Mixed up
Hey guys... I don't really remember when the last time I updated this thing was but I know it's been a week or so. Anyway.... ugh... I don't know what kind of mood i'm in right now. It's not a good one though. I don't know whether it's me just being tired or what but really kinda cranky at the moment.
The last couple of weeks have been good because I've been able to spend a whole lot more time with Tara and that always is a good thing. She's amazing and I really don't know what I did to be lucky enough to get a second chance with her.
Herein lies the problem that i've been struggling with the past couple of weeks. I know that she would do anything for me in the blink of an eye. If it wasn't for her the past couple of weeks I wouldn't be writing about any of this because I wouldn't have had the money to go and see her or anything. But she's been paying for gas and everything and it really irks me.
It's not her thats irritating me... it's myself. I feel like such a bum every time I have to ask her for money to help me out. I don't feel like she should have to provide anything for me but because i'm piss broke and out of a job at the moment there's nothing I can do. It really is tearing me up inside because all of this is completely against my nature. I guess I was brought up on the old fashioned set of morals and standards when it comes to relationships so I really don't feel right when I girl pays for anything of mine... especially when it's the love of my life.
That isn't the end of things though. Her ex, Mike, is trying to play with her head again. At least thats what it seems like. I mean... he's sending her text messages like "Would you ever get back together with me? Just Wondering." I swear to god I promised that I wouldn't do or say anything to him as long as he didn't try and screw with her emotions. In fact I even put everything he did to her in the past and had taken an indifferent stance when it comes to him. I just wanted to move on with my life and my relationship. Hell he even thanked Tara for me being so objective and calm about things when it seemed nobody else was. Then he goes and starts pulling this shit. I'm already scared enough of losing her because of me just being me... the last thing I need is her ex trying to stick his nose back into things.
And I try and stay calm about things like this but I can't. It takes every ounce of energy I have in my body to stay calm and not start screaming and someone... nobody specific just the first person to run into me. It's tough and it puts me under a whole lot of stress.
I'll just be glad when this weekend is over. No more Cedar Point... no more Tara being around Mike. He can take his ass back to Pennyslavania and stay out of our relationship.
Now, onto other things. Apparantly i've become a horrible friend. Meh... if thats the truth then so be it. I've been told that by so many people recently it isn't even funny. Jen and I probably won't ever talk again because I didn't call her on her birthday. I did send her a text message though but I guess she didn't get it. Which, of course in her mind, means it was never sent. So I'm a terrible best friend there.
Then Sarah starts yelling at me on AIM because I haven't called Mike and let him know everything thats going on in my life. Again, I'm a terrible friend because I didn't call them to say "Hey.. I'm in Michigan... i'm doin fine... bye." Whatever. Look... I said from the very begining of all of this that if I got a second chance with Tara I was going to make the absolute best of our relationship. I told you all I was going to put my heart and soul into me and her. In case you people didn't realize, me putting my heart and soul into the two of us means I'll be putting most of my time into me and her as well.
So yes... if any of you feel like i've been neglecting you i'm sorry but you're going to have to deal with that because it isn't going to change.
Thats about everything thats been stressing me out lately. It felt good to vent so yeah. Anyway. I'm headed up to Cedar Point for the day... i'll be back tonight and then i'll be headed back up there again tomorrow. Yay *yawns* I'm out.
The last couple of weeks have been good because I've been able to spend a whole lot more time with Tara and that always is a good thing. She's amazing and I really don't know what I did to be lucky enough to get a second chance with her.
Herein lies the problem that i've been struggling with the past couple of weeks. I know that she would do anything for me in the blink of an eye. If it wasn't for her the past couple of weeks I wouldn't be writing about any of this because I wouldn't have had the money to go and see her or anything. But she's been paying for gas and everything and it really irks me.
It's not her thats irritating me... it's myself. I feel like such a bum every time I have to ask her for money to help me out. I don't feel like she should have to provide anything for me but because i'm piss broke and out of a job at the moment there's nothing I can do. It really is tearing me up inside because all of this is completely against my nature. I guess I was brought up on the old fashioned set of morals and standards when it comes to relationships so I really don't feel right when I girl pays for anything of mine... especially when it's the love of my life.
That isn't the end of things though. Her ex, Mike, is trying to play with her head again. At least thats what it seems like. I mean... he's sending her text messages like "Would you ever get back together with me? Just Wondering." I swear to god I promised that I wouldn't do or say anything to him as long as he didn't try and screw with her emotions. In fact I even put everything he did to her in the past and had taken an indifferent stance when it comes to him. I just wanted to move on with my life and my relationship. Hell he even thanked Tara for me being so objective and calm about things when it seemed nobody else was. Then he goes and starts pulling this shit. I'm already scared enough of losing her because of me just being me... the last thing I need is her ex trying to stick his nose back into things.
And I try and stay calm about things like this but I can't. It takes every ounce of energy I have in my body to stay calm and not start screaming and someone... nobody specific just the first person to run into me. It's tough and it puts me under a whole lot of stress.
I'll just be glad when this weekend is over. No more Cedar Point... no more Tara being around Mike. He can take his ass back to Pennyslavania and stay out of our relationship.
Now, onto other things. Apparantly i've become a horrible friend. Meh... if thats the truth then so be it. I've been told that by so many people recently it isn't even funny. Jen and I probably won't ever talk again because I didn't call her on her birthday. I did send her a text message though but I guess she didn't get it. Which, of course in her mind, means it was never sent. So I'm a terrible best friend there.
Then Sarah starts yelling at me on AIM because I haven't called Mike and let him know everything thats going on in my life. Again, I'm a terrible friend because I didn't call them to say "Hey.. I'm in Michigan... i'm doin fine... bye." Whatever. Look... I said from the very begining of all of this that if I got a second chance with Tara I was going to make the absolute best of our relationship. I told you all I was going to put my heart and soul into me and her. In case you people didn't realize, me putting my heart and soul into the two of us means I'll be putting most of my time into me and her as well.
So yes... if any of you feel like i've been neglecting you i'm sorry but you're going to have to deal with that because it isn't going to change.
Thats about everything thats been stressing me out lately. It felt good to vent so yeah. Anyway. I'm headed up to Cedar Point for the day... i'll be back tonight and then i'll be headed back up there again tomorrow. Yay *yawns* I'm out.