What A Surprise!

[brokenangel9686]

Yesterday was a day that was full of many surprises for me.I finally told one of my friends about the secret that I have been hiding for a very long time. It was hard for me to explain at first, but after I finally came out and said it she was so cool about it. We didn't talk like it was one of our conversations about girl things, we had a sirious

Comments

Thank You

[brokenangel9686]

I am glad to hear that there is someone out there that knows what I am going through. It seems like I'm so alone in this world and the ony people that I got to depend on is me and myself. I wish I could say that I got my mom on my side, but I don't. I want to tell her this so baadly but its like I can't. She would disown me just like your mother did, but the worse thing is that my mom won't take me back.My mom would take my family away from me and would probably blame herself. I can't even imagine how my dad would think about me. My mom had me when she was 18 years old, but lucky for her the father of her child would be the man that she spends the rest of her life with. However, me on the other hand, I have no father or husbadn for my child its just me! THE MAMA!! My mom use to alwasy tell me that I wasn't shit, and that I was goign to get pregnant at 18. Now look at me I'm 18 and I am pregnant. She already thought that I was a fuck up, she would probably think that I'm a hoe b/c I am having a kid and I don't have a husband. Its a cold world out there, but its worse when your alone with a baby on the way.

I really do hope that you can tell me more about your story. If you have time, please write me and let me know how you got through it.

Re: Thank You

[jenny81]

Hi again. I am glad that I can help. My story goes like this. I was 18 just like you are now. I had just gotten out of school and had no plans to continue my education. I met this guy who at the time I thought was the world. (Turned out I was in my own world.) I found out that I was pregnant and was so scared. I didn't tell anyone. When I was about 3 months I finally told the father who told me there was no way it was his. His mom told me that I was hoe and that she was going to demand a DNA test. Not to worry, HE was the only one I had ever been with. Anyway his mom told me that we needed to tell my mom so I did. What a mistake. I could not have told her at a worse time. She had so much going on with my cousin out of jail and living with us and another cousin that she was trying to get rights over because her parents were in jail. So what did she do? She threw me out and told me to never come back. So I did. I was so scared and so alone and all I wanted was someone that I could talk too. When I was about 7 months I called her for the first time and she told me that she did not have a daughter anymore and if I tried to call anymore she would change her number. The father at this time was now sleeping with 3 other girls that I know of. This hurt me even more. I thought we would be together forever and he told me that he loved me so I believed him. The day my son was born I called my mom again to tell her she was finally a grandmother. I don't know for sure but I think she heard him crying. She came to the hospital to see us and from then we VERY slowly started to get back the relationship I had so hoped for my whole life. My son will be 4 this July and now my mom is my best friend and I don't know what I would do without her. I think if you give your mom a chance it could happen for you too. If not, know that I am here and I would love to be a friend or just someone here that will listen and help when ever needed. If you need anything please don't hesitate to ask.

Re: Thank You

[brokenangel9686]

I want to tell my mom so badly. I am like hurting so much inside, but I just know how my mom is. She will be mad at someone and never forget them. I know family memebers that she has cut off just b/c they messed up with her.Althoug my mom loves me I dont think that she will ever be able to forgive me, and my dad will have a freaking heart attack.The thing that hurts the most is that i feel like i let my mom down. She let me leave NY and trusted me enough to send me out to Georgia to go to College and here I go and F*ck things up by putting myself in a situation where a guy can take advantage of me. I know that I can't blame myself for what happened but its my own fault to put myself in that kind of situation. I need my mom so much, and I want her here for me but how. How can I tell her that someone forced me to have a child? How can I tell her that I was helpless and couldn't stop him in time? As soon as I came to, I pushe dhim off of me, but maybe I wasn't fast enough. Maybe its my fault for going over there. I'm just not understanding why this happened to me, but I guess GOD makes things happen for a reason.

I want to let the world know that I am having this baby b/c i love my baby so much, but the more time that goes by the harder it gets. I think that one of my friends already knows that I am expecting b/c she has a live journal on here too. I am just scared of how people will react. I don't care about thinsg anymore I juts care for the health of my child. I don't want people to look at this baby and think that they are someone bad. Although, its conceptionw as horrible my child is a blessing to me. Its my heart and i want to show everyone my love for it no matter what.

Re: Thank You

[jenny81]

I don't know the whole situation but it sounds to me like you were rapped. I don't know how your mom could be upset with you for that. I think you need to tell her and let her know the truth. Tell her how much you need her and she will understand. I have a friend that is the same place you are. She went away to school and came home pregnant. She was a virgin when she was rapped and yes her mom was a little upset when she heard she was drinking but she understood and has been there for her. I think your mom will be there too. If she is not, know that I am. I don't live anywhere near you. I live in Califonia but I am always here to talk and listen. I know what your are going through and I am sorry. But believe me, it will get better.

Re: Thank You

[brokenangel9686]

Sometimes I really want to tell people about what happened to me, but its just so hard. As soon as I try to tell someone that is close to me, something always happens to make me feel worse about myself. I know its not my fault, but I am apart of the reson why this thing happened to me. How could I have been so trusting? I honestly don't know what to do right now. I mean, there are several things that I know that I can do, but its just so hard for me to do them.I really want to tell my friends what happened, but there is still that fear of me being judged. I am afraid that it will change our relationship and that they will look at me completely different. I don't know if they will respect me for being so strong for this long or if they are going to think that I am dumb for keeping this child and letting myslef get in this kind of situation.

I believe you when you say that things will be okay. I know that only time and hard work can get me through this. However, I am still stuck on the fact that my mom is one of the most difficult people in the world.

Re: Thank You

[jenny81]

I understand about your mom you are going to have to tell her at some point and the sooner you tell her, the more time she has to get used to the idea. And your friends, if the judge you for something like this they are not your true friends. If they are true friends, they will understand and do what is needed to support you. Remember that your true friends stand by you no matter what. The rest don't deserve you in there life.

Re: Thank You

[brokenangel9686]

I finally did tell my friends. It wasn't as bad as I thougth it would be. I did shed soem tears 10 more times when I did but it was ok. My friends had a better understadning then i thought that they would.

Re: Thank You

[jenny81]

Now don't you feel better! And you know I was right. They are there for you and those who aren't, aren't true friends. You just need to have some faith in yourself and your friends and family. People do understand and some even want to help. Have some faith that your mom will have the same reaction and want to help.

Re: Thank You

[brokenangel9686]

Yeah, I just don't know hwo to break it to her. What do I say? How do I say it?