Keeping the Moon
I don't think many people I know still read this but thats okay...I'd like to write everything down...
I saw Alex for the first time in a year in May.
it was nice to see him without feeling....hurt and angry...
and even though I don't know how he felt (or feels for that matter) I feel as though I finally have the closure I've needed for so long.
I do hope however that we can continue to be acquaintances.
I was an idiot and tried to send Jarrett a message to let him know I still cared and wished him luck. He didn't seem to care. I tried to offer peace but it seems my efforts went unnoticed.
But its okay.
I'm surviving by myself (and I only mean that I rarely go out and do things with people)
just fine. :)
I went on vacation in May with Tripi and even though we did practically nothing, it was alot of fun.
[It was on this trip I read TWILIGHT and now I am obsessed.
I think I may need to explain this obsession a little.
Sometimes when I read a book it helps me put events in my life into perspective. Twilight has really helped me deal with some of the ridiculous fears I have. It is also very well written and Edward Cullen is the perfect man.
(minus the fact he is a vampire..)
So since the trip I've kinda been binging on books.
(I've read about 20 books so far this month.)]
My car also broke down on this trip and I had to buy another one as soon as we got back.
So books have kind of become the friends I no longer have.
and yeah that sounds kind of dorky or weird or whatever but I love it.
I'm reading things that let me leave my mind and pretend I'm somewhere else.
For the first time in a LONG time I'm feeling a connection with something outside of work and school.
Speaking of school...I'm in summer classes so I can finish this stupid degree and get out of here....
I've decided as soon as I graduate I want to try to find a job in Oregon or Washington State. I want to see some place I've never been and try living away (and I mean really away) from my family. I think it is the only way I can finish the growth I'm working on.
but back to school...I just have no passion for Business. Its just a degree so I can work somewhere...
I've thought about trying to work in publishing or drug addiction but my major is not suited for either of those fields. Oh well... I can always get my masters in something different.
I went to the eye doctor because I have been having blackouts and horrible double vision in my right eye. (the same eye I had surgery on last August)
I had an MRI to rule out cancer and a few other things and that came out negative.
I have a spinal tap scheduled for july 11th.
The doc thinks it may have something to do with the pressure of fluid in my spine... whatever.
I just don't want to die...lol :)
You know,
I'm trying so hard to be okay by myself I've secluded myself from people.
well its realy several reasons but thats a big one.
I feel the need to prove to EVERYONE that I am not as weak as people think I am (and yes myself as well)
I don't want to be the person I used to be. The person who lost everyone and everything.
I made so many mistakes in the past year, but I've learned that we just have to take things one day at a time. We have to get through things, not brush them under the rug and deal with them later.
Next is trust.
So if you read this thanks I guess...
and if YOU read this....then I miss you sometimes.
So peace kids.
-Melanie
I saw Alex for the first time in a year in May.
it was nice to see him without feeling....hurt and angry...
and even though I don't know how he felt (or feels for that matter) I feel as though I finally have the closure I've needed for so long.
I do hope however that we can continue to be acquaintances.
I was an idiot and tried to send Jarrett a message to let him know I still cared and wished him luck. He didn't seem to care. I tried to offer peace but it seems my efforts went unnoticed.
But its okay.
I'm surviving by myself (and I only mean that I rarely go out and do things with people)
just fine. :)
I went on vacation in May with Tripi and even though we did practically nothing, it was alot of fun.
[It was on this trip I read TWILIGHT and now I am obsessed.
I think I may need to explain this obsession a little.
Sometimes when I read a book it helps me put events in my life into perspective. Twilight has really helped me deal with some of the ridiculous fears I have. It is also very well written and Edward Cullen is the perfect man.
(minus the fact he is a vampire..)
So since the trip I've kinda been binging on books.
(I've read about 20 books so far this month.)]
My car also broke down on this trip and I had to buy another one as soon as we got back.
So books have kind of become the friends I no longer have.
and yeah that sounds kind of dorky or weird or whatever but I love it.
I'm reading things that let me leave my mind and pretend I'm somewhere else.
For the first time in a LONG time I'm feeling a connection with something outside of work and school.
Speaking of school...I'm in summer classes so I can finish this stupid degree and get out of here....
I've decided as soon as I graduate I want to try to find a job in Oregon or Washington State. I want to see some place I've never been and try living away (and I mean really away) from my family. I think it is the only way I can finish the growth I'm working on.
but back to school...I just have no passion for Business. Its just a degree so I can work somewhere...
I've thought about trying to work in publishing or drug addiction but my major is not suited for either of those fields. Oh well... I can always get my masters in something different.
I went to the eye doctor because I have been having blackouts and horrible double vision in my right eye. (the same eye I had surgery on last August)
I had an MRI to rule out cancer and a few other things and that came out negative.
I have a spinal tap scheduled for july 11th.
The doc thinks it may have something to do with the pressure of fluid in my spine... whatever.
I just don't want to die...lol :)
You know,
I'm trying so hard to be okay by myself I've secluded myself from people.
well its realy several reasons but thats a big one.
I feel the need to prove to EVERYONE that I am not as weak as people think I am (and yes myself as well)
I don't want to be the person I used to be. The person who lost everyone and everything.
I made so many mistakes in the past year, but I've learned that we just have to take things one day at a time. We have to get through things, not brush them under the rug and deal with them later.
Next is trust.
So if you read this thanks I guess...
and if YOU read this....then I miss you sometimes.
So peace kids.
-Melanie