Fic: The Day After Tomorrow - pt. 10 [Eli Stone]
Chapter 10
He stayed by her side for four days. Within that time her lucid periods grew fewer and she slept fitfully as the pain intensified. Matt watched as the nurse carefully monitored her morphine dose, but he could tell there was little else to be done.
The hardest moments were when Jessica would cry out in agony, sometimes calling for her mother but more often than not she wanted Donna. Jessica had turned him down when he offered to get in contact with Donna, just after the cancer spread and the odds of her recovery looked grim. She had already tried a few times prior to that but there was no response, and when Donna did not call for Liam's first birthday Jessica decided there was no hope.
But now, as he listened to her semi-conscious ramblings that were filled with devastation over losing the love of her life, Matt knew what he had to do.
He was going to call the investigator they used at work in order to track Donna down, but on a whim he checked the Dayton online White Pages in case she was listed. To his surprise, she was. Matt looked in on Jessica who was sleeping a little more soundly than usual after her pain meds, and told the nurse he was heading out for a while.
He dialed Donna's number once he was outside the apartment block, realizing how warm it was in the sun after being indoors for days. Matt raised his face towards the sky and basked in it while his cell rang. At the slight crackle of connection he was immediately focused.
"Hello?"
He recognized her voice at once. "Donna? It's Matt Dowd."
"Matt..." There was a long silence during which he held his breath. Finally she said, "What do you want?"
"It's Jess. She doesn't know I'm calling, but I thought you should know…" he stopped, wishing he'd prepared what he was going to say before calling so impetuously. "Jess is sick."
There was another pause. "I'm sorry to hear that," she said quietly.
"She's really sick, Donna. She has cancer. She's been in treatment for months and she fought hard but it's aggressive…" The words were suddenly thick in his throat. "She's not going to make it."
When Donna said nothing Matt gripped the phone tighter. "Donna, did you hear me? Jess is dying."
"I'm sorry," came the soft reply, barely a whisper. "I'll pray for her."
"Fuck prayer, Donna, she wants to see you. She needs you."
"I don't... I can't."
"What about Liam?" Matt said wildly. "What about your son?"
"I don't have a son." The line went silent but he could hear her breathing. "I'm getting married next month."
"Congratulations, I don't give a fuck. Jess needs you."
"Listen, Matt, I have to go. Please tell Jessica I'll pray she gets better."
"Donna, wait-"
"Please don't call here again."
After she had hung up Matt stared at the cell phone, burning with anger. It took several minutes for him to calm down and start regretting how he'd spoken to her. Maybe she just needed time for it to sink in and she'd suddenly appear on Jessica's doorstep the next morning to lend her support. But Matt knew she wouldn't. Donna had been careful to sever all ties to her old lifestyle in San Francisco in order to make a new life for herself. Matt felt like he had failed his best friend by not being able to give her what she really wanted.
His cell phone suddenly buzzed to life and his hopes rose in spite of himself. But the display showed Taylor's name.
"Hey," he said, unable to keep the disappointment from his voice.
"Hey. Are you alright?"
"Yeah."
"Jessica?"
"The same."
He guessed she was calling him between clients, realizing it was only the middle of the afternoon on a Thursday.
"Can I do anything?"
Matt sighed, unable to bring himself to answer such an inane question, though it was meant well. No one could do anything to change what was going to happen.
"I better go, I left Jess alone for a few minutes while I made a call."
"Oh, okay," said Taylor and he could hear the veiled hurt in her voice. "Call me if you… Call me."
"Okay."
"I m-"
Matt snapped his phone shut and hadn't heard her. His eyes traveled up the side of Jessica's building and suddenly he didn't want to go back upstairs. He shoved the phone into his pocket and kept his eyes on the ground as he walked away.
0 0 0 0
He returned an hour later with groceries, determined never to tell Jessica that he'd gotten in contact with Donna. Liam's nanny, a kindly middle-aged woman named Rosa, offered to fix him dinner before she left for the day but he refused. She left early on Thursdays so she could watch her daughter's softball game. Matt would look after Liam.
He usually tried to spend that time with Jessica too - the three of them together - but as her health deteriorated the sight of her began to upset Liam, who was not yet two years old. He opted to take the boy to the nearby park instead, happy to be back out in the fresh air himself.
Liam still didn't spontaneously talk much, but he observed everything. Matt often wondered what went on in his small mind as he discovered the world around him. The park was his favorite, and he started babbling brightly as they approached the playground. School was out so children ran around everywhere, screaming with laughter as they chased each other or competed for the swings, while parents half-watched as they chatted among themselves. Matt found a corner of the sandpit and unbuckled Liam from his stroller. As soon as he deposited the boy on the ground he ran to the sand and began playing gleefully. Matt grinned as he watched.
"They're adorable at this age, aren't they?" said a voice behind him.
Matt turned to see a pretty woman with bobbed blond hair walk up beside him. She nodded to a little girl, older than Liam, who also dug in the loose white sand. "Caitlin only likes this sandbox. The one at home just isn't the same, she says."
"Quality of the sand, maybe?" Matt offered.
"Maybe. I might have to stop by in the dead of night and steal some."
"I wish you hadn't told me that. I'm a cop," he replied.
When she laughed and touched his arm he caught himself. What was he doing? Flirting? He turned his attention back to Liam, but he knew the woman was looking at him.
"Your son's adorable," she said. Her tone was friendly, but he could hear the undercurrent in her voice. He'd heard it countless times before.
"He's not mine. I'm just looking after him for a friend." Again, he answered automatically, then realized how quickly that was going to change.
"Lucky friend."
Matt didn't say anything else. He squatted beside Liam to help him pile up some sand. The boy giggled as he smashed his hand down on the mound and his fingers disappeared. Matt's smile was tinged with sadness as he thought about Jessica. Liam was all she ever wanted and she would never see him grow up. He was more upset about the injustice of that than thinking about being a parent himself. Even though she was dying, even though he knew with certainty it was going to happen, it didn't seem real. He couldn't imagine what it was going to be like looking after Liam every day. Matt would just cross that bridge when he came to it. Or leap off it, was probably a better descriptor.
Caitlin's mother was soon gathering up her daughter and telling her that daddy would be home soon. Matt glanced up at her and wondered if her husband knew she made eyes at other men at the park.
"Maybe we'll see you around, if you look after your friend's boy again," she said. "Unless you come arrest me some night."
Matt knew he was probably a little out of practice, having been with only Taylor for some time, but this woman was pretty blatant. He wondered if he came across that way to women he picked up. Grimacing, he realized he probably did. Matt smiled awkwardly at her and breathed a sigh of relief when she was gone.
"Bah!" Liam said as he pounded the sand again.
"I couldn't agree more, kid," said Matt.
0 0 0 0
Matt slept late the next morning. He'd been up most of the night with Jessica and tossed fitfully on the couch after that. Still, he was surprised that Rosa arriving had not woken him, or the nurses changing shifts as they did at seven each morning. It was past 8AM when he woke from the sun streaming in through the living room window.
Rosa had taken Liam for their usual morning walk so the apartment was quiet as he used the bathroom and splashed water on his face to wake himself up. He studied his face in the mirror as the water dripped off the end of his nose. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked haggard. Matt guessed he had slept only a few hours every night for a week and it was taking its toll.
He opted for a quick shower and shave before he checked on Jessica so he would appear half-way presentable. The hot water helped loosen his aching back muscles and he felt almost human again when he emerged from the steaming bathroom. Stopping by the kitchen to pour himself a large mug of coffee, he looked up to see the night nurse, Cora, walking towards him.
"Still here? Where's Alice?" he asked. It was only then that he took notice of the expression on her face.
"Matt, she's gone. Early this morning."
He set the mug down, splashing hot coffee on his hand. His eyes were wide with shock.
"What?"
An experienced hospice nurse, Cora's tone was even and compassionate. "A few hours ago… she went in her sleep."
Matt's mouth gaped as he struggled to comprehend her words.
"But I was just talking to her last night. She was the same," he said eventually, his voice weak.
"I know, honey. But she's at peace now."
He swallowed hard, looking past Cora's shoulder to Jessica's bedroom door.
"Why didn't you wake me up?" he asked, suddenly angry.
"There was nothing you could have done."
"I could have been with her!" he snapped.
"She wouldn't have known," Cora replied calmly.
"I would have!" Then Matt's voice dropped to no more than a whisper. "I should have been with her."
"You can go sit with her now if you like. I've called the doctor and he'll be here soon."
Matt looked at her, panic beginning to show on his face. Cora stepped around the kitchen counter to give his arm a squeeze before ushering him gently in the direction of the bedroom. She left him at the doorway, giving him some privacy.
He stood just inside her room, peering through the dim light. The shades were drawn almost all the way and he had to give his eyes a few seconds to adjust. He glanced around the room, delaying looking at her for as long as possible, then his gaze fell on the shape in the bed. A sheet had been drawn up to Jessica's chin and her oxygen tubing removed. Her face seemed shrunken and sallow against the white linen, her mouth slightly open. But it was the stillness of her body that struck him forcibly. He had spent hours by her bedside as she slept, the only movement the rise and fall of her chest. But now she was as unmoving as stone and he couldn't look at her anymore. It wasn't Jessica. She was gone.
Matt backed out of the room and was out of the front door without even pausing to put on his shoes. He stopped in his tracks outside the apartment building, suddenly frozen to the spot. He looked right and left, trying to think where they would have gone. He decided to try the direction of the park first.
He ran down the pavement, not feeling the rough surface under his bare feet. By the time he had gone a few blocks he could feel his chest tightening and his breathing growing heavier. He hadn't run so hard in years. He paused on the corner momentarily to catch his breath when he saw Rosa pushing Liam's stroller out the gates of the playground. He jogged the distance between them and drew to a stop.
Rosa's eyes were red and brimming with tears but Liam wore the same curious expression he did whenever he was taken for a walk. He grinned happily when he saw Matt.
"Hey, little man," Matt said. He was surprised how normal his voice sounded to his ears. "Come here."
He picked the boy up and hugged him close. Rosa shed fresh tears and fumbled for a handkerchief.
"That poor girl," she moaned and wiped at her eyes.
Matt cradled Liam's head against his shoulder. He knew the boy was too young to understand what had happened but even so Liam was sensitive to others' emotions. Matt shifted him to his side.
"Come on, let's go home," he said quietly.
Matt carried him while Rosa trailed behind pushing the stroller.