Introversion & Memory

[britpoptarts]

I didn't want to go on the trip with these kids, but I felt torn between my awareness that I was being too antisocial (as usual) and earning a figurative gold star on my college applications as a useful member of this particular school club. I lived a lot in my head as a teen. My home life was adrift and full of conflicting messages ever since my

Comments

[mitchellxl5]

This is all very interesting, obviously because of our commonality in high school experience, locale, etc. It reminds me of something Philip Levy said to me years and years ago. Even in my 20s, I complained that I actually didn't remember a lot of detail about the high school years except for certain telling things here and there and I wondered why. He said it was because nothing really interested me that much, I wasn't very engaged by stuff so I wasn't really paying attention well

part 1

[britpoptarts]

My sketchiness seems to inversely proportional to the number of relics on hand available to stir my memory. If I kept a record, I remember, in excruciating detail, a whole host of things about an event, even if the details aren't specifically visual or verbal. If I merely observed or contemplated, or was getting news about an event second-hand, I probably will have to be nudged to remember things. So I remember sketching Dena in shades of blue and green pastels (because that was what was on the table in front of us), and discussing music with you and Philip and his brother now and again, and other transitory things like that, perhaps because we were fairly often doing such things (doing art projects that weren't assigned, or talking about books or music, or goofing off). As such, I was interested (validating Philip's theory that when we were bored, we tuned out) and also actively involved and doing something and interacting (thus underscoring my suspicion that, because I tended to be very quiet and "thinky" and observant without

part 2

[britpoptarts]

ETA: This was more of a blog entry than a comment. Will repost it that way. :)

Re: part 1

[mitchellxl5]

In my experience, the difference between situational depression and chemical depression is exactly that - situational depression has a chance to go away, even without treatment, while chemical depression never goes away and is a chronic condition that you have to manage throughout your life. My personal experience is that chronic depression is more of a stretched-out extreme lethargy, which results in little personal productivity and really bad social interaction. The extreme clinical depression comes now and again and in this way it is a delightful combination of situational and chemical, with all the self-destruction and falling apart that makes it so enjoyable. When you struggle with both, I guess, you are starting off at a lower bar than a "normal" person, so the sinking down isn't as different from your usual demeanor as it would be for some others. Some people, it's pretty obvious when they're clinically depressed but others, sheesh, it's hard to tell

Re: part 1

[britpoptarts]

In my experience, the difference between situational depression and chemical depression is exactly that - situational depression has a chance to go away, even without treatment, while chemical depression never goes away and is a chronic condition that you have to manage throughout your life. My personal experience is that chronic depression is more of a stretched-out extreme lethargy, which results in little personal productivity and really bad social interaction. The extreme clinical depression comes now and again and in this way it is a delightful combination of situational and chemical, with all the self-destruction and falling apart that makes it so enjoyable. When you struggle with both, I guess, you are starting off at a lower bar than a "normal" person, so the sinking down isn't as different from your usual demeanor as it would be for some others. Some people, it's pretty obvious when they're clinically depressed ...Quoted because that's exceptionally astute. Situational is triggered externally, and situations can change.

MOAR

[britpoptarts]

I find treatment and age do wonders. Just like synapses grow in kids and dictate what they are capable of learning and comprehending, so things change in people as they enter their 40s, and I think if you've dealt with things, you may just find yourself in a better place than ever before.Perspective helps. Other differences

Re: part 1

[mitchellxl5]

That's my understanding of how it works situational to chemical to chronic. And because of that, it's no surprise to me - forgive the tangent - that chronic depression has been on the rise in our country in the last couple decades alongside obesity. Obesity is a chronic condition that makes possible behavior that essentially stunts the creation of seratonin in your brain. And worse - over eating is compulsive behavior linked with anxiety disorders, so technically, you are starting out at that lower bar I spoke of. At a certain point, self-esteem plummets, so, with it, motivation. I guess my point is that some people can pump enough seratonin to combat the stresses, while others can't keep it up and that, more than anything, seems to be the root of the condition, with situational variables.

The One is a way of fooling yourself that something is special. It's self deception in order to make your love experience seem less ordinary, in many ways upping the love ante, making the quest seem bigger, the catch more intense. It also sets

Re: part 1

[britpoptarts]

That's my understanding of how it works situational to chemical to chronic.I think so. And there's still those who have the chemical imbalance at birth, either already active or lurking in wait, thanks to genetic booby prizes. I know I was depressed from at least age three, and even tried to smother myself with a pillow and drown in the tub. Did NOT want to be here at all. SERIOUS depression and misery. And, frankly, my home life wasn't bad at all. Can't even blame my brother's arrival on that, as we're 4-5 years apart in age. Wasn't unhealthy or abused. A New Age friend's take on that is that I was pissed off having to reincarnate, for whatever reason. Another spouts theories about Indigo Children and old souls and the like. These kinds of theories, of course, require that you believe in such things. I can't disprove them, but I suspect that a serotonin imbalance present since infancy is more likely. (Not that it disproves the New Age-y theories, I suppose

Re: part 1

[mitchellxl5]

A good partner can work as quality control if you care enough. I know some who seemed to care when the chips were high up there, but self-destructive dysfunction has proven far more alluring than their husband or wife. Sad. Everyone messes up, everyone has bad periods of their life, but I think a strong partner - and a strong connection with that partner - is a very important thing