What A Surprise!
Yesterday was a day that was full of many surprises for me.I finally told one of my friends about the secret that I have been hiding for a very long time. It was hard for me to explain at first, but after I finally came out and said it she was so cool about it. We didn't talk like it was one of our conversations about girl things, we had a sirious conversation. I trusted her even more when she came and confessed her own little secret to me and I don't think that it was as bad as my little story. It was just as bad, but mine is a gift and her's is more like a curse that was put upon her. I wanted her to understand that I wouldn't look at her any differently b/c she was still my cool ass friend.She is still human and I will always be there for her no matter what, I hope that she stays apart of my life for a very long time b/c she is just one of those friends that comes around once in a lifetime. Besides the fact that I told her everything about me, I also cried a million times. It was relieved that I can finally tell her my little secret b/c it was killing me. I wanted to find someone that i could share my dark moments with and that was her. She was there for me, she was the shoulder that I cried on and in my time of confusion she was someone who would inspire me to be strong.
It finally sunk into my head that I was going to be alone. I realized that I didn't have anyone there for me, NOT EVEN FAMILY. Oh how my heart hurts. I don't feel bad for myself, but I feel bad for the new person that is going to be apart of my present and future. How do I deal? Its so hard, adn the worst thing is that I don't trust anyone. Just b/c of my poor judgement and my reckless mistakes someone else must suffer. Not only have I been crying more often but I have been feeling like $hit. I blame myself for everything that has been happening and I blame myself for not taking care of situations. How will I get support and from who? The longer I wait, the bigger it gets. Soon it will be time and I am hopingthat situations will be better and I am hoping that I will be able to make it. I am no longer goign to hope. I am just goign to make things happen.
It finally sunk into my head that I was going to be alone. I realized that I didn't have anyone there for me, NOT EVEN FAMILY. Oh how my heart hurts. I don't feel bad for myself, but I feel bad for the new person that is going to be apart of my present and future. How do I deal? Its so hard, adn the worst thing is that I don't trust anyone. Just b/c of my poor judgement and my reckless mistakes someone else must suffer. Not only have I been crying more often but I have been feeling like $hit. I blame myself for everything that has been happening and I blame myself for not taking care of situations. How will I get support and from who? The longer I wait, the bigger it gets. Soon it will be time and I am hopingthat situations will be better and I am hoping that I will be able to make it. I am no longer goign to hope. I am just goign to make things happen.