(no subject)
Tomorrow is my 25th birthday.
I was just thinking about that today and I realized something. I am only TWENTY FIVE years old. And yet I've been married twice, divorced twice, and had two kids. Not to mention all the success I've had in my music career. I have done more things in twenty five years that some people spend their whole lives doing.
That's kind of insane. Why am I in such a rush to do everything? I have such a preoccupation with the right here and right now that it never occurs to me that I have the rest of my life ahead of me. I would like to get married one last time. Have that one be for good, the one I celebrate 25 years with, not 25 days. And I would like more kids. I really want to have a girl, I want my boys to have a sister, I want a daughter.
But I'm still only 25 years old!
Good lord. Why don't I ever listen to anybody when they tell me to slow the fuck down and think about things that I do? I'm too stubborn for my own good.
Which is what I'm going to blame this whole unfortunate past week on. I never really got to be a party girl. I was with Justin forever, and he's not much for the club scene. And then I was working then I went straight into being with Kevin and then the kids. So I guess I had some wild child in me I have to get out of my system. Maybe in some ways I'm not quite ready to be a mom, at least not in the traditional sense. I feel like I still have some living to do.
But no undoing the past. And I do have two amazing kids that I would never trade for anything, they are the reason I wake up in the morning and why I bother to just keep going. They are my birthday present to myself. Just appreciating the joy they bring me.
Though I'd still love presents ;) I need some underwear.
I was just thinking about that today and I realized something. I am only TWENTY FIVE years old. And yet I've been married twice, divorced twice, and had two kids. Not to mention all the success I've had in my music career. I have done more things in twenty five years that some people spend their whole lives doing.
That's kind of insane. Why am I in such a rush to do everything? I have such a preoccupation with the right here and right now that it never occurs to me that I have the rest of my life ahead of me. I would like to get married one last time. Have that one be for good, the one I celebrate 25 years with, not 25 days. And I would like more kids. I really want to have a girl, I want my boys to have a sister, I want a daughter.
But I'm still only 25 years old!
Good lord. Why don't I ever listen to anybody when they tell me to slow the fuck down and think about things that I do? I'm too stubborn for my own good.
Which is what I'm going to blame this whole unfortunate past week on. I never really got to be a party girl. I was with Justin forever, and he's not much for the club scene. And then I was working then I went straight into being with Kevin and then the kids. So I guess I had some wild child in me I have to get out of my system. Maybe in some ways I'm not quite ready to be a mom, at least not in the traditional sense. I feel like I still have some living to do.
But no undoing the past. And I do have two amazing kids that I would never trade for anything, they are the reason I wake up in the morning and why I bother to just keep going. They are my birthday present to myself. Just appreciating the joy they bring me.
Though I'd still love presents ;) I need some underwear.