(no subject)
i feel like i have no friends i dont think its just the job i have itself
i dont think it is just that it is simply having become too accustomed to being alone but its hopefully a rollercoaster this being the downside im not the type of person where one thing changes but everything remains the same same friends same place same boyfriend its always been all or nothing move and take it all with you people drift u lose numbers u dont know what u have in common if the two of you dont have some common ground...
danielle while i care about her so much....reminded me telling her what was new that everything has become really....negative and solitary in my life
there isnt one thing i cant say isnt stressful do i enjoy my job no do i think i will ever be satisifed no not fully who is? but the thing that kept even at a shitty dead end job at tim hortons was the way i could speak to people people offered me waaaay better jobs i was happy i flirted with people all the time i was there to listen to some random persons problems and make their day a little better with my comfort, comfort i have not had the patience or strength or even care to give anymore, i was actually looking forward to work 3 nights a week looking forward to people and even if i wasnt looked forward to talks with kathy on the way there the ride home the day of sleep and evenings of fun before work i guess everythings kind of mediocre now.........
im a heartless antisocial whiner....sad that someone might think im putting myself down i realize it at least and im not happy with the way i feel about life anymore its what i argued with daryl about when he said everyone just works until they die and that it money money money maybe for our family he was right
im remembering when kevin said that he cried looking at my clothes knowing hed never see them again
im remembering its things like that that make me love him so much more that he cares genuinely we went out sunday for a spontaneous beer and then drive and then walk and then all night of love making
i hope we make it through this
im over not feeling in love, it did scare me a lot when we went over that heap i had only ever been to that feeling and then at the 6 month point asked whether or not me and whoever could grow, changed, grew....never ever letting myself root anywhere, because it is that very thing that has halted me in the past, but now....i guess its for the best, at least monetarily, at least rooting here for a bit, and being with this person i love who ive drained the minds of all friends, them listening to me cry or get ridiculously drunk
but i remember it and thats whats so important ill change over time ive changed within 4 months here i automatically changed on a 52 hour bus ride to calgary i looked at everyone around me also so tied down and established in life and only looked at the positive and dreams and love and friendship and being there for my friends, etc and within maybe even less 2 months here it all slipped away i find it hard to even be just comfortable around the people in my life
time.....where you begin in life at this crucial point seems to outlay the rest of what follows,
i need to start looking outside my minor existence at the world around me though its what keeps me going not at that bad phone call i just took or the fact that i feel awkward in that company period since the first day i started
i need to go to thailand and volunteer for 6 months like i had planned to
and go and at least visit calgary again for a week try to get as much education in the things i love that i can afford and open doors for myself
i dont want to feel like kevin does in 10 years i want to feel like i did a little of both things for myself and things i just have to do for society
i guess
things....work dont like it school cant afford to go until january
oshawa dont like the people here but im here to get on my feet and im slowly getting there so i shouldnt be complaining good enough for now is what i say hopefully can start a little bit of travelling in the next couple years then get a house and flip it and see where it takes me sometimes i think i want to so much though and end up not getting much done at all
will u possibly be taking a bus through ontario maybe toronto????
i think u just made my day i always wanted to say ur one of the most interesting people ive ever known i loved our talk and wish there could be more
*sigh* i get so attached lol
dream
dave came back i was in a house feeling partially empty showed him my truck and my a to b car
little bungalow with small porch plants
talk about things
shows me his new gf on facebook hot blonde long wavy blonde hair flat stomach tight jeans comment on nice ass he says yeah im pretty happy with her
i dont think it is just that it is simply having become too accustomed to being alone but its hopefully a rollercoaster this being the downside im not the type of person where one thing changes but everything remains the same same friends same place same boyfriend its always been all or nothing move and take it all with you people drift u lose numbers u dont know what u have in common if the two of you dont have some common ground...
danielle while i care about her so much....reminded me telling her what was new that everything has become really....negative and solitary in my life
there isnt one thing i cant say isnt stressful do i enjoy my job no do i think i will ever be satisifed no not fully who is? but the thing that kept even at a shitty dead end job at tim hortons was the way i could speak to people people offered me waaaay better jobs i was happy i flirted with people all the time i was there to listen to some random persons problems and make their day a little better with my comfort, comfort i have not had the patience or strength or even care to give anymore, i was actually looking forward to work 3 nights a week looking forward to people and even if i wasnt looked forward to talks with kathy on the way there the ride home the day of sleep and evenings of fun before work i guess everythings kind of mediocre now.........
im a heartless antisocial whiner....sad that someone might think im putting myself down i realize it at least and im not happy with the way i feel about life anymore its what i argued with daryl about when he said everyone just works until they die and that it money money money maybe for our family he was right
im remembering when kevin said that he cried looking at my clothes knowing hed never see them again
im remembering its things like that that make me love him so much more that he cares genuinely we went out sunday for a spontaneous beer and then drive and then walk and then all night of love making
i hope we make it through this
im over not feeling in love, it did scare me a lot when we went over that heap i had only ever been to that feeling and then at the 6 month point asked whether or not me and whoever could grow, changed, grew....never ever letting myself root anywhere, because it is that very thing that has halted me in the past, but now....i guess its for the best, at least monetarily, at least rooting here for a bit, and being with this person i love who ive drained the minds of all friends, them listening to me cry or get ridiculously drunk
but i remember it and thats whats so important ill change over time ive changed within 4 months here i automatically changed on a 52 hour bus ride to calgary i looked at everyone around me also so tied down and established in life and only looked at the positive and dreams and love and friendship and being there for my friends, etc and within maybe even less 2 months here it all slipped away i find it hard to even be just comfortable around the people in my life
time.....where you begin in life at this crucial point seems to outlay the rest of what follows,
i need to start looking outside my minor existence at the world around me though its what keeps me going not at that bad phone call i just took or the fact that i feel awkward in that company period since the first day i started
i need to go to thailand and volunteer for 6 months like i had planned to
and go and at least visit calgary again for a week try to get as much education in the things i love that i can afford and open doors for myself
i dont want to feel like kevin does in 10 years i want to feel like i did a little of both things for myself and things i just have to do for society
i guess
things....work dont like it school cant afford to go until january
oshawa dont like the people here but im here to get on my feet and im slowly getting there so i shouldnt be complaining good enough for now is what i say hopefully can start a little bit of travelling in the next couple years then get a house and flip it and see where it takes me sometimes i think i want to so much though and end up not getting much done at all
will u possibly be taking a bus through ontario maybe toronto????
i think u just made my day i always wanted to say ur one of the most interesting people ive ever known i loved our talk and wish there could be more
*sigh* i get so attached lol
dream
dave came back i was in a house feeling partially empty showed him my truck and my a to b car
little bungalow with small porch plants
talk about things
shows me his new gf on facebook hot blonde long wavy blonde hair flat stomach tight jeans comment on nice ass he says yeah im pretty happy with her