Comments | brokenangel9686: What A Surprise!

brokenangel9686

What A Surprise!

Apr 19, 2005 14:53

Yesterday was a day that was full of many surprises for me.I finally told one of my friends about the secret that I have been hiding for a very long time. It was hard for me to explain at first, but after I finally came out and said it she was so cool about it. We didn't talk like it was one of our conversations about girl things, we had a sirious ( Read more... )

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Re: Thank You brokenangel9686 April 20 2005, 03:38:47 UTC

I want to tell my mom so badly. I am like hurting so much inside, but I just know how my mom is. She will be mad at someone and never forget them. I know family memebers that she has cut off just b/c they messed up with her.Althoug my mom loves me I dont think that she will ever be able to forgive me, and my dad will have a freaking heart attack.The thing that hurts the most is that i feel like i let my mom down. She let me leave NY and trusted me enough to send me out to Georgia to go to College and here I go and F*ck things up by putting myself in a situation where a guy can take advantage of me. I know that I can't blame myself for what happened but its my own fault to put myself in that kind of situation. I need my mom so much, and I want her here for me but how. How can I tell her that someone forced me to have a child? How can I tell her that I was helpless and couldn't stop him in time? As soon as I came to, I pushe dhim off of me, but maybe I wasn't fast enough. Maybe its my fault for going over there. I'm just not understanding why this happened to me, but I guess GOD makes things happen for a reason.

I want to let the world know that I am having this baby b/c i love my baby so much, but the more time that goes by the harder it gets. I think that one of my friends already knows that I am expecting b/c she has a live journal on here too. I am just scared of how people will react. I don't care about thinsg anymore I juts care for the health of my child. I don't want people to look at this baby and think that they are someone bad. Although, its conceptionw as horrible my child is a blessing to me. Its my heart and i want to show everyone my love for it no matter what.

Re: Thank You jenny81 April 20 2005, 18:51:39 UTC

I don't know the whole situation but it sounds to me like you were rapped. I don't know how your mom could be upset with you for that. I think you need to tell her and let her know the truth. Tell her how much you need her and she will understand. I have a friend that is the same place you are. She went away to school and came home pregnant. She was a virgin when she was rapped and yes her mom was a little upset when she heard she was drinking but she understood and has been there for her. I think your mom will be there too. If she is not, know that I am. I don't live anywhere near you. I live in Califonia but I am always here to talk and listen. I know what your are going through and I am sorry. But believe me, it will get better.

Re: Thank You brokenangel9686 April 20 2005, 23:27:01 UTC

Sometimes I really want to tell people about what happened to me, but its just so hard. As soon as I try to tell someone that is close to me, something always happens to make me feel worse about myself. I know its not my fault, but I am apart of the reson why this thing happened to me. How could I have been so trusting? I honestly don't know what to do right now. I mean, there are several things that I know that I can do, but its just so hard for me to do them.I really want to tell my friends what happened, but there is still that fear of me being judged. I am afraid that it will change our relationship and that they will look at me completely different. I don't know if they will respect me for being so strong for this long or if they are going to think that I am dumb for keeping this child and letting myslef get in this kind of situation.

I believe you when you say that things will be okay. I know that only time and hard work can get me through this. However, I am still stuck on the fact that my mom is one of the most difficult people in the world.

Re: Thank You jenny81 April 21 2005, 01:17:23 UTC

I understand about your mom you are going to have to tell her at some point and the sooner you tell her, the more time she has to get used to the idea. And your friends, if the judge you for something like this they are not your true friends. If they are true friends, they will understand and do what is needed to support you. Remember that your true friends stand by you no matter what. The rest don't deserve you in there life.

Re: Thank You brokenangel9686 April 22 2005, 00:10:47 UTC

I finally did tell my friends. It wasn't as bad as I thougth it would be. I did shed soem tears 10 more times when I did but it was ok. My friends had a better understadning then i thought that they would.

Re: Thank You jenny81 April 22 2005, 18:02:02 UTC

Now don't you feel better! And you know I was right. They are there for you and those who aren't, aren't true friends. You just need to have some faith in yourself and your friends and family. People do understand and some even want to help. Have some faith that your mom will have the same reaction and want to help.

Re: Thank You brokenangel9686 April 24 2005, 20:57:24 UTC

Yeah, I just don't know hwo to break it to her. What do I say? How do I say it?

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