Alright, I'll come out and say it.
I need to start viewing myself and my body at a much higher value.
that was the lesson I learned yesterday.
I tried to tell myself that I was just being paranoid- that that kind of touch was completely innocent and that he didn't mean to, and that it was just me reading into it. We're laying on the a love seat- three people squashed together- me in the middle, because the floor was messy, and the couch was more comfortable. I've known him a while. He's a genuinely good guy, I think. Someone produces a blanket for the three of us- we're all practically laying on eachother, and because I've never been shy about physical touch in such a setting, I didn't think anything of it. I'm used to huge piles of people in a crowded space where you're not sure who's foot is where. If something lands in the wrong spot, you just move it, crack a joke, and move on. So when I felt his hand on my thigh I didn't think much of it. When his hands started moving, I started to doubt, but I pushed it off and tried to ignore it. I mean, why would a guy like that what to touch me in that way? He was good looking and thinner than me, and he's someone I've treated as a younger brother. he's a goofball, and hes funny, and I previously felt safe, and comfortable with him. He probably wasn't paying attention to what his hands were doing, right?
I don't feel that way anymore.
How naive was it? I got home and I thought about it, and it's like someone hit me from behind with a "DUH" stick and knocked some sense into me.I look back and think about it, and I can't believe i didn't realize. Is my self-esteem really THAT low? I've never had to really deal with a situation like this before. But now I know.
no one is ever going to be allowed to touch me ever again, unless i tell them it's okay, and if I dont' say it's okay, I can and will say "no" and "you're not allowed" and "get away from me' and then I will very decisively remove that person from my personal space, my sight, and my life.
My body is precious and valuable. I'm privileged to live in it, anyone who comes in contact with it is privileged to do so as well.
I will not let my emotional confusion over my worth as an individual and my beauty as a woman-get in the way of protecting it ever again, and I will not let anyone emotionally manipulate me into such a place of vulnerablity ever again.
This is what I've decided. No one will ever take advantage of that vulnerability in a physical way ever again.
that was the lesson I learned yesterday.
I tried to tell myself that I was just being paranoid- that that kind of touch was completely innocent and that he didn't mean to, and that it was just me reading into it. We're laying on the a love seat- three people squashed together- me in the middle, because the floor was messy, and the couch was more comfortable. I've known him a while. He's a genuinely good guy, I think. Someone produces a blanket for the three of us- we're all practically laying on eachother, and because I've never been shy about physical touch in such a setting, I didn't think anything of it. I'm used to huge piles of people in a crowded space where you're not sure who's foot is where. If something lands in the wrong spot, you just move it, crack a joke, and move on. So when I felt his hand on my thigh I didn't think much of it. When his hands started moving, I started to doubt, but I pushed it off and tried to ignore it. I mean, why would a guy like that what to touch me in that way? He was good looking and thinner than me, and he's someone I've treated as a younger brother. he's a goofball, and hes funny, and I previously felt safe, and comfortable with him. He probably wasn't paying attention to what his hands were doing, right?
I don't feel that way anymore.
How naive was it? I got home and I thought about it, and it's like someone hit me from behind with a "DUH" stick and knocked some sense into me.I look back and think about it, and I can't believe i didn't realize. Is my self-esteem really THAT low? I've never had to really deal with a situation like this before. But now I know.
no one is ever going to be allowed to touch me ever again, unless i tell them it's okay, and if I dont' say it's okay, I can and will say "no" and "you're not allowed" and "get away from me' and then I will very decisively remove that person from my personal space, my sight, and my life.
My body is precious and valuable. I'm privileged to live in it, anyone who comes in contact with it is privileged to do so as well.
I will not let my emotional confusion over my worth as an individual and my beauty as a woman-get in the way of protecting it ever again, and I will not let anyone emotionally manipulate me into such a place of vulnerablity ever again.
This is what I've decided. No one will ever take advantage of that vulnerability in a physical way ever again.