sad..pissed..depressed
(its been a while since iv written in here..sorry) well since the last time iv written in here ....umm my moms funeral wasnt too long ago..it wasnt as bad as i thought and im spendin more time with sean..on newyears he finally asked me out ..he told me that the only reason that he didnt ask me out sooner is b/c he wanted to ask me out on a special day and also so that he would be able to remember the day he asked me out on. and so hes really sweet and i think that we r gonna stay togeather for a long time.....well i hope.
- and today was i think the worst day of my life ...ok maybe not the worst day but it was really bad. this whole week iv been getting cramps and they hurt so bad fr me..i didnt go to school yesterday cuz of them..but anywayz today the schedual was all different cuz of SOLs n everything so we had some blocks fr 2 hours and then others for ony 45 minutes.and i had to come to school today cuz i couldnt miss anything this week (cuz of SOLs) and so in second block my cramps were really bad and i started cryin and so i went to the clinic but i couldnt take any more pills for another 2 hours cuz i had already taken them in the very begining of the day.and so i was in the clinic for about an hour and a half and so all i had to eat today was a roll in lunch..and during gym i went back to the clinic to take my pills but they didnt really start to kick in untill 4th block..but i had taken them on an empty stomach so it made me dizy, and Nauseas and weak and i could hardly move and plus i was chewin gum and aparentally that makes ur stomach feel worst... and so i was cryin in 4th block cuz i felt like shit and i wanted to go home but we had that class for 2 n a half hours.... and then i almost passed out .. and it was really bad and then on the bus people wouldnt leave me alone askin me what was wrong and i didnt have the energy to tell them and it was pissing me off. and lately i have really been missing my mom..like alot and i mean its like im mad..not really at her but at the fact that shes not here for me anymore and normally when i come home from school shes always here and i go up to her room and tell her all about my day .. and even though she cant really have a conversation with me or anything like that, she still would listen to me and she would just be there. but today when i got home she wasnt there..no one was there cuz my dad is always at work till 7 and my sister brittany is at work too (and even when she is home shes not home for very long shes mad at me and i think she hates me or somehing cuz she wont tell me what i did to piss her off)so now im always home by myself and its like being an only child only with mo parents. and i want my mom to come back soo bad i miss her so much! its like it gets harder and harder everyday and its only going to get worse...and shes not coming back and i mean i kno that shes always gonna be "with me on the inside" but its not the same ..i mean moms have like a special touch... for example (i kno this sound so fuckin stupid but) whenever i would come home and have a bad day i would just go to my mom and she would give me the biggest hug and it would always be so warm n everything..and i mean u cant get that from a dad or a sister or a brother or a friend. and so now i dont have that anymore. she would always help me so much ....and i mean shes not gonna be ther for when i graduate, or have my first kiss, or when im actually ALOUD to have a boyfriend, or for when i ger proposed to, or when i get married, or have kids, or when i have my first realy heart break and a whole bunch of other stuff..and it gets all depressing... and i mean i act like im ok n everything but im really not..but no one out here can tell that cuz i dont have any real "true" friends like that who can see past my smile n everything and i just wish that i was back home in herndon where all my real friends are.. well at least while im goin through all of this..and im still so fuckin pissed off at my dad for moving me out here in the stupid gay ass country where all the people are so annoying and so incredably white its not even funny...i mean even the black people that live out here are really white.. and they guys are so incredably stupid its not even funny and it all just pisses me off. and my dad is always telling me and everyone else that no matter what i say i really do like it out here ..but i dont i really hate it still.....and i really miss ,y friend christina cuz even though shes not goin through that same thing as me she still has stuff goin on with her mom n everything and shes really easy to talk to but i really talk tonher as much and i cant ever hang out with her anymore and im kinda pissed..but i love ya .and even though im not done ranting i have to go..
bi
-me
- and today was i think the worst day of my life ...ok maybe not the worst day but it was really bad. this whole week iv been getting cramps and they hurt so bad fr me..i didnt go to school yesterday cuz of them..but anywayz today the schedual was all different cuz of SOLs n everything so we had some blocks fr 2 hours and then others for ony 45 minutes.and i had to come to school today cuz i couldnt miss anything this week (cuz of SOLs) and so in second block my cramps were really bad and i started cryin and so i went to the clinic but i couldnt take any more pills for another 2 hours cuz i had already taken them in the very begining of the day.and so i was in the clinic for about an hour and a half and so all i had to eat today was a roll in lunch..and during gym i went back to the clinic to take my pills but they didnt really start to kick in untill 4th block..but i had taken them on an empty stomach so it made me dizy, and Nauseas and weak and i could hardly move and plus i was chewin gum and aparentally that makes ur stomach feel worst... and so i was cryin in 4th block cuz i felt like shit and i wanted to go home but we had that class for 2 n a half hours.... and then i almost passed out .. and it was really bad and then on the bus people wouldnt leave me alone askin me what was wrong and i didnt have the energy to tell them and it was pissing me off. and lately i have really been missing my mom..like alot and i mean its like im mad..not really at her but at the fact that shes not here for me anymore and normally when i come home from school shes always here and i go up to her room and tell her all about my day .. and even though she cant really have a conversation with me or anything like that, she still would listen to me and she would just be there. but today when i got home she wasnt there..no one was there cuz my dad is always at work till 7 and my sister brittany is at work too (and even when she is home shes not home for very long shes mad at me and i think she hates me or somehing cuz she wont tell me what i did to piss her off)so now im always home by myself and its like being an only child only with mo parents. and i want my mom to come back soo bad i miss her so much! its like it gets harder and harder everyday and its only going to get worse...and shes not coming back and i mean i kno that shes always gonna be "with me on the inside" but its not the same ..i mean moms have like a special touch... for example (i kno this sound so fuckin stupid but) whenever i would come home and have a bad day i would just go to my mom and she would give me the biggest hug and it would always be so warm n everything..and i mean u cant get that from a dad or a sister or a brother or a friend. and so now i dont have that anymore. she would always help me so much ....and i mean shes not gonna be ther for when i graduate, or have my first kiss, or when im actually ALOUD to have a boyfriend, or for when i ger proposed to, or when i get married, or have kids, or when i have my first realy heart break and a whole bunch of other stuff..and it gets all depressing... and i mean i act like im ok n everything but im really not..but no one out here can tell that cuz i dont have any real "true" friends like that who can see past my smile n everything and i just wish that i was back home in herndon where all my real friends are.. well at least while im goin through all of this..and im still so fuckin pissed off at my dad for moving me out here in the stupid gay ass country where all the people are so annoying and so incredably white its not even funny...i mean even the black people that live out here are really white.. and they guys are so incredably stupid its not even funny and it all just pisses me off. and my dad is always telling me and everyone else that no matter what i say i really do like it out here ..but i dont i really hate it still.....and i really miss ,y friend christina cuz even though shes not goin through that same thing as me she still has stuff goin on with her mom n everything and shes really easy to talk to but i really talk tonher as much and i cant ever hang out with her anymore and im kinda pissed..but i love ya .and even though im not done ranting i have to go..
bi
-me