops (who later apologized) and a barking dog - who's frantic barking we interpreted as "I was a friend of XAST - I barked at him every time he was here."
Dominic stood next - and led a recitation of "Invictus"
Then a recitation of the Litany against Fear.
Finally there was a special request from Dominic - one of XAST's goals in life was to see how many people he could get to dance without music in a parking lot - just dancing.
So the whole group went to the parking lot - and we danced.
At this point some very very drunk person decided to jump on the back of a car that was backing up and jump off again ... the occupants got very angry - and threatened to call the police - well... those people promptly backed into another car- and the whole of couldn't help but giggle - we felt they got what was coming. They left without further interruption.
We stood around the coffee house for another hour - talking and remembering. There were several parties last night. I chose to go home and be alone.
I will never get over XAST's death. I will move on though. He was a part of me in a way almost indescribable. There is a large lanky blonde shape missing from me right now.
A lot of people want me to go to St. Louis to crash the funeral. I'm not going to. It would cause more pain, suffering, and blame than there already is. XAST didn't want a funeral. I don't want to dishonor him. We all know where he is right now. XAST would want as little hurt as possible. Yes, I am very angry and upset over it - but It's not worth it. Dominic also cannot afford to go.
Mel I love you. I mean that. I will send you on your way there with all of my blessings.
Love is -
And I Remain
Only an Egg.
Ally
P.S. If you were a friend of XAST please pass along the Fremen tradition of "I was a friend of ..." You can say it, post it, whatever. Since not everyone was there last night - we feel that it should be continued until everyone has a chance to say theirs.