(no subject)
I kind of hate that I use this journal to bitch about my life. My life really is not bad.
That said, here comes Emma's bitch session!!!
So I am just sort of in a bad/contrary mood. Like just whiny. And pissed off. And unwilling to listen to reasonable things. Like, earlier I was sitting here listening to music and doing homework and Nicole and Erin came in and were talking about which summer programs they were applying to. As if it was just a given that they/their parents were going to shell out a few thousand dollars for a two week big kid summer camp. And it's not like that's really all that unreasonable. A lot of people do it. But I feel like I can't ask my parents to do that and I sure as hell don't have enough money to do it for myself. And it just sort of pissed me off and made me feel like a miserable failure. I'm not really sure why. I think part of it is that I'm not sure I would get into them and also, I'm just not sure I want to spend MORE time away from my parents and from Winston. I love being home. I love being at school, too, but being at home just makes me happy and I like to make as much of that time as I can.
Also, Friday night we were talking about stuff and both Betty and Emily were saying that they didn't feel like they lived at home anymore. That was REALLY depressing. I still talk to 3 or 4 of my friends from home regularly and am really excited to see them when I go home. And while I know I'll probably never live in Winston for permanant again, I still call that home and feel like I'm at home when I go there. I mean, yeah, I live out of a suitcase a bit when I'm there for breaks, but over the summer, I went back to living there just like I always had, didn't feel awkward or weird and wasn't particularly happy to be leaving. I guess it just makes me wonder if I hold onto the past too much or something...I dunno. This might just be my contrary mood talking.
Anyway on the way back from dinner, I was telling Emily about the whole summer program thing and she was (rationally) saying things like "Em, it's doable" and ''Em, they're your parents. You should talk to them about it." And I was just being stupid and pissy and refusing to listen. I should apologize to her. She shouldn't be bearing the brunt of my stupid mood.
Tonight may be another going to bed really early night and hoping that I'll wake up and be unfunkified. Blagh...
Ok, bitch session over. Sorry guys.
In happier stuff, we went to Applefest yesterday and it was a lot of fun. I bought some apple cider. I'd forgotten how good upstate NY apple cider is. Like, seriously, until you've had it here, you haven't had it. I hate apple juice, but cider is excellent =) I'm weird. Anyway, it was fun. Nicole and I waited in a ridiculous line for funnel cake and it was sooo good and I got samosas to bring back for dinner and they were soo good and it was just the right amount of cold to make your nose red and make you feel cold but not terribly uncomfortable. I love this time of year. Especially up here. The view from my window is amazing. I'll have to try to take some pictures once the leaves really get going because it's truly spectacular. When I'm not feeling like "what the hell are you doing so far from home?" I'm feeling like "I live in the most beautiful place in the US" It's nice.
Ok I'm going to go contrarily work on theory. Grumblegrumble.
That said, here comes Emma's bitch session!!!
So I am just sort of in a bad/contrary mood. Like just whiny. And pissed off. And unwilling to listen to reasonable things. Like, earlier I was sitting here listening to music and doing homework and Nicole and Erin came in and were talking about which summer programs they were applying to. As if it was just a given that they/their parents were going to shell out a few thousand dollars for a two week big kid summer camp. And it's not like that's really all that unreasonable. A lot of people do it. But I feel like I can't ask my parents to do that and I sure as hell don't have enough money to do it for myself. And it just sort of pissed me off and made me feel like a miserable failure. I'm not really sure why. I think part of it is that I'm not sure I would get into them and also, I'm just not sure I want to spend MORE time away from my parents and from Winston. I love being home. I love being at school, too, but being at home just makes me happy and I like to make as much of that time as I can.
Also, Friday night we were talking about stuff and both Betty and Emily were saying that they didn't feel like they lived at home anymore. That was REALLY depressing. I still talk to 3 or 4 of my friends from home regularly and am really excited to see them when I go home. And while I know I'll probably never live in Winston for permanant again, I still call that home and feel like I'm at home when I go there. I mean, yeah, I live out of a suitcase a bit when I'm there for breaks, but over the summer, I went back to living there just like I always had, didn't feel awkward or weird and wasn't particularly happy to be leaving. I guess it just makes me wonder if I hold onto the past too much or something...I dunno. This might just be my contrary mood talking.
Anyway on the way back from dinner, I was telling Emily about the whole summer program thing and she was (rationally) saying things like "Em, it's doable" and ''Em, they're your parents. You should talk to them about it." And I was just being stupid and pissy and refusing to listen. I should apologize to her. She shouldn't be bearing the brunt of my stupid mood.
Tonight may be another going to bed really early night and hoping that I'll wake up and be unfunkified. Blagh...
Ok, bitch session over. Sorry guys.
In happier stuff, we went to Applefest yesterday and it was a lot of fun. I bought some apple cider. I'd forgotten how good upstate NY apple cider is. Like, seriously, until you've had it here, you haven't had it. I hate apple juice, but cider is excellent =) I'm weird. Anyway, it was fun. Nicole and I waited in a ridiculous line for funnel cake and it was sooo good and I got samosas to bring back for dinner and they were soo good and it was just the right amount of cold to make your nose red and make you feel cold but not terribly uncomfortable. I love this time of year. Especially up here. The view from my window is amazing. I'll have to try to take some pictures once the leaves really get going because it's truly spectacular. When I'm not feeling like "what the hell are you doing so far from home?" I'm feeling like "I live in the most beautiful place in the US" It's nice.
Ok I'm going to go contrarily work on theory. Grumblegrumble.