Overflow of crystal emotions..
I..feel so alone here..
I'm living with my mom now. My sister is never home and my mom and james are constantly together..they never talk to me except to say their going to bed..or tell me clean something..
I have no friends here anymore..I want out..
I'll never find anyone who loves me (intimately) without being abusive..
I hate where I'm at, I'm tired of crying all the time. I have such an aching, bruised heart..I need a hug so bad and no one to give it to me. What's wrong with me? How do I mend this heart thats splintering inside me?
I know if I got out of this state, went to stay with a friend (online) or something, got a job and what not, I'd be so much better..lol this crying is making me irritated. I just don't want to be alone anymore..I'm almost 22 and have one bad relationship, I thought I would get married and settled down, be happy and I'm not.
Instead I sit at the computer because i have no room and can barely go outside anymore because of my anxiety..I get so scared and nervous and I know it's because I'm fragile right now but it's really holding me back..damnit im gunna cry again..
Is there anyone out there who will love me and treat me right for the first time?
My self esteem has gone down so much..I feel worthless, ugly.
Mike said I was heartless..
I'm not heartless, its just shutting down is all..
"Beautiful.."
"Amazing.."
"Love.."
I would love to hear those words right now..
God, I hate being so romantic.
I find you, lying fetal, knees pulled beneath
your chin, alluring bite sings empty promises,
the entropy has pulled you in, your heart
pounds, your breathing is labored, foolish
things we do for fun, the world outside caving
inward, now what have you done? what have
you done?
No life, No love, No dreams, No reason to remain,
No eyes, No vision, No pain, No, No Nothing, No
mind, No thought, No sex, No awe to feel, No
heart, No Nothing, No, No, No Nothing
fingers numb, a hand is reaching, asking, begging
for a friend, your mouth is dry sting cotton frothing,
spiral staircase towards the end, chest heaves and
you stop breathing, numeric punch keys 911, bad
chemistry, organic weakness, now what have you
done? what have you done?
No life, No love, No dreams, No reason to remain,
No eyes, No vision, No pain, No, No Nothing, No
mind, No thought, No sex, No awe to feel, No
heart, No Nothing, No, No, No Nothing
cxs.
I'm living with my mom now. My sister is never home and my mom and james are constantly together..they never talk to me except to say their going to bed..or tell me clean something..
I have no friends here anymore..I want out..
I'll never find anyone who loves me (intimately) without being abusive..
I hate where I'm at, I'm tired of crying all the time. I have such an aching, bruised heart..I need a hug so bad and no one to give it to me. What's wrong with me? How do I mend this heart thats splintering inside me?
I know if I got out of this state, went to stay with a friend (online) or something, got a job and what not, I'd be so much better..lol this crying is making me irritated. I just don't want to be alone anymore..I'm almost 22 and have one bad relationship, I thought I would get married and settled down, be happy and I'm not.
Instead I sit at the computer because i have no room and can barely go outside anymore because of my anxiety..I get so scared and nervous and I know it's because I'm fragile right now but it's really holding me back..damnit im gunna cry again..
Is there anyone out there who will love me and treat me right for the first time?
My self esteem has gone down so much..I feel worthless, ugly.
Mike said I was heartless..
I'm not heartless, its just shutting down is all..
"Beautiful.."
"Amazing.."
"Love.."
I would love to hear those words right now..
God, I hate being so romantic.
I find you, lying fetal, knees pulled beneath
your chin, alluring bite sings empty promises,
the entropy has pulled you in, your heart
pounds, your breathing is labored, foolish
things we do for fun, the world outside caving
inward, now what have you done? what have
you done?
No life, No love, No dreams, No reason to remain,
No eyes, No vision, No pain, No, No Nothing, No
mind, No thought, No sex, No awe to feel, No
heart, No Nothing, No, No, No Nothing
fingers numb, a hand is reaching, asking, begging
for a friend, your mouth is dry sting cotton frothing,
spiral staircase towards the end, chest heaves and
you stop breathing, numeric punch keys 911, bad
chemistry, organic weakness, now what have you
done? what have you done?
No life, No love, No dreams, No reason to remain,
No eyes, No vision, No pain, No, No Nothing, No
mind, No thought, No sex, No awe to feel, No
heart, No Nothing, No, No, No Nothing
cxs.