god! life!!!!
i need to get out of this place more than anyone knows right now....i've found out things that i don't want to know...stuff that i think i always knew but didn't really want to realize in my head so i just blocked them out. i just want to start a new life with someone new who's going to treat me the way i need to be treated...i'm sick to my stomach.....i can't wait to move away from the place and all of the pain that i have tied to it....i think that's the only way i'm going to be free of all of these games and lies and emotional rollercoasters...
what's sad is i know exactly who i would love to be with but it's just not possible...we both have the exact same problems right now and it just wouldnt work.....and the one person who is showing interest i don't really want to start anything with at this point...in case you guys don't remember me mentioning mike a long time ago...well, apparently he let one of my closest friends know that he regretted the way things went with us and that given the chance he would do it again bu right this time...and i know it's not lie...because he'd have no reason to tell this person a lie..as far as he knew i wasn't really even talking to him anymore....and i don't really know what to do with this now....i'm just not ready to take the protective shield off of my heart yet...i'm just scared out of my mind....there is only one person that i would ever completely trust my heart with and it just can't work....it sucks so bad...maybe a few years ago if i had acted on it before both of our relationships began but it's just not going to happen...
i need to be someone else for the rest of the semester.
i hope everyone is well....i miss everyone so much
love to all.
-m
p.s. i think i'm going to see elvis costello. that's the best news i've had in a while.
what's sad is i know exactly who i would love to be with but it's just not possible...we both have the exact same problems right now and it just wouldnt work.....and the one person who is showing interest i don't really want to start anything with at this point...in case you guys don't remember me mentioning mike a long time ago...well, apparently he let one of my closest friends know that he regretted the way things went with us and that given the chance he would do it again bu right this time...and i know it's not lie...because he'd have no reason to tell this person a lie..as far as he knew i wasn't really even talking to him anymore....and i don't really know what to do with this now....i'm just not ready to take the protective shield off of my heart yet...i'm just scared out of my mind....there is only one person that i would ever completely trust my heart with and it just can't work....it sucks so bad...maybe a few years ago if i had acted on it before both of our relationships began but it's just not going to happen...
i need to be someone else for the rest of the semester.
i hope everyone is well....i miss everyone so much
love to all.
-m
p.s. i think i'm going to see elvis costello. that's the best news i've had in a while.