(no subject)
I don't write as much as I use to. Guess its easier for me to lock it all up. I have this journal as well as a written one but still I can't explain it. If I could go off the.grid I would and I mean completely off the grid. Away from the people I know and I have anger at. The whole caring side of me doesn't let me walk away when I just really want to. I want to flip off people and tell them to suck it because they have made me feel unimportant and crappy about myself many times. The thing is I know people can only do that if I let them. Its my choice to allow people to hurt me to give them the ability to.
I make a choice to take it and still be nice even though if I'm honest I'm really not anymore. I know that I deserve better then what I settle for.
Anyways yeah I'm a work in process like always but I think I maybe getting to where I need to be. If I stand alone then it's just how it's meant to be. If you can't be honest and love me with out fear then I have no place for you. I'm done giving myself to people who don't deserve me. If you can't let go of your past then go back n live in it. If you can't see whats right in front of you then stay in the dark and act like there is light. My life is different I'm different ... my past is something that happened it changed the person I was to be.. but you know that just happens people make choices that alter the plans. I just need to make myself do what I need to so I can be happy. It has.nothing to do with other.people. its about my life what I need to do.. I have faith n pray for the determination to move forward with it even thou its so hard and I just am so use to sitting stagnate.
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