Over My Head (My Confessions)
Over My Head (My Confessions)
Tagline: Everyone knows I'm in over my head and I don't know what to do to but to give my confessions.
Summary: When the pressures of being unable to conceive slowly derails their relationship, Arizona chooses to take a break. She heads to Africa to work as a missionary, saving lives of the tiny humans. Yet, little to every one's knowledge, including her own, she takes a little something of Callie's with her. Now seven months later, Callie's world is turned upside down by the arrival of her ex-girlfriend and the tiny human growing inside of her. Can Callie find forgiveness for the mother of her child? Or is it simply too late?
Warning: AU Season 7
Pairing: Callie/Arizona.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
“I can sum up everything I have learned about life in three words: it goes on.”- Robert Frost.
Chapter Six
If there is one thing Callie Torres hates the most in the world, it is fake sincerity. She hates the way they all look at her now, even seven months after the blonde’s departure. The way they all talk about her in hushed whispers and those sideway glances that are just enough to drive her insane. She hates the way they all treat her like she is a fragile object, ready to crack and break at any given moment. She knows they mean well, at least most of the do anyway, but she swears the second that someone looks at her with those sympathetic eyes she is literally going to go all “cage fighter” on their ass.
Callie stands, half sulking in the corner of the pit, watching the surroundings around her. She can hear the gossip of the doctors and the nurses in only hushed mummers, talking about the plane crash, about the small amount of survivors, about menial and unimportant things like who was getting it on in the on call room today and about things that are also not their business.
She can still see the look in Teddy’s eyes when she told her how she felt, she can still hear her words echoing in her head that everything was fine with Arizona, but these feelings are those that she cannot shake. A feeling that creates all the utmost terror inside of her, something that erects the coldest goose bumps over her tan skin, an emotion that steals her breath and for a moment, stops her heart. Something is wrong. She can feel it in her heart and it is something that she does not need evidence for reasoning to prove. Something isn’t right with Arizona and despite everything that has happened between the two of them; she cannot help but rack her mind with possibilities and fight away the tears that threaten to burn within her eyes. Something is wrong and she is literally another world away.
“Torres.” The voice belongs to none other than Mark Sloan. Looking up from the stubborn spot which she had been picking, Callie forces a weak smile in acknowledgement of her best friend who comes to a stand beside of her. Many often disapproved of their friendship, including Arizona; many often gossiped hurtful things about the two of them and turned up their noses in condemnation as if they were better. Yet, despite all the things that have happened, despite the sex and the lies and the cheating, Mark offers her something that nobody, other than a red haired obstetrician, does…friendship. With Mark, it is not so much about the sex anymore but rather feeling something other than the loneliness and the guilt that haunts her every day when she wakes up alone. Mark reminds her that sometimes, everything isn’t so bad after all.
“Come on, this should be a good day for you! It’s a plane crash! A horrible, horrible plane crash that nobody should be excited about, nobody except for you! Because this means you will have patients that need bones rebuilt, perhaps the entire skeletal system! Everyone is so jealous of you right now! So, why are you standing over here looking like somebody kicked your puppy?” Mark intrigues in a tone that could make the saddest person in the world crack a smile. Callie laughs quietly, kicking absently at a spot on the tiled floor before looking back at the golden manned man beside of her. She bites her bottom lip nervously, sending her hand through her hair as she tangles the locks tight around her fingers and another pain echoes in her heart, refusing to let her forget.
“It’s…it’s about Arizona,” Almost as soon as her name leaves her lips, Mark grunts in annoyance, rolling his eyes with a barking laugh. Callie cringes, sulking down for a brief moment as a sigh escapes from her pursed lips. She knows he is getting sick of hearing about her, and she can’t much say that she blames him, but his outward disapproval of her ex-girlfriend creates a bitter taste in her mouth. She loves her. Regardless of whatever, she loves her, and as her best friend, he should respect that.
“Why are we talking about Robbins again? I thought we agreed that talking about her wasn’t very helpful for you. Because it’s not. The more you talk about her, the less you are letting go of her. It has been months since the two of you… since she left. And I know that you are putting up this façade to everyone that you have moved on and I am certainly not complaining about the benefits that it has had for me, but you aren’t doing yourself any favors, Torres. She’s gone. Let go.” Mark exclaims and Callie grumbles a Spanish curse below her breath as a pulsing rush of anger flushes over her. Sometimes she forgets how much of an ass he really can be.
“No, Mark. Something is wrong.” Callie states, glaring at him as her eyes flush with irritation, determination and worry. Mark recoils, only slightly, at the sound of the acid in her voice; if anything, the talk of Arizona Robbins brings more life into his best friend than he has seen otherwise, even if it is because she is mad as hell at her.
“What are you talking about?” asks Mark, wrinkling his golden brow in confusion.
“I know it sounds crazy and trust me, the feeling is crazy. If someone was telling me this, I probably wouldn’t believe it either but you have to. I can’t… I can’t explain it. It’s just a feeling. Something is wrong; something is really, really wrong with her. I can feel it in my heart. My stomach is twisting in knots and my palms are sweaty and my mind is racing a thousand miles per second and I … something is wrong. I just know it, I feel it.” Callie states, squaring her shoulders as she stares at him, her russet brown eyes forcing the tears back and Mark only looks back at her, confusion written upon his face. He debates for a moment with a squint of his eyes before he nods quietly, taking a step toward his best friend.
“Can I say something?” This time he is asking and the gentleness of his voice catches Callie entirely off guard. A part of her wants to protest, however, she does not and simply nods her head softly, standing quietly like a tiny child awaiting punishment. Mark nods slightly; glancing down at his shoes before his eyes carefully meet with Callie’s once more, biting absently at his lip before he speaks.
“I know that you loved her. This entire hospital knows that you loved her. And it really is terrible the way things ended between the two of you. But the point is it did end. And she left. She has been gone for seven months now. I know that you don’t need to be reminded of that but sometimes I feel like you do need to be. She was such a huge part of your life and then suddenly, she just wasn’t there anymore. It’s natural to have phantom feelings.” He explains and she laughs, bitterly, shaking her head.
“Excuse me?”
“You know how sometimes when you amputate someone’s limb they can still feel pain from it? They can still feel it itching and hurting just as if the limb was attached even though they know it is no longer there?” Mark offers and Callie wrinkles her brow.
“Are you comparing Arizona to an amputated limb?” laughs Callie in disbelief and Mark sighs.
“All I am saying is like a limb Arizona was an important part of your life. A part that you got used to. And like an amputation, she was suddenly gone. It is natural to still have feelings like she is here, it is natural to feel her eyes on you in the dark or think that you see her at Joe’s in the crowd or that you hear her voice calling your name from afar. It’s natural to feel this… whatever you are feeling. But Torres,” He places his hands upon her shoulders, lowering his head only slightly to make sure that she is paying attention to him, “nothing is wrong. She is in Africa, saving tiny humans. She has moved on with her life. Whatever you are feeling isn’t true. And it’s time to let go of that limb, because you’re only hurting yourself by thinking it’s still attached. She isn’t worth feeling this way, she isn’t worth hurting over. Not anymore.” Callie shakes her head, taking a step back from him with a roll of her eyes.
“You’re an ass, you know?” Callie states and Mark nods his head with a smirking smile.
“Maybe, but I’m an ass who cares about you and is tired of seeing you beat yourself up over somebody who clearly isn’t worth it. You loved, you lost, walk tall Torres,” He repeats the statement he made all those years before with a wink of his right eye. Callie offers a smile as he squeezes her shoulder in reassurance before walking away. She watches him, but only for a brief moment before she leans against the wall, running her fingers through her hair once more.
He is wrong about this, like with many things. This is not just a ‘phantom feeling’. Callie clinches her jaw as another gut wrenching pain surges over her. Something is wrong with Arizona, and despite everything else, Callie is generally worried about her. A part of her may hate the blond for the aftermath she left her with but another part, the biggest part, still loves her very much and that part of Callie needs to know that she is okay.
Because she just can’t seem to shake the thought that she is anything but.
--
The distance between the two women now is certainly one that everyone can notice. Their morning routine had once consisted of sweet pillow talk, kisses, occasional sex, sugary breakfast cereals or doughnuts, coffee… lots of coffee and the exchanging of the sections of the morning paper with stolen glances and loving kisses. Now, it consists of the most painful silence in their apartment, cold showers, lukewarm coffee and scattered mess of newspapers with the unkindest eye contact. Their work routine is much the same, only talking when they are needed on a consult, and even then it is very, very strained. Sitting on opposite sides of the table at lunch, Callie making conversation with Mark and Arizona with Teddy, making sure their eyes never meet and that they never acknowledge one another. Dinner and bed time is much the same, moving in the utmost silence, the two of them like strangers now.
It is as if the two of them are on opposite sides of the world suddenly, on completely different pages. The distance is enough to kill Arizona alone, to drain her of what happiness her life had once held for her. She cannot help but feel like it is partly her fault, if only she had done something to save their child during the miscarriage, if only she had agreed to have another baby with Calliope when she asked, if only she had done something instead of nothing.
As she approaches the door to their apartment or the ‘fortress of silence’ as she has recently named it, Arizona feels her heart sink in her chest. With a heavy sigh, she stares at the blue door, knowing that on the other side sits a ghost of the woman who still holds every piece of her heart; on the other side of the door are the remnants of the most beautiful love that she has ever known. On the other side of the door is the truth that she has tried her hardest to ignore.
She lost a patient today, a four year old little girl whose family was involved in a drunk driving accident. There wasn’t much that she could do once she arrived at the hospital; the damage from the impact was too much for her tiny body to sustain but it did not make losing her any easier. It did not make telling her parents that she ‘did all she could’ any less painful or make her feel any less guilty; especially given the circumstances that currently surround her personal life. And all she wants to do is walk through the door, collapse into Calliope’s arms and have her hold her while she cries. But she knows that cannot happen and that may not ever happen again.
After a moment, Arizona pushes herself forward, extending her left hand only briefly as her fingers curl around 502, the three darkened numbers that allow her to know that she has made it home. With a disheartened sigh, she studies the three black numbers, their texture and their shapes, wondering if they would ever mean the same thing to her again. She takes a brief moment to compose herself before she pushes open the door, instantly shivering at the coldness of the ice box.
Discarding her keys in the bowl, she quickly sheds herself of her coat, placing it upon the rack that awaits her by the door, glancing around the empty but clean apartment until she finds Calliope, sitting on their bar stool, drinking what Arizona is sure is not her first beer.
“I don’t understand you. I thought I did but I don’t,” Callie states, the emotionlessness of her voice echoing through the silence of their apartment. Arizona groans, running her fingers through her disheveled mess of blonde curls, tugging desperately to find another source of pain than the breaking that echoes in her heart. Arizona does not reply immediately, instead she walks over to the refrigerator, yanking the door open as she grabs her own beer, quickly opening the top as she takes a long swig. Gently, she releases the glass bottle from her lips with a ‘pop’ before turning her attention to the ghost of a woman before her.
“Could we please not do this today? I know that you are caught up in this….whatever this is and really, any other day I would be up for talking about this with you except today. I lost a patient today, Calliope. A little girl. There wasn’t much I could do by the time she got to me but still, she died while I was inside of her. And I had to stand there and tell her parents, who are injured themselves, that I did ‘all I could’. And all I could think about was you and us and our baby and it made everything a hell of a lot worse than it had to be. So, can we just not do this right now?” Arizona pleads her voice cracking as she takes another swig of her drink. Callie blinks, almost lifelessly.
“I’m sorry about your patient. Really, I am. I know how horrible it is to lose a child.” Callie replies blankly as she takes another long swig of the beverage before her, her fingers gently tracing shapes into the condensation on the side of the bottle. Arizona looks at her now, her face softening for a moment as she catches a glance, even if brief, of the woman that she had once known and loves so dearly.
“I just… I just don’t understand,” and then, as quick as a blink, it’s gone, “Y-you work with kids all day. Kids love you and you love kids. You agreed that we would be amazing parents together and when we were trying the first time, you were the one who was so eager and kept telling me that you wanted this and when I found out that I was, you were so ecstatic. N-now you don’t want to?” Callie intrigues with a wrinkled brow and Arizona sighs with a soft shake of her head, her blond curls framing her oval face, as she pinches the bridge of her nose in annoyance.
“Maybe if you could just listen to me….”
“I just… I can’t believe you.” Callie’s russet brown eyes meet Arizona’s bottled blues and the blond almost recoils at the anger that is held within them, “you were all for this ‘American Dream’ crap. The white picket fence and the dogs and the chickens and the kids running around until the second it got hard. Then you did what you do best- you bailed. The second that this got hard, you decided ‘nope, I don’t want kids’, never mind what I might feel or think. I want this, Arizona. Does that even matter to you? We are in our thirties, with every passing day our biological clocks are ticking and now you are just going to piss it away because the first time didn’t go exactly as planned?” Callie snaps and Arizona is almost appalled by the anger and bitterness in her voice.
“Okay, you’re drunk and you’re hurting right now and I understand that you are mad at me and I wouldn’t expect you not to be. But this misplaced anger and this hatred that you are spewing toward me is just because you are grieving and…”
“Oh, here we go again. Every time that I get a feeling that you or-or Mark or my parents or hell, anyone really don’t like, it’s automatically just chalked up to me grieving.” Callie groans with a hard roll of her eyes in the utmost annoyance. Arizona cannot help but wince when she notices this; Callie’s mood swings have been outrageous since that visit with Addison, since the medication but today seems to be the worst of it.
“Because you are grieving, Calliope. I know that you like to pretend like you are okay and that people shouldn’t feel sorry for you. I know that you think that you can bury yourself in work and surgeries and it’s going to make everything okay, that it’s going to make you forget. And yeah, you can push it away for as long as you want to but eventually, it’s all going to come out. Like right now. This… this anger that you have for me is not because I said that I didn’t want to have a baby but it’s because….” But Callie interrupts her.
“Don’t. Okay, Arizona? Just don’t. Don’t stand here and pretend like you know how I feel. You don’t know how I feel every day when I look at that empty nursery; you don’t know how I feel knowing that it is my fault that our baby isn’t here. That is my fault that we aren’t mothers right now. So what if I want to spend more time in the OR than here? If it helps me deal, it helps me deal. I’m not angry because I’m 'grieving' or whatever excuse you can come up with. I’m angry because you’re bailing on my dream.” Callie barks with a snort and grumble in the back of her throat, “just like you always do.”
Arizona gasps with a bitter laugh, almost glaring at the woman who sits beside of her. A voice in her head tells her this is only grief, that it is the medication she has been taking, the voice tells her that she should not pay any attention to the anger or absolute regret oozing from the raven haired beauty beside of her but her heart is too hurt to make sense of any logic at this point.
“Okay, look, I get that you’re pissed…”
“No, you don’t get it. You don’t get-“ However, it is Arizona this time that does the interrupting as she jumps to her feet, the ever so bitter tears crowding within her bottled blues, a shaky but ever so strong voice erupts from within her.
“Damn it, Calliope, could you just let me finish, just this once?!” Arizona snaps, her voice cracking and Callie almost recoils at the assertiveness that Arizona suddenly now possesses.
“I know that you are hurting right now and I have tried so hard to be understanding. But enough! You have been walking around here like a ghost lately, emotionless and quiet. Pretending like everything is ‘just peachy’, busying yourself in surgeries and spending night on endless night at the hospital. And I’ve tried to be patient, really, I have. But this…this right here? This is not going to happen. You are not going to attack me because I disagree with you. We have been down this road and like hell am I going to stand here and watch us go down it again. We just lost a baby. Did you hear that? We. Not just you. And having another baby is not going to replace the one that we lost.” Arizona snaps and Callie blinks her eyes with a hard laugh.
“Don’t you think I know that?”
“Do you? Because suddenly you are in this rush to have another baby, even though neither of us is really ready for that, you are in this rush for me to get pregnant even though we have years left to worry about that. And I would love to have a baby with you. Really, I would. But not right now. Right now we need to grieve, we need to be there for each other and hold the other while she cries. Not sit here and attack each other because we have a disagreeing opinion on what to do with our lives. There are two of us in this relationship, Calliope. Two. You’re not the only one who gets to make decisions here,” Arizona’s voice wavers but only for a moment.
“I understand that it is hard because it is twice as hard on me. Because I was the one who stood there and did nothing to help either of you. I know how hard it is to come to terms with something like this; I’ve been through it twice now. But this… whatever the hell this is that you’re doing… is not fair and it is not healthy. You are just jumping back into your life like nothing happened but something did happen, Calliope. We lost a child. And having another one right now is not fair to you or to me or to that baby. So, you can hate me all you want and you can be angry at me all you want and you can lash out at me and blame me for ruining your dream or whatever else you can justify this to but just know something. I am the only one who loves you enough to want to protect you from all of this, from yourself.” Arizona tirades her voice cracking as the tears threaten to pour from her eyes. She is searching for something within Calliope, something that gives her hope, something that will show her that they are going to be okay.
“Arizona…” Callie’s voice is weak, pleadingly so and it breaks Arizona’s heart to hear it.
“Yes, Calliope?”
“I….I need this now. I need to have a baby now. Can we just… can we please just try to have another? Please don’t bail on our dream.” Callie whispers her eyes distant and foggy; they are so lifeless now, Arizona almost swears that she is looking into a pair of stranger’s. Arizona sighs, biting her bottom lip as a cry escapes her; she runs her fingers through her curly blond locks as the tears fall from her eyes.
“You want to have another baby, Calliope? Fine. We’ll try to have another one if it will end… all of this.” Arizona gestures as she waves her arms in a gesture. “But just for the record? I was never bailing on our dream and I am not the one who is bailing on actually communicating and fixing this relationship. You are.” Arizona cries weakly before she turns her back to the raven haired beauty, rubbing her eyes with her fists as a shaky breath escapes her. She does not know what they are going to do but she knows if they don’t figure it out soon, they will lose each other to this madness.
--
Teddy Altman is usually the master of keeping her emotions locked away deep inside of her, except for today. Nothing, not even her time in Iraq, could have ever prepared her for the type of pain that is surging through her crumbling body at this moment. Arizona Robbins is more than just her best friend, she is a part of her, the most irreplaceable part and now she is the one who could or could not be dead. Arizona, the one who she knew all her secrets and vice versa, the one who took her time with her, who listened, who cared, who loved even when she did not have to. Nothing in her lifetime could have ever prepared her for the pain that haunts her now with every breath she takes, the pain of what could have been, of knowing what should have been.
She now stands, well cowers in a sulk near the nurses’ station, her hand cupped over her mouth to hide the sob that desperately tries to escape from within her. As much as she fights the sob, the tears fall freely from her jaded eyes as she struggles to catch a breath. How could this be happening? How could everything suddenly be going so very wrong? Arizona should have been arriving at Sea Tac, alive and well, with her infamous bouncing blonde curls and delightful dimples. She should have showed up at her apartment to stay for a while as they talked about what she was going to do and swoon over the sonogram photos. Then she would make her way to the hospital where she would see Callie for the first time in months and Callie would discover her pregnancy and they were supposed to figure it out together as they fall in love with each other all over again. But instead, the plane went down, Arizona may or may not be alive and Callie does not know about any of it.
The pain surges through Teddy like waves crashing hard into the shore with every last breath she draws, the pain of knowing all too much and not nearly enough. She gasps in a hard breath, sucking back the sob, desperately trying to slow the racing heart that beats loudly and painfully inside of her. A new set of tears spring from her eyes as she thinks of the raven haired beauty, the raven haired beauty who is blissfully unaware that the love her life and her child may very well be dead right now. Suddenly, a hand upon her shoulder catches her off guard as she jumps, startled. Before she even has the chance to think about it, she is being pulled into a tight embrace and an all too familiar scent dances through her nostrils, instantly relaxing her tense muscles.
“Hey. Shh. Shh. I’ve got you. It’s okay.” Owen soothes, rubbing her back softly. Yet, as much she loves the man who holds her tight against his chest now, she cannot believe him, no matter how badly she wants to. Nothing is ever going to be okay, not after this, not after the secrets that she has kept.
“No, it’s not. Nothing about this is ever going to be okay, Owen,” Teddy spits in a cry, burying her fingers in his blue scrubs, desperately trying to hide herself away from this bitter reality. The ginger only looks at the woman in his arms with a wrinkled brow as his hands move smoothly along her back. She leans into him, feeling his embrace, feeling his touch as her knotting stomach begins to ease. There is something about Owen Hunt that can always bring Teddy peace, even in the heaviest of storms.
“What’s wrong?” Owen inquires but Teddy only shakes her head as she pulls away from him. The moment she looks at him, her heart soars, even when it is breaking. Seeing him standing there, scruffy but perfect, Teddy cannot help but wonder what their life could have been like. She wonders if they would have been happy together, if they would have had kids, if they could have truly had the happily ever after like all the fairy tales promised.
“You wouldn’t understand,” Teddy mumbles but Owen has none of it. Instead, he steps toward her, refusing her retreat. He reaches forward, brushing a stray tear away from her face as his eyes focus solely upon hers, and Teddy almost forgets the aching reality for a brief moment.
“Try me.” He offers with the warmest, upward smile. For a moment, Teddy contemplates telling him, telling him about Arizona, about the baby, about everything. Yet, before she has the chance to say the words aloud, a chaotic rush erupts throughout the pit as paramedics burst through with the first victim. Callie, Mark, and April all follow the barreling stretcher into Trauma One, along with the paramedics who are shouting medical orders that almost sound like a foreign language to Teddy now.
“Teddy.” Owen calls out her name, trying to recapture his friend’s attention. However, Teddy does not move. Instead she stands completely mute and immobile, frozen to the spot in which she stands as the reality of the situation suddenly begins to catch up with the blonde. The reality that people are dead and dying because of this crash, a crash that her best friend was involved in, a crash that will forever change everyone’s lives. Slowly, she steps away from the ginger, holding her hands outward to push him away as the tears crowd within her eyes. Instead of explaining, she simply turns around, sluggishly making her way to the center of the chaos.
“Approximately four year old boy with obvious head and chest trauma, pulse is weak; we’ve lost him twice in the field already!” A paramedic shouts, interrupting her thoughts as he rushes him in. Quickly taking initiative Alex, Cristina and Bailey dash to the boy, demanding to page Dr. Shepard and that someone needs to start a central line.
“N-nobody knows she’s coming. N-nobody knows…” Teddy whispers in a mumble, watching the pit as it rushes with doctors and nurses; she watches them dart around her as she makes her way to the center of the pit. She stands solemnly, her face lifeless and emotionless, her eyes glossy and wide with knowing all too much but not nearly enough.
“Obvious chest trauma. He has a piece of fragmented glass in his chest, with a probable bleed into the heart!” Paramedics shout as they push the gurney through with another man, a white towel wrapped around the piece of glass that is currently impaled through his chest. Quickly, Meredith, Owen and April dash into the room in which the gurney was rushed into with shouts of needing a bag of blood.
Teddy takes another precarious step toward the center of the pit, her body shaking in quakes of tremors and aching reality. Her lips move but no words escape her; no sounds leave her trembling lips other than the most heart wrenching half cry to have ever met the grace of human ears.
“She’s…she’s my person… she needs… we have to save her. We have to save her because she… I need her… and Cal… she’s preg…” Teddy mumbles in a hushed whisper of a cry.
“Teddy, we need you.” Cristina exclaims, approaching the ghost like zombie of the woman. However, Teddy does not even blink in response; she does not speak or acknowledge the resident in any way, but only stands as still as the moment, her eyes focused solely upon the doors, “Teddy?”
Then suddenly¸ the doors burst open with the saddest wails of the ambulance siren. Four paramedics swarm around the gurney, one specifically holding tight to the bandage around the patient’s head, desperately trying to control the bleeding, while the others grip tightly to the gurney. And without seeing anymore, without hearing any words, Teddy feels her heart crack deeper in her chest as the tears blind within her emerald jades.
“Female patient, mid-thirties, approximately thirty four weeks pregnant, unresponsive at scene. Obvious head and chest trauma with possible abdominal and spinal injuries. Blood pressure is low, pulse is weak and thready. She’s losing a lot of blood. Fast!” One of the paramedics shouts and Teddy’s knees buckle.
“Ar-Arizona.” Teddy chokes out a gasping cry, her body trembling in a sob. Almost immediately as the name falls from her lips, Cristina glares at the cardio surgeon, her brow wrinkled as her mouth opens in the slightest ajar.
“Wait, that’s D-Dr. Robbins?” Cristina exclaims loudly, but even though she is standing just in front of her, she sounds as if she is miles and miles away. Instead, Teddy’s focus remains upon the paramedics that rush around her best friend as her body quivers in a withheld sob. As the tears fill within her eyes, a swarm of nurses and doctors surround her, calling for Dr. Montgomery, yet instead of springing into action, Teddy simply stands lifelessly, struggling to find a breath, any breath.
In the most chaotic and heart breaking moment, Teddy is immobile as she finds herself mumbling a prayer to a God that she is not necessarily sure she believes in, a God that suddenly holds two very important lives in his hands.
This moment is the moment that faith surpasses science and all Teddy Altman can do is simply pray.